"Oh you are a narcissist
You think I want a part in this
And I don't care if you made my body
You think you own it. Wrongly"
Paris Paloma - Narcissus

Previously titled "while we're young"
*********

Celine hadn't seen Jimin in a week.

She was able to keep track, because the last time they saw each other they got ice cream. And then the day after he called about her being in the art show.

But they talked everyday since.

"Why're you giggling.?"Jeongguk would ask, when his girlfriend would sit 10 feet away from him but blissfully ignore his existence.

Celine would pause, a light touch applied to her phone screen. She hadn't even noticed that she was laughing until he said something.

"Something funny, on Instagram." The girl replied, typing something back just as witty on her phone.

Jeongguk would nod his head, going back to watching TV in silence. Every time she would laugh, the man would flinch. Not in the shocked sense, but in the painfully obvious sense he could not make her that expressive anymore. He would stare at her occasionally, hoping that she would look up and see him. But he rarely got that lucky anymore. It seemed like the woman spent more time avoiding him than anything. It was a slow decline that he had started to notice, and that Celine didn't care to fix at this point.

All she could think about was repaying the man who gave her another chance at life.

But not seeing him for a while gave her the perfect amount of time to get him a gift.

And she knew that she would be able to give it to him tonight. They were all going to Hoseok's, to hang out and get drunk. Why not when you're rich and living carelessly? Plus the group hadn't gotten together in two weeks. That was a lot for most of the boys to have withdrawal.

Celine was excited to see everyone again as well. She always liked having conversations with Tae and Yoongi since they came around less. Jin and Hoseok were now like older brothers to her.

She sprang up suddenly from the couch, causing Jeongguk to pause his show.

"Where are you going?" He said grabbing onto her had as she walked past him to grab her purse. She pulled her arm from his grasp gently. His hand closed in on itself, the absence of her palpable.

She looked back at him, already exasperated by his questions.

"Out, I'll be back soon."

He just looked at her, as she pulled out her hair from under her jacket. Wondering why she wasn't telling him exactly where she was going. But at least he realized that pressing her for information would piss her off. And Jeongguk had done enough of that to her lately.

"Okay, I love you."

"Bye." She said, sending him a half-hearted wave.

Celine couldn't wait to get out of that building. It was hard enough to be around her boy friend when he was rude. But being around him when he was normal was worse. Because she slowly started to realize that he wasn't the golden person she'd met. And he wasn't some Saint when they first got together either. His behavior wasn't strange for him, it's that Celine only started to address it now. He wasn't pretending, even in the beginning. Slowly she was suffocating, and she had broken through to air.

As she waited for her uber, she thought of their first date.

He had picked her up in his nice car. Took her out to dinner.

"You're absolutely gorgeous." Was all he kept saying.

"Thank you." Was all that Celine was comfortable with saying at that point.

She didn't want to upset him.

"I don't know how to control myself around you." He 'complimented' her with.

"Oh, stop." She was embarrassed.

"I'm serious, everything about you is just...wow." Jeongguk exclaimed, looking at her up and down.

"I could say the same about you." Was the only acceptable response.

Celine was pretty sure he had asked her no personal questions. Just commented on her appearance. It was something she ignored then, when she was so broken nothing really mattered. Someone was paying attention to her. Not treating her like a murderous disease. Anything was enough for her back then.

How fucking sad. How when you are at your lowest, people can take advantage of that. Try less, gain more from others around them. It left Celine feeling so stupid, and so weak that created this mess for herself.

Her uber pulled up, a white car slowing down next to her. She opened the door, saying a quiet hello, and resting her head on the seat. The art store couldn't have been closer, for the driver she had really liked to speed. The girl thanked him as she got out, despite giving her a case of whiplash.

She walked into the paint store, adrenaline already rushing as she looked at all the supplies. But she had to remember that this shopping trip wasn't for her, it was for Jimin.

The 18 year old went to the isle with oil paints. It was a medium that she was aware he liked. Her eyes scanned down the long isle, and with illusion narrowing at the end. There were countless colors displayed as she walked. Sunsets, and rainbows, and oceans alike. She stopped when she was at the right sections, with as many blues as one could imagine.

Rainy day blues.

Sunny day blues.

Sad blues.

A pretty blue. One that shined like a beacon in a bay.

"This is Jimin." She said to no one in particular, as she picked up the tub from the shelf.

This felt like warm spring days, and being wrapped up in a blanket when it's winter. Like free falling into a field of daisies ready to catch you. A candle alight a sweet coffee shop. The first breath you take after a long session of crying.

Love wasn't just a feeling to her. It was a scenario. A sense of comfort.

The girl skipped happily to register wth the expensive jar. Along the way, she found some wrapping paper and a cute bow to place on top.

"Wow, this is pretty. It must be for someone special." Said a kind old lady, who's hands shook as she took the payment from Celine.

"Yes, it is." She responded back, unable to tone down her excitement. The lady nodded, a hand touching her chest sadly.

"I miss being able to do that. My husband died a few years back. He meant everything to me, I've never once regretted a day with him. Make sure this special someone is like that."

Celine paused, bag still on the counter as she looped her hand through the plastic. Wide eyed at the woman's harmless confession. The heart ache was written on her face, it was clear just how much she missed her loved one.

I want something like that. I want to love and be loved like that.

"I will."

"I've never once regretted a day with him."

Powerful words, from someone who's lived their life.

It was this phrase that really stuck with her. Made her feel even more guilty, for some reason. Feel even more ensnared in the mess of her life. Because she's  definitely regretted days with Jeongguk.

Celine got back into an uber, paid with her own money. Sitting in her clothes, on her own time frame. And she felt like a poser.

Had she ever loved Jeongguk?

It was becoming less and less clear to her.

The butterflies. The laughter. The heart fluttering. They were all there before.

And that's the scary part.

Sometimes

Most of the time

Those feelings disappear.

