Day 4,000,000 of guilt.

Something...odd happened today with JK.

No, I don't think he knows. I'm not sure what's worse. I think maybe I'd feel better if he did. But it was never about how I felt.

There was some of my cash stash in my jewelry box. I had forgot to cash it in my separate bank account.

When I walked into the bedroom after I remembered, I saw Jeongguk with my money.

My money.

He was fanning himself with it.

I asked him what he was doing. He said enjoying himself.

I asked him to not do that with the money I worked hard for.

He then said, "I bet you worked very hard for it."

I think I snapped. I just started screaming like a lunatic. I think I probably had a fit. I don't remember exactly what happened because I almost blacked out but I remember being put facedown on the bed with Jeongguk holding my hands behind my back.

All I could keep repeating was that it was mine, and that he couldn't touch it. Over and over and over again.

He just laughed. Something before maybe I would've enjoyed. But his enjoyment from my pain would never hurt more than in this moment.

"You're mine Celine, and I can touch what I want. You're my girlfriend, and you have nothing for yourself. What's yours is mine."

He let me go then.

But I still felt like my wrists were tied together.

It took me until now to calm down.

But I'm angry. So angry.

Because for years I've been told that all that a woman is worth is for her body. I don't believe that, nor would I tell anyone to become a sugar baby.

I would save any girl from that fate who is forced into it.

But that's the catch. Like I've said before we are objectified. We aren't taken seriously.

And when we DO the jobs they've told us we're MADE for, they JUDGE US FOR IT?!?

Someone make it make sense. Please I'm begging for an ounce of sanity.

Because when Jeongguk degraded me, it made me feel like he was right.

Even though I did work hard for my money. I had to swallow my disgust every time I was paraded around like a show pony. Every time I did my job I had to face the fact that women are commodities to be bought in this world.

And at the end of the day when I got home, the person who claimed to love me wanted to

Take. It. All. Away.