We're baaaaaaaaack!

Firstly I just wanna thank you all for being so patient and understanding with the break I took - obvs editing for Golden being published took first priority and I really appreciate you all being so supportive. It's currently being editing by the team and I don't have  a date for it to be ready for you all but as soon as I do you will all know!!

I also wanted to say thank you for getting Golden to a million before I have to take half of it down for publishing rights - it's a dream come true and you all know how much it means to me - so thank you!

I could go on and on about how much I love you all and everything else but I know that you're all super impatient to read this chapter and you don't deserve to have anymore fo your time wasted.

So without further ado - LET'S GET BACK TO SILVER!

p.s. i hope you guys like the graphics!!!

"You know you shouldn't lose your temper like that."

My body stills as my hands stop moving in the red tinted water, the swirls of colour spreading through the basin, contrasting with the white below. With just her voice the strain on my mind seems to dwindle, the pain shooting through my bones dropping like it was never there to begin with. My eyes lift to look at the person standing behind me in the mirror, my heart swelling. I'm speechless at her grin, the tenseness in my knuckles easing as she shakes her head softly.

"Come here, let me do it," she sighs, stepping around me to reach for my hands, "I like taking care of you."

Her blonde hair is like threads of sun as the light from the window shines onto it, the white of her dress like a wisp of a cloud that floats towards me. There's a kind of glow around her, a shine that radiates beauty and my heart quickens at it. She seems so out of place in this grim room, as if she should be standing in a palace of gold and not a worn out bathroom with cracks in the wall and chipping paint.

Like she's too good for this world. Like she doesn't belong.

Something calls to me in the back of my mind as she smiles up at me, holding my split knuckles in her palms, but I ignore it.

Don't ruin a perfect moment.

"Apologies, I forgot I had my own personal nurse now," I chuckle, swallowing the creeping emotions pulling themselves up my throat, "Next time I'll make sure to give you a call, my Luna."

I watch the delicacy in which she moves, she knows I'll heal yet she treats me as though I'm fragile. Breakable.

"Maybe we should get you a bell," Elle smirks, her fingertips circling away the muck from my skin, "Although in a house of werewolves that might have strange repercussions. And you know I hate it when they call me that," she tuts, but I don't miss the blush on her cheeks at my words.

Adorable.

"How about 'My queen'," I tease, bending down to get a better look at her as she tries to hide her embarrassment, "Or 'mon coeur', 'mia dea', 'mi vida'-"

"Just Elle," she interrupts laughing, pressing a hand to my chest, "Your Elle."

I try to smile at her words but something stops me, something that seems to have turned my lungs to stone.

Your Elle.

I look down at her hand in mine.

Why can't I feel her?

There's no tingles, no warmth as we touch. My wolf isn't howling or humming with joy at her being near.

My eyes trail from her hands to my own, watching the skin mend itself together delicately.

Why am I bleeding? Who was on the other side of my fists?

"Trent?"

Why had I fought someone? Why had I lost my anger?

I look up at her, her usually sparkling eyes flat.

Lifeless.

"Trent!"

My head snaps to the side at the call of my name, pulling me into the present.

Scarlette stands hesitantly, her eyes glancing from my curled fists to where Elle stands to the side of me. I frown at her look.

What-

But it hits me like a tonne of bricks as I stare at the empty space where I could have sworn my soulmate stood just a moment before. Now there's only a pool of light and the steady dripping from the tap.

She's gone.

"Trent?"

Scarlette's eyes watch me and the familiar features that are so similar to my own are shrouded in pain and pity.

Is that what I look like? Broken?

As she reaches for me I quickly clear my throat and turn away from her, twisting the tap off abruptly as I dry my hands.

"What is it?" I grate out, flexing my hands.

Not a single sign of damage.

How much I wish my heart was as easy to repair.

"I just came to see how things went," Scarlette replies, staying in the doorway, "Y'know with Carter."

My body reacts to the name instantaneously, the low burning rage coursing through my blood with the breath I take in.

Carter.

