"Would you like to know the genders?" my doctor asks me as she scans my belly with the ultrasound probe.

I look up at Nathan, squeezing his hand, "We've decided to keep it a secret until they're born."

"Okay, perfect, I'm going to print you off some gender-safe pictures to take home now, but they are both looking extremely well. Baby A is a little smaller than their sibling, which is why you felt them kick later, but I have no worries; you're doing an incredible job."

"Thank you so much," I smile, avoiding eye contact with the screen as much as possible. I don't know the first thing about reading sonograms, but I also don't want to risk it.

I wipe the gel from my stomach and pull my leggings up over my bump before I get off the table. I take my coat from Nathan's arm and put it on.

"Everything is in your folder, if you need me for anything, you've got the number," she reminds me, handing my folder back to me.

"We appreciate it, we'll see you in four weeks."

Something I never knew before getting pregnant with twins was the need for more ultrasounds. I knew with single pregnancies you have less than a handful throughout your entire pregnancy, but with twins, they're every four weeks from twenty onward. So, I'll be seeing the twins more often, which certainly isn't something I'm mad about.

Nathan holds my hand as we make our way out of the doctor's office and only when we get in the car does he lean in and kiss me with a longing that makes my heart flutter.

He leans his forehead against mine, "Your body is fucking incredible; we've got two healthy babies because of you."

"I mean, you did help a little," I whisper, a giggle bubbling up as soon as the words come out.

He laughs too, "Yeah, you're totally right, me finishing in an expired or broken condom, really was a lot of help in the process."

"So romantic," I muse.

"I'd say," he chuckles, reaching for his seatbelt and bucking in, "You'll definitely be blaming my part when you're in labour and pushing these babies out."

"Oh, don't remind me, I like to ignore that I'm going to have to do so," I wish I was joking, but the thought of giving birth genuinely terrifies me.

"You'll be amazing, Iris," he tells me matter of factly like he knows with no doubt that I will.

"Your support means the world to me because I don't think I'd try to do it naturally if it wasn't for you telling me I'd be able to do so, I'd just go with the c-section. I know women's bodies are made for this, but I don't believe I'll be able to do it until I do, you know? I know I'm a pessimist, but there is no rational part of me right now that can envision my body giving birth to two babies back to back," I ramble as he drives out of the parking lot.

"Your body is an incredible thing, Iris; it knows what it's supposed to do, but if you can't or you change your mind, we've spoken about the surgery," he tells me, but the idea scares me more. It's not so much about the pain, but more so being partially paralysed and the risks that c-sections come with. 

I know many senseless people share an opinion that it's cheating birth in a way, but nothing about surgery is cheating. You're going through something major, it's not a sign of weakness; it's sometimes even the last resort to save you and the baby.

"Can I just wake up one day and they're placed in my arms and I don't have to go through any of it?" I wish it was that easy.

"If it was possible I would pay every single dollar I own," he says in full seriousness.

"I can't believe I'm twenty weeks already," I sigh, stoking over my bump, it all feels so surreal.

"Me neither, it's gone so fast already, and you're starting to really show now too," he smiles over at me.

"I know and I'm happy about that because I no longer look like a bloated whale, I actually look pregnant," I chuckle because it's true.

I thought I had a bump at the beginning because my belly was so different to what it used to be like, but it very much was just bloating. I've only been showing properly the last four weeks, which according to my nurse is on track due to the size I was before pregnancy.

"What else is on the agenda today?" I ask since the girls are all in school, Nova as well until midday, and Nathan doesn't have a game until tomorrow, so we have a couple of hours to ourselves left.

"We could go shopping?" he suggests and immediately I frown, looking at him, "You're twenty weeks pregnant and the doctor told us they'll most likely come between thirty-two and thirty-six weeks, so we could start?"

"Really?" I smile at the idea.

"We don't need to get anything major right now, but it'll be nice to have a look, right?"

"Yeah, I'd really love that, but, Nath, what about the fact you're... you and we're going out in public? You can't throw NDAs in the way of anyone who may notice you with me."

