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Well, I made it. Whether or not that's a good thing is something that's still being decided, but with so little to rely on lately, I've been attempting to look for the positives in every situation. Like the fact I'm no longer on that goddamn bus. That's a positive.

After three days of that torture, I finally made it to Venice and found where my dad lives. Also found out that he has a girlfriend named Sasha who has a kid, runs his own hotdog stand, and has about thirty different animals living with him. I got woken up by some Bulldog licking my face this morning. You think I'm kidding.

I'm staying with them for now. Not sure how long that's going to last. I practically had to beg to crash here. Even though my dad is a lot more stable than my mom had described to me a while back, but he's definitely still a mess. Sasha seems to keep him in line. She's a cool woman. You'd like her.

I haven't been doing much since I got here. I've been reading a lot. I spent all last night writing. There's a record store down the street from their place and the owner and I got into an argument this morning. You want to know what it was about? Fucking Pauly Shore. In a record store. I don't even know how the conversation came up. I thought I'd be able to get rid of you by moving across the country, but unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. Shame.

Reading. Writing. Sidestepping different dogs and cats. That's been about it in the couple days I've been here. I'm writing to you from some coffee shop surrounded by like three different vegan restaurants. Did you know that you can literally make anything vegan? Sasha's daughter Lily made me try a vegan quesadilla last night. Honestly? Not bad. I dare you to recommend to put them on the diner menu. Luke would have an aneurysm on the spot.

Hope things are good there. I'll let you know how things are on this side once I figure it out myself.

Take care of yourself, Acosta.

P.S: Do you want to know what the first thing I did when I got off the bus was? I went to the beach. Still had my jacket on. It was leather. Not sure, but deep down, I think I did it just to spite you.

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Tell the owner of that store that he's my own American hero and I salute him for fighting for what's truly important. I'm willing to hang his poster on the back of my door. Any ABBA warrior is a friend of mine.

I'm glad you've got some things somewhat figured out. At least you're not homeless. That should be on your list of positives that you've got going. It's strange to hear you say that you're being optimistic. Should that be some sort of warning sign? I can send help if you need me to.

However, it is nice to hear that your dad isn't exactly what your mom said he was. In a weird, twisted way it kind of gives me hope about my dad. It's nice to think about him not being as much of an asshole as I know him to be. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to meet him. I have all these things to say that I've prepared in my head for years, y'know? I have all these little scenarios and entrances and great parting lines that I know I'll never use because if I were ever to meet him, I know I'd never be able to say them to his face. I like to think I'm brave, but there is no way I'll ever have the courage to do that.

Woah. That got deep way too fast. Let's switch it up. Let's talk about how fucking beautiful the image of you waking up to being surrounded by a zoo is. Thanks for making my week that much better.

The diner's been busy this week. Luke's kind of been walking on eggshells around me since you left. He asked me yesterday if I knew how you were doing. I told him I didn't know. I don't like lying to him, but I didn't know what your stance was on that. Let me know.

Closing up's been a lot quieter without you here. Luke's talking about hiring someone new. I don't know how I feel about that. The candidates that have come in are less than impressive. Brennon Lewis came in wearing his Foreigner shirt. Like I said. Less than impressive.

Anyway, I have a mission for you. I want you to go on a vegan adventure and try every ridiculous thing you can find in those restaurants and report back to me on what's good and what's not. There aren't many vegans back here. I feel like I'm missing out on a whole culture, so I have to live vicariously through you.

Be a decent guest. Don't do anything stupid. Say no to drugs. Stay safe.

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I've been to two different vegan restaurants with the very limited amount of money I have and had tacos, crab cakes, and mac and cheese. Tacos were a hit, mac and cheese was a ground out at best, and the crab cakes were a miss. I think I'll stick to what I know. I found a Chinese place with some of the best eggrolls I've had in a while. That should suffice for now.

Tell Luke that Brennon Lewis once asked me if France was in Canada. It was in history class. Senior year. I wouldn't put him anywhere near a toaster let alone an entire kitchen. For your sake, I'd try to make sure that doesn't happen. By the way, I don't want you lying for me. You can tell Luke whatever you want. I don't care anymore. I'm not his responsibility, he shouldn't have to worry about me.

I completely get the thing about your dad. It goes both ways for me and my parents. There were so many things I wanted to say to my dad, but it almost felt like it wasn't worth it to say them. Besides, he left the diner before I could say any of them. Liz on the other hand? I have the same speech ready every time she's fucked over by a new guy. I have the same speech ready every time she forgets about me in some way. I have the same speech ready every time she tells me that she doesn't know what she's going to do with me. I sit there and go over them and revise them until I know that they're exactly what I want to say. I've only ever said one of them. The next day I found out I was being sent to Luke's.

It's not easy and it's not fair that it's not easy. We have to decide if it's worth it. Looking back at all of it, it was worth it for me.

Have you seen Rory around at all? I know she's about to graduate. I just thought I'd ask if she looked... okay? God, I've rewritten that ten times and it still sounds stupid. Just let me know how she is.