The darkness that has been clouding my memories, the black fog that blocked out the glimpses into my anger losing control melts a little. Below it I see something resembling Carter's face, although it's too broken and bloodied to really look anything like the prim bastard that everyone knew him as.

By the gritting of my jaw she must hear my answer.

"Is he dead?"

She doesn't say it with any malice. No fear or hesitation. She asks it matter of factly, as if already anticipating my answer.

I rake through the pictures, searching for the moment that his neck snapped or his lungs finally gave out. The last breath of air puffing from him and his pompous body.

But I don't find it.

"No."

Her face tries to give nothing away but the slight rise to her eyebrows indicates her shock. I can't say I blame her, if this had happened before Elle there would be no doubt that Carter would be dead, that his body would already be burning in the garden behind us.

But...

My body hunches over, my eyes squeezing shut as I ignore the urge to roar, to throw myself head first into the wall in front of me and tear apart everything in sight.

"He didn't tell me anything," I grit, trying to keep back the bitter disappointment that floods me, "I still have nothing."

Useless.

"He will," Scarlette encourages, her confidence returning as she walks towards me, "He won't hold out-"

"And what if he does," I growl, snapping at the hand she's holding out to me, "What if he doesn't say a single word. What if I can't find out a single thing that-"

"He won't hold out. Do you want to know why?" she grabs my arms and spins me to her, ignoring the flames of my anger that lick at her skin, "He won't hold out because he doesn't have strength, or drive, or a single ounce of anything that could make him die for his cause. You think he has decency or loyalty? He's a snake, and one that will give in. We just need to wait for his pride to give up. That's all."

My mouth opens as if to refute her, but I quickly close it, her words bringing a solideness to the flicker of hope that my last cells are clinging onto by the tips of their nails.

I gently lay my hand on hers, covering it as it holds my arm.

"Thank you, Scar."

She smiles, rolling her emerald eyes, "What is family for if not to drag you out of your own self pity hole?"

I scoff and shove her away from me lightly, my lips refusing to obey as they turn up. I know that she means it kindly - she's aware that I'm balancing on the edge of a tipping point and one wrong look, even if it is meant to be supportive, could push me into an even deeper pit than I have already been in.

It's what happened when my brother, Michael, died. Every pitying look and tender word spoken to me seemed to do nothing but push me further into my own despair. I rejected even the smallest moment of kindness that was shown to me, I pushed away anyone who tried to help me out of my pain.

But it was Scarlette who finally got through to me. She didn't come with baked goods or cards of sympathy, she didn't stand in front of me and try to help me through the pain or force me to remember the 'good times'.

Instead? She told me to snap out of it. Despite her being so much smaller than me and my angry snarls, she'd walked right up to me and shook me, calling me every name under the sun that she could think of. As we were only fifteen her vocabulary wasn't too developed and by the time she started getting to 'pathetic male pronoun' as an insult, our laughter could be heard through the entire pack house.

Our family grew up on hard truths and trying to laugh through pain, it's what we had to do to survive.

"I suppose I have been in a bit of a hole, haven't I?" I reply, sighing as I rub my forehead, "Goddess knows what the pack is saying about me."

"I thought we just discussed the self pity thing?" Scarlette snorts, punching my arm as she turns and heads for the door, "Besides, no one worth anything in the pack has said anything bad. Everyone understands, we're not expecting you to just be walking around like nothing happened Trent. It's just that..."

I see it in the crinkle between her brows, the way her fingertips delicately trace the lines on the door as she stops.

I'm not the only one hurting.

A pack is a family, it's your strength, your support. An Alpha is only as strong as his pack and a pack...

They're only as strong as their Alpha.

We abandoned our pack.

"I know it's a lot to ask of you Trent, I know that if anything all you want to do is stay hidden and mourn but..." she sighs, her shoulders dropping with the weight on them, "There's only so much Cole and I can do. A pack needs their Alpha."

She's right.

"I know," I say after a moment, walking over to her and placing a hand on her back, "I suppose I just wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. Seeing everyone's faces and going about life as usual... it makes it all real. It means I have to confront the truth."

