I was six years old when I realised my family wasn't normal compared to others. I'd wait by the gates at school for my nanny who was always late with my baby sister in toe, while I watched my friends being greeted with hugs and kisses by their moms and dads, asking how their day was and promising trips to the park. We'd come home, I'd do my homework, eat in silence while the adults talked and then go to bed until everything repeated again the next day.

Our parents neglected us of love since the moment we were born; we were tossed aside to a nanny, whose responsibility was to keep us quiet and away. I found comfort in Julia, she gave us love and she cared about us, but there are simply no words to describe the heartache of being a child who received no love at all from the two people in the world who are supposed to.

It's always hard for me to see a loving family; it breaks my heart to question why they have what I always wanted, and meeting a family as great as Nathan's has brought up everything I thought I'd buried deeply.

Nathan has so many friends and family who love him, which for these babies is a blessing, but I feel so isolated like I have no one in my corner. I've heard near to nothing from Isabelle since I moved in with Nathan; the last time I spoke to my sister, Amelia, was almost two years ago, and I just wish everything was so different.

I never looked back after I left for college, I've seen and heard from my parents a handful of times since, and it's been the best six years of my life because of that, but God, what I'd do to hear from my mother and have a normal conversation; something I've always craved but never had.

To call her, and tell her she's going to be grandmother; I wish I had the type of mother whom I could share this journey with and receive support, but I know I don't. Does it stop me from the itching possibility that she may have changed? I have her contact loaded on my phone, no 'Mom', 'Mommy' or 'Mother', just Dianne Rhodes. I know I'm going to regret it, but God, do I feel so alone right now.

I bring the phone up to my ear as it dials, my heart pounding to the same rhythm, and a tear falls when I hear her voice, "Iris?"

"Yeah, it's me," I answer, feeling a loss of words.

"You haven't called in so long, I thought we'd never hear from you," she says, her voice normal, but I roll my eyes anyway. It's always been a basis that I'm the one who needs to call and put in the effort, it's never them.

"Yeah, it's been pretty hectic lately," it's an understatement of the century.

"For sixteen months?" she questions.

"The phone works both ways, mother, you could have called too," I point out, and that silences her because she knows I'm right, "I met someone, though, we're living together." It's not a lie, but is it the complete truth? No, it's far from it.

"Is he rich?" she asks like that's the only thing that matters.

I sigh, because yes he is, but that's nothing to do with our situation, "He's comfortable, yes, but that doesn't matter to me."

"I don't know how it doesn't, you were brought up better than to think that," she says it like that's a good thing, and I laugh.

"You're not happy, so you know no better than to think money is better," I point out.

"Iris Marie Rhodes," she scolds me and I only lay down, to get comfortable, "Your father makes me very happy, the estate is-"

"No, forget about the estate, the business, the clothes, if that all went away, you'd still be happy?" I receive silence because she knows I'm right and that beyond it, she isn't happy at all, "We're different people with different opinions, mom; I'd be happy if we lived in a tent and I empathise massively that you'll never know how that feels."

"You love him?" she asks.

"I do," I lie, only so the next piece of information to tell her goes down better. "I didn't call to tell you I'd met someone, though."

"I figured, so are you engaged?" she asks.

"No, but I am pregnant."

"But you're not married, Iris," her voice drips in disappointment, "This baby is going to be a bastard because of your own indiscretion."

"Mother," I sigh, not wanting to get into this, but I'm going to, "No one calls babies out of wedlock bastards anymore, it's not nice."

"But it's not right," she says, and I can tell she's shaking her head.

"It is right for me," I stand up for myself, "I have their loving father, I have his three daughters and I have our two babies on the way; it feels more than right. One day if the day ever comes that I get married, I will have my children there and that's all I could ever dream of."

"I don't know who you are anymore, Iris, but you're certainly not the girl I raised."

"I'm not, you're right for once, because news flash, mom, you never raised me or Amelia, that's why neither of us ended up anything like you or dad," I need to get a grip of myself before I start screaming, "You didn't raise us, mom, I don't know what idolised memory you have in your head but allowing a nanny to raise us isn't a praise to you."

"We did our best, just wait until these babies come, you'll come running and understand," she sounds so sure of herself.

"No, I won't because the difference between you and I is one of us was meant to have children and one of us wasn't; you push through your own battles to dedicate your life to children, you don't give up and you did; when Amelia was born, you didn't even try. As soon as you got home from the hospital, she was handed straight to Julia; she was more our mother than you ever were and she never got the credit."

