"So you say you wanna get so high?
Breathe me in like air tonight
Let yourself unwind, get lost
In the garden of my mind."
Fantasy-Alina Baraz

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER:
I do not condone cheating.

Celine laid in bed next to Jeongguk, but she did anything but sleep.

How could she?

When the man she loved slept peacefully beside her. Without knowing exactly what a horrific person she was.

Celine watched his face, shadowed from the dark room. The way his lashes met the tops of his cheeks, and how his large teeth came out between his parted lips. His dark hair flopping to the side, meeting his white pillow. She watched him breath in and out. She smiled when he snuggled closer to her, wrapping a strong arm around her waist.

It was then that she started to cry. The weight of what she had done settling in. She held in her sobs, putting a hand over her mouth. She didn't care if she couldn't breath.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

But she couldn't tell him that. Because he could never know.

The whole night rushed back with vivid detail.

She knew what she was doing was dumb. She didn't even know why she took Jimin's offer. This problem could have solved itself last night and she decided to make it ten times worse. It was like the man had some sort of strange pull on her, making her forget what was right and wrong.

It made her sick.

She had to remember that bad people don't deserve good lives. She'd already knew Jeongguk was too good to be true.

That means she was destined for disaster. Her choices in life consisted of bad decisions and impossible mistakes.

One mistake in particular led her down this path. And she'd have to pay. Her family never let her forget it.

The mistake that made most of her family stop talking to her. Made all of her friends despise her. Forced her into a job that made her hate herself.

She could change now. She could stop all of this.

But Celine was already in so deep, she felt like there was no point in stopping. Especially since Park Jimin was able to help her with her passion.

She cuddled up to her boyfriend, trying to erase the image of silver and unhappy fathers and mother's. Tried to forget everything bad or confusing in her life. And lay with comfort and stability.

Run away from problems, because that's what she did best.

So for now, Celine would just have to be sorry.

At least enough to let her fall asleep at night.

.....................

When she woke up, her boyfriend was already gone for the day. His imprint stayed on the sheets, sunken in and wrinkled where he laid. The sheets still remained with his soapy fresh scent.

Getting out of the bed in the morning was always easy for her. She hated the way their sheets looked and felt. They were a deep black, and felt stiff to the touch. The long haired girl never really felt comfortable sleeping in it.

Her boyfriend's apartment was large, a penthouse. It took up an entire floor of the complex. All glass windows, dark or silver appliances, and black furniture. That was the aesthetic Jeongguk lived by religiously. She tried to add more color when she moved in, but that didn't go over too well.

Still she appreciated the living space. Celine loved the amazing view of Seoul she got every morning. Especially on snowy or rainy days. Her feet always hit the cold hard wood in the most satisfying way. She walked into the kitchen, taking in spilt coffee and sprinkles of sugar.

She cleaned all of that away, making herself a bowl of cereal. When she went back into the living room, she took in her daily view of the outside. Her small mouth opened in awe at the fantastic sight.

To her luck it was already snowing.

Gray, shiny buildings stood out like craggy rocks on a mountain side. Cars bustled below, blurring their way through life. People, walking around aimlessly without purpose or direction. The whole city glittered with white and red for the upcoming holidays. Lights seemed brighter, the sky looked darker.

Celine walked closer to the window, happy that she was high up in the air. It was like she could watch the angels form the flakes, like tiny tears sifting from the sky. The snow fell over all that she had named. Not bothering anyone. Just tumbling down to the earth, leaving nothing untouched by its beauty.

The sudden desire to paint filled her whole body. She had to capture this moment. The way she felt so content and warm all at once. The snow looking like fresh whipped cream on top of buildings.

The long haired beauty whipped around the house, trying to find all her supplies. She changed into a gray off the shoulder sweater, and clean black jeans. Her favorite tan apron hung gracefully from a hook in the kitchen.

The rest of the material was in the closest. She hadn't opened it in a few weeks, feeling dejected. The 18 year old swore she'd never touch a paint brush again, not after she got rejected from the last gallery. She remembered, the simple way the man said it.

"You're not what we're looking for."

It wasn't harsh, but it was enough to destroy her confidence after the tenth time. It also didn't help that Jeongguk and his family were pushing her into almost any other profession.

But then yesterday happened. And the floodgates had opened again. Park Jimin promised her a new start.

She knew that she needed something amazing. Something truly astounding for her portfolio. Most of her other works were portraits of people. But all done in water color. And she only used one color.

Blue. Though the color is deemed one of sadness, she never felt sad looking at it. Something about the way the color made her okay. Made her feel whole again.