And then you realize what you had, wasn't real. When the honey moon phase is over, all that is left behind is resentment. Of wasted time and blind mistakes made in barely there bliss.

Or even worse, it was real. But the feelings stopped anyways. The nervousness, the excitement, and the wonder. But there is still that flicker of attachment, that thing saying you would do anything for that person. And you let it slip away until it became nothing.

Celine wasn't sure what was worse. Never loving Jeongguk? Then she was a bitch. A fake lying cold hearted person who deserved the worst in life.

Or she had.

And the love faded. Died.

The girl was leaning towards the second as the truth. It was both of them who caused it. Jeongguk, with his terrible outlook on life. With his blatant disrespect of the person he loved the most.

And Celine. Because she had changed. Her self worth was rising, and the need to improve the people around her was creeping up as well. She was starting to feel more and more in touch with herself. And the more she got closer to realizing who she truly was, the more she could barely recognize the person she had been.

When she arrived home, Jeongguk was ready to go. She was surprised he didn't pester her any further on where she was. No questioning looks, no lingering snarky remarks were passed to inquire about her shady actions.

Celine went to change, at the same time wrapping the present for Jimin. The girl scribbled a note as quickly as she could, taping it to the side of the package. Her phone dinged, a message springing across the screen. She expected it to be Jeongguk rushing her, but her mood quickly changed when she saw who it was.

Silver Adonis

You're coming to Hoseok's, right?

The girl laughed to herself, feeling her cheeks heat up. She remembered when they got ice cream, and the way his shoulders slumped when he asked about her not coming to hang out. The boy wasn't good at hiding his emotions.

Well at least the simple ones.

No, I'm feeling sick tonight. Sorry.

Her hand covered her mouth, eyes almost disappearing. She could imagine his lips pouted, head resting on his arm as he saw the text.

Silver Adonis

Oh

Silver Adonis

I thought I was going to see you tonight

Silver Adonis

I got my hopes up for nothing

Celine let the messages sit for a bit. Feeling a warm fire in her stomach. He usually never admitted to wanting to see her so much. Him saying the words made her nervous, and even more excited to give him the paint.

She changed into her nicer outfit, a simple white sundress. The color made her look like a daisy.

It was selfish, and very stupid. But Celine wanted to wear something that Jimin couldn't take his eyes off him. She didn't want him to look at her every fee seconds, blush and look away after remembering she was not his to look at. She wanted him to want her, to see her. In front of everyone and not care.

Awee how cute. I was joking, but it's nice to know how much you want to see me.

Silver Adonis

😒 you can stay home

Celine

Ur such a baby. Cya there! I got a surprise for you

Silver Adonis

Ooooooh a surprise? For me!!? 🤗 can't wait!

Silver Adonis

Eh hem, I mean. Chill. Cya later

Celine

Whatever loser.

Celine smiled, shutting the phone off so she could actually get ready. Trying to ignore the overwhelming urge to kiss the young man when she sees him.

She put on windbreaker so that she could hide the gift easily in her pocket. She didn't want anyone questioning what she was bringing. Jeongguk would probably force her to give it to him.

The girl quickly sprayed on some of her perfume, trying to calm her beating heart as she walked out into the living room. The whole house was filled with her scent.

"You ready to go?" Jeongguk asked, looked at her with a strange expression on his face. His nose flared, as if her perfume were disgusting to him. It was weird for Celine, because they had picked it out at a boutique together.

"Yeah I'm ready. Did you have fun the last time you went."

"Yeah." Was all Jeongguk replied with. A simple one word answer.

He was actually uncharacteristically quiet. He only gave her a soft smile before they got into his black Range Rover. 

The silence that was usually filled with his extroverted chatter was silent. He looked a little pale as well, his expression grim compared to the beautiful weather outside.

Unconsciously, Celine sat with her whole body against the car door. The image of his hand raising above her replaying in her mind over and over again. Keeping her at a distance.

"We don't have to go, if you aren't feeling well." She said, coughing awkwardly at the end.

He fidgeted in his seat, adjusting his white button down shirt. It was linen, and untucked from his light jeans.

"No, I'm fine. It's better that we get out of the house." Jeongguk said, voice tight but his expression clearing up a bit.

The brunette just nodded her head. Not knowing what else to say. Deep down, she was glad he hadn't said for them to go home.

It remained silent between them until they pulled up. Celine hopped out of the car, trying to tone down the smile on her face. Her beating heart and fluttering stomach didn't really help at all.

"Welcome friends!" Said Hoseok, as he opened the door wide for them to walk in. His wide smile and pearly teeth were enough to calm her down.

That was until Jeongguk placed a hand on her back, and the girl flinched.

Luckily neither men noticed, as they began to walk into Hoseok's living space. Celine was surprised to see Taehyung and Namjoon playing video games on the huge tv, while everyone else was scattered around the floor and cushions.

She half walked behind Jeongguk, so her eyes could scan around without behind questioned. The girl found Jimin immediately, who was sat lazily on the couch. Legs spread out with black jeans, and a light blue button down shirt. His hair was parted in the middle, falling prettily on both sides of his tan skin.

He was talking to Jin, only a flicker of his gaze landing onto her. She swore, she saw his mouth open with wonder. But he looked away so quickly the glimmer in his eyes were lost.

But it was enough right now. Because at least he had acknowledged her presence.

"Hey Celine! We missed you last time." Yelled Jin, interrupting him and Jimin's conversation.

Celine waved happily running over to sit next to him, feeling Jimin's overwhelming gaze on her. Ignoring it.

The girl wrapped her arms around Jin's wide shoulders, his coming around to hug her back. Jin smiled happily, ruffling the girl's hair as she pulled away. Even though they did text everyday, it felt like ages since they had seen each other.

"I missed you guys too! I'm sorry, I've been kind of out of it lately."

