(...surprise? hi friends! it's been a pretty long time, hasn't it? we're back on track (mentally and physically) so i'm proud to say sld's back to it's regularly scheduled program. in the original outline, this chapter was going to be the last of this part, but i've broken it apart for pacing and story reasons. prepare for next chapter. it's going to be an absolute monster. for word count, that is. hope you enjoy! missed you guys so much. love u all tons! -mags)

✧✧✧

JESS HAD A relatively simple evening planned out for himself. It involved two things; one, getting takeout from the dingy little Chinese place that (as far as he was concerned) had the best eggrolls in the city and ordering enough to eat his weight in them, as well as a box of chicken lo mein for Marley, as he knew she liked to snack after she'd had a couple of drinks. And two, parking himself on his couch for however long it took to finally get his manuscript to where it needed to be.

He'd finished the first draft about two weeks ago and every time he looked at the damn thing he ended up getting frustrated and slamming his laptop shut. Jess was well aware of the importance of looking at your first draft with a fresh pair of eyes, but he had no idea how long it was going to take. And it would have been one thing if it was bad or he hated it. But it wasn't and he didn't. Frankly, Jess was proud of what he'd done. He just knew it was missing something.

The issue with writers is that many of them are narcissistic. A lot can't see fault in what they've made until it's pointed out to them, and even then, they'll get so defensive that they won't listen. Jess knew his flaws; he did indulge a bit in that narcissism, simply because he knew he was good at it. It was one of the few things he took pride in, so he figured he was allowed to be. But he wasn't defensive about it. Marley had been brutal enough to knock him down a few pegs while editing over the years. So, for Jess to know he was missing something without Marley even mentioning it to him... that's when he knew it was real.

And his plan was going smoothly for the first four hours after he got out of work. He locked up Truncheon, grabbed his egg rolls, fried rice, and lo mein, got into the apartment to find that Bowie had knocked over another one of Marley's plants (the pot didn't break so he told the demon cat that the secret would stay between them) and sat down and stared at the ridiculous amount of words he'd written.

But of course, just when he'd come to some sort of breakthrough, just when he'd realized he had a completely useless and unresolved subplot and needed to either finish it or take it out completely, he was interrupted. He hadn't yet figured out what he was missing, but it was something.

And the sight that interrupted sure was something too. Marley stood in the doorway with a look on her face that Jess hadn't seen in years. She was wearing this bittersweet, tight-lipped smile that was completely overshadowed by the heartbreak in her eyes. Jess drew his brows together in confusion but gave her a hesitant greeting.

"Hey," he said. "How was dinner?"

Jess quite literally didn't know what to do as her lip quivered and she broke down into tears in front of him.

His eyes widened, shifting to move Bowie off of his shoulder and his laptop off of his lap. "Woah, woah," he said softly. He led her away from the door and shut it behind her. "Why-- Why are you crying?"

Marley shook her head, attempting to speak and explain, but she found that only one word was able to leave her mouth before she cut herself off with a gasp. "I'm--" 

Jess bent down to her eye level, searching her face as if the answers were held there. "Marley, hey, calm down." She gripped his wrist as he wiped away one of the tears that remained on her cheek. "Just calm down. Breathe."

"I'm... fine," she said through a sharp breath.

"No, you're not," he said, glancing down at his wrist in her hand, slightly fearful that she'd cut off its circulation in the next minute and a half. "C'mon." His voice was soft. Soothing. "I need you to breathe."

"I... Logan..." She was interrupted by a wheeze. "London."

Jess couldn't exactly make out what point she was trying to make with the selection of words she'd given, but he figured it was a step forward. By this time, they'd made their way over to the couch, where Jess guided her to sit down. She refused to let go of his wrist, so Jess chose to simply crouch in front of her. "Don't talk until you can breathe," he murmured, putting his hand lightly on her knee. "I'm not going anywhere. You got time to catch your breath."

This eventually seemed to resonate with her. She paused, then nodded rapidly, now making a conscious attempt to stable herself. Slowly, but surely, she got a bit calmer. Her breathing slowed, her expression relaxed, and the ferocity of her grip around Jess's arm was a bit less intense.

But she hadn't stopped crying. And that worried the shit out of Jess.

He made an effort to make sense of what she'd managed to say. Logan and London. What about those things could make her so upset? Logan... lived in London. From what Marley had said before she left, he was out here on business with one of his coworkers, who he thought Marley would like. Nothing about that rang as suspicious to Jess. The two of them were friends and Logan seemed to keep introducing Marley to new people.

Was Logan leaving London? No, that wouldn't make her act like this. She'd be the exact opposite. Was he staying in London for more time than he was expecting? That couldn't be it either. This job he had didn't seem like it really had an expiration date. Then what...

Wait a second. Logan coming from London to Philly for a business trip seemed a bit random. Did his father own one of the Newspapers over here? What business was it? When he'd asked Marley this question today out of sheer curiosity, she didn't have an answer for him. It'd struck him as strange that it was a secret, but he hadn't put much thought into it. And Logan had a coworker with him. One that Marley would like.

No way. It couldn't be.