Let me know how you are too. I know finals are soon. If there's a replay of the bullshit that you put yourself through last year, we're going to have an issue.

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I told Luke that you were safe. That's all I said. He seemed slightly relieved. Not that he'd ever say anything to confirm that. It's scary how related you two are.

Rory seems to be doing well. I've talked to her a little bit since you've left. She's her grade's Valedictorian and she's giving a speech at graduation. She seems more proud about the Europe trip she and Lorelai are going on. Leave it to Rory Gilmore to gloss over being a Valedictorian and get more excited about the number of cannolis she's going to eat.

She misses you. That much is obvious. She's mad at you too. As anyone would be if their boyfriend left for California without telling them. Come on, man. You're not getting off the hook for that one anytime soon.

Also, we've been talking about me confronting my dad as if I'll ever meet him. I don't even know where the hell he lives. Last time I checked, he was in Chicago, but that was years ago. He's probably some high-level person at a multi-billion dollar company in New York, or London or something. Honestly, he could be living someplace in Connecticut and I'd never know. There's a strange irony within that thought and it makes me want to chew glass.

By the way, (if you don't mind me asking) which speech was it that send your mom over the edge? I hope it was a good one. Gotta make your parting words your best.

I have to cut this one short. Finals start on Monday and my first one is Calc. Can you hear me crying all the way from California? The cries should be getting louder come September when I have to take Trig. Let me know how they sound.

Stay safe. Say no to drugs. Be a good guest. Same stuff as last time.

Write soon.

P.S: I'm sleeping, I swear. Call Jacob if you don't believe me, now that you two are buds. You thought I didn't remember anything from Kyle's party. Nice try. I remember everything when I'm drunk. It's a superpower.

P.P.S: That was a lie. I don't remember everything. But I remember that.

✧

I find it hard to believe that you remember that when you couldn't even remember how to get home. You're a mess and you're not fooling anyone by saying differently.

How did finals go? I heard somebody screaming from outside last night, but I'm pretty sure that was just my dad's neighbors doing scream therapy in their garden. Again, you think I'm kidding. I wish I was.

Good that she's the Valedictorian. I knew she would be. It's good to know that she's okay. You didn't tell her that you knew where I was, did you?

And I'm not talking to you about how I dealt with Rory. I told you I couldn't do that. I don't need to defend myself to you. It's not your issue to worry about.

Anyway, the speech you're asking about happened right after Liz promised to get me something for a school project, forgot about it (again), and then came home drunk at two in the morning with some guy on her heels. I went off on her in the morning. I didn't hold back. I don't know what came over me. I'd just had enough. I cut class that day and didn't even bother to turn in the project. The next thing I knew, I was overhearing her talking to Luke about how she couldn't handle me anymore.

I know I make her sound awful. She can be sometimes. The thing is, Liz isn't necessarily a bad person. She's just a bad mom. It's hard for me to separate the two sometimes.

I'm almost done with the first couple of chapters. It's a slower process without an on-call editor, but I've been able to make do. I don't know exactly how I feel about it so far, but there's a part of me that likes it. That's enough for me to continue.

Before I end this, I have to ask, did Luke actually hire Brennon Lewis? For your sake, I hope to God he didn't.

P.S: I've got some bad news. I've been here for almost a month and a half and I can tell I've completely overstayed my welcome. I'm heading out tomorrow. I'll send you another letter once I hit someplace I know I'll be staying for a while. 

Wish me luck. Let's hope I don't catch a disease on that bus.

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JESS MARIANO, IT HAS BEEN THREE AND A HALF MONTHS AND THE ONLY THING I'VE GOTTEN FROM YOU IS A POSTCARD FROM INDIANAPOLIS. AN ABBA POSTCARD, BUT STILL. I OUGHT TO DRIVE MYSELF TO THE ADDRESS ON YOUR STUPID RETURN LABEL AND BEAT YOUR ASS.

Yes, you've missed a lot, you moron. I don't even know where to start.

I got As on every final I took except for my Calc final. I was a half a point from a ninety. Mr. Klein took off half a point because I forgot a negative sign. If I don't get into Penn because of a half a point on my Calc final, I'll legit learn witchcraft to curse Klein and every member of his family.

Speaking of Penn, I sent my application in two days ago. I won't hear back until December. Now that you're closer than California, I think you'll be able to hear my daily scream a little more clearly now. That scream therapy that your dad's neighbors were doing way back when sounds really good right now.

I can't believe my application's in. I've spent so many years working for that moment and now it's passed. I don't know what to do myself. I've been trying to distract myself from all the anticipation but nothing's working. It's all I can think about. Am I insane? I think I'm insane.

What else? Luke actually hired Brennon Lewis despite the France/Canada story and my crying. The kid's nice enough, but he has to be the stupidest motherfucker I've met in my life. I almost feel bad talking about him like this. He doesn't know the difference between a bagel and a doughnut. I'm not kidding. I saw him on his lunch break cutting a doughnut in half like a bagel and putting cream cheese on it. He didn't flinch. This is the person you left me with.

