"I wanna be with you till the sun rises
In your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes
I wanna paint the moon with your eyelashes
Paint the night, paint the night, paint the night"
Lights Out-Ayelle

********

Jimin wasn't sure what was worse.

Someone not caring for you at all.

Or caring for you one day, and not the next.

Both really were fucked in very different ways.

Did Celine ever care about him?

Or did it start to fade after their three months together?

Which was worse? Jimin could never tell.

He'd been back for two weeks. His need to tell her he loved her died with that one text.

At this point, he just wanted to see her.
He just wanted things to go back to the way before everything went to shit. If he had to pretend not to love her so be it. But he couldn't just not be around her.

But he was too scared. Every time he went to type out a message, nothing felt right.

"How are you?"

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't hate me."

None of it was good enough. None of these simple phrases could capture what he was really trying to say.

Can you live without me?

Because Jimin really missed her. The more time he spent away from Celine, the more he needed to see her. But he simply couldn't.

Jimin fought with himself everyday to not go see her. He helped Yoongi produce a song. Went shopping with Jin. Went to the movies with Hoseok. Played video games with Taehyung. Made a new business venture with Jeongguk. Heck, he even spent some time with Namjoon at the bar.

It was all fine on the outside.

But he hit rock bottom when he went to Jin's house. Because he walked in, and saw Celine's purse lying around. Saw that Jin was sitting on his living room couch, legs crossed like he was waiting for him.

And she wasn't there.

"Where is Celine?" Said Jimin immediately.

His heart was beating crazily, knowing she could possibly be in the same space as him. His body felt wobbly and energized all at once. The 21 year old couldn't stand still.

"Hello to you too." Jin said, pulling his reading glasses to the tip of his nose. He was wearing a large, maroon, and velvet robe.

"Seriously Jin."

"Now you're ready to see her?"

Jimin felt the judgement in Jin's voice. It didn't happen often, and that's when Jimin knows he fucked up. It gave him hope that she might have missed him too. But it didn't matter. All he wanted to do was see her.

"Yes, yes I am." Replied the determined man.

"She's having a rough time right now." Said Jin, sighing as he closed the book he was holding.

"Is she okay? What's wrong?"

Jimin reacted so quickly, it even startled his older friend. Jimin's hands ran through his hair, pulling the silver locks slightly. From the wild look in his eyes, and the flushed look in his cheeks, Jin could tell the man had true feelings for her.

"Who do you think the problem is?" The older man looked at the younger till it clicked.

"Jeongguk."

He couldn't help the little bubble of happiness at hearing that. Not the fact that she was upset. But that Jeongguk was fucking up.

It made him feel like shit.

He'd never take advantage of her moment of weakness. He really wouldn't tell her his feelings now. The man wouldn't want to sway her feelings when she wasn't thinking straight. She needed a friend more than anything. A friend that he failed at being this past month he was gone from her life.

"Yeah, she went to go clear her head an hour ago. Probably somewhere in the city." Jin said, as if it was normal that she basically ran away. Not fully coming out and saying she neglected to tell him.

"So you don't know where she is." Jimin said, eyebrow raised.

The dark haired brunette sighed, letting his shoulders slump. From the looks of it, he didn't like her being alone right now either.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Fuck! She could literally be anywhere." The disgruntled love-sick man said, his hands flying up in defeat.

He started pacing around Jin's living room, looking at the floor looking like Dora the Explorer as if a map would appear. His hair was sticking up in a all direction, looking like a baby chick. Jin watched in silent amusement, but it quickly turned to concern when he saw Jimin's eyes turning red. Was he about to cry?

"Jiminie?" The elder said, feeling the tenderness in his heart burst forth.

It didn't happen often.

He couldn't watch his little friend struggle anymore

He wanted Jimin to finally be happy.

"Yes Jin?"

"Find your iPhone is a great app?"

"Um, are you trying out for an apple commercial? What's up with you?" The silver haired man said, face scrunched in confusion. Apparently love makes you completely oblivious as well.

Jin was ready to slap the cute of out this man.

"Idk. It just really helps me find what I'm looking for." He said, eyes widening as he leaned forward. He smiled really widely, even winking at his younger friend.

"I don't know what you mean. Did you pop a molly?"

"A bitch is not sweating. What I'm saying is it could help you. Think really hard about what you want the most at the moment." Jin said, raising his voice as he stood up from the couch.

The elder pointed at his phone, then gestured to the door. His friend followed his movements slowly. Suddenly, the 21 year old gasped, running up to Jin.

He gave the taller man a hug, burying his face into him. Jin's heart could have burst at the large smile Jimin gave him, his eyes almost disappearing.

"Jin, you're a genius."

*************

Waking up was hard to do.