What was he saying? This was Marley. Of course, it was.

As soon as Jess had put everything together, Marley had come back down to earth. Her thumb was now tracing small, hesitant circles around the inside of his arm. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke. "Logan," she said. "He... He--" Marley cleared her throat. "Dinner wasn't... just dinner."

"He offered you a job," Jess nearly whispered. There was no beating around the bush. Just ripping the band-aid off.

It stung so much more than either of them could have possibly anticipated. Marley physically grimaced at his words. "Yeah."

"And he wants you to move to London."

Marley could feel herself getting choked up once more and couldn't do anything but nod.

There's something strange about the shared feeling of dread. Not just dejection or annoyance or anxiety or straight-up sadness, like arriving to a restaurant or shop just to find it closed. But pure fucking misery. Like you're waiting for a bomb to go off and just destroy everything in your path. It's a cacophony of melancholy and it lasts for an infinite amount of time, taking its time to wane off and resolve itself. But, you've got someone there with you. To take it all on, to experience every emotion, to feel the same that you do. To understand.

They seemed to stew in this liminal space for what felt like hours. Just the two of them, sitting there in the quiet of their shared apartment, a piece of them knowing the probable outcome of this situation they were in, and every other piece of them wailing to indulge in the opposite.

They were both logical people. Logical people wishing the world didn't rely on their most fundamental trait. But it did. And they knew.

"You're gonna take it," Jess said. It wasn't accusatory, nor was it a demand. It was simply him knowing her better than he knew himself. He knew she wouldn't be reacting in this way if the thought hadn't crossed her mind more than once.

Marley blinked away the tears that were welling up in her eyes. "I don't--" She bit her lip in an attempt to keep herself contained enough to have an adult conversation about this. "I don't know. I don't want to."

Jess looked up at her knowingly. "Marley..."

Her bottom lip quivered. "I don't know what to do," she said. The idea to have an adult conversation was completely scrapped as she broke down once more. "I don't know-- I can't!" She was yelling for the first time all night, finally releasing all of her pent-up frustration. "I can't just... pack up and move to London! Who the fuck does he think I am, Rachel Green? Just pack up and leave my entire life here and--"

"To be fair, she did get off the plane," Jess interjected, earning a rather unfriendly look from his girlfriend.

"Yeah, she got off the plane for fucking Ross Geller! Which first of all, fuck that shit, but also, I get it, I'd get off a plane for you in a heartbeat--" It was now Jess's turn to give her that same unfriendly look. "--which I know you'd never allow me to do because thank God, you're not Ross Geller, but I digress. What the fuck is this rich asshole thinking? Offering me a job in London?"

"I believe he's thinking that he wants to give you a job and pay you money."

He was barely regarded as Marley stood up and continued to spiral. "It's like he thinks I have nothing keeping me here. Which I know is a lie because he does know and was actually very respectful of that, but still. How can he just fly over here and suddenly spring this on me? When he knows that I have everything in this city? That I have a job lined up for me this summer, that I have friends and an apartment, and a cat, and you! I finally fucking have you and everything is going the way I want it and it's all perfect and bam! He just swoops in here with his job offer and nice words and telling me that he's 'wanted me to work for him since he read my stuff for the paper' and talking about how much he values me as a person and friend and then offering me the biggest starting salary I've ever seen in my life-- like can you fucking believe him?"

Jess shook his head. "What a dick."

Marley pointed at him with a deep scowl. "Don't be cute. I want him dead and suddenly you're on his side."

"No, no, I'm on your side," he said somberly. "He's offering you a shit ton of money and saying nice things about you. Let's go egg his driver's car."

"Can you go back to hating him, please? This would be so much easier if you hated him as much as I do right now."

"Marley, c'mon," Jess said. The tone of his voice told her that this conversation was about to get real. Logical. Damn it. "You're gonna take the job."

Marley shut her eyes as she felt them burn yet again. Dear God, why did she have to be this emotional all the time? "I... don't want to." she whispered.

"Yes, you do. It's okay."

"No, I don't. I can't."

Jess sighed. "If you didn't want the job, you wouldn't be like this. You wouldn't have walked through the door hyperventilating if you didn't want it at least a little."

He held her gaze for a moment longer, walking toward her as he watched her hand shake as it hovered over her mouth. He knew. He knew even if she didn't. Even if she didn't want to acknowledge it, even if she was too scared to face the reality of it all, he knew. He knew her, so he knew.

She shut her eyes as he reached her, allowing herself to fold into him once he was close enough. Her forehead met his chest, a shuttering breath leaving her lips as he wrapped her arms around her, keeping one hand lightly on the back of her neck. She'd never felt weaker than when she managed to whisper, "I don't want to leave."

"I know," he replied. Marley felt him take in a breath that was just as shaky as hers had been. "It's okay."

"I can't... It's not fair." She gripped his shirt. "I've only just been able to love you like this."

For a moment, she thought she'd left him speechless. He stiffened at her words, the pressure from his hand on the back of her neck getting a bit heavier. He didn't speak for a good while. Before she could pull back to look at him, she felt him swallow harshly.