"It's fine, nothing that a little wine can't fix." Said a deep voice from the other side of her.

A pale hand was in front of her face, holding a very large wine glass filled halfway. Celine turned to meet the mischievous eyes of the bleached-haired man.

"Thanks Yoongi, but I think it will do the opposite." She said, gently pushing the wine glass towards him.

The man didn't refuse, shrugging his shoulders. He took a sip of the glass, looking coyly over the rim.

"Suit yourself."

She laughed, shaking her head at the sardonic man. The girl looked over, hearing a loud clank of class in the corner of the room. Jeongguk laughed, watching Hoseok try to pour the man a drink.

Both men, dressed in there fancy polos and expensive jeans. On a beautiful March night, the winds of April entering the window. Delicately styled orange hair, a bright smile. Pouring brown bourbon of the most expensive kind into the brunettes golden cup. Framed by the white pillars of the room, the cold grandiose marble making the scene look like a painting.

With their fancy clothes and their fancy cars and their fancy friends.

Had these people truly ever known hardship?

Jeongguk let out another loud laugh, as he took a shot of alcohol. His cheeks were already starting to redden.

It was like everything was silent around her. The tv with gunshots became dim, Jin's voice trailing off miles away. She looked around, lost and unsure of what to do.

If he drinks too much, I don't want to go home.

Finally meeting Jimin's eyes. She felt a zap of electricity run through her as she met his dark gaze. Eyes shining, tongue swiping across his plump bottom lip. He'd been drinking already, not too much. A wine glass still mostly full in his hands. But enough to lower inhibitions, and forget not look at her the way that makes her whole body tingle.

Maybe that's why she trusted him so much. Jimin had been through something. The hardships were etched into everything he did. She recognized the pain look he always hid.

For she saw it in the mirror everyday.

"So, I heard you made it into Jimin's gallery!" Taehyung said, pulling her gaze away from the silver haired man.

Kim Taehyung had paused the game, walking over to sit at her feet. The good-natured man smiled up at her, his large eyes glistening with pride. He grabbed onto her hand, tan on fair like coffee with cream. Her heart swelled, having people around her who actually cared about her accomplishment.

She'd never hear or see Mia's reaction, but she'd be able to see how proud her friends were of her.

Jin scoffed from beside her, flicking her body.

"Ouch!" The young girl said, rubbing the side of her head.

"Celine, you didn't tell me!?"

The man wasn't angry, but more so disappointed. He prided himself on always being in the loop and the first to know everything.

After Jin yelled, everyone was paying attention. Namjoon walked over, Hoseok and Jeongguk looking over as well. She ignored the stern look on her boyfriend's face.

"Sorry Jin, I was actually going to announce it to everyone tonight."

"Good job Taehyung," Said a disappointed Hoseok. The man shook his head, lightly tapping the back of Taehyung's.

Like a good inspiring actor, the dandy haired man winced in pain, grabbing the back of his head. He fell over, slightly twitching on the ground.

Jin rolled his eyes, nudging the man on the ground.

"Taehyung, I swear to god. Your mouth could use a good slap and some duct tape. Anyways, I'm so proud of you honey. It's a really big accomplishment."

Everyone agreed, sendings her words of love and encouragement. All except one person who stood silently, grasping his cup tightly.

But it was so easy to ignore, when everyone else was smiling around her. Jin, who was like a brother, put his arm around her shoulder. Namjoon immediately asked Jimin when it was, so that they could all come along. Jimin obliged, saying they should have a dinner after to celebrate. Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi all bickered about who was the most excited for it.

And for a second.

Celine felt like she had a family again.

The tears pricked her eyes, making her throat tighten. She smiled hard, eyes closed so that the moisture wouldn't creep out. Crying in front of everyone would be so unlike her, and ruin the mood, so she quickly excused herself to grab some alcohol from Hoseok's cart.

The girl lifted a large bottle of red wine, pouring it into a crystal cup.

"You love all of this attention, don't you?"

Celine's hand faltered, spilling some wine out of the cup. She cursed, quickly grabbing a napkin to clean it up.

"Yes Jeongguk, it's nice to be recognized for your achievements. Is that so wrong?" She said, trying to stay calm. She could already here the accusatory tone in his slightly slurred voice.

The aggressive man leaned forward, wrapping his strong arms around her waist. The girl started to sweat, already uncomfortable with the man's tight grip around her. To anyone else, it probably looked like a loving couples embrace.

But all she wanted to do was run.

I need to leave him. I need to leave him.

I've fallen so far. I would've never imagined at the age of 16 that I would be the kind of woman that stays with an abusive man.

But here I am. Caught in the clutches of fear and guilt. Of self hatred. Of knowing even if I left Jeongguk he'd still hurt me. Knowing that even if I told everyone else, they would still hang around my abuser.

I need to leave.

I understand now. The girls that stay. I understand.

And I'm sorry. So, so sorry.

"It makes sense. When you do something worthy of that attention. You should have seen the way they were all staring at you, with your pretty white dress. It's basically see through. Everyone knows you have boobs. Why do you have to show them." He whispered gruffly, so quietly that no one else in the room could hear them.

"You know it's not like that. They are all my friends."

But he didn't seem to be listening. His sharp chin dug into her shoulder, making her wince. His hands slowly started to slip from her sides down to her hips.

"You know you like it Celine. Why are you trying to fight it? You want attention? I'll give it to you."

"Get off of me Jeongguk."

"We haven't had sex in months. You haven't been putting out at all. It's your obligation to give me what I need Celine. And so far you've been failing in that aspect. Maybe it's time for me to blow off some steam elsewhere if you can't provide."

She was shocked, but kept quiet. Even though tears stung her eyes. Celine knew everything he was saying was wrong. But she couldn't help but feel like she Deserved Every last Bit of it.

"If that's what you want Jeongguk, than so be it. If sex is all it takes to make you happy then go get it. I'm sure as hell not stopping you."