But she needed a differential piece. One recognizable. One that Jimin wouldn't be able to turn down.

The whole city was just an alluring place. So she would paint it. With detail , and with all the amazing colors she was seeing.

Setting up the canvas was easy. Sitting on the unstuffy art stool was okay as well. Looking out at her model was simple. But as soon as she dipped her brush into the water, her mind went as blank as her paper.

You have to do this.

You can't give up.

Celine knew that there was a chance she wouldn't make it. But she realized that could be her strength. She was going to use every ounce of worry, and insecurities and put it into her painting. It would represent how while they're are so many people and things in a city, you can still feel alone. It would leave her vulnerable. Just like she wanted her audience to feel.

The wet brush smoothly slid into the white dish. She squeezed out enough cream watercolor on it as well. She wanted to start dark, black with charcoal grays. The girl lifted a dainty hand, adding none line of black to the stark paper.

Soon enough, the worry left her. And Celine just started to paint. Peace ran through her, erasing every tense thought. Like a pianist playing a concerto, or a gymnast jumping a vault, the young girl was in her element.

She started to feel happy for once.

Her phone started ringing on the table. She turned around, accidentally catching her reflection in the hallway mirror. Her face was brighter than usual, her skin flushed a happy pink. Her exotic eyes wide and sparking, cheeks dimpling at the corners . Her smile had stretched across her entire face unknowingly.

She didn't even know it was 6:00 pm by then. She had been painting since 10. Time flies when you're with the thing you love.

She checked the caller ID, feeling happier by the minute.

"Hello honey." Said Jeongguk, voice steady and loving even through the phone. It made her heart skip a beat. She missed the sound of his voice.

"Hi, what's up?" She said into the phone, sounding more chipper than usual. She wanted to run through the phone and kiss him.

"Just wanted to check in, I miss you." The cute boy said. She could almost see his teeth showing, eyes crinkling at the corners.

She loved when he was in a playful mood. His day at work must have been going well. Usually he only calls if he isn't busy at all. Today must have been a special occasion.

"Awe that's so sweet." Celine said dryly, adding more windows to the buildings she was painting. Phone stuck between her cheek and her shoulder blade.

She heard Jeongguk laugh through the phone, then suddenly stop.

"Fuck off." He said, in a mocking way.

That's how they were. Nary an affectionate phrase in sight between them.

"Hmm, maybe later." She said, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

There was silence for a few seconds, until she heard some shuffling. Maybe the thought of her leaving would make him come home earlier.

"You would never really leave me, right?" The 20 year old said, clearing his throat.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, I'm trying to finish up a painting. Jimin said he'd look at my portfolio by the end of the week." She said, voice rising with enthusiasm over the phone. Containing excitement was hard, but she had to keep her hand steady.

Putting tiny red bows and stoplights took patience and lots of skill.

Jeongguk sighed loudly, almost immediately making her shoulders slump.

"Seriously? Babe, I thought we talked about this." Her boyfriend said, sounding somewhat disappointed.

Like she had made a mistake that only he could fix.

Letting her paintbrush drop in a cup, she decided to focus more on the conversation. She was in a good mood. He was in a good mood. Everything was great. She didn't want that to be ruined.

"I know. We agreed that I wouldn't try to make this my profession. But it's an opportunity I can't refuse." Celine said, crossing her arms as she waited for a reply. She was hoping he'd just let it go. But the tightness in her chest remained, not knowing what he'd say next.

Without even knowing she had already sunk back into her self. Imagining the look of disappointment on Jeongguk's face.

The city looked more gloomy and menacing now, less cheerful than before.

His voice rung out, loud and clear as if he never questioned anything,"You can refuse it. And you should. I mean the only reason why Jimin is doing this is because he thinks you're pretty."

He's only doing this because your pretty.

For words so shallow, they cut fairly deep.

A few seconds of silence. She wanted to repeat what he said, over and over. Celine wanted to make sure she heard it correctly.

How could he say that? Is that what he thought of me? Is that how he viewed his own best friend?

His words hurt me in a way like nothing could. My heart was beating with a sick anger, one that would almost be impossible to suffice.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Did you really just say that?"

"Honey, think about it. Why else would he?" He said, sounding increasingly exasperated

"I don't know, he appreciates art and he can tell that I can as well? That I'm not an art bigot like you are."

"What the fuck even is that Celine? An art bigot? Look, I'm being practical. Let me call him, I'll tell him it was a misunderstanding. My dad already booked you a job interview at a partner company."