"It's okay," he repeated, though his voice broke on that last word. Marley nearly began crying once more as she heard him. "We'll figure it out."

That shared feeling of dread crept back into their apartment like a haze as his words left his lips sounding as uncertain as they had.

Marley could only stuff her face into the crook of his neck and hold him tighter.

✧

THEY SLEPT IN their own beds that night.

They hadn't in ages, but it was something they agreed on after the silence between them got just a bit too much. Anger had nothing to do with it. At least, not for each other. Space felt just a bit more necessary than normal.

Jess had told Marley that the lo mein he'd picked up was in the fridge, voice hoarse and tighter than either of them were expecting. Marley nodded and whispered a thank you to him. Before she could turn to go to the kitchen, he caught her elbow. She was grateful when he brought her forehead to his, because she genuinely didn't believe she could have looked him in the eye.

"We will figure this out," he repeated, sounding more sure this time. "We will, okay? But you've got to focus on you. That comes first."

"I know," she barely got out. "But you... you have to understand that everything else is a factor too."

Jess nodded against her forehead. "I know." He sounded like he did know, because of course he did. "But just think about this job. Only that for right now. Okay?"

Marley swallowed. "Okay."

He pressed his lips into her hair, sighing as he felt her hug him once more. "I love you. You know that... whatever happens, that's not going to change, right?" Marley nodded into his chest, unable to verbally respond. "I love you, Acosta."

Focusing only on the job turned out to be easier said than done. The entire night, after Jess had gone into his room and shut the door, Marley went into her room to grab her laptop, then sat at their counter, alone, taking turns staring at the email from Logan in her inbox and staring into her lo mein as she completely lost herself in thought. She stirred the noodles around in their takeout box, hoping that some sort of relevation would appear within them, telling her what to do. That thought sent her into a slight spiral, as she began to seriously consider going to a psychic, as they might be able to tell her what's in her future.

Another part of her knew that this was her away of avoiding looking at the message Logan had sent her with information about the job. Once she pulled herself together enough to look at the email, she scanned the documents and note he'd sent along with it.

Good to see you tonight. Juno told me you lived up to the hype, which is big praise coming from her. Sorry everything was so secretive. I didn't want you freaking out before you had to.

Everything I sent is just for you to look over. Like I said, take some time to think about it, but I do need an answer before the end of the month. Call me if you need anything.

Relax, Penn. You're in good hands. Talk soon.

-Logan

Knowing that sitting here and thinking when her emotions were this high was absolutely pointless, Marley opted to go to bed, hoping that she'd wake up tomorrow with a clearer head and the ability to make decisions better.

Tragically, sleep was not a miracle worker and did not come as easily as she'd wanted it to. She figured she got about a maximum of four hours last night (something that had not happened since she and Jess had started sharing a bed, the back of her mind noted. She promptly told that voice that even though they were right, they could fuck off). She kept waking up from the same type of dream, ones that just added to her anxiety about the whole situation. By the time the sun had fully risen and was peaking through her window, Marley knew she wasn't getting any of the answers she desired from sleep. She turned to her bedside table and grabbed her phone that had been charging overnight.

She flipped it open and squinted to find Courtney's contact on the tiny screen. Her finger hovered over the call button once she scrolled to her name, but remembered the Malibu/Philly time difference and decided a text would be better instead.

sos sos sos major mid life crisis need your advice call when you can pls

Marley flopped herself out of bed, cringing at her appearance when she walked past the mirror over her dresser. Her face was puffy from a mix of sleep and the amount she'd cried last night, and the eye makeup she'd worn last night had smudged so severely that she looked like she was going to be taking part in a KISS reunion tour. A groan of annoyance left her lips and she stormed out of her room, beelining for the bathroom. She figured she could kill two birds with one stone and shower, as it'd probably be best for her to take one at some point today.

By the time she'd finished and walked out into the living room, she noticed that Jess's door was open, but he was nowhere to be found. She furrowed her brow, turning to see if there were any clues around as to where he'd gone.

Sure enough, she found one. There was a note on the microwave with a stapled paper bag on top of it. Bowie lurked near it, sniffing and inspecting it, as if he were seeing it for the first time. Marley walked over, securing her towel as she pulled the note off of the microwave to read it.

Marley felt a little pang in her heart at that last bit, but the sting lessened a bit as she opened the microwave to reveal a large coffee that felt a little lukewarm. She programed the cook time onto the microwave and grabbed the bag on top that she knew held a scone. Bowie meowed as the bag opened, nudging his face into her hands.

She pulled a piece of the scone off with one hand and popped it in her mouth, wiping her hand on her shirt as she grabbed her phone to send Jess a text. Bowie let out another sound and batted at the bag, seeming unphased as Marley shushed him.

thank you for the coffee. gonna walk around a little to clear my head a bit. let me know if you guys need me to pick up anything. love you.

Marley wasn't expecting a response to come as quickly as it had. It arrived right after the microwave beeped, letting her know that he coffee had been heated up.

love you too. be safe.

