"The way she tells me I'm hers,
and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare
and sweet as cherry wine"

Cherry Wine - Hozier

******

Celine waited for three days for Jimin to call.

Three days, she was sitting in her work room. Watching the sun rise and fall in straight bands across the wall. Reminding herself everyday that just one day, she will find out.

In those three days, she barely did anything. It was like the risk of her dream collapsing made her cave in on herself.

Jeongguk didn't understand. Well, couldn't because she wouldn't tell him why she was waiting. He'd come over, try talking to her a bit before he left for work. Would assume that she would leave for work too. Then come home and cuddle the lifeless statue she had become whenever he was around.

In the fabrication of a lie, there are many layers. The first one is avoidance. Avoid the person who you are lying to so you have to lie less. The second is pretending. Celine had to be her own oscar award winning actress everyday.

"Where were you today?"

"Work."

"Hang out with Jin at all?"

"Nope."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Want to go out to a nice dinner tonight?"

"Yes."

"Does that feel good baby?"

"Fuck, keep going."

The third layer of a lie, is believing it yourself.

And that's where she failed.

She told herself she was happy staying with Jeongguk. That she still loved him romantically. With betraying him in secret. Lying to all of her friends.

Happy to just fuck Jimin with no feelings involved what so ever.

That's why she needed this art thing to work out. Not just for her personal love for art, but for the framework of lies around her. If she has the stable financial backing this offers, she won't need to stay with Jeongguk. She'll have the confidence to leave him at some point once she figures everything out.

And she won't have to sell her body anymore.

She'll be confidently lost. For Jeongguk was her anchor, and she needed to lift him away in order to move her ship forward.

Jimin seemed to be on hiatus as well. She knew that he was busy prepping for his exhibition, but his usual texts or jokes kept her from feeling lonely.

She often went back to look at the pictures on her phone. The ones that he took at the ice cream shop. It brought a smile to her face, as she looked at the photos. His bright smile, silly expressions, and cute eyes. It was like he was with her, bothering her and trying to make her laugh.

Celine's heart felt heavy as she looked at the last picture he took. His nose all scrunched up, light hair ruffled, and lips puffed out in a kissing motion. Fair skin looking smooth like cream. She could almost imagine his sensual scent through the screen, and hear his velvet voice in her ears. It was enough to make her breath hitch, as she looked at the beautiful boy. Her thumb absentmindedly caressed the screen that held the image of his soft cheek. Touching her smooth IPhone screen as if the boy was right in front of her.

Without even knowing, a fond smile spread across her face. Her left hand lifted up, fingers touching her lips to see if she was imagining things. The smile slowly started to fade under her fingertips as she continued to look at Jimin's picture.

The smile fucking scared her this time. It wasn't the usual one she deserves for him. It was unabashed, and uncharacteristically warm. One that was naive to the horrors of the world.

A smile that had not painted her face since before Mia died. Because she was a different person then. And the situation changed her as a person.

Celine was pretty sure she'd never be able to smile like that again.

Believe in the lie.

Believe in the lie.

The girl clicked her phone shut, hating the mix of emotions inside of her.

This is so fucked up.

But even the repetition of this sentence failed to change a thing.

Thankfully Jeongguk wasn't home right then. Or else she'd feel guilty for thinking about Jimin when he was in the room next to her.

Celine laid on the floor of her studio, her butt aching from the hard stool. She flopped down on the cold floor, grateful for the shock of freezing. The spring was fading into a hazy summer slowly and surely. The sun was getting hotter, and stayed awake for longer. All the windows were open slightly, ruffling the papers Celine stored in the room.

It was crazy to the wise 18 year old, how significant life was to people. The world was a huge place. Surrounded by the infinitesimal universe. Filled with billions of other people, with their own individual lives you would never know.

And yet people still worry about money.

Cars.

Clothes.

Graduating.

Having a fit body.

A pretty face.

Being normal.

Being better than someone else.

Who's fucking who.

Who not fucking at all.

Cell phones.

Failed friendships.

Vacationing.

When there are stars in the sky. Glowing balls of gas floating above people. Planets that surround the Earth. A whole world of questions and ideas no one has thought of yet.

And no one pays attention.

Celine wanted something more than what others wanted. She wanted something to fill her, that was as important as the stars.

A purpose, was the only way she could put it into words.

Her purpose in this world was to paint. She knew it, but did anyone else?

When is my life going to change for the better?