Sounds became colors and words became knives. All blurring together into a horrific evil that boiled within her. Hot under the surface, and ready to erupt like a volcano.

"If you call him I-I'm breaking up with you." She said, the words coming out in a rush. Her heart pounded, feeling the words before she heard them. It was scary.

She wasn't sure why she said that.

What did she just do?

"What? Celine-" The confused man tried to say.

The air felt still, calm. Like neither still believed what she had said. Only the slight crackle over the lack of connection on the phone.

"If you call him, we're over." Celine said, voice shaking with nervous anger. Her grasp remained tight on her phone.

Again Jeongguk sighed. She knew he must have been pissed right now. Eyes tightly shut. Tongue in cheek. Hands clenched with anger.

"Jesus Christ, calm the fuck down. I won't, now will you stop saying that? You know you don't mean it and I would never let that happen. You're really upsetting me." The dark haired man said selfishly.

Like he didn't understand the weight of his words. She couldn't believe it.

Didn't want to believe her sweet Jeongguk would be so insensitive. It was like finding out Santa Claus wasn't real. Finding out that life is not a fairytale.

The one good thing about her felt sour.

"I'm upsetting you?"

"Celine I'm-" He had sounded softer than.

But she had already hung up. The 18 year old refused to listen to anything else he said.

Why won't my hands stop shaking?

That was there first fight. Technically.

Not the first time he's yelled at her.

But it was the first time she ever fought back.

She didn't know how to react. What to do. Would he hate her now? Would he actually break up with her? The girl felt like she'd made a terrible mistake.

The painting became useless in the moment. The artist quickly put all the supplies back, rushing around haphazardly.

Canvas away. Brushes away. Paints away. Feelings locked up into a box with a key.

It was when she put her apron back that she fell to the ground. The tears came rapidly without warning. She felt so fucked up. Like Jeongguk thought her untalented. That he only liked her because she's pretty. That he wants her to give up the one thing that makes her feel human.

The one thing Celine hated the most was looking weak.

She hated crying. Whether it was her or someone else, it evoked reactions of self hate. She was strong. And crying was the most vulnerable thing she could do.

It had been happening a lot recently.

Did she even have the right to be angry? When she was doing something just as bad?

So she wiped the tears away, cleared the sadness from her throat. Pulled her fatigued body together.

She called the first number that came to her mind. The number of the one person who knew Jeongguk better than she did. 

"Hello angel." Spoke his sultry voice.

"Hi, can I come over?" Her words sounded foreign, voice small. Celine didn't know what she was doing, or why.

He would tell her if Jeongguk would hate her forever for saying that. It was his best friend.

She was expecting some sort of remark, but got none. Just a simple answer. It was enough to keep going.

"Sure." Park Jimin responded, his voice getting slightly deeper. The tension that pulled them together was still palpable through the phone.

"No I mean, like just to talk?" This time her voice came out a lot shakier. Her shoulders swelled in a held back sob. Eyes shut against the tsunami of tears about to flow.

"Yeah, are you okay?" He asked, after a slight pause. The man sounded concerned. If it wasn't for sex, why would she be calling?

She couldn't say good, because that would be a lie. And she had a feeling he'd see right through it.

"Yes, it's not about me." The golden eyed girl said, not wanting to tell him everything over the phone.

"Alright, well that doesn't sound good. Come over whenever. You know where to find me."

"I'll be there in 20." She said, finally hanging up.

Celine didn't have friends. Well she used to, but then things changed. The only person she was used to confiding in was Jeongguk. Now that he was out of the picture for the moment, she needed someone else. Someone who she had some sort of connection too.

It could've been Jin, it could have been Hoseok. But they don't know everything. And that would be another thing she'd have to explain.

The uber ride was short. It was 7:30 when she got there. It seemed quicker than before. It barely gave her enough time to calm down before she went to see him.

It was funny, how before she was dressed all in silk and fur. Now she was in the complete opposite. Though it felt shallow, she was a little self conscious. Before she got out of the car she applied some lip balm and spruced up her hair. Tried to make her eyes look less puffy from crying.

She was inside and up the elevator in know time. Jin luckily wasn't there this time. The broad shouldered man must have been modeling.

Her feet followed with their own path. Marking the way to Jimin's door. Surprised that she even still remembered.

The shorter girl knocked, biting her lip self consciously. Suddenly this felt like the stupidest thing she could of done. Of course the man was going to side with his best friend. Jimin could go back and tell Jeongguk.

But before she could turn around the door opened.

A sense of deja vu and lust surrounded the two of them.