Jacob's having the time of his life at UConn. I've been to a whole bunch of his games and even though they're so bad it's laughable (they really should stick to basketball), it's really nice to see him happy. He's actually playing and isn't the D-Squad player he thought he'd be. I miss him a lot.

The house is quiet without him and Dean doing dumb shit constantly. My mom's scheduled to work night shifts three out of seven days a week, not counting the extra shifts she'll pick up when she can. I'm alone a lot of the time and Courtney keeps telling me that I'm the luckiest person alive. She has two younger sisters who are both obsessed with getting her in trouble, so she wants them dead half the time. She's at my house a lot, which isn't a bad thing. It's actually really nice.

Don't get me wrong. I like the quiet as much as the next guy. It's just strange to go from having a mess of a brother breaking our microwave on a regular basis to having my home be completely silent. I wonder how it's going to be for my mom when we're both gone next year.

Anyway, what else have you missed? Because Jacob's at school, I have the car now which is a huge plus. A beautiful '95 Camry all to myself. Every girl wants to be me. All the boys want to get with me.

That would be a joke if I didn't recently get a boyfriend. Yeah. I have a boyfriend. His name's Will. If you do what Jacob did and threaten to break his neck, I'll break yours. He's a good one, I promise. He's been friends with Courtney for years. He's a really, really nice guy. Not a single ounce of Ryan in him. Thank god. We've only been dating for about a month, but I think I really like him. Don't make fun of me.

I hope New York is treating you well. Where the hell did you go between July and now? Please tell me it was a Kerouac trip. I'll have hours of material if you went on a Kerouac trip. Please tell me it happened.

No drugs, be good, you know the drill by now. Stay safe, Mariano.

P.S: Rory's doing good at Yale. She seems happy enough. Just thought you should know.

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The sad thing about your threat to learn witchcraft just to be a pain in the ass is that I'd completely believe if you said you went through with it. It'd be worth it for Klein, though. He's an asshole. And one point on a Calc final isn't going to prevent you from getting into Penn. I have full confidence in the fact that you're going to get in. You're one of the most hardworking people I've met. You'll get in.

Also, you're not insane for thinking all those things you've been thinking about school. You've worked almost all your life for this shit, Acosta. It should feel weird that it's basically over. Now you'll have to find a new goal that'll drive you as insane as this whole college thing did.

That was a joke. I honestly think you'd combust if you found something as stressful as you made this whole college thing.

Brennon Lewis putting cream cheese on a doughnut is one of the best things I've heard all week. If it makes you feel any better, I'm living with someone who eats banana and mayo sandwiches. I think we both may be in the presence of psychopaths. Have 911 dialed at all times. Just in case.

You have a boyfriend, huh? Seems like I did miss a lot. If Jacob can't intimidate either him or you, I don't know what I would even contribute. If he's been friends with Courtney for a while, then I feel like that should make everyone feel a little bit better. Just be careful. We don't want somebody punching the daylights out of him too.

I didn't do a Kerouac trip, by the way. Sorry to rip your probably Carlin-like material out from under you. It wasn't anything special. Don't worry about it. You can read a version of it in the book.

The first draft's not even done yet, but we're making progress. I think I've finally got an idea for a decent title, too. How's The Subsect sound to you?

In other news, Liz found out I was back. She's been trying to reconnect with me, or something. If I'm being honest, I really don't know how to feel about that. Half of me wants to accept it. The other half of me wants me to tell her to fuck off. It's been like that for most of my life though. Never gets any easier, though.

She's got a new boyfriend. Shocker. She seems into him. This one's name is TJ and with a name like that, I don't see how it's ever going to fail. I'm just waiting for the phone call for her to tell me it's over.

I wasn't always so pessimistic about her boyfriends. I wasn't always bitter. It just happened as she met more guys and the same exact thing happened every time. I don't want to go all Good Will Hunting on you and turn you into my therapist, but there's something in me that's scared that I'm so fucked up that something like that's going to happen to me. It sounds so weak to even say that but I can't help from thinking it from time to time. Did this trip turn me soft?

Anyway, I've got to get to work. I'm glad all my shit got to you. Don't stress yourself out about Penn. Work on other shit to distract yourself from it. You're going to be fine, Acosta. I know you will.

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Sorry this reply took so long. Kirk said he wanted to try out mail carrying again and he messed it up even worse than last time. He's had this letter in his bag for a full fucking month. He's not getting any extra sugar for a while.

So. Good news and bad news. Actually, it's like the line between good news and bad news. What even is that called? Mediocre news? Middle news? Whatever.

Anyway—

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author's note: hey! it's been a minute! this chapter took me forever to write and the only excuse i have is because i'm lazy and have 0 motivation to do anything but watch tv. school's kicking my ass and i am just tired all the time and i'm sick of it. sigh. hope this is something decent.

anyway i'm really fucking excited for next chapter and you should be too. i've had half of it written in my notes since i started plotting this fic. so, it should be up quicker than this one. sound good?

love you all tons. happy easter and passover to all who celebrate. also happy endgame week!! i haven't ever been this nervous for a movie in my life this is an issue ok bye
-mags