Cogito Ergo Sum – I think, so I exist

(Descartes)

I try to act normal as I enter the gas station. I know I shouldn’t be out during the day, but sometimes I have no choice. I haven’t been able to sneak into a house for days. I’m hungry. I need to eat. Luckily these body snatchers, or souls if you would have it, don’t use money anymore. That suits me just fine. I don’t have any anyway and money has always been an overrated asset to me.

Easy for me to say when I used to have it by the buckets. Well… not that it was mine really. But I got to spend it. I like this system better. Everything is free and there’s enough to go around. But there’s something else I have to do first.

The bathroom is empty and lucky for me they have a mirror. He light in here is dim, but I can make out my reflection. I look a little worn and there are circles under my eyes, but that can be fixed with a bit of water. Same with my hair that I comb with my fingers and pull back in a ponytail. I stare at my eyes again. My eyes that stare back at me with a dull silver glow. It will have to do. I don’t plan on staying long. Just long enough to grab some food. In the time I’ve been on the run now, I’ve learned to adjust. If I stay calm and avoid direct eye contact I should be fine. Bless the man that invented colored contacts. If he were still alive and human I’d marry him.

I wouldn’t take my chances during nighttime hours though. The silver of my eyes isn’t the right kind of silver, but it’s safe enough during the day. I’ve tested it before, though I try to avoid contact with any living creature nowadays. I’ve never been a social person. I think that is my only flaw in this new world, because souls are very social. But I can act the part. I’ve been acting for years with my parents. If I could fool them then I should be able to fool a few strangers every now and then, don’t you think?

I take one last look in the mirror and take a deep breath. It’s now or never. It’s still early, there won’t be many souls out yet. Get food and get out, back to my current hiding place.

The little shop is empty except for the man behind the counter. He gives me a friendly smile as I reappear from the toilet. It used to give me the creeps, but I’m used to seeing friendly faces now. Still, I don’t want to spend any more time here than necessary.

Quickly I gather a few items. Sandwiches, a bag of chips and two bottles of water.

“Are you hungry sweetheart?” the man smiles, “that’s quite a lot.”

“I’m going hiking,” I tell him.

He scans my articles. Even though I don’t have to pay, he still needs to do his inventory. “Nice weather for a hike,” he comments.

I quietly nod. Please don’t start small talk. I want to get out of here. He gathers my merchandise for me in a bag. “Here you go,” he say, “have a nice day.”

“Thank you.” I dare a smile and walk outside. I want to run, but I force my steps to go slow. Towns make me nervous, no matter how small they are. Towns mean people. Only they aren’t people anymore. It’s better to stick to the forests and the mountains. It’s safe there. There are no seekers there. The thought of seekers showing up makes me shiver. Involuntarily my pace quickens. Seekers are the only real threat in this world. They hunt the leftover humans, capture them and take them for insertion to have their bodies host new souls. They need to be avoided at all costs. Does them being still around mean that there are more humans left? I can’t believe they’re only hunting me.

I’ve thought about it before and wondered if I should try to find them, but I wouldn’t know where to look. If there are others, they’ll be in hiding too. I wonder what the seekers will do once they’ve wiped out every last human being. Will they find some other occupation? Maybe they’ll leave the planet. How will they know if they’ve succeeded in taking complete control?

Maybe, if I’m smart enough, I can outlive them. Die of old age, as a human.

I sigh. I don’t want to think these things, but they seem to be the only worthwhile thoughts. Survival has become the primary need again. As if to subscribe that, my stomach starts to growl. Right. Food. I want to tear the bag of chips open and stuff it all in my mouth, but I make myself wait. I’ve waited this long. I can wait one more hour. Until I’m safe. At least, safe for the moment. There is no real safety left on this planet.

I cut off through the park and hurry towards the forest. From there I can easily skip out of own.

I stare at the sky as I walk and sigh. How can the sky still look the same when all the world is different? It’s funny really. I’ve never been much of a people’s person, but I’ve never been truly alone either. There have always been people to talk to, that would talk to me. I know the difference now.

In the months that I’ve been travelling, I’ve had a lot of time to think and sometimes I’m depressing myself. I’ve asked myself more than once why I keep going. There’s no other reason than stubbornness. I will not give in. It’s the only thing that keeps me going. But I can’t help but wonder if it would really be that bad, being like everyone else. No, not being. I would no longer be. Only my body. And it would be inhabited by someone else.

A shiver runs down my spine and  shake off the thought.
The town is far behind me now. I didn’t even bother to learn what it is called. Names aren’t important anymore. I don’t care where I am as long as I’m out of sight.

In the distance I spot a river and I make my way over. This seems a good place to rest. I take out my food and decide on a sandwich first. I dig my teeth in it as my stomach starts to protest. It can’t process the food fast enough. I’m hungry. I can’t even remember the last time I ate something warm. Whenever I break into a house, I don’t usually take the time to heat something up. I raid the fridge and the cabinets, looking for something that will last. Cans, granola bars, crackers, water. I never take much. Just what I can stuff in my bag. One bag of chips can be miscalculated. I don’t want a town to get suspicious. That would bring the seekers on my trail. It happened before. In the early days of my running. I barely got away then. I learned from that.

I finish the sandwich and search through what little belongings I have. A sketchbook and some pencils, a toothbrush, but no paste. I ran out a while ago and haven’t felt the need to scavenge for new yet. A clean set of clothes, two boxes of colored contacts. A flashlight and a pocket knife. It’s funny really when you think of all the things you swear you can’t live without. When it comes down to it, there aren’t a lot of things you really need. Trust me, when you need to run, you’ll leave all that crap behind in a heartbeat.

Though, I do miss music. My parents forced me to take piano and singing lessons. I agreed to it if they would let me play the guitar as well. But the truth is that I loved it. Only now do I realize how much.