"Long time no see." Jimin said, eyes crinkling into smiles.

Though the feelings were the same, he also looked different. His hair looked messy in a good way, wavy and falling into his intense eyes. Lips looked swollen and pink from a midday nap. Teeth on public display for the world to see.

He was wearing a simple white t-shirt, and white sweatpants. Jimin looked so fresh, and yet so perfect. It was the first time she'd seen him dress down, but he still looked like he was doing a photo shoot. It wasn't fair.

But she could tell from the way that he stood before her, hands in his pockets. This wasn't the dominating man. This was the sweet Jimin she'd met at Hoseok's.

Though it was appreciated, it did nothing to calm the beating of her heart.

"I'm sorry about this." She said, head hanging down. Again, feeling self conscious about everything. She didn't want the man to judge her.

He leaned one arm on the door frame, the other hanging lazily by his side. He furrowed his brows, pushing his lips out as if he rejected her apology.

"It's fine, I was bored anyways. I needed something unexpected to happen. Come on in." He said, leading her into the beautifully familiar apartment.

This time, they didn't go deeper into the home. She stayed far away from his bed room. He motioned for her to stay at this point, and he left her alone in the room.

She felt a little better at this point, taking in a big breath. The aura of the home was way more comfortable, now that Jimin had relieved her. She stood in the middle of his living room, unsure of where to sit.

Where her apartment was dark, Jimin's was all bright. Everything white with splashes of color. White couches, but with colored pillows and blankets. Unlike his bedroom, with the pink decor, the rest of his house was adorned with yellow accessories.

It was bright, cheery, and reminded her of the glowing moon. It somehow made complete sense with his personality.

She finally sat down on one of the couches, realizing Jimin went to the kitchen to do something. There was a lot of beeping, and banging around of cabinets. After several minutes of sitting alone, he finally returned carrying a navy ceramic mug.

"I wasn't sure what you liked, so I just made you some coffee. I hope you like french vanilla." He said, smiling cutely at her. The man ruffled his hair, handing the mug over to her.

His eyes shined as their fingers brushed against each other. Celine quickly pulled away, causing to inch further away on the plush couch.

"Yeah, that's fine. Thanks." Celine said, feeling grateful. She hadn't been able to make a cup this morning. After she took a sip, she realized he made it just the way she liked.

Two sugars and just enough creamer to be caramel colored.

Jimin shrugged, making the action look prett,"It's no problem. You know I'm a good host."

His eyes widened, realizing the hidden meaning behind what he said. The inflection in his voice wasn't meant that way. But again, you never know.

"Jimin." Celine said, trying to hold back a smile. She put her small hand on her forehead, feeling the warmth of the coffee spread.

"I swear I didn't mean it like that." Jimin said, his cheeks heating up in an innocent way. She liked this side of him, the one that was apologetic and unsure.

It made her question her sanity. One minute he was all hot, and the next he was cute. Either way he was alluring.

"Yeah, sure you pervert." The pretty girl said, sending the man a joking wink. He looked even more flustered, then shook his head.

"Hey, I know you didn't come all the way over here to call me that. What brings you here?" Jimin said, trying to bring the conversation back to its focus. His whole body was turned toward Celine now, gaze unwavering from her face.

The girl sighed, taking another small sip of her coffee. Jimin waited, anticipation building as she mulled over the right thing to say.

"Me and Jeongguk fought." She said, finally letting go of the heavy feeling. Jimin looked surprised, but not too much so. He just nodded his head, lips pursed.

"Oh, so you want to have revenge sex?" He asked, eyes squinting in mock confusion. The smirk was barely formed, but still apparent on his face.

Celine jokingly slapped the man, forcing him to let out a laugh.

"No you asshole. I want some insight." She said, surprisingly not that mad at his comment.

Jimin finally stopped laughing enough to respond back,"Oh, okay that makes sense. On what exactly? Why Jeongguk is sometimes a douchebag?"

"Yeah, basically. He almost called you and told you to forget the art thing. He said you only offered because I'm pretty. I know he loves me, but sometimes I fell like he thinks I'm useless for anything of value just because I'm pretty."

It sounded worse when she said it aloud. The actual meaning of what Jeongguk said to her. To have the words thrown back in her face again. She watched Jimin's expression change from concerned, to almost blank.

She wasn't sure, but it looked like he was angry. His jaw was taut, and his body was tensed in a strange manner.

"Hmm, interesting. I actually can't believe he said anything like that. Was he mad at you before?" He asked, voice not giving me insight to what he was thinking.