"But I want you."

"And I don't want it right now. Is an unwilling partner something that gets you going?" She spit out, increasingly becoming more disgusted as his grip tightened on her. To the point of extreme pain.

"Meet me upstairs."

"No, leave me alone." She said, voice coming out in an almost yell.

Celine could hear some of their friends get silent, as Jeongguk backed away from her. The man glared, but didn't say too much, not wanting to start a scene.

"Whatever, stupid bitch." Jeongguk muttered, walking away from Celine and leaving her frozen. He didn't even look back as he exited the area, probably heading towards the bathroom.

Celine looked in his direction, eyes watering with frustration and hands balled into a fist. Feeling shaky and broken. There were so many things she wanted to say, to do, but the words were stuck in her throat.

Why?

Just, why?

"Can we talk?" A soothing voice said, grabbing her tense hand. Gliding his fingers in between hers, and cradling them. She knew exactly who it was, without even looking behind her.

It was like the moment before with Jeongguk never happened. Her body relaxes, hands unclenching from their painful position. The girl was able to forget her anger and pain just for a second. She was happy that Jimin wanted to talk.

Then she could forget about the words that pierced her skin like thorns.

She stayed clinging to Jimin's welcoming hands. He didn't look back at her as he pulled her away from the room. The man led her up Hoseok's steps, the place where they had seen each other after their first night. Celine smiled to herself, thinking of how he had changed her life so much since then. It was hard to reminisce when he was rushing though.

Jimin brought her up onto the balcony, that looked like a Greek temple. Large curtains swung from the open portion, gliding into the open floor space like the wings of a swan. There was no roof above them, just an open dome to peer at the sky. The floor was etched with a beautiful Mandela pattern. Celine looked up, watching as the sky changed from a solid blue, to a depressing gray. The clouds swelling with a dreary sadness after a beautiful day.

The brunette held the package tightly behind her back, not wanting him to catch a glimpse.

But all hope faded as Jimin pulled away from her, and placed his hands onto his hips. His eyes were raging with an unknown emotion as he narrowed them at her. The man looked so tense, and he had started to grip his light hair in his hands. The expression on his doll like face was clear as day; he was livid.

The girl was only a couple feet away from him, but he felt a universe away.

"Are you serious right now?" His deep, raspy voice sent a shock through her. Never had she heard this usually soft-spoken man this angry before. Especially directed towards her.

"What, what's going on?" Celine said, her lip starting to quiver. Panic started to settle in as the man before her paces across the large marble deck.

He stopped for a minute to give her a heated look. His tensed arms bulging through the thin blue shirt he was wearing. Dark eyes peering out from under his tousled, silver hair. 

"I think you know what I'm talking about."

Please Jimin, I can't lose you too.

"I don't. Enlighten me." She said, stepping forward. Reaching out to touch his chest. Trying to get some sort of reasonable emotion from him.

For a second, he let her small hand remain on his chest. His eyes flickered down, closing as he felt her warm touch. But his lips pursed into a cold line, as he moved away an began to speak.

"I saw the way he grabbed you. I was close enough to hear him call you a stupid bitch."

It was her turn to move away from him. She fidgeted under his questioning gaze like she was clipped under a microscope.

It sunk in. That Jimin had to witness that embarrassing scene.

That he had the bear the knowledge of her mistreatment. She didn't want Jimin to know, she knew how'd he'd react. She didn't want the 21 year old to worry about her, let alone see his best friend in an even worse light. How everyone would react if they found out just how unstable Jeongguk had become.

Her best friends' would try to get her to break up with him.

But Celine didn't need saving.

What she needed was time. To get her life together, to get everything ready so she could be independent of him.

She needed to play pretend, for the time being. And weave her second layer of lies.

I'm sorry Jimin.

Playing dumb would be her best bet.

"So? That's just how he is." She said, her face hopefully unreadable. She rocked casually on her feet, as if her boyfriend's behavior didn't bother her one bit.

Like she was okay.

Don't let him know you're in pain.

Jimin's eyes widened, full of raw disbelief. He looked the girl up and down as if he didn't recognize her. The words sounding foreign in his ears.

"That's just how he is? Celine, you know it's wrong."

I do know it's wrong.

"I can't change him."

The man placed a hand over his eyes, dragging down all the way to his disapproving mouth. Celine could feel his disgust written on his face.

She could feel him hurting, because she was willing to let herself get hurt.

To be apart of that ache inside of him hurt more than anything.

"I can't believe this right now. I can't believe you're saying that." He said, eyes almost tearing up. Feeling helpless if the girl he wanted to protect didn't care about her wellbeing.

She looked like a stranger in his eyes. All the same features but not the same words, thoughts, or feelings.

"Why not? He's my boyfriend I have to deal with it." Celine said, voice remaining level.

She was always a good actor.

It was hard to play the game,

When the man was crumbling apart before her.

His usually glowing expression had dimmed to a dark light. The man was so distressed, his perfectly tailored shirt beginning to untuck, hair messed from pulling on it. Pink lips quiver if from the newly chilled air and her blasé attitude.

Celine felt like a voodoo doll, his pain transferring to her. His fears and worries coming to life in her. She wanted to rush forward, to take him into her arms. To reassure him that she was being treated fairly, and that she would be okay.

I lie to everyone else.

Why does it hurt so much to lie to you?

"No you don't! That's not how a boyfriend is supposed to treat you. You deserve the utmost respect from him! He's your boyfriend, he doesn't own you. Where's the strong and stubborn Celine I know? The one who knows that she should be treated like a human being."

It was then, that the heavens decided to relieve their pain. Rain flooded the skies, turning from little droplets to harsh downfall. The sound pitter-pattering across the large balcony. It was cold, it burned into her skin like miniature fire.