Knowing she was at Jin's instead of her own place. Knowing that initially the only person who she trusted betrayed her.

Wondering if the 8 months she'd put into this relationship was a waste.

And it fucking sucked. It really did fucking suck.

So she put on a light coat and some sunglasses. It was sunny outside, the type of sunny where the light isn't golden, but instead it's almost pale.

Sent a text to Jin saying she'd be back in a couple hours. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she had to be somewhere unfamiliar to think. Jin sent back a smiley face. It made her feel a little better.

Eventually after an awkward uber ride, walking for an hour aimlessly, and flirting with a hotel concierge, Celine found a nice rooftop to contemplate on.

It was a light nude, almost pink at the top. The light blue sky with wispy clouds made everything look like cotton candy. 

Yes, it was very cliche.

And yes, when something is aesthetically pleasing it improves her mood. 

She loved being above things, literally. helped her feel like she could physically overcome any situation. That's why sitting at the edge of this concrete bound roof brought her so much solace. Face slightly chilled by the windy spring breeze but the sun warmed the rest of her. Legs swinging over the side, kicking over what looked like figurines of people. Maybe a staircase into the clouds would appear and absolve her of all her worries.

She never truly believed that though, because Celine wasn't a romantic.

This sucked balls.

This was the goat of all problems to be problems.

It was one thing to not support her. To not like her art. But to derail it, to give her false hope for it to be shot down. She just couldn't believe he listened to his mother, and paid off art directors to not take her work.

It made me wonder what life would be like without him.

Because Jeongguk was the first person to treat her like a human being after the accident.

Of course she hadn't told him about Mia, and no one but her friends and family knew when she first met him.

But it was her depression that really kept people away.

The bright bubbly girl was gone from before. She felt more numb than anything. No happiness. No sadness. No anger. No human interaction could amount to what she and her sister had.

Nothing.

She was living on her own. Living paycheck to paycheck before she got good at her job.

The first time meeting a sugar daddy is the scariest thing. For Celine specifically, the worst thing that could happen on the job. Before they had met, they agreed to dinners and parties.

He would pay her to parade her around.

There was no sex to be involved. She was only a minor at this point. It would have been extremely illegal, and very gross.

But she got to this guy's mansion, he had other plans. He tried to get her wine drunk. Then took her to his room.

He tried to do things that Celine doesn't talk about.

Luckily she got away, and told the police. They were nice about it, and the guy got locked away for a few years. But she was terrified after that. Terrified of not knowing who she was meeting, and what could happen when they were alone.

But she'd been kicked down too many times not to stay standing.

Eventually, she became the most paid on the site. Something clicked, and everyone knew not to take advantage of her. The most respected people in Seoul used her services.

And she made a ton of money.

She felt a little better after that, but still very lonely. She needed a more solid and real connection. Her heart was empty and dark. The girl felt appreciated, but not loved. The only time she'd ever see her family was at gala events or meetings. They would dress her up in a separate room. Cart her in next to her family for pictures. Her dad would give her a stern look. Her mom never dared to look at her.

Sky would send a nod her way.

But they would act like everything was perfect. Like nothing happened. Most people didn't notice anyways, because Mia never came to these events.

So she would wait, wondering by herself around a room with materialistic people. Asked stupid questions about clothes and fashion and never care about the answer.

2 years she's been doing that.

It all seemed worth it when Celine met Jeongguk.

Not only was he her boyfriend, but also her best friend.

He gave her everything no one else had in a while.

He would look at her when we talked. Made her smile. Made her laugh, made her cry. He wouldn't avoid her. Would treat her with the utmost respect.

Would tell Celine everyday that he loved her.

And she fell in love too. To the image of him she had in her mind.

But she's realizing now how she may have been wrong.

Because if a person hasn't drank anything in years, they will drink whatever they can get. If they are given wine, and nothing but wine, they will drink it happily. Even if it kills them in the end.

Jeongguk was her wine.

He gave her so much. But was it enough?

It hurt to think like that. Someone who had made her life so much better. Who was she to want more than that?

She loved him.

But she wasn't in love with him anymore.

Fuck. No.

She said it.

"I'm not in love with Jeongguk." She said out loud, to test the words out.

It felt crazy. She felt insane. As if she had jumped off the building, the ground welcoming her with open arms. It didn't even feel good to say it out loud. The words caused her unimaginable pain.

It made her feel guilty, and weak beyond repair. Though she couldn't deny the truth behind it.

She couldn't stop drinking wine.

She couldn't.

Because she had a feeling without her, Jeongguk would lose it. She wouldn't let the person who placed her back together fall apart.

Like she said before, it sucked. Because she always made the right decisions at wrong times.

Self pity wasn't her strong suit.