"No, we were joking over the phone. Then he said that." She said, trying to hold back some unwanted tears. It was easier this time, since she spent an hour doing it before. The coffee was getting cold in her hands.

"That's unlike him from what I've seen. Look, what Jeongguk said was insensitive and completely untrue. Pretty is only skin deep. When he gets into certain moods, he says a lot of things he doesn't mean." Jimin said, looking at her with sympathy. When Celine was upset t showed. Her eyes got glassy, and her lower lip would jut out in a childish pout.

"I'm still worried. I don't want to make him more upset with me." She said. In reality, she didn't want him to break up with her.

Even though he said some mean things, she didn't want to let him go. Just the thought was enough to break her in two.

Jimin sighed, ruffling back his relecture hair. His cross earrings swinging as he moved around,"Don't worry, he won't stay mad for long. He's a sensitive guy, and he'll be willing to talk to you later."

Though she knew it was true, her heart still felt heavy. The way his loud voice screamed through the phone.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, I've never seen him this mad. I've never gotten this mad at him." Celine asked, shifting further back into the softness of the couch. The whole place smelt like Jimin. Vanilla and honey.

"I'm positive. It seems like you're questioning yourself more than him." He said seriously.

"Maybe I am." She replied, shifting around uncomfortably. It unnerved her that he was able to catch that.

She felt better, but not enough. Looking down, she saw her phone lighting up and vibrating. Her phone showed that she had 10 missed calls from Jeongguk. But she didn't want to answer. It would put her back in a bad place.

After a few moments of silence, the man spoke again. He looked more suspicious, more thoughtful than before. His half moon eyes became crescents, narrowing but without a smile.

"Are we just gonna ignore the fact that this is weird? And that we didn't promise to fuck each other for money?" He said, legs crossed and apparently unbothered by this notion.

She wanted to ask him more. Like how could Celine even begin to be mad at him when she was a fuck up herself?

Maybe she deserved every insult Jeongguk threw at her now and again.

"Yes, just for today. Didn't you say that we could be friends?" Celine said, her doll like face contorted with embarrassment. Though she was thinking it, the fact he said it was humiliating.

Jimin realized his mistake, and he tried to patch over the awkwardness.

"Yeah, true. I like talking with you. That makes us fuck buddies."

"Jimin, I was sitting here all grateful. And now I just feel attacked by your stupidity."

The silver haired man laughed, white teeth glinting. For the first time since she walked in she was reminded of their sensuous contract.

"Snappy. You know what will make you feel better?" Jimin was already getting off the couch, moving almost excitedly with every step. A wide smile was painted across his mischievous face.

"What?" Celine asked, slightly annoyed. Her eyes followed him out of the room. He never answered her.

Instead, he came back with a grinder and some rolling papers. She was in awe, and fairly shocked. The CEO didn't seem like the smoking type.

"Smoke weed?" He asked, white grin still in place.

Celine felt that familiar tingle, but she tried to suppress it. She smoked until she moved in with her boyfriend. The smell bothered him. He said she was too good to do that.

"Yeah I did. Jeongguk doesn't like it." She said, eyes hungry as she took in the sight before her.

Damn she missed that feeling. That euphoria. The burn in her throat. The flame in her eyes. Creating something beautiful afterwards. Without even realizing, she was already halfway off the couch.

Jimin clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. Turning his head left and right, as if he were looking for someone. Blonde wavy hair falling crazily around his face.

"Is he here now?" He asked, putting his materials closer to my face. She could smell it at this point. Her mouth was watering.

"No." She said, a small smile drifting onto her face. He was right.

There was no one else but them.

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Nothing, nothing at all."

Jimin's smile increased, making his eyes disappear. She felt the same rush of excitement, her heart beating an extra mile.

Fuck consequences.

Jimin pulled her outside, onto his white marble balcony. It was fairly dark out now. She wasn't sure how late it was but she didn't care. They set up a blanket on the ground. A yellow, plush one from inside.

They sat down, fairly close to one another without trying. Jimin on the left, Celine on the right. Hands almost touching if they leaned back, knees and faces in close proximity.

Jimin ground the nugs of weed. She watched as he expertly packed the paper, flicking his pink tongue out to wet it. He rolled it up perfectly within a matter of seconds.

He lifted it up, twirling it around his fair fingers. Celine was impressed, but she his it well.

The lean man lifted a tailored eyebrow, cheeks crinkling into small dimples.

"Not impressed?" He asked, voice smooth in the night air.

Celine just shrugged, wrapping her arms around her toned legs.