And with that, she took her coffee and the bag that held her scone, and went back into her room to get ready for the day with Bowie at her feet. She distracted herself by thinking about the different places she wanted to go today, trying to remember if she had any errands to run. She was coming up blank, but knew that she needed to step out with some sort of plan, or else she'd go crazy. She trusted herself enough not to get lost, but still.

By the time she left her apartment, she founded herself walking to campus. The places she wanted to go did happen to be in this direction, but something in her led her to Penn. It also didn't help that Courtney had responded to her message and had taken her mind elsewhere with the text.

i'm at ur service but violently hungover rip

Marley chuckled, pressing the button to write a response to that, but getting another text from her instead.

also just got some news that might make things better for u. call u in 10

Courtney had news that would make things better? For her? Marley racked her brain for possible things that it could be. Was she coming home for the summer? The last time they'd spoken about that, Courtney was planning on working at her waitressing job she hated that she'd gotten at school after working at Luke's this summer. Maybe it was that?

Whatever it was, Marley doubted it would actually make her feel better about all of this, but she'd put on a happy face for Courtney. Or at least a happy voice. God, phone calls were great.

As soon as she stepped onto the Locust Walk, her phone rang in her pocket. Marley scrambled to reach it, maneuvering around a group of boys that were discussing something about finance. She didn't particularly see the need for that kind of talk on a Saturday morning, but she wasn't going to ask them about it.

Marley flipped her phone open to answer, not bothering to check to see who was calling. She knew who it was. "How violently hungover are we talking right now?" she asked. A horrid sounding groan echoed from the other line. "I can't gauge that. Words please."

"Die," Courtney said. Marley could tell she was pouting.

"Nuh-uh, that's my line. You don't get to use that against me. Scale of one to ten." Marley suddenly had a better frame of reference. "Wait. Scale of Your Grad Party to Morning After My Twenty-First when you woke up next to that kid Brendan."

"I am going to reach through this phone and strangle you."

Marley nodded against her phone. "Okay. So, Morning After My Twenty-First. Got it."

"Okay, bitch, first of all," Courtney began, sounding more like herself now. "That morning was fantastic. Brendan was fucking hot and he was nice and he made me breakfast. Granted it was like, runny eggs and burnt toast, but still. He tried. I still think about him sometimes. Did I mention he was hot? And nice?"

"You threw up in his shoe."

"And he was very forgiving about it! Because he was nice!"

"He still calls you Shoe Girl, by the way."

Courtney paused. After a moment of contemplative silence she asked, "He still talks about me?"

Marley rolled her eyes at the suggestive note in her voice. "Oh, my God. We are not talking about the probability of you hooking up with this guy again."

"Why not?" Courtney asked innocently. "I'm definitely going to see him again when I move to Philly."

"Because I'm literally spiraling right now and I need your advice and--" Marley cut herself off as Courtney's words seemed to fully register.

The silence on both ends spoke volumes, but in different ways. Marley could literally feel her excitement from Malibu. She pictured Courtney waiting with baited breath, anticipating Marley's reaction. It wasn't going to be the one she wanted.

The thought of it literally made Marley come to a dead stop.

With a shaky breath, Marley asked, "What did you just say?"

Courtney immediately began squealing, way too chipper for the level of hungover she'd claimed to be. Marley could feel the dread pooling in her stomach once more. "I'm moving to Philly in fall!" she cheered. "I don't even know how it all happened, but it happened so fast. I've needed a change. And don't get me wrong, I love Malibu, but I'm like, so far away from home. And even though I have friends out here, I don't have any like, really good ones except for my roommates, and while I love Sam and Kylie, I just need to be closer to home and the people there." Courtney was so wrapped up in her excitement that she hadn't even noticed Marley's lack of response. "But yeah, so I started looking for jobs in New York and Boston and Hartford, but then I found this company in Philly that is just awesome, and it's exactly what I want to do, so I applied for this paid internship and I got it!"

"That's... that's great, Courtney." Once again, Marley was barely heard.

"And I'm sorry, but I have to tell you, you're not the first to know. Lauren called me the day that you and Jess finally hooked up and we got to talking I kind of let it slip that I was applying for an internship and she randomly has some friend who was looking for a third roommate in her apartment this fall, so she honestly set me up with them and they seem so cool, so I'm moving in with them!" Courtney just kept talking, and Marley realized she was going to have to sit down to process all this. She found a bench a couple of steps away and sat down."I didn't want to tell you until everything was finalized because I wanted to surprise you, but now that it is... I'm moving to Philadelphia!" Courtney was breathing like she'd just finished a marathon by the time she was done speaking. Marley was absolutely silent. When a minute passed and Marley had said nothing, Courtney spoke. "Are you in shock or should I be upset that you're not as excited as I am right now?"

The words were caught in Marley's throat. She didn't know if she could say them. Of course this would happen. Of course this would happen now.

After a long while, Marley was able to choke out, "Logan just offered me a job. In London." More silence followed. This time, she knew the dread she was feeling was about to be shared. "That's what I was calling to ask for your advice on."

"I... I thought... you already had a job secured in Philly."

"I do," Marley said. Her voice was flat. "This is a better job, unfortunately."