But it would sure feel good to cry over her shitty life right now.

Yet the tears wouldn't come as she stared at the pastel city scape.

Apparently, she was concentrating so hard on not crying, she didn't hear the footsteps coming up from behind her.

But she did notice when a pretty hand shoved a bag of fruit snacks in front her face. Gently.

Really. He decides to show up now?

She knew it was Jimin's hand, from the beauty mark on it. She didn't even have to look over at him to know. Which basically means she didn't look at him to avoid bursting out into tears of hatred and joy.

"You can't just do that." She said, voice stable and unemotional as she stared ahead. 

She hid the fact that wanted to leap into his arms. Burst at the sight of him.

"Do what?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him lean back casually, resting on his elbows. Wind blowing pieces of silver hair into his eyes. It was okay to look at him this way.

For he seemed like a figment of my imagination.

"That," She said, flailing her hand around in his general direction,"Act all casual like nothing happened at all."

"Who says I am?"

"You're acting all cute and witty, giving me some damn fruit snacks like this is a John Green book. Like it'll all be okay in a second just because you're here when I'm most vulnerable."

"So you don't want a fruit snack?"

Finally, she whirled around to look at him.

Why did my heart beat so fast?

He looked the same as he did before he left. Except maybe a little more golden. Wearing some black jeans, a denim jacket, and a white t-shirt.

Basically boyfriend as fuck.

The stupid boy was smiling widely, showing off his pearly whites and eye creases. The little dimples by his chin appeared. The sparkling dark brown eyes, the hot body, the pretty silver hair, the earrings, the perfect lips, and the most amazing laugh.

It was the same Jimin as before.

But why did she feel so different?

Seeing him was beyond what words could describe. Celine felt as if her heart could burst with emotion.

She couldn't hide her happiness at this point. He knew it as well, for he started to smirk at her. She nudged him with her shoulder, to which he pretended to almost fall off the roof.

Celine pushed him even harder for that one.

She felt so happy that Jimin was here, she could barely keep the smile off of her face.

"I'm sorry." Said Jimin, looking out into the distance.

"No, I'm sorry." Celine said, knowing that this rift between them was her fault.

His eyes widened, looking innocent and stubborn all at once.

"I'm sorry-er."

Would it be inappropriate to kiss him?

Celine rolled her eyes, hiding a smile that threatened to sprout on her face.

"You're about to be the sorry-est if you don't stop playing."

"Okay I'll stop."

"Really though Jimin, you have nothing to be sorry about. I was the went who went too far. I was being paranoid and took it all out on you, even though we are both involved in this situation. And while doing that I invalidated our friendship, which isn't okay because you've been an amazing friend to me." Celine said, her eyes turning downcast with shame.

"It's okay. The only thing that really freaked me out was when you texted me that you hated yourself more than anything." Jimin turned away from her as well, his tiny voice filling with sadness. As if he didn't want to associate the word hate with her.

Celine had never heard him sound so...gloomy.

He did care. In some sort of way.

I really fucked up.

"Yeah sorry about that. I shouldn't have trauma dumped on you when you were trying to get away from everything. For a little while." She said, anger once again flaring up against Jeongguk. Telling Jimin wouldn't be nice of her. It would actually be pretty petty. He might say something to Jeongguk, and she didn't need either of them to be more mad at the other.

Jimin reached out, placing her right hand in his. The sky behind him turned a darker shade of pink, the purples moving in showing that the day would end soon. But they wouldn't.

She wanted to look at the way their hands fit together, but his dark eyes were entrancing her. She couldn't look away as they reflected the sea of serene fire in the sky.

"Celine, I want everything to be normal again. You're like a best friend to me. I don't want that to suffer because of our previous arrangements." Their was such conviction in his voice, such emotion in his face.

Her heart swelled, knowing he thought of her as an important person too. It was more than anything she wanted.

It was bad to want it.

"Do you mind if we keep everything the same as before. Um, sex and all? This may sound bad but I need to be financially stable right now and I-"

"Yes." He said, barely letting her finish. He was sold at the "continue to have sex" part.

Celine smiled, pulling her hand away from his a little. She didn't notice his hand trailing after hers, then pulling back. She didn't notice the look of absolute admiration on his face as she was basked in the golden light of the setting sun.

"Okay Jimin, you must be down bad." She said sassily, making the boy next to her laugh loudly.

"You know it."

They smiled at each other, letting a comfortable silence fill the space between them as the light dwindled. Celine took another look at his face, admiring the smile lines he had on the side of his cheek. That was her weakness. That and pretty collarbones, which he also had.

"I really missed you Jimin. More than I'd like to admit."

The words came out before she could stop them. She was freaking out. They could be friendly. They could be casual.