Jimin was only a few feet in front of her, image like a reflection as water faintly flowed into her eyes. Jimin's silver hair was darkened, his shirt clinging to his body, the only dry spots left where his arms had been. Celine's white dress became see through, her dark hair becoming heavy and curling up.

Neither of them really noticed.

They barely felt the rain. Didn't pay attention to it. Their heated stares could be felt even through the obstruction. It was a small nuisance to the over whelming emotion they both felt.

"What do you want me to do?" Celine said, the words filling the air like a silent whisper.

It was a moment of vulnerability, for she felt coated by the rain. Far enough away from the man so that he couldn't see the full truth.

The weather was good for hiding your tears.

Jimin ran a hand through his hair once more, pulling it all away from his forehead. Face still grim, eyes beginning to glow in their special way reserved for her. The man looked more distressed than angry at this point. He felt the answer was simple, and that she was missing it.

"Don't let him talk to you that way."

Blood rushed through her ears. Her defiant nature shining through in an ugly light to Jimin.

"Why are you blaming that on me Jimin? Why is it my job to not let him talk to me that way? Maybe instead of the fucking victim holding him accountable somebody can stand up for me when they see him grab me! Maybe someone can stop him when they watch as I shake like a goddamn leaf when he's around. But everything's my fault? Tell him to learn how to treat a woman as his so called best friend-"

That Jeongguk threatened to hurt.

If Jimin touched. His things.

She wanted to tell the truth. She truly did.

But Celine was afraid to admit what was really stopping her now.

Jeongguk scares me.

The way he got when she said Jimin's name...she wasn't sure what the man was capable of anymore.

"I-I'm not blaming you Celine. I can't just stand it. I can't watch him talk to you like you're nothing. And if I say something then-"

"At least I mean something to him."

The girl was surprised from the own venom in her voice as she walked toward him. Everything became so real all at once. Because at least she knew Jeongguk loved her.

No. Not loved. Wanted her.

Her own mother and father couldn't say the same.

Jimin was the one thing she wanted, and couldn't truly ever have. She knew he was too good for her, too pure.

He'd never fall for her.

The broken man recoiled, straight eyebrows furrowing. His jaw set in a tense line as he looked at her with intent.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Suddenly, they were close again. Everything in hyper detail, mind warring around like a camera lens. Celine looked up at him, face devoid of any emotion. Staying at a length, so that she wouldn't stare at his chest. So that his lips wouldn't cease her chance to speak her mind. So that his warm touch would evoke the fight out of her.

"Its means it isn't your place to worry about it. You have no right."

It would hurt him, she knew that much. But she needed him to stop prying. The way Jeongguk was increasingly getting more physical with her was worrying. She knew the man wouldn't hold back if Jimin tried to protect her.

The 21 year old winced, his eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds. But when he opened them, the harsh reality was still there. Jimin didn't understand. He felt so betrayed by himself. For even letting Jeongguk walk away after he basically forced himself onto her.

It was hard for the young man to grasp.

A person who treated her terribly, and called her derogatory names, was considered better than him.

Love was powerful indeed.

It could turn a villain into a hero.

He couldn't save her.

And he hated that.

"It's not my place? You know what, I'm done. Fuck you Celine. Have fun with your shitty fucked up relationship." Jimin said, his voice raising as he yelled directly at her. His chest rose up and down quickly, as she stood frozen in front of him.

The shock of being cursed at with his sweet voice was almost too much.

She never thought Jimin would even think about saying anything like that to her. Especially when she was trying to protect him.

If she had to break his heart to save him, she would. No matter how much it hurt her. She would end the world for him.

Again, that feeling of panic wasted over her.

Shaking and shaking. Heart stuttering and mouth slack jawed.

From the cold rain? Or from the embarrassment and shame she felt.

That another person would leave her. He turned to face the side, wet body angled away, face set like a statue. Not giving her another glance, for she had already faded away.

Leave, leave before I hurt you.

You're better than me.

Maybe Jeongguk is what I deserve. All I deserve.

She'd taken for granted his kind and forgiving nature. This time, he could possibly realize that she was not worth it.

What started as an easy offense and defense situation turned into something more. It wasn't just about Jeongguk, but about them and their role in each other's lives as well.

His words had truly effected her.

I should apologize now. Admit that he is right. Explain why I can't just stand up for myself.

But her pride had always been her downfall.

Push him away.

"And to think I was going to thank you for yesterday. Take your stupid present." The girl said, screaming in an outburst over the sound of the loud rain.

The angry and hurt girl chucked the package onto the ground, crossing her arms as it hit the floor with a clunk. Feeling soaked and emotionally bruised. It didn't matter that rain was running into her eyes, stinging them. Outfit drenched like her heart. At this point, she didn't care if he liked the gift or not.

Standing there, letting tears fall silently down her face. Hoping that Jimin wouldn't be able to tell, despite her now red eyes and cheeks.

Jimin was dumbfounded at her words, frozen for a minute. The man sent her a look as she stood defiantly, and picked up the small wrapped package she threw. Flicked over the piece of paper she wrote a note for him on.

Here's some paint, for finally filling my blank canvas of a life. Blue, was the only color that was good enough for you. Blue like where the sea meets the shore on a clear and cloudless day. The blue you feel when you're sad, but someone you love comes and tries to cheer you up. The blue of your favorite cotton candy ice cream. Especially, it is the color I feel when I see you smile. Thank you for everything. You mean so much to me. -Celine

He walked towards her, pained regret moving through the air between them. All the anger had left him, making him drained. Celine was still closed off, hidden away in the confines of her own world. She felt him approach, felt his presence. Jimin was burning a hole into her with his gaze, never looking away. She avoided him, peering down at her feet and watching the puddles form. If she looked at him, she was done for. The whole left side of her body was on fire.

He grabbed her wrists gently, so that they would untwine. Opening her up like a locked diary. His warm, liquid touch shocking her system. She wanted to fall into him, but she held herself back. He followed with her, as her arms fell to the side. Turned her so that she would be facing him.