Her phone started ringing then, as if the universe were the one to call her. The worried girl was nervously fumbling to answer the call as she struggled to sit up straight. The girl didn't even check to see if it was Jimin.

"Hello?" Celine asked breathlessly, heart beating rapidly as she clutched it.
They could probably hear the pounding of her heart beat through the phone.

The person giggled, a heart fluttering one. Celine's stomach lurched, knowing that it was indeed Jimin who called.

"You sound excited to talk to me." Jimin said, sounding arrogant in his annoyingly attractive way. His voice making her feel a million ways at once. She could almost see his smirk, the slight raise of his eyebrow as he teased her.

But it evoked a different response. For some reason, a lump formed in her throat. It felt like she wanted to cry, but not out of sadness. But for the sheer fondness of another human being. Words threatened to bubble out.

I am.

Three days felt like an eternity.

I hate to admit that as much as I'm anxious to here the verdict,

I'm just as fulfilled by hearing your voice.

I've missed you.

"Yeah whatever Jimin. Anything important to tell me?" She replied cooly, despite feeling like she'd run a marathon.

There was a pause. She heard him breathing slowly on the other end, not saying a word. Her body started to fill with dread, truly expecting the worse.

"You're in."

No fucking way. It was too good to be true.

"What."

"You're going to be in my exhibition."

The girl couldn't help but scream. Jimin's amused laughs mixed with her exclamations of joy. She fell back to the ground, a huge smile spreading across her face.

Her work.

In the Park Gallery.

For important people to see. For art lovers to see. For everyone to see.

Mia would be so fucking proud of her.

And that was when Celine started to sob. And for the first time in her life, it was because of something good happening. Because she finally did something right, and accomplished something of worth. Suddenly, loving herself didn't seem like such a crazy concept.

Jimin didn't say anything, he just let the girl cry. She'd been knocked down so many times in her life. She deserved to have her aspirations come true more than anyone else he'd ever known.

Jimin. Park fucking Jimin. The beautiful boy with the silver hair and the pretty smile. The one with the kindest words and the best intentions. He made this possible.

"I-"

fucking ---- you.

He waited patiently for her to say something. Not getting his own hopes up.

It was part of her own personal rules. She wouldn't let herself think the word. Even though it kept repeating over and over and over again. The only word able to express how exactly she was feeling for the boy right now.

How could she let him know how much she adored him without saying it? He deserved to know he was the greatest person she'd ever met. A fucking god send in every way. A beautiful friend and person and he just needed to know.

An angel on Earth. That's what he was.

Celine wiped away at her eyes, wishing she could thank the man in person.

"I don't know how to thank you. There isn't enough words. You've given me a reason to keep going, I can't thank you enough. Fuck I sound like such a little bitch." She said, laughing as she managed to blubber that out.

He didn't laugh. He remained silent, taking in her words like they were precious gold.

"Don't worry about it Celine. It wasn't because of me. It was because of your talent and passion." Jimin responded, as if what he had done was no big deal. As humble as ever. Putting all the success onto her shoulders.

But the girl knew. Without him, this wouldn't have happened.

"You were the only person who truly believed in me Jimin." She said quietly into the phone. For some reason, it came out sounding intimate, making Celine blush shyly.

Yet the girl was caring less and less about her vulnerability. Especially when Jimin handled it with care.

"Not after this. You'll have thousands supporting your work." The sweet-voiced man retorted.

Celine had stopped crying at this point. It started to really sink in. She'd have to buy a new dress for the exhibition, and tell all of her friends. Jin and Hoseok would be so excited to hear. Of course she'd invite Yoongi, Taehyung, and Namjoon too.

"God, I'm so excited! I can't wait. Really Jimin, you're my savior."

"It's really no problem babe. I have to tell you all about the details. It's going to be amazing." The 21 year old, voice matching the excitement of her own.

"Jimin-" Celine interrupted, hearing the front door of her apartment start to jiggle.

She didn't want to get caught talking to Jimin.

"Yes?" He asked, voice filled with affection and exuberance. It was so cute.

I have to ruin that.

"Thanks again. I have to go though. Jeongguk's coming home."

"Oh, okay. I'm really proud of you. Just so you know. Have a good night, Celine." She almost told him to wait, after hearing the sadness and disappointment in his voice.

He gave me everything, and I could barely give him my attention.

Jimin was proud of me.

He hung up before she could properly say goodbye.

It was convenient for her though.

Because Jeongguk came barging into the room.

"Come hang out with me! Work was so boring today." He said, suited shoulders slumped. The older man had a pout on his face as he shuffled towards her.