Jimin lifted the blunt up to his mouth. Slowly but surely. It was almost musical in a sense, like he'd done it many times before.

He let the white paper hit his mouth. Lifted his hand to shield it from the wind. He flicked a white lighter, the noise thick in the night air. It caught on fire, the end burning into a sweet ember.

The pretty man sucked in his cheeks, deeply inhaling the drug. His ink like eyes closed in ecstasy, holding the smoke in his mouth. Jimin let go of it finally, the gray smoke flying in tendrils  from his plump lips. His neck strained back, watching the chemicals fade into the night sky.

The silver hair, the dark background, the hazy smile. It was all so appealing.

Celine wanted to paint him. Unlike anything before. She engrained the image in her mind. Carved it in there. Never would she forget it.

After taking at least for more hits, he passed it to her. She put it in her mouth, trying to inhale. But the end had burned out. Jimin noticed, turning her head to face him.

They sat, eye to eye as he flicked the lighter. Suddenly his face was alight with an orange glow. Celine was entranced. The fire danced within them as he lit the end of the paper again.

Like welcoming and old friend she inhaled. It had only been six months, but the reunion was needed.

Jimin watched just as intently as she hollowed her cheeks. The smoke filled her lungs, and she let it sit there. The taste wasn't too bad, it was something you start to enjoy after a while.

She wanted to soar.

She took another hit, and another. Jimin kept lighting it for her, even though she knew how to use one perfectly herself.

After her six hit, she burned it out. Jimin rolled another. And they smoked some more.

It was quiet, they didn't talk really. Thy didn't have to. Sometimes just being in someone's company was good enough.

That is until she felt it hit her. Her eyes felt heavy, like they wanted to shut. The world going in slow motion, her body feeling slow. Mouth getting a little dry. Everything suddenly seemed strange, laughable. Words and thoughts getting jumbled until they made her question everything.

She looked next to her. To the boy she spent the night with.

He looked so beautiful.

Jimin was smiling and it made her want to smile as well. His eyes were more closed, red in appearance. He was just sitting back, letting his graceful next curve back.

"Oh shit, I'm really fucking high." Said Celine, realizing that her whole body was buzzing.

She was the chill type when she was high. It made her want to talk more. To laugh more. To just be herself.

"Of course you are babe, I gave you quality shit." Jimin said, causing the girl to giggle. He was high, but not as much as her. He wanted to make sure she was okay.

They talked about everything and anything. By the end, she was pretty sure they knew everything about each other. Sad moments, happy moments, and stupid moments. Not everything of course.

Celine tilted her head back as well, letting it roll to the side. The winter breeze felt so amazing against her warm skin. Her hair reached the end of her back, tickling her knuckles.

"It's amazing. I miss this. I just feel so light." She said, laughing at nothing in particular.

"What music would you like to listen too?" Jimin asked, taking his phone out of his pocket. He had high definition speakers outside.

Celine was happy. Her favorite thing to do while high was listen to music and paint.

"Something chill, and deep. A song that will make me forget. I want to feel like I'm floating in the ocean, watching the sun meet the horizon."

"I can do that."

A beautiful melody started playing, one that Celine didn't recognize. It must have been chill house, maybe a little of deep. Jimin had great music taste. The voice was soothing, and reminded her of gently floating. Her head started bobbing, her body moving slowly. She was sucked into the easy vibe of the song.

Music was ten times more vivid while high. It's like being able to hear every individual note, or beat. Instead of focusing on the song as a whole you focus on everything.

"Look at the stars Jimin. I think I can pretty much point out every constellation from the zodiac. Or at least, I used to be able to," Celine said wistfully, finally looking up at the sky.

The stars twinkled brightly, looking like tiny Christmas ornaments. Spanning out across the dark and a deep blue expanse of the sky.

"Where are they at though? It's so dark outside."Jimin asked, scrunching up his face. Celine made a face, wondering how he could miss it.

She rolled her eyes, laughing at the man. His eyes were all wide, as he dropped the blanket from his shoulders. Small nose and purses lips highlighted by the moon.

"Look." She said, pulling him close to her. The brunette wrapped her arm around him, pointing with her finger where the stars were.

"Wow, it's pretty."  He said, finally catching on. His voice was so low when he said it, letting out a gasp.

She giggled, loving that he actually appreciated nature.

"Yeah they are! It's amazing, all the things we don't know about the world." She started, letting go of the man so that he could sit up.

"When I was a kid, I thought the sky was a big velvet blanket. And that the stars were tiny holes pierced in the fabric."