She never wanted to forget what she saw.

Lithe body, a shadow in the masterpiece of the cloudy day. The rain cascading down his tan skin like waterfalls of honey. Pink lips, shiny like freshly made candy. Dark eyes glistening beneath dew laden lashes with fiery admiration. Looking at her as if she were the most beautiful, yet the most dangerous thing in this world.

All that had been holding him steady, collapsed. The taller man fell against her, his hands still gripping her cold arms. He was holding onto her for dear life.

"Am I insane for still wanting you? Tell me, tell me it's okay to want you. Even when you push me away. Even when you think I don't want you." Jimin whispered, begged, a soft tenderness hidden beneath.

His head rested against hers, drops of rain from his hair landing gently on her lips. Despite the cold, both felt warm, feverish, and rushed. Their breath mingled like clouds of smoke in the chilled air. It was the visible affect that they had on each other. He looked down at her, expression pained and wanting. Her mouth parted, wanting to accept his fervent actions.

She lifted her head towards him unconsciously, wanting to feel any part of him against her. Needing that reassurance only his touch was able to give. Jimin's eyes flickered from her own, to her very awaiting lips.

Lips grazed along eachother, bottom gliding across bottom. Afraid and overwhelmed to fully dive in. Jimin's hands slid languidly, from her arms, to her soaked dress, his fingers catching onto the material. To gracefully running up her neck, and cradling her tear stained face.

Celine felt her heart catch in her throat as he just stared. Not looking away from her longing expression as his thumbs traced the soft skin of her cheeks. She had no clue what he was thinking, she was scared to know more than anything.

But she didn't have to think.

For he pulled her to him, finally getting rid of the distance between them. His lips crashed onto her like tumultuous waves, completely needy. Like an alcoholic deprived, he consumed her like she was wine. Celine met his desperation, deepening his kiss as she locked her hands in his heavy, water tangled hair. The kiss, slippery but perfect all at once. Not caring about the rain falling, on, down, an between them.

They pulled away from each other, out of breath and fulfilled. Yet still aching for more. Jimin's eyes were alight with wonder and she felt like there was no one else in the world but then.

She needed him. For when she had him, the darkness she harbored within herself ceased to exist.

"I'm sorry." He said, breathless.

In Celine's eyes he was instantly forgiven.

"Oh my god." The man said, face filling with concern. He still held her face, gently turning it so he could check it out at every angle.

"What?" She asked, her teeth chattering.

"You're lips are all blue. You're going to get hypothermia."

The girl winked, despite her shaking body. She barely noticed because of his enchanting aura.

"I have an idea of what will warm me up."

He shook his head, a shiver visibly running through him. A smile played on his pink lips. She couldn't help but return the beautiful expression.

"You'll be the death of me, I swear. We need to get you inside, warm you up, and get you some dry clothes."

The girl nodded, following after him inside the house. They made sloshing noises, trying to be quiet at they walked over to one of the rooms. Jimin opened the door, allowing for her to follow after him. She took in the beautifully decorated room, with dark furniture and white bedding.

Jimin walked into what seemed to be the bathroom, and turned on the shower. He came out, wrapping her in a large fluffy towel so that she would stop shivering.

"This is just a guest room. I'll clean it up later." He said, hands on his hips.

She laughed, taking in his appearance. The man looked like a baby chick with wet downy feathers.

"You're so cute."

The man laughed with her. Slyly grabbing the ends of his shirt and pulling it over his head.

"Am I cute now?" He deadpanned, watching as her mouth opened. Eyeing her from the side as he intentionally showed off his slightly wet abs.

No mater how many times she'd seen him shirtless, it still effected her. Whoever ruled the skies spent a little extra time on him. It didn't help that the shirt also pulled his hair back, revealing his forehead. So Celine found herself, looking dumb and unable to speak with her dry ass mouth.

"Jesus fucking Christ." She said, out loud.

Jimin chuckled, coming closer. He pulled her along so that she was in a large black marble bathroom. It was just as luxurious as the one at home, even larger. The shower stall was made of all glass, completely see through. There was even a ledge to sit on in the corner, which she did not have in hers.

"Just take off your clothes so I can put them in the dryer. It's right over in that room." He said casually, pointing over to the door.

Celine shook her head, looking down at her wet dress that was showing off her bra.

"I swear you had this all planned out."

"I wish I was that smart." He said, denying the charges and sticking out his hand.

The girl rolled her large, upturned eyes and unzipped her dress. It was her turn to make him ogle. The material fell off slowly, sticking to her slightly. She liked the way that Jimin's eyes trailed over her slowly, taking her in rather then depreciating her.

She handed over the dress, still in her underwear. Jimin had stripped to his as well.

"Are we both going in here?" The girl asked shyly, pointing to the large shower stall.

"I said I had to warm you up." He replied with a wink.

Celine felt excited nerves arise in her stomach. This was something she often denied men, out of fear of slipping in dying. But she always felt safe with him.

"Okay, fine."

Finally she stripped all the way off, as he respectfully looked away. She placed the last of her wet garments in his hands and he walked away to put them in the dryer.

She opened the glass door, figuring she should get a head start. Like her shower, there were various buttons and lighting options. She smirked, picking the jet that would give them room where there wasn't water, and added red lighting for a more sensual feel.

The shower turned on, immediately making her feel better as it poured down her face. She craned her neck back, relishing in the warm feeling against her whole body.

Her peace was broken with a welcoming opening of the door. Celine stayed facing the other way, feeling anticipating rising in her as the door closed.

The girl was turned around by him, slowly. Taking in the way the water ran down his sculpted arms and abdomen. Looking like liquid fire from the red light. Steam rising like a volcanic eruption between the two. Feeling shy as her gaze caught his lower half, and his strong thighs.