"Oh," Courtney said. Any sort of joy that was previously in her voice had been snuffed out. "Well, that... makes my news so much less good."

It made sense that something like this would occur. Right when everything was just about perfect, right when everything seemed too good to be true, right when the planets had aligned in her favor for once, this absolutely incredible opportunity had to pop up. It was all going too well for her. Something had to go wrong.

And Marley supposed she should be grateful that this was the thing that was going wrong. It could be so much worse. A well-paying job in a city she ended up loving with people she was friends with was not a curse. It was a blessing. It would have been. If she didn't have so much in one area.

This area that Courtney was now moving too. All of her closest friends, her boyfriend, her family-- they would all be here, or at least on the East Coast. And she'd be moving to a brand new city  with brand new people and a brand new way of living and leaving everything she knew behind her. Marley was always up for an adventure (if there was a stable plan behind it), but this... this might be too much.

She was so caught up in her head that Courtney's voice in her ear made her jump. "Do you have any idea what you're going to do?" she asked.

Marley shook her head. "No," she answered honestly.

"Which one are you leaning toward?"

There was some hesitation in her voice when she said, "Philly."

"I gotta ask," Courtney said slowly, as if she weren't sure how to approach what it was she wanted to. "Did what I just said influence that decision? Because I will literally kill you and then myself if I'm the reason you miss out on London."

Marley gave a watery chuckle, just realizing that she'd started crying. She ignored the looks she was getting from her follow students on their Saturday morning travels. "Courtney, c'mon. Of course, it did."

"Damn it. Loading the gun now."

"But you're not the only reason," she through another laugh. "I have a whole list."

"Is Jess before me on that list? Because I'll throw in another bullet for him."

"Courtney--"

"I'm serious, Marley. I'll take down that gabagool motherfucker like it's an episode of  The Sopranos."

"He's a reason," Marley said as sternly as she could through her laughter, "but he'd never keep me here. He wouldn't let me stay here for him." She took Courtney's silence as satisfaction. Marley sighed. "I always forget he's Italian."

"His last name is Mariano. You call him that more than his actual name, how do you forget?" Courtney asked. "You're gonna have an Italian-ass last name if you two get married and you take his. Just remember that."

"God, I can hear my entire Hispanic linage crying right now," she muttered. "I just know my great grandmother is screaming 'Ay, Dios mio, I always knew our mijita would disappoint us and marry a gringo. Por favor no me diga mas!'" She heard Courtney start laughing, and Marley sighed yet again. "Don't know why we're even talking about this. If I move to London, there's no shot in hell the two of us could even entertain that idea."

Marley could hear the wheels in Courtney's brain turning. "Would you ever ask him to go to London with you?"

"I couldn't do that," Marley said immediately. Honestly, the thought hadn't even crossed her might. She couldn't possibly imagine asking him to uproot his life for her. "He's... happy here. He's finally in a place where he's happy. He has friends and a job and-- holy shit, Truncheon is just fuckin' taking off right now. They're doing better than ever and he'd..." Marley shook her head. "I couldn't do that to him. I could never ask him to do that for me. Not when he's happy."

"Have you ever thought about the possibility that maybe you make him happy?"

There was an unspoken 'and he would be happy anywhere he was with you' that went along with that statement that thought almost shut down Marley's brain. Of course, she'd thought about that. She knew Jess had thought about that because hell, he'd told her. But plans for any future she'd concocted at random always existed in or on the outskirts of Philadelphia. Or Boston. Somewhere local or in New England, at least, so they could still be near the city they'd made a home in with the people they loved, and so it'd be easy to visit their family in Stars Hollow. There were some rough, undisclosed mental blueprints for that. Not for London.

And she knew Jess felt the same. No matter how much he knew that he had a future in Marley, he couldn't start over. At least, not right now.

After a while, Marley shook her head, as if to clear the thoughts away. "I can't think about that," she said. "Neither of us can afford to be selfish right now."

Courtney knew she had a point, but didn't press her own. "Well, I can't say I have any... unbiased advice for you," she said, offering a weak laugh for levity. "I want you in Philadephia more than anyone."

"I know," Marley said. "I want to stay here even more now that you're gonna be here."

"But if the job is that good..." She trailed off again. "Is it that good? Has he sent you any info about it?"

"I skimmed some stuff that he sent over last night and it seems like in two years... I'm going to be doing almost exactly what I want to do," Marley told her. "But he gave me a starting number last night and I-- Courtney, it's stupidly high. Way more than I'd make with the other one. And I'd be working for Logan, who apparently has been like, professionally pining for me for a while, so I know he'd treat me well." Her eyes flicked up as a group of runners passed in front of her. "And it's... really cool work. A lot of the jobs in my field aren't always the most exciting, but looking at the stuff he's sent me that he's done..."

Courtney went quiet again as her friend's words died. Marley shut her eyes as she heard her release a heavy sigh. "Marley, it sounds like you want the job."

"I do," Marley breathed. "I've wanted to work for Logan ever since I got the feeling he was scouting me. And now this is the job that he brings me? I'm sold." She looked down at her feet. "But I can't leave. I can't leave when everything here is so good. My life is good."