"We're here for you though, Trent," Scarlette comforts, "You don't have to do it alone. What's the point in having a pack if we're not there for you in your time of need, if anything it's literally what we're for."

I feel the moment, my balance tittering on the edge, waiting to see what way I'm going to plummet as I take in her words.

"I know," I smile, pulling her into me as I press a kiss to her forehead, holding onto the crumbling pieces of me. My body tenses as her arms wrap around me, but with a deep breath, it eases, my own following suit.

It's the first time I've let anyone touch me since her death. I've flinched away and cowared at the first sign of affection from anyone as though they'd infect me with a single touch. The truth is I have been terrified in case it shows how weak I really am. It's the same reason why I had shut everyone out of my head, why I hadn't allowed them to connect with me no matter how hard they pushed. I wanted to pretend, to ignore.

But this is Scarlette, my cousin, my friend... my family. If anything, her arms around me do nothing but help my feet to ground themselves better and my heart to crack through the concrete around it, even just a little. Just like when we were young.

I should never have pushed them away.

"I need to start acting like an Alpha," I agree, my height rising with my resolve as I step back, "And that means facing this head on, no matter how much it hurts."

"I'm so glad you said that," Scarlette comments and suddenly I don't feel so sure, there's a tone in her voice that makes me hesitate, "Because there's something you have to do... and it's not going to be easy."

.

"Alpha."

The three young boys standing at the large door bow their heads, their gazes dropping the moment they see me.

Scarlette throws me a look of amusement, her eyes glancing over her brother and his friends who seem to almost be shaking in front of me. I hate that they feel so nervous, that they don't know what to say.

"At ease soldiers," I joke, making their heads snap up in shock, "I'm your cousin Lee, you don't have to bow to me every time you see me."

Lee let's out a relieved laugh and his body relaxes, his friends on either side copying him.

"Yeah, do you know how stupid you look?" Scarlette snorts, ruffling his hair as she winks at me and I can't help but smile at the way she eases the situation.

"Well I was just trying to be respectful," he grumbles, shooting her an annoyed look and I quickly clear my throat, not wanting us to get distracted, "Sorry, Alpha."

"It's alright," I ease, offering them all a small smile, "I appreciate it. And I appreciate everything you've done over these past couple of days, Scarlette tells me you've been a big help."

The boys all seem to turn bashful, their mutterings of 'it was nothing' mashing together into a soft chorus as they try to stumble over their words. The aforementioned woman meanwhile is looking at me as though I've grown an extra head, but when I look pointedly it quickly changes to an amused expression and she starts to nod.

I needed to raise the spirits of the pack, even if it meant lying a little.

"Oh yeah," Scarlette half yells, throwing her arms around the boys, "I told Trent all about how you guys have been... um.... Taking care of the house and keeping an eye out for any trouble. Y'know guarding this door and all."

Brilliant.

"It's nothing," Lee explains bashfully, "An Alpha is only as strong as the pack, so..."

His words make something in my chest clench and I feel the grin from my lips flicker.

Guilt.

"Anyway," he quickly continues, noticing the dropping enjoyment, "It's Cole that's been guarding it so well, he's even been sleeping here at night."

He has?

"Is he here now?" I ask, the emotions that I have been putting off for so long beginning to come over me.

The boys nod in affirmation.

"Okay then, I'm going to go in and see him. How about you guys go get some food or something? You can make some for Scarlette while you're at it, as a way to help me thank her for doing so much these last couple of days."

The boys look as though they're going to argue, especially Lee, but when they glance over to the woman who gives them an expectant look they groan.

"Yes, Alpha."

They're gone almost immediately and I chuckle at their shouts as they shove each other down the hall, Scarlette's disapproving stare following after them. Before she leaves however, she hesitates and sends me one last look of support, the questions pooling in her eyes.

"I'll be fine," I state, thumb pointing to the door, "I have the idiot in there. I'll find you later."

She nods one final time before turning on her heels and chasing after the boys, her demands of gourmet food ricocheting off the walls, making me laugh.