I don’t carry any pictures of my parents. I don’t have any pictures at all for that matter. It would only make it harder to  keep on going. To be constantly reminded that they are somewhere out there, not being them.

I finished my food, but I’m still hungry. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. I need to keep going. I should find a place for the night.

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to stay in one place for a while, but I’m too scared to try. If I stay somewhere for long periods of time, my face will be remembered. People will start asking questions. They’ll want to become my friends and help out. Souls are like that you know. Friendly and helpful. I can’t make any friends. Life is not a feel-good movie where people learn to accept each other no matter what they are. In this world, if my new ‘friends’ were to find out that I’m still human, my life would be over. Which really makes you wonder, if souls are really that perfect and true, why can’t they accept other living beings as a part of their world? Oh, I know their philosophy. They want to create a perfect planet without war and hurt and violence. But not all humans are bad. And as far as seekers concern, they may be souls, but they are brutal. How can they justify that? I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Maybe I’m too human for that. I mean, a few months ago, I didn’t even believe in aliens. Now I wonder why they don’t like humans.

I take a sip of water and push myself through the canopy. There are some thick bushes here. I’ll be hidden from view to any passerby. I think I can sleep here tonight. It will be nice to not have to sleep with one eye open for a night. I did that the first few weeks and became a nervous wrack. I’ve learned since then. I know how to find a safe place now. Still, I don’t like nights that much. Not anymore. But I’m far enough from civilization.

I sit down and take off my shoes. My feet hurt from all the walking I’ve done and I have some blisters. I long to plunge my feet in the cold stream to relax them.

I have to walk to get places. I can’t take rides from anyone. The thought of being in an enclosed space with any one of those creatures makes me shiver. Is it strange to be afraid of kindness? After all, the souls have no reason to mistrust me. I don’t even think they know the meaning of the word. Of course they know there are still humans around, but no sane human would walk around in the open in a world full of souls. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I’m insane. Yes. That must be it. I’m crazy and this isn’t really happening. I laugh out loud, but quickly slap a hand over my mouth. I listen for a moment, but there are no other sounds. I start to sigh in relief, but then I realize something. There are no other sounds. At all. Maybe I’ve seen too many horror movies in my life, but the complete absence of sound is definitely not a good sign.

Carefully I crawl towards the bushes and peek through. And then I freeze. I can see them quite clearly. A man and a woman. A bright silver is reflected in their eyes. Souls. The weapons on their belt indicate their occupation. Only seekers carry weapons.

I can feel my heart speed up and my mind is working top speed. Have I been careless? Has someone seen me this morning and figured out what I am? Have they been following me without me noticing? Are there more of them than just these two? I couldn’t take the risk of waiting to find out. Quickly I calculate my chances of escape. There’s two of them and only one of me. And they are armed. They’ll want me alive of course but they would do anything to stop me. How far could I run when I was injured? If I could get a hold of one of those weapons, would that ensure my survival? But just as that thought enters my mind, I discard it. I could never use a weapon. Not even to save my own life. I’m not a violent person.

“The human should be here somewhere,” I hear the woman say, “I clearly heard laughter just now.”

“Are you sure it is a human?” the man asks, “I mean, it must be a really stupid human to get so close to town.”

The woman shrugs. “Who knows really why humans do anything? It is exactly that behavior that turned this planet into the violent, polluted world in the first place. Besides, if it wasn’t a  human, don’t you think they would have showed themselves by now?”

“You really don’t like Earth, do you?” her companion asks, “why didn’t you stay with the Seaweeds then?”

“I spent three life terms with the Seaweeds,” the woman answers, “I was born there. I thought it would be exciting to settle a new planet. I wanted to be part of the process of creating a peaceful world, but this planet will never be peaceful. Not as long as there are still humans to threaten our existence. That’s why I became a seeker. I want this planet to succeed.”

            Now, I don’t know much about being a Seaweed. I’ve never been one obviously, but when I imagine seaweed, everything about it screams ‘boring’. To be a seaweed for three life terms… I can imagine she would like some excitement. But did she really have to pick Earth? If she hates it so much, why doesn’t she just leave and pick another planet?

“How about you?” the woman asks. “I was a dragon,” the man smiles proudly, “I loved soaring through the sky, light as a feather. Though, they didn’t have any feathers there. And before that I was a bear. I like this climate better, but I loved being a dragon.”

“Maybe I’ll check it out,” the woman comments, “after I’ve lived out my term here.”

            And now my leg is cramping up. I can’t stay here much longer. Sooner or later they’ll find me. Something will give me away. A sound, a movement or something else.

Carefully I look around to find something that might be of assistance. And then I see it. A small rock is lying within arm’s reach. My fingers reach for it and for a moment I cling to it like my life depends on it. Which it does. I close my eyes for a second. I’ve never been much of a sports person. And my aim has always been way off. But in this case it doesn’t matter much where it lands. As long as it’s far away from me.

The rock hits a tree some twenty feet to my left. Not as far as I have hoped, but enough to cause the seekers a second of distraction. Don’t discard a trick because it’s simple. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, but that is why it works.

The seekers look at each other victoriously and then run towards the sound. And I run in the other direction.

By the time they realize the deception, I’m already out of sight. I hear them calling after me.

“Wait! Don’t run! We mean you no harm!”

And they called humans stupid just now. Do they actually believe I will trust them? Souls can’t be trusted. For all their good intentions and peaceful behavior, they are the most deceitful creatures in the universe. Liars. All of them.

I keep running until I’m all out of breath and I can no longer hear them behind me, but I know I’m not safe. I will never be safe. And the stupidest thought crosses through my mind. ‘I forgot my shoes.’

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That was the first chapter. Let me know what you think. I'd love some comments.