Courtney offered a simple, yet loaded response. "But who's to say it can't get better?"

Marley felt like screaming. Why didn't she have more selfish, unsupportive friends? God, she'd picked a whole bunch of good people to keep in her life. Bastards.

Instead of screaming, she opted for a groan, one that mimicked the noise Courtney had made when she'd answered the phone. It earned her a stare from a girl that was passing by, who was quite obviously wearing clothes from last night, as she sported a pair of heels and a mini-skirt with a long, tight tank top. "I'm currently being judged by a girl doing a walk of shame. Is it bad that I wish that was me? Things were simpler when I did that shit."

"If you're jealous of a girl who's stumbling back to her dorm after probably having the worst sex of her life when you're living with your hot-ass boyfriend who you can bang whenever you want and not have to worry about the walk home--" Courtney cut herself off, taking a moment to calm down and breathe. "If you wish that was you, it's not bad. You need psychological help."

"...I'm assuming you were in her position not long ago."

Courtney huffed. "Last week," she whined. "I had to walk by my favorite coffee shop with a broken heel. I'm too embarrassed to go back there."

"Aw, I'm sorry," Marley said, faux sympathy seeping into her voice. "Also, pause. I believe you just called Jess hot."

"Slipped out."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said about him."

She could almost hear Courtney shrugging. "Yeah, well, I gotta face the facts sometimes. I hate him, but he's not bad to look at," she said. "And I figure if I'm moving to his city, I should start... appreciating his redeemable qualities." The way she said 'appreciating' made it sound like she was being held at gunpoint.

"Your generosity and kindness are outmatched," Marley said.

"Don't forget it," she responded in a way that told Marley she had a smile on her face. When the two of them went quiet, they could tell the conversation was coming to a close. Neither knew exactly what to say anymore and Courtney certainly couldn't give Marley the guidance she needed right now. Marley figured that nobody but herself could give her that. "Hey," Courtney eventually said. "Whatever you choose, just know I'm with you. I'll be with you physically if you stay, but, I guess, spiritually if you go. You know what I mean. I'm in your corner. Always."

"Thank you," Marley said. She wasn't going to cry again. Nope. She'd done enough of that. Really. She had. "I'll let you know what happens."

"You better. Love you loads, Marley."

"Love you too."

And with that, they hung up, leaving Marley alone on a bench, on the campus of her dream school, with just as many questions and just as many worries about her future as when she applied here.

The irony of it all wasn't lost on her. Here she was, in the place she'd always pictured herself being, doing all the things she'd planned, having everything her high school self had wanted. She'd done and had more than she could have possibly imagined. She had found her place. Her people.

Marley had had those in Stars Hollow, but it was never like this. She'd never felt stable there. Whether it was mentally, financially, or physically, she felt like she was only herself when she was working toward her future with the people she loved around her. When she was fifteen, out of nowhere, Jess was factored into the equation and everything got jumbled. And then, slowly, but surely, the pieces were put back together, and somehow, it managed to be better. She was better.

And she got better with him by her side. She knew he wasn't the reason, but he helped her. He helped shape things for her in the same way she'd shaped things for him. Leaving him terrified her.

But... this job. This experience. It was like nothing else she'd ever been offered. She could have a future in Philadelphia. She could have a job that she could like, with love and stability around her. That was an option.

But London? She didn't want to admit it, but it sparked something in her that she hadn't felt since she had visited Penn her freshman year of high school. It felt exciting. It felt hopeful. It felt like... a possible future she wanted.

The way she thought about it, she had two paths. She was unsure about which way to go, unsure of what decision was right, but when looking at it from a logical perspective, she always found herself leaning toward London. Emotionally, she was sold to Philly. But logically? Financially? Job-wise? It outsold.

Could she allow herself to put logic on the back burner for comfort? Would she ultimately regret that? Or would she regret putting everyone and everything behind her for the sake of her career?

It was all questions and no answers. The closest thing she had to answers were feelings and all of those were criss-crossed. Ultimately, Marley knew what she'd end up doing. She figured everyone around her knew too. But she didn't want to focus on that. Right now, she was going to do what she did best.

Overthink it all and ramble on about everything to anyone who would listen.

And that's exactly what she did for the rest of the day. She called her mom, she called Jacob, Lauren, Luke (who didn't pick up. Traitor.) her aunt Kimberly-- everyone. She walked around campus until her feet hurt and her phone died and just talked everything out. She hoped at least one of them could offer some insight she hadn't considered. And while they all had great points, nobody gave her a new reason for the choice she desperately wanted to make.

The day had flown by and now, she found herself back in her apartment, with her phone charged and feet in a little less pain. It was the end of the day, so she figured that she should try to call Luke again. She wasn't expecting him to answer, but he did. And it wasn't exactly what she was expecting.

Apparently, he was slammed at the diner and there was something going on with Liz and TJ involving a group of people that "felt cult-ish" (TJ's words, not his Luke had stressed) about vegetables that Marley had absolutely no interest of getting into, so she told him to call her when it was slow tomorrow.