Celine gasped at the cuteness of it all,"What did you think the moon was?"

"A giant yellow balloon." Jimin said, smiling widely. He looked up at the moon, glancing at it with nostalgia.

Everything loses its magic once you let go of your youth.

It was so simple. So personal. It made her heart swell with something. The feeling you get when you make a new friend. Meet an important person. Suddenly Celine felt more connected to him than ever before.

"You're so much more chill than I expected. So much more down to earth. And surprisingly nice." She said, nugging him with a bony shoulder.

He playfully pushed back, a smile gracing his face,"And you're just as I remembered. Sassy, brutally honest, and great at giving back handed compliments."

"Shut the fuck up." Celine murmured under her breath. She tried to hide her face under her sweatshirt so that he wouldn't hear.

If she would've said that to her boyfriend, he would've gotten in her face. Like he's done before.

"Say that again and see what happens Celine."

He looked taken a back, putting a sculpted hand on his chest in a joking manner, "So rude."

But he stayed in his spot. Not moving an inch closer to her.

They sat for a while like that. But Celine felt him watching. Felt him staring. It made her paranoid. She turned around, and met his eyes with an intensity that took her breath away.

"You know this whole thing between us. I know it's wrong." His voice sounding colder than the wind that blew all around them.

"I know it too." She said, allowing the guilt to sink in again. It didn't feel bad when they were alone.

It actually felt quite right.

"But I don't want to stop." He said, moving closer to her. The older male began to face her, move his white clothes body around towards her.

The proximity forced her short of breath. Her eyes took a quick peek, running down the edge of his features.

"I know."

"Wait. Don't move. Stay right there." He was right in front of her again, body and face framed by the sky and stars. Every beautiful feature prominent and too close.

"Jimin why-" She started. He pressed a soft finger to her lips, stealing the words right out of her.

He lifted his hands, lightly touching each side of her jaw. He looked hesitant, but still made contact. His dark eyes danced around, as if they were trying to capture every single feature. It made her hands shake, the world start to spin. His warm breath hitting her lips and aching for her to lean forward.

"You just look really beautiful. With the moon shining on your face, the stars in the background. You really look like angel." He said, honey like skin gleaming in the light.

It looked like he was glowing from within. Lips looking soft and plush, cheeks and nose and jaw all sharp and pretty. Face and body covered in an Adonis like silver light.

How could someone be that perfect?

It took her breath away. Again.

His eyes showed appreciation, fascination. So full of depth and compassion. Like Celine was a piece of artwork, to be admired and analyzed. Timeless and everlasting.

It made her lose self control. She was tired of fighting the urges she felt all night.

But it was truly him who was the master piece.

She wasn't sure what it was. The high, his touch. Everything combined.

But he was irresistible.

"I thought I wasn't your type." Celine said, mocking the man coyly.

Jimin rolled his eyes tongue in cheek, and that's when Celine succumbed to temptation.

She kissed him roughly, feeling alive again. Jimin was shocked for a second, but immediately responded. Their lips molded together, the sensation indescribable. Smooth and sugar like, melting into her own at a perfect rhythm. Lips gliding gently against one another, becoming tingly and warm.

Jimin and her.

The fire that had burned so brightly before so brightly between them was ten times stronger from holding back. She felt it in her chest, that ache to keep kissing deeper and more. It was like they finally had given in, finally stopped fighting. Celine didn't know she missed the man's kiss until she needed it.

She pushed her tongue into his mouth, causing him to moan. Jimin was touching her everywhere. Her thighs her chest. He pushed her down so that she laid on the blanket. His solid and lean body rolling, fitting himself in the mold of her. He bit on her lip gently, making her back arch towards him.

Jeongguk.

Celine pulled back, completely out of breath. Jimin looked to be in the same condition. His chest was heaving up and down, hair all over the place, lips swollen, and eyes wild.

"I should go. Shouldn't I?" She said, voice becoming shaky. She was still high.

The guilt ate at her sides. Her chest. Her heart. For it was pumping for another man that was not hers.

God, she felt sick.

I need to go home.

Getting up was a struggle, but she managed. She looked down at her phone. Missed messages. It was 1 am. She needed to get away from this man. Or else she'd stay forever.

"Celine." Jimin said, looking up through his lashes. He stayed sitting on the yellow blanket, looking flushed. His warm hand held onto hers, trying to prevent her from leaving.

Stay. His voice sounded so soothing. It sounded like a good idea.

Celine knew she couldn't.

"Goodbye. Thanks for this."