"What do you want to do?" Celine asked, not really paying attention. Mind buzzing from the surreal news she was just given.

Don't tell Jeongguk. You'll just end up made when he acts like a dick.

It's not like he'd care anyways.

"I don't know. Just something. Why are you on the floor?" He asked, a look of confusion on his face as he stood above the girl. Her dark hair spread around her pretty head, like a reverse halo.

"Reasons." She answered bluntly.

He shook his head, putting out his hand to help her up. Of course when she was off balance, he pulled her forward and placed his lips on hers.

It's weird. How different kissing the wrong person can feel. It turned from butterflies from just flesh touching flesh. It felt like a routine. She waited, eyes open for it to be over. Watching as his eyes fluttered slightly, the beauty mark on his nose so close.

She pulled back first, having to physically push his chest back. He just smiled at her, nuzzling his nose into her temple.

"I have an idea of what will distract me." He said, voice getting more gravelly as he pushed himself against her.

Celine refrained from rolling her eyes, knowing that sex was a necessary evil. If she refused it all the time, he'd definitely suspect something.

But they literally hadn't done it in months. She'd say probably going on 3 now. Between his work, and hers they hadn't had time.

And or she tried to pretend to sleep.

But sometimes that didn't stop him.

He went to kiss her again, and she let him. Despite feeling absolutely nothing. The dark haired man groaned into it, as she placed her hands around his neck. The kiss deepened, becoming more heated. Celine forced herself to think of something, anything to get her into the mood.

The silver haired man tying a cherry in his mouth. Downing a whole shot of vodka. Wiping the excess off his soft lips.

Jeongguk patted her thigh, motioning for her to hop up. She jumped, Jeongguk holding her with his strong arms against his waist.

Cotton candy ice cream. A certain someone's pink tongue flicking out to lick it.

Celine got more into the kiss, massaging her tongue against her boyfriend's. He smiled at her new intensity carrying her over to the bedroom. Her back fell against their black sheets, Jeongguk hovering over her.

She immediately closed her eyes, chest quickly rising and falling from lack of breathing. As long as she closed her eyes, she could get into it. As long as she didn't feel like it was the boy friend she was cheating on.

Jeongguk swooped down, attacking her neck with his mouth. His actions were overly aggressive, passing over the line of feeling good. How he was more fumbly with her than passionate. Like he'd rather her pleasure him.

But Celine, kept pretending.

She pretended like it was Jimin who was being rough and uncaring. Like he was mad at her. And that his harsh actions were meant to punish her.

She suddenly pulled the man up, kissing him harshly. The girl grinded into him, overcome with feeling. Just the thought of the scenario was enough to send her over the edge, and she needed someone to take the edge off. The man matched her intensity, kissing her back just as hard.

The man pressed into her shoulders, hard. Forcing her to sink into the bed even more. He ripped the shirt off over her head, and unhooked her bra. Then continued to kiss her as his large hand trailed across her stomach.

Jeongguk slid his hand down, finally reaching into the waist band of her pants. Underneath the thin lace she was wearing. He moaned, feeling that she was already wet for him.

"Jimin." She moaned out, her breath catching at the name.

Fuck.

Fuck I did not just say Jimin.

It happened without even a thought. A huge fucking mistake that could ruin everything.

Jeongguk immediately stopped what he was doing, looking up at the red faced girl. Her eyes were wide, mouth opened in flustered shock.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Jeongguk said, violently ripping away from her. His face was also streaked with an angry red as his jaw clenched.

She had to think quick. Before Jeongguk exploded. The girl scrambled away, afraid of him unlike ever before. His hand was raised, in a way that it seemed to be crashing down. She'd never seen his eyes look so wild.

She stuttered, struggling to get the words out, "Sorry, its been on my mind. I don't want to keep stuff from you."

"What are you even saying Celine?" The man said, not consoled at all. He leaned forward, getting intimidatingly close to her.

It was then she realized he was completely clothed. And she naked and open.

She rubbed her head, as if she looked ashamed. Left out a piece of information that was pertinent to know. Wrapped part of their comforter around her body.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you, Jimin called today about my portfolio in his gallery." She said, her voice somehow managing to be convincing.

Jeongguk's face returned to a normal color, yet the tenseness remained. Instead of angry, his face became stony and eyes blank. The man rubbed his face, turning away from her on the edge of the bed.

"Nice." A simple word, filled with so much distaste. He was closed off now. But she could still the relief settle onto his shoulders.