"Are you sure everything's alright?" Luke asked. She heard a voice yelling in the distance, followed by a frustrated sigh from him. "Because I'm dying to kick my sister and her husband out of here."

"Just tell them to get out of your face," she said. "That threat always works with me."

She knew Luke had rolled his eyes. "Right. You resort to finding other ways to harass me. Like calling," he said. There was an edge to his voice that told Marley she was in for a guilt trip. She shut her eyes. "Which neither you or my nephew have done in a while."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," she said. "We've both been busy ridiculously busy. We can start our weekly calls up again tomorrow when I make you my therapist for an hour."

"Will I be getting compensated for that?"

"Compensated in love and friendship and weekly calls."

"Great, so free labor. My favorite," he said. Marley laughed, glancing up at the door as she heard it begin to unlock. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she realized Jess was home. "Are you sure you don't need to talk right now?"

Jess's eyes met hers as soon as he walked through the door. She mustered up a weak smile, feeling a bit better as he did the same. She watched as he hung up his bag and took off his jacket. "It can wait. I swear. I'll talk to you tomorrow," she promised.

"And the week after," he said as a reminder.

A genuine smile crept up her lips. "And the week after," she repeated. She bit the inside of her cheek as Jess ran a hand through his hair, moving to stand across from where she was sitting on the couch.

"Call me sooner if it can't wait."

"Oh, my God, Luke, go help Liz," she said exasperatedly, letting a laugh slip through. "I will talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, okay. Goodbye," he said. His voice had returned to it's normal level of grumpiness and Marley took that as a good sign.

"Bye, boss," she said, looking down at her phone as she shut it.

Suddenly, she felt a little shy. After the day she had of talking to people, talking to Jess shouldn't have been an issue. But this was him. Of course it would all be harder.

When she finally worked up the nerve to glance up at him, she found that his eyes were already on her. That same weak smile returned. "Hi."

"Hi," he said quietly.

"That... That was Luke."

Jess chuckled. "So I heard," he replied. She watched as he crossed his arms over his chest. "What did he need to help my mother with now?"

Marley shut her eyes with a soft laugh, shrugging her shoulders in a helpless fashion. "I don't know," she said honestly. "Something about a vegetable cult? I don't know. Maybe I heard it wrong, but that doesn't seem too out of their league."

"No, it doesn't," he agreed.

Silence fell over them once more. The tension between them was felt by both parties. It felt like Jess was waiting for a bomb to go off and Marley was doing everything in her power not to denonate it.

He didn't want to ask her. Partly because he wanted to her to be comfortable enough to talk to him herself, partly because he feared the response he knew would follow. He didn't know which one was more truthful. He felt like nothing he did could remedy this tension until the pin was pulled and everything exploded.

It happened quicker than he was expecting. Marley looked down at the phone in her hands and spoke two words before she got too choked up to continue. "I think..." She blinked rapidly, hoping the tears that were pooling in her eyes would go away. They fell onto her cheeks and she wiped them away before continuing to speak. "I think I'm going to take the job."

And there it was. The unspoken truth that had lingered around all day. It was out in the open. It didn't bring as much relief as either of them were hoping. Frankly, it made things about ten times worse. But it was out there. It couldn't be taken back. There was some comfort in that, at least.

Jess found that she was staring at him intently, searching for some sort of reaction. She still had tears in her eyes, and out of nowhere, Jess was overcome with how much he loved her. He hoped it showed in his face.

He'd uncrossed his arms by the time he found the voice to speak. "I know," he said.

Marley swallowed the lump in her throat at his answer. Once again, of course he knew. "Nothing's, uh, finalized yet, obviously, but I'm... leaning toward it." Jess saw her start blinking again, sniffling softly. "I really can't think about everything that I'm going to miss out on here right now, because I will start crying and I don't think my body can physically handle being more dehydrated than it is right now, but... yeah. I just... wanted you to know where I'm at."

Jess couldn't help but smile sadly at how casual she was trying to be about all of this. He couldn't decide if he wanted to talk about all of this with her or try to avoid the inevitable, as she was doing. Looking at her right now and seeing the state she was in, Jess figured he could let her do this her way tonight.

So, he nodded and gave her the best, tight-lipped smile he could manage right now. "Do you want to go to bed and tell me about the job?" he asked. "Or not. We don't have to talk. I just want you next to me."

And Marley Acosta could have fucking cried at how soft and sweet the words sounded leaving his mouth if she had any water left in her body.

Instead, she just nodded pathetically and followed Jess into his room, hoping things would get better from here.

✧

ABOUT AN HOUR later, after Jess had showered, after Marley had taken it upon herself to put out the leftovers from last night so they wouldn't go to sleep hungry, after Marley had collapsed on to Jess's bed, she finally got to tell him about the job. In a non-angry, non-rambling way.

He was quiet as he listened, asking questions here and there, making a comment or two as he did. And like everyone else, he was nothing but supportive. Marley could tell it was a bit harder for him than the other people she's talked to about it, but he knew she needed him to be. The way she was talking about it told Jess how much she actually wanted this job.