She took one last look at his disappointed face, and ran out.

A moon angel. If they existed, that would be him.

Somehow she made it home. She barely remembered getting there, or the ride.

All she could think about was he kiss. The unprompted kiss. The one that wasn't supposed to happen unless she was being paid $100,000.

She walked in, to the apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible. She looked in the mirror that was in their hallway. The 18 year olds eyes were red and her lips were red from kissing. It wasn't a good look for a secretive girl.

Though being quiet was important, she had a bad case of the munchies. Quickly and quietly, she went to the kitchen and pulled out some cheese its. When she went to walk back to the living room, the light turned on.

Jeongguk was there, waiting. And he didn't look happy, sitting stiffly on a black recliner.

"Holy shit, you never told me you were a magician!" Exclaimed the scared Celine. She almost dropped her box of food.

Jeongguk ignored her, clenching his fist tightly.

"Is this why you haven't been replying to my texts?"

Celine narrowed her eyes, trying to understand him through the haze of her mind. She could barely focus on his.

"No, what are you talking about?"

Jeongguk let out a humorless laugh, standing up swiftly out of the chair.

"You're walking in at 2:00 am and you're obviously high?" He said pointedly, pacing around the living room. He stared at her with his large, round, and accusing eyes.

"I'm not high, you're high." She retorted, taking a huge handful of crackers into his mouth. She watched his whole face sink, body looking tired as he regarded her insult.

"Oh, good one. Cut the shit Celine." Her boyfriend yelled. His loud voice really starting to kill the buzz she was feeling.

She hated to be yelled at when she wasn't sober. It was hard to collect her thoughts. It made her feel vulnerable.

"You caught me. I smoked a fat blunt. So what? Aren't you tired of killing the vibe today?" Celine said, trying to make this conversation less serious. But apparently right now he was not responding to humor.

"Oh my god, you're still mad about earlier?" Jeongguk said, letting his hands drop in exasperation.

His comment made her wake up a bit. Suddenly what happened earlier raced through her mind.

"Yeah, because you don't give a shit about my goals or wants in life." She said, raising her voice as well.

"That's not true! I try to support you. I try to fucking help you! Some goals won't be reached okay? I'm trying to steer you away from pipe dreams! And you fucking take drugs instead of talking about it?" He said, face contorting with disgust. The raven haired man looked at her like a stranger.

She felt so ashamed. Even though she shouldn't.

"Smoking helps me calm down. You should try it."

He stayed silent, pinching the bridge of his nose. His chest rose up and down, like he was panting.

"Celine, if you're not going to be serious about this, I'm going to bed."

Celine couldn't stand it. She wanted him to know how she felt. Laying the cheese its on the table, she made direct eye contact with him. It almost startled the boy.

"I'm serious as fuck. You don't care. Then I don't care."

"Whatever. You're too stoned to even say anything intelligent." He said, waving her of with a hand.

His words left her taken aback.

Why was he saying this all of the sudden? Why was he being so hurtful? Where was her sweet Jeongguk? Her amazing boyfriend? She was so happy, and now he was draining her.

He thinks I'm dumb. He thinks I'm worthless.

"You don't get it do you? How much it hurts be be laughed at when I talk about my dreams in life. How it feels when you look at me with condescension and pat my head and expect me to bow to your every whim. I want to be an artist. Just because you don't approve of it, doesn't mean it's worthless. Why does everything you enjoy have more value over what I like? Why?" She questioned angrily, feeling tears rise up working her.

It was the silence, that almost killed her. That creeping suspicion that a man would never understand her need to be simply heard. Then, to have a response that makes all the pain, and worry go away.

'Celine, I'm sorry to have hurt you. I want to apologize for minimizing your interests. I just want the best for you, so let's try to be more realistic together.'

The girl could've accepted that. Desired those types of words from him.

But like her inner peace, they never came.

"Let's talk in the morning." He said, hands on hips. Sighing he walked away, fading into the shadow that led to there bathroom.

Exhausted.

"My answer won't change in the morning." She replied, to herself more than to him.

And Celine sat awake. On the couch, not going to bed. Looking at Jeongguk's text that she had read, and not replied to.

Feeling more alive than she had in a while.

<><><><><><><><><><>
(A/N): This is such a LONG CHAPTER!

But let me know what do y'all think? What is Celine's secret that ruined her life?

Disclaimer: I do not personally smoke anymore. I don't think anyone has to agree with smoking or do it themselves. But if this scene truly makes you uncomfortable you might be to young to be reading this book, so I suggest you turn back now.