Celine kept taking, to fill the uncomfortable silence.

"I made it in." She said, the words sounding empty compared to earlier.

Because she knew that he honestly wouldn't care. And that he basically disapproved of everything the girl did.

"That's wonderful. Truly."

"Cmon, I know you don't like me doing this. It's what makes me truly happy."

He sighed, letting a begrudging smile enter his face. Yet the lines didn't appear near his eyes. He turned to face her, see the expression on his face.

He was just relieved there was a reason she said Jimin's name.

"You say that every time. I get it. I'm happy for you. It's just I wish you didn't have to ruin the moment." The man answered, completely taking away the weight of her accomplishments.

Because her body mattered more to him. No matter how much he denies it she'd never fucking believe it. That's what 11 months with him taught her.

It was exactly what she expected. And like everything else, it didn't really affect her. She was numb to his bullshit at this point.

"Thanks for trying I guess." Was all she responded with. She got up, untwisting herself from the sheets.

"Celine, please stay here." Jeongguk said, licking his lips as his eyes trailed over her body. She quickly grabbed some clothes, walking swiftly to the bathroom door.

"I have to shower."

"Can't I join you?"

Fuck you Jeon Jeongguk.

She looked at his smirking face, wanting to erase it from my memory. Wanting to scream at him to change. Scream into his face until he resembled the person she once knew, who took her in a gave her a new chance at life. To at least be the person that she had fallen for. But the man had taken every ounce of feeling she ever had for him and tore it to shreds.

There was only a thin string left.

"I'm not going to have sex with you in the shower. It's where you are meant to get clean."

"Okay, never mind." He said, finally letting up as he scrambled to lay in the bed.

"Night." She said, walking into the doorway of the other room.

"Goodnight, I love you." He said, smiling at her with his prominent toothy grin.

But she didn't fucking care anymore.

"Love you too." She responded, not even looking at him.

It was so fake.

As soon as she was away from him, she felt instantly calmer. Her tense body relaxed into itself as she let the warm water cascade over her body.

And started to think of all the ways she could thank Jimin. He needed something remarkable after all he had done for her. Something of substance.

Something that they both loved. Something that came from her heart.

Celine smiled, suddenly coming up with the perfect idea.

I like to think of people in colors...

And so she sighed, thinking of which color Jimin was.

His laugh was yellow. A bright sunflower in the darkness of her life.

His smile was a pretty pink, the kind where you sigh when you look at it. A carnation of beauty in its own right.

The way he moved was a dark black, like a blanket of night.

But none of them were right. She needed something to capture the essence of who he was. The innocence and depth of the man.

Him with Celine, a beautiful mirage of colors. A rainbow of complexity. So many pigments, but all meeting to great something beautiful.

Such pretty thoughts, they were.

But these feelings and words couldn't continue to protect her from the pitiful substance of her real life.

It was getting harder and harder to weave the fabric of her lie. And soon it would disintegrate. Leaving Celine cold and trembling.

So she sunk back into her pretty thoughts.

Where she wouldn't be lonely. Wouldn't be crying in the corner of her shared bathroom. Wanting to be cradled in the arms of a man who more than likely didn't love her.

Where she could be with Jimin openly.

And sink into the blue color that was him.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

(A/N): Sorry that this chapter is shorter than usual. It didn't want to fill it with stuff that didn't make sense because I have a lot more planned for next chapter. 🙃 next chapter gonna be long asf, so I'm giving y'all a breather.

Also sorry if I make them curse too much, I'm trying to make it realistic and I happen to curse...a lot.

He makes me wanna cry, in the best way possible 😂😂😭 I remember when he became my bias. Lol it was Jeongguk at first (isn't it that way for everyone?) and then I watched dope a second time and realized the one with the red hair was hot asf and his voice was 😍😍😍. And then I was like oh shiittttt cha boi can dance like a mutha fucker. Then I found out his name was Park Jimin. And watched all the bangtan bombs and all that shit and I was done with his cute ass. And then that's when my life ended 🙃 once you Jimin you can't Jimout.

I still love all of them equally tho, and for different reasons.

I can't even describe how much I love BTS. Their music, and their amazing personalities make me proud to have known them. Watching videos of them just being fools brings me so much joy. They remind me so much of my friend group 😂😂😂 but most importantly, their music is what makes them special. The fact that they write meaningful songs, and try their hardest every album.

Okay, I'm done ranting. Random asf but whateverrr.