"So, you're not having a nanny?" she scoffs like it's the most ridiculous thing not to have.

"Of course, I'm not!" I do shout this time, "These are my babies to raise; mine! Not some random woman I hear about from a friend of a friend. I cannot wait to be a mother, to spend every waking second with my babies, and I will be damned to ever make my children ever feel the ounce of hurt your neglect caused me."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous now, we never neglected you, Iris, don't be so spoilt," she laughs.

"When I came on my period for the first time without a single idea of what it was, you refused to speak to me and told me to speak to Julia," I point out, still astounded by the memory, "How is that not neglecting your child, Dianne? You gave us nothing, not a single shred of love came from you or dad my entire life. That in itself is neglect, we were looked after, but we were treated as guests, never as family."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing, I've never heard such ludicrous."

"Because it's the truth and you know it is; I'm happy now, mom, I have my family and my babies will know what love feels like because God knows I have a lot to give. I don't care if you tell people or you don't about your 'bastard' grandchildren because from this day forward, you won't hear from me and they'll never know about you."

I don't allow her to reply, I hang up the phone and bring it to my chest, releasing the biggest sigh of relief. Tears stream down my cheeks and I let out a sob, my emotions getting the best of me.

A knock on the door makes me go silent and the tears flow again when I hear Nathan, "Can I come in?"

"Can I say no?" I say, my voice very thick with emotion.

"Please," he begs.

"Okay," I wipe my tears, sitting up further and his face falls when he sees mine, "I'm just hormonal, I'm fine."

"It didn't sound like everything is fine," he says, taking a seat at the bottom of my bed.

"How much did you hear?" I whisper.

"I heard you shouting, so I came up as soon as I did, I was worried," he admits and I nod as more tears escape. He shuffles up the bed and puts his hand on my cheek, wiping away the new ones, "I'm sorry, baby, you don't deserve-"

"I'm used to it," I choke out, "I expected it, this isn't why I'm crying; nothing she can say can hurt me anymore than she has already. I just feel so alone, Nathan, I feel like I have no one and the one thing I wish I had was a mother I could cry to, but I just don't."

"You have me, Iris, you'll always have me," he says like a promise.

"I just have a hard time speaking about my feelings and it's just too vulnerable, I don't know how to do it," It's not an admittance, it's something he knows all too well.

"I know, sweetheart, but you don't have to speak if you can't, just join me on the sofa, join me in the kitchen, anything; just please trust me and don't shut yourself out," he wipes more of my tears.

"Can you get in bed?" I ask, sniffling.

"Iris," he warns me.

"Get your head out of the gutter, I want to cuddle, I need to be held," I admit and without question, he gets into bed next to me, pulls me into his embrace and holds me, his right hand on my belly as I face him.

"You're going to be an amazing mom, Iris," he tells me, "You don't have to be as involved as you are with the girls, but you are. Ever since you moved in, all I hear is Iris this, Iris that, and don't start me on how much better they like your braids to my attempt. You're fucking amazing with kids, Iris, and I never was going to put a responsibility onto you; you don't have to do anything, but you do it anyway."

"Because I want to, I love them," I say with a smile, "I've never met kids as amazing as yours, and it's a pleasure to be around them."

"You're the first woman in my life that they've ever met and I know that you moving here was fast and I'll be honest, I was terrified. Introducing someone who was more so a stranger to my babies scared me to death, but you.." he pauses and smiles, "I knew I trusted you, I know you think I'm crazy and over the top with how I feel, but when you trust someone around your kids, that's massive, Iris."

"I know and you're not crazy, Nathan, nothing you feel is over the top or crazy; you just scare me, it freaks me out, I'm getting there though, I am. I'm trusting you more and more each day."

"I wish I could kiss you right now," he whispers, looking down at my lips before back up at my eyes.

"You don't know how much I want to beg you to do so," I admit, and he leans in, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Not until you're ready," he holds me, pressing another kiss to my hair. 

The littlest things like respecting my boundaries, not forcing it, and not kissing me anyway, are making it easier every day to better myself for the possibility of us. Though I shouldn't call it a possibility, I know it's one day for us now.

His feelings aren't dramatic, they're not over the top and the main reason why they scare me so much is I feel the same. 

~~~~~

A.N

mommy issues <3 daddy issues <3

sorry, but what's a daisyclouds89 story without some parent issues of some kind, be lucky no one is dead! (apart from lucy, sorry)

a short one, but a needed one for a little of her back story and part of the reason why she is the way she is. 

~ B x