He looked up at her mischievously, dark eyes through his wet silver hair. Body language asking for the okay to approach her. She nodded a simple yes, knowing that the man was asking her for permission.

Jimin's lips were burning hot as they moved against her begging ones. Taking no time, his tongue moved slowly into Celine's mouth, swirling along hers. He placed his hand on the back of her neck, angling her so that their mouths could completely lock together. Celine moaned into the kiss, completely overwhelmed by the water and his hard body. His entire frame was pressed against her own, and yet they were still not close enough as she pulled his back towards her, making long scratches on his flawless skin.

Celine was so desperate for his touch. At this moment, she was aching for it.

Like he read her mind, the man's right hand trailed from her neck to her navel. They broke apart for a second, both breathing harshly from the heat and the kiss.

Celine gasped as he found his destination. His fingers were so, so deliciously warm from the shower water.

"Fuck Jimin." She said, his fingers curling inside of her.

"Shhh, we have to be quiet this time." Jimin said, looking determined. She almost came from the way he was watching her with his dark eyes, wanting to please the perfect girl. His started moving his thumb on the outside of her, flicking her most sensitive part.

Celine felt her knees buckle, the older man's arms straining from physically holding her up. Her mind was euphoric, her body never feeling so good before. The small girl bit her lip to hold back from moaning.

It made the whole moment dirtier, with the acknowledgement that all their friends were downstairs. In the heat of the moment, all guilt was gone. Only the sick fact they were both even more turned on by it.

Jimin kept going faster and faster, making her even weaker and ready to combust. His face rested on her collar bone, hands still working their magic on her front. After her eyes nearly rolled back into her head, she placed her hand over his to stop him.

The man lifted his head, looking confused and disappointed that he was stopped.

Celine smiled, biting her lip seductively at him. The girl didn't realize that Jimin knew she only did that when she was nervous.

"I want to try something."

The man was still confused, until she pointed to the shower ledge in the corner. They walked over, Celine forcing him to sit down on it.

"What is it that you want to try?" He asked, breathless as he stared at the beautiful woman before him. Her contours highlighted by the red lighting. Looking like a blood goddess.

"I want to ride you." She said it softly, like she was asking for a lollipop.

He nodded his head, eyes practically begging her to make it a reality.

It made Jimin gulp, as she took her position above him. It was something that he always wanted, but didn't usually ask for. He had always liked being dominant, but the way she shyly looked as him as she walked forward made that possible still. She sat on his lap, his larger hands digging into her hips to keep her from sliding off. Watching the way her long, dark hair clung to her body.

She finally placed herself on him, slowly letting it adjust. They both groaned quietly at the feeling. The girl placed her shaky hands onto his shoulders, eyes screwed shut still. And then she started to move.

Jimin loved the fact she was so skilled. Loved it even more that she was not shy when it came to her own pleasure. The girl was so sexy and carefree all at once that it drove him wild. Watching her lips part, and eyes screw shut as she went up and down. The feeling was indescribable, him inside of her as she controlled the motion. She started slowly, making it hard for Jimin to hold back curses.

After she felt more confident, she decided to speed up. The man's fingers gripped deeper into her hips, causing pain in a good way. His hips snapped up meeting hers at an excruciating angle. He had the dark look in his eyes, looking almost angry again. It caused a tingle in her stomach, as they both tried to meet each other's movements. He slid back more, allowing her to fully let him slam his length into her. Making the view of his muscular and tense stomach enough to send her over the edge.

All that they had been through, all of the fighting they had endured only heightened the moment. The feeling of them connecting would truly drive one of them crazy.

Celine could barely take it anymore.

He pulled her down, to share another wet kiss between them.

They both came at the same time, which was rare.

It was silent, only the sound of running water echoing around the bathroom.

"That was fucking amazing." Jimin said, voice still shaky from the activity. He looked up at Celine, basically glowing.

She leaned down, and kissed him on the forehead for the first time.

"What else do you expect when you're with me?"

****************

After their shower endeavors, they laid in the guest bedroom with fluffy robes.

Jimin laid there, Celine resting on his chest. The man played with her hair, smiling as he was less moody than before. The girl teased him for being grumpy earlier. Saying he was cuter when he smiled.

"I got really worried there for a second, that you were done with me." She said, into his chest so that the sound was muddled.

Jimin could feel her warm, soft lips caressing the fear onto his chest. His hand paused in her hair, guilty that he ever made her feel that way. It was hard to keep his emotions in check with anything pertaining to her. He wanted to reassure her with his entire being, that would never be the case.

"I won't abandon you Celine, not now, not ever." He said, whispering into her dark tresses.

At the same time, his phone decided to beep. When he checked, of course it had to be someone from work.

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck." He said, veiny hand raising to cover his eyes.

"What? Is something wrong?" She said, lifting her head slightly from the pillow.

"No, not really. I just want to stay with you. Lay like this till forever."

The man gazed at her affectionately, thumb running across her bottom lip. Calming her enough to let her lay back down.

"Who says you can't?" She said, a single finger trailing on the contours of his smooth chest. She watched as goosebumps sprouted across him, smiling slightly at the reaction.

"I have to go. Business meeting with some clothing brand. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Oh the irony. But yes, if that's what you want."

I'll do whatever you want.

He rolled his eyes, giving her a quick peck as he ushered her out of bed.

They got dressed, slowly and full of regret. He got dressed well before her, watching in a respectful way.

Jimin helped zip her up, moving aside her hair so it wouldn't get caught. He placed a sweet kiss on her left shoulder, the skin beating up. He hugged her from behind, in a way that her stomach fluttered. He nuzzled his small nose and plump lips into her neck, letting his head rest on her as well.

She felt so protected. So cared for.

It made her truly think of how different he was compared to Jeongguk.

"C'mon you have to go. You'll be late." Celine said, patting his arms so that they could unwind from her.

They walked down Hoseok's spiral staircase hand in hand. So different, from their first meeting there they had in the same spot.