"I know and I hate that," he sighs and then looks over at me, "If someone recognises me and sees us together, they won't know you're pregnant because your coat hides your bump well, they'll just assume we're dating, but I doubt anyone would go to the press, it's the paparazzi to worry about with things like that."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not hiding you, Iris, nor have I ever wanted to; it's just the babies we need to keep under wraps for a little longer," he assures me, and his words have my heart fluttering again. "With the NHL starting only a month ago, a new relationship will not stay in the news for long, nor do I care if it does; do you?"

"I'm not sure," I feel naive for never considering that not properly anyway; I've only ever thought about the twins when it comes to Nathan's fame.

He looks at me, only briefly before his eyes are back on the road, "I worded that wrong then, I'm sorry; I care a lot about what they'd say, especially when it comes to us, but it's out of my control. I act like a normal dad to my kids because they're not a secret to the world, so I can be and it's something I'm extremely happy I'm able to do, and I want to do that with you."

"So, they just lose interest eventually?"

"Very quickly, yes, it's incredibly humbling," he jokes, causing me to laugh, "For example, I announced each birth of my children and within a few days, it's old news; of course, they were aware of my relationship, so it wasn't a shock. I'm prepared that with the twins, it'll be longer, but you have to remember, I'm a hockey player, not many people who watch me play care about my children, they care about the sport."

"That's true," I'm feeling better the more we speak about the conversation, "So, they don't bother you with the girls at all now?"

"I've been photographed with them several times, but it's not frequent, so I'm still able to have privacy, as will we for the twins. I don't post any of them on social media because posting them to a world of unknown is terrifying and they're no one else's business, not at such a young age. It's as normal as I can get it for them and it's what I want for us too."

"That's all I want too," I say with a shy smile, "I'm so stupid for never thinking about this, I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologise," he quickly tells me, "And you're not stupid either; my life just isn't as easy as it is compared to others, and honestly this says a lot about you and how you view me."

"You like that I don't see you as a famous hockey player?" I question.

"I love that you don't see me that way," he corrects and I shake my head, bewildered, "I do. It's nice to be wanted for me; you're my bee, remember?"

"I'm your bee," I muse, smiling over at him.

Whatever happens or doesn't is up to fate, we're not hiding in worry from it all, so he drives us to the mall. I knew what I was signing up for the second he told me what he did as a career and I chose to stay because I knew it was something I could handle. I don't care for others' opinions on my life, I never have, so nothing a stranger has to say about me or our relationship could ever hurt me because they don't even know me or the situation, nor will they ever. I will only ever be affected by it if they negatively involve our babies; that's when it would cross a line.

We arrive at the mall within twenty minutes, but it takes almost ten to find a parking space because of how busy it is, even before noon on a Friday. Once we finally do, he parks up, gets out of the car and walks around to open my door. As soon as I zip up my coat to completely hide my bump — something I know I'm going to overheat in while shopping — his hand slips into mine, holding it lovingly and we begin our walk into the mall. 

"What would you like us to get today?" he looks down at me to ask as we walk.

"I'm not sure, it's too soon to buy the nursery items especially since we don't know what room is going to be their nursery yet," I point out, "But I'd like to start on clothing and necessities so we have some bits and pieces together."

"That's a good idea, and on the nursery front, I keep thinking about it, but I'm still not sure what to do about the rooms. I don't think Elise will move upstairs because she loves her room too much, I also don't want Nova far away from me just yet because she's still only two, and Addie can't be up there alone as much as she thinks she'll be okay to do so, so the girls have to stay downstairs. You will always have your room, and that will never change, but when the babies get here, you will be staying with me in my room, right?"

"That's the plan, yeah." Meaning we are back to square one.

He thinks for a moment, racking around ideas in his head before he has a light bulb moment and turns to me with a smile, "Okay, hear me out, until Addie and Nova are ready to move upstairs into the bigger rooms, which was always eventually going to happen, I can move Nova into Addie's room, leaving Nova's room spare for the twins' nursery."

"Will they be okay with that?" I don't want them to share a bedroom if they don't want to.

"Addie and Elise used to share a room in the old house, and Addie loved it, but Elise was the one who didn't as much. Addie always wanted bunk beds too and this way I can finally introduce a bed to Nova, so it's a win-win situation. There's less than a three-year age gap between them, so it's somewhat perfect."

"Are you sure?"

"The only other option is to move and get a house with all the bedrooms close to each other," he says this like it's such an easy choice, which it certainly isn't.