All feelings of joy die when I push the door open, the light from inside clearing my thoughts and bringing me back to reality.

The white walls now seem to pale, and the smell that hits me is an unpleasant yet overly clean one, making my senses stand on edge.

The usually empty beds are nowhere to be seen and instead there is only one sitting in the room far over to the right. I don't dare look to the left yet, behind the curtain. I'm not ready.

There's a figure sitting at the side of the bed, his hands clasped together and brow furrowed as he stares, his mind clearly a thousand miles away, but I know he can sense me as I make my way across the room.

He's my best friend after all.

In the bed lies a girl, her short hair flat against her temple, the sign of someone having stroked it a hundred times. Her skin still has a flush of colour and her chest rises and falls steadily, the machines around her beeping in a steady rhythm.

"Deli still doesn't know why she hasn't woken up."

Cole's voice is quieter than usual, a shake to it that never seemed to be there before. His words crackle in the silence, a feeling beneath them that is all too familiar to me.

Despair. Helplessness.

"I know that I have no right to feel like this. Not when you're-"

"Hey," I butt in, stopping him from continuing as I grab onto his shoulder, "Pain isn't measured by how much it compares to someone else's and you don't ever feel guilt for what hurts you. No one gets to tell you what's enough to qualify your emotions. I thought you knew better than that."

I know he's been holding his own pain in to support my own, everyone has been - but that needs to change. A pack is one.

"There's that Alpha we've been missing," he comments almost proudly, his eyes glancing up at me, "Been waiting for you to come back."

"Thanks for holding down the fort," I tease and his lips twitch but his gaze goes back to Kristie.

"If I'm honest I haven't been a great Beta, half my time is spent here. Scarlette definitely deserves a raise," he winces, "Don't tell her I said that."

"Of course not."

There's shuffling from beside us and my attention turns to the left, a spark of hope igniting as my eyes search for what made the sound.

I feel like kicking myself when I see the familiar black ball of fur.

Of course it's not her.

"Obi," I sigh, reaching down to greet the dog as he pads towards me, "I didn't know you were here boy, hello."

"He won't leave," Cole replies without turning around, in an almost humorous tone, "Deli is paranoid about the germs he might have - ironic I know - so we've tried repeatedly to put him at one of the elders' houses, but he keeps coming back. We even tried to lock him at Deli's at one point but like an hour later he was back here. No one's really sure how he keeps doing it but the dog's determined to not leave her side... both of their sides."

My heart pierces at his words, like a dagger throwing itself straight into my chest. Obi's eyes stare up at me, the soft amber burn of them filled with something that calls to me. Resonates with me.

"Thanks boy," I whisper, pressing my forehead against his as he lets out a soft whimper and I squeeze my eyes to push down the tears threatening to surface, "Thanks for watching her."

Especially when I didn't.

He pulls away from me after a moment and turns back the way he came, his body disappearing back behind the curtain that cuts off the other half of the room. I rise to my feet, my legs shaking as I watch the shadow of his head rest on the bed, his whimpering continuing. The breath seems to get knocked from my lungs.

Cole stands up beside me, his voice low as he follows my eyeline, "You don't have to do this today-"

"I do," I manage to choke out, ignoring the voice screaming at me to turn and continue pretending as though this is all just a nightmare, "I have to do it."

I can feel Cole's eyes surveying me, waiting for me to continue, but when I don't he just steps back and lowers his chin.

"I'll be right here."

His voice seems as though it's miles away, a distant thought that my mind can't quite comprehend right now. Not when I'm walking towards my nightmares laid out on a table in front of me. My steps feel like miles, time seems to slow. There's an ache to my limbs that has no reason but I know it stems from my heart.

From it breaking.

It's only when I pull back the curtain and finally see the love of my life lying there on the bed that I let the emotions overwhelm me.

And for the first time in days, I cry.

.

.

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Not a totally joyful return but I hope you guys enjoyed and I can't wait to read all your comments! I LOVE YOU ALL  x