Jess would have been lying if he said that this entire thing wasn't tearing him apart. He was just as upset as Marley had been, but he knew he had to put on a strong face for her. This move would be for her career. For the betterment of her future. How could he not support it?

Her words from last night had been around in his head all day. It's not fair. I've only just been able to love you like this. It wasn't fair. It was the furthest thing from fair. But it was real life. And real life was brutally unfair.

Damn Logan. Damn him and his friendship with Marley and how well he treated her and how he seemed to see as much in her as Jess did. Damn London and the job being an ocean away.

He didn't want to bring up what was going to happen if she did go through with it. He didn't want to think about the logistics of their relationship and make her think about it too. He couldn't put her through that right now. That conversation was for another day. Whenever it would be.

He hadn't realized he'd only been half-listening to Marley until she said something absolutely outlandish out of the blue. "By the way, before you hear it from anyone else," she said. "Courtney is moving here in the fall."

Jess, who had been plugging in his laptop into it's charger at his desk, completely froze. If he'd been holding his laptop in his hands, it would have clattered to the floor and broken into a million pieces. "Are you checking to make sure I'm still listening? Just saying awful shit and testing me?"

He watched as Marley's expression turned unimpressed. "No. I'm not. She got a job down here and she's moving in with some girls Lauren knows."

"I'm coming to London with you, then," he stated flatly. Marley knew it was a joke, but she couldn't help the feeling in her chest as he said it. "I can't co-exist in the same area as her again."

"Oh, c'mon. It's like a bartering thing. In exchange for me leaving, you get her."

"That's like giving somebody your house and getting an almond in return."

A laugh bubbled out of her throat as she shut her eyes. "Stop pretending you hate her. She's gonna be great."

"Yeah," Jess muttered. "A great reminder that you're not here."

Any humor that was in the room was immediately flushed out with that comment. Jess winced as he realized what he'd said. He glanced over at Marley who had now sat up in bed and was looking at him like she was going to cry again. They both knew it was the truth, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to think about or say out loud.

Marley brought her legs to her chest, eyes flicking down to his bedspread. "You could, you know." Jess gave her a creased brow in response. "Come with me. To London," she said. She shrugged in an effort to appear nonchalant. "I wouldn't be against it."

Jess let out a sigh, wiping a hand down his face. He made his way to the bed, sitting down on the edge of his side. "Marley..."

"I'm never going to ask you to," she said firmly. "I can't ask you to. But, if you were to ask me to join, I wouldn't say no."

He turned to look at her. His expression said it all. Complete loss and simple heartbreak. "...You know I can't do that."

Marley gave him a sad smile. She swallowed. "I know."

"If things were different, if I didn't..." He trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"Have a life here?"

Jess nodded, though he still seemed unsure. After a second of thinking, he laid back into the pillows by his headboard. "If I was the same person as I was when I left Stars Hollow, I'd already be in London," he said. "But I'm not. I finally have... purpose here. I'm finally adjusted. I..." He shook his head. "This place has made me better. And things are going well. I can't fuck that up."

A sorry sort of laugh fell out of Marley's lips. "That's almost exactly what I told Courtney and Lauren when they both asked." She leaned back next to him, laid her head on his shoulder. "Lauren thinks it's healthy we're so independent."

"Maybe if we weren't we wouldn't be in this position," Jess scoffed.

"I know. We suck." Jess chuckled, moving Marley's head up and down as he did so. She shut her eyes and grabbed his hand, playing with his fingers. She could feel his eyes on her. "Can we just... do everything like normal until we don't have to anymore? I don't have to make a decision until the end of the month."

"When would you start?" Jess asked.

Marley sucked in a breath like she had been shot. "A week after graduation."

Jess stilled. She'd been waiting for that one to drop. "That's..."

"Soon. Too soon," she said. "But I just want... as much normalcy as I can. If I go, don't want my last days here to be sad. Please."

Jess knew there had to be some piece of this that was unhealthy for them. They couldn't just pretend.

But they also couldn't torture themselves for the next couple of weeks. Maybe she had a point.

"Marley..."

"Please," she whispered. "If I'm gonna do this, I need this. Please."

Jess looked down at her. Her eyes were hopeful, pleading. He couldn't say no to her. "Okay," he agreed. She hated how upset he sounded. "Okay."

Somewhere, somebody was yelling at them for this. But neither of them could find it in them to care. They had a limited amount of days left.

They were going to make them count.

✧✧✧

author's note: soooooooooooo. hi. long time no see.

first of all, thank you x190200 for sticking with this fic while i was gone. i was going through some shit and working and have been so unbelievably busy that i've had no time to be on here for more than 5 minutes at a time. so thank u for all of your wonderful comments and posts and support. i love u guys so much.

second of all, we surpassed 300k a little while ago which is just absolutely insane, so thank u so much for that one. thank you for reading and rereading and doing all u do.

third! i will be more active and back on track once school starts back up. next chapter is going to be a LOOOOONG one, as we will be finishing up part 2 and heading in to part 3. it's going to be a lot. hope you're excited.

once again, thank you so much for everything. we're back baby! so happy to be here!

love u all tons!
-mags