As they reached the end, Jimin pouted, his shoulders slumped. He looked visibly how she felt inside. Because their fantasy of being open and alone all at once had ended. They were back to hiding, and betraying everyone else around them.

Celine gave Jimin one final kiss, before he said goodbye to everyone.

The girl followed after him discretely, as he entered the living room. She couldn't help but look on with admiration at the way he interacted with their friends.

Everyone loved him so much.

He turned around, waving casually to her. His other hand holding onto his blue jar of paint like it was the lost arc. The hidden message in his eyes clearly visible.

Sadly, their night had come to an end.

"Bye Celine."

"Good bye, Jimin." She responded back, blowing him a discreet kiss.

His eyes crinkled, smile lines on full display. His fingers touched his lips slightly, before falling to his sides. And with that, the man walked out the door.

The 18 year old sighed, feeling strange once again. Would the longing she felt remain present forever?

"You're lucky he's drunk Celine." Said a voice from beside her.

It was Jin, and he did not look happy. He was standing up, far enough away from everyone else so that they could talk in private. Celine gulped nervously, not used to him directing any sort of judgement towards her.

He was referring to the fact that Jeongguk fell asleep earlier in the night, which she found out from Yoongi. He literally knocked himself out from drinking too much. They didn't have to worry about him finding out, because he wasn't even awake to realize Celine and Jimin had been gone.

"I know, I just have to be more secretitive." She said, fiddling with her phone. Avoiding her strong headed friend's questioning gaze.

"At this point?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, heart starting to beat faster.

"Everyone already knows. Look around you."

She could see the slight whispers everyone shared as they looked at her and Jin. It wasn't in spiteful, mean way. Or even like they were gossiping. Yoongi was smiling directly at her.

Hoseok had his arm wrapped around a sleeping Jeongguk, eyes flickering everywhere around the room. He looked nervous.

"God, how?" She asked, horror filling her body.

She had only told Jin. She figured the man would tell Hoseok.

But Namjoon, Yoongi, and Taehyung? How had none of them told Jeongguk by now?

Jin lifted his brow, given her a pointed look. As if he couldn't believe that she was even asking.

"You too aren't being careful at all anymore. It kind of seems like you want to get caught at this point."

"It's fine. Jeongguk still doesn't know. I've got everything under control."

At least I hope I do.

"I don't know Celine. He's getting more and more volatile. I know it's dangerous to leave. But what if it's more dangerous to stay?"

To Celine's surprise, the older male started to tear up. The stress that he'd been under from trying to protect his friends caught up to him. Again, Celine selfishly forgot how she pulled Jin into this. She put the man in a terrible position, forcing him to lie and keep secrets.

She needed to fix the situation. Not just for herself, but for Jin as well. He supported her through everything.

"Jin, I'm sorry. I've taken all your help and friendship for granted. I'm just sorry." She said, face painted with sympathy.

But he shook his head, sending her a small smile.

"It's not me you have to apologize to."

"It's Jeongguk?"

"I was thinking Jimin, actually."

"Jimin?" Celine asked, her doll face warped with confusion.

"You've been using the boy to escape your relationship, right?" He said, in a matter of fact way.

"No!" The brunette yelled out before she could even think.

It was an immediate reaction, because it was the truth. Being accused of that hurt her pride along with her heart. It started out like that in the beginning, but now, Jimin had become so much more.

"So you do have feelings for him?"

He had no clue, just how many and the magnitude of feelings she had for him.

Celine trusted Jin, but she knew he would tell Jimin. The mystery Jin had been tying to solve this whole time was if their feelings were real. He wouldn't be able to resist.

"I can't answer that." Celine said, jaw set in a defiant way. She hoped he wouldn't notice how her cheeks heated from the question.

"Why not?"

"Because that's the only thing I have left for myself."

"Alright. I won't press you anymore." He said, putting his hands up in surrender.

And he meant it.

Celine felt eternally grateful for him in so many ways.

"I'm going to go Jin. Thanks for talking with me." She said, pulling the broad shouldered man into a hug.

He sighed, finally losing a bit of his edge. Fully accepting her into the hug.

"Bye Celine. Please be careful. If he finds out, I'm afraid something bad will happen."

"Me too, Jin. Goodbye."

The girl went around, saying goodbye to everyone. She planned a day to hang out with Hoseok and go to his dance studio. Laughed and talked with Taehyung about how Namjoon tripped and broke a vase earlier in the night. Namjoon did not appreciate that.

Saying goodbye was hard as well. These people made her feel alive again, whole. She felt like a little child, as she reared up. She basically had to force herself to leave.

She left, basically dragging Jeongguk's body into the car with the help of Yoongi. He waved to her, sending her a gummy smile.

Don't leave me alone with him.

As the blonde man shut the car door, she was left alone. Quiet as the leftover rain hit the window of his car. Watched as Jeongguk's dark eyelashes fluttered as he slept. Looking so innocent, and so peaceful.

Thought about how the night started off terribly.

Wondering how his parted lips could spew such terrible word at her.

Then the night had changed for the better.

She touched her lips. Still tingling with the memory of her most treasured kiss.

Not even caring, as her boyfriend lay sleeping next to her.

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(A/N) so what do y'all think is going to happen next? 😏😏😏 told y'all this was a long chapter. I'm probably going to have arthritis after this is over 😅

I hope this chapter gave you some much needed romance. I'm trying to find a balance between attraction and love. It's hard to make one not over power the other. Oh and btw I didn't feel like constantly writing Jimin is wearing a condom, but he is. Celine is on birth control. They were sitting on the shower ledge, (a built in seat)

Anyways...

Again no matter WHEN Celine planned on leaving him, Jeongguk would've reacted badly. Whether it was before she met Jimin or after. This man (if we were to diagnose him) is a narcissist. There was no letting her go smoothly. Do with that info what you will.