"You're not selling the house, Nathan," I scold him quietly and he laughs, gently squeezing my hand.

"We won't do it yet, but I think it could be part of their Christmas present. It's kind of a Christmas tradition for the girls to all sleep in the same room, so I'll make sure they're in Elise's and once they're asleep I'll set it all up. Then we can do the nursery in the New Year?"

"That sounds perfect," I tell him and it honestly is, for many reasons. Everyone is going to be happy with this outcome and now that we finally have a structured plan, I no longer feel the stress I have been feeling recently regarding where our babies are going to sleep.

Before we shop for the babies, we go to a few stores for ourselves, but neither of us ends up buying anything, so we agree to head to the baby store. Nathan almost bought a hoodie in the last store but I couldn't persuade him enough to do so and I'm window-shopping for the next five months until the babies are here because I can't predict what size I will be once they are.

As soon as we approach the shop window that's displaying baby items, my heart starts to melt and my emotions run wild, even more so when I see the strollers when we walk inside.

"I think I may cry," I whisper, pushing the closest stroller back and forth to get a feel of it. It is so surreal that in less than five months we'll be pushing our babies in one of these.

Nathan chuckles, sliding his hand around my waist, "Come with me, the double strollers are around the corner, so we can figure out what we're looking for."

"Good idea," I happily walk with him towards the multi-birth strollers.

My eyes instantly fixate on one, so much so that I ignore the others and head straight towards it, looking at the label that's hanging from the handle. On the laminate shows three different ways that the stroller can be set up; with side-by-side bassinets, car seats or the original seats which is how the stroller is set up right now. It's cream and black, so it's fitting for any gender and with the large handlebar across, it's easy to navigate and push.

"You've fallen in love, haven't you?" he pulls up the hood on one of the seats.

"It's kind of perfect, and it has plenty of shopping space," I point at the basket, which makes him laugh.

"How about I take a photo of the label so we can look into it some more tonight and if we really want it, we can order it?" he suggests.

"That's a good idea," I love the stroller and it seems perfect for us, but I know researching before buying is beneficial for a lot of reasons.

"It suits you," he tells me with a smile.

"You think so?" I ask.

"I know so."

I smile, walking over to him, leaving the stroller behind and I take his hand, "Because we can't buy the big things, let's go see the cute clothes."

"Don't blame me if I get carried away though, baby clothes are a weakness of mine," he warns me like it's something I should be worried about, but I'm not in the slightest because I'm the same.

Before we get swept up in the adorable items that line the back wall, we look through the many multipacks of onesies and sleepsuits, which they're going to go through very quickly. We avoid pinks, blues and any gendered items, sticking to brown, black, grey, cream and white. Five packs of seven sleepsuits and three packs of ten onesies get put in the basket before we move on to muslin cloths, blankets and baby socks.

Half an hour later, we leave the shop with four large bags full of the necessities we're going to need minus furniture and also things we don't. We caved to our impulse and chose two outfits each for both boys and girls, and we'll donate what we don't need. I don't regret that we're keeping their gender a surprise, but the clothes alone were so tempting to call up and ask, but realistically the cute clothes are for when they're passed the newborn stage; the tiny sleepsuits are for until then.

This shopping trip has made me feel so much more ready for the babies because until now I hadn't bought a single thing, not even a pair of booties. It's also made this feel so much more real; of course, seeing them on scans and feeling them in my belly is a constant reminder, but it's sunk in that I'm going to have two babies in less than five months and I'll be the mother I've forever dreamt of being.

That day can't come soon enough.

~~~~~

A/N

This was somewhat of a filler chapter, but at the same time was needed. You've probably noticed that updates went from a few times a week to now once a week, I've just been busy and hope to get more out soon for you! x

FYI, I am British so I only know about how often ultrasound appointments are in England. In single-birth pregnancies, you have a scan at 8-14 weeks and then at 20 weeks unless there are any other reasons you need more i.e. growth scans and conditions etc. With twins, it's 8-12, 20 weeks and then every four after that. Please note I've never been pregnant, nor do I know how these appointments go, so what you're reading is purely fictional.  

Thank you so much for your support so far through this story, it means the world! x

The cream and black stroller I was trying to describe below!