But the beating of her heart told her otherwise.

He nodded his head, luckily not taking it too seriously.

"Same, loser."

He stuck his tongue out at her. The younger girl shook her head, rolling her eyes at his antics.

"How'd you find me by the way?" She asked, realizing just how weird it was that he was here. She hadn't told Jin so it wasn't like he snitched.

Jimin's eyes widened for a second, before he went stony face. Trying to act like it was common knowledge to magically find someone.

"Find your iPhone." He said, shrugging.

"Oh, so now you're a stalker?" Celine said, teasing the slightly blushing man. She could watch his cheeks filter with pink all day.

"A cute one." He said, shooting her a glare.

It made Celine laugh at him. Eventually he joined her as well.

Everything was fine. Everything was calm. Like the Spring air, everything was smooth and perfect. They were back to normal. And it felt good.

But this is when Celine decided to burst into tears.

It was as if everything finally dawned on her. When he wasn't around, she had to handle things by herself. But with just his presence, her emotional wall started to crack again. And when it did, the floodgates opened.

And it wasn't even cute crying.

She was sobbing like a newborn. Luckily she wasn't wearing makeup, but it was still terrifying. Jimin frowned, pulling the crying girl into his chest. He let her use his white shirt as a tissue, not really caring if it got messed up. He just caressed her back, letting his warmth calm her down.

"What's the matter babe?" He said softly, letting his lips kiss the top of her head. She had enough hair for her not to notice his lips. It made Jimin smile at his little secret.

"I pushed you away because I was scared. When Jeongguk said he'd kill you if he touched his things I-"

"I really, really missed you."

His heart skipped a beat, as she stuttered over the words. He looked down, seeing that she had stopped crying at this point.

Her head lay directly above his heart. She looked so beautiful there.

Holy shit I am in love.

He closed his eyes, trying to keep everything hidden. To keep everything platonic. But with her nuzzled into him, it made it very hard.

Eventually she looked up and apologized. Moved away from him

Jimin wanted to tell her that he missed her being that close to him.

But he didn't.

"Celine? You know why I'm not going to listen to him?"

"Why?" She looked up, eyes glassy and red.

"Because you aren't one of his things. You're a person."

Once the sun completely left the sky, they decided to go back to Jimin's. They wanted to spend some time together after being apart for so long.

The car ride over was funny. They had a really weird uber driver. In the middle of their ride, the guy ordered a pizza. He ended up picking it up before dropping them off, and offered them pieces. Of course they did, but the whole experience was just very weird.

Jimin wouldn't stop giggling. No matter how hard Celine tried to get him to stop, he wouldn't. Even when she kept poking him. He would just smile and laugh more and more. It made him more endearing. And she could barely handle it anymore.

They made it back to his apartment. It felt so normal to her. The main lobby. The elevator that was not occupied by Jin today.

The man standing beside her who couldn't take his eyes off of her.

They walked together to his apartment. Celine only started to feel nervous as he unlocked the door. It wasn't his fault, it's just the significance of what his place meant to them. Where they met.

Neither expected this to happen. For this friendship and want to blossom between them. But it was something they needed. The universe pulling metaphorical strings.

Jimin started walking to his room. Celine followed after him.

He sat on his bed, pretty eyes staring up at her.

She sat down next to him.

They started talking.

He told her all about France.

Except the part where he fell madly in love with her.

She told him about her paintings.

About hanging out with Jin and Hoseok.

She didn't tell him about not loving Jeongguk anymore.

She asked when he would tell her if she was in his gallery or not. Jimin smiled, saying that he would let her know soon. He needed to make other arrangements first. Celine bit her lip, saying that she thought he wouldn't accept her because of what happened.

He shook his head, his expression becoming serious.

Jimin said their personal matters would never effect the outcome.

Her chest lost the tight feeling it was carrying, and she just fell into his eyes. The dark depths captivated her once more. She thought he was leaning forward, his lips parting slightly. The girl leaned forward as well, almost close enough for their eye lashes to meet.

"Can we just lay together?" He said out of no where, his voice sounding small and innocent.

Celine's heart skipped a beat. Her immediate reaction was to say no. Because them and a bed wasn't a good combination.

But she knew that was a false reaction. His request wasn't sexual in any way. Because what they were right now, was much more than that.

Jimin wasn't looking at her with lustful eyes, but with affectionate ones. Maybe they were a little lost but her touch would be able to fix them.

And Celine knew she wouldn't try to take off his shirt or unzip his jeans. She just wanted him to be close to her. This was their time to just be together.

"Yeah, what's the harm in that?" She said softly.

Because, right now they were Jimin and Celine. The friends that could love each other without any wrongdoing.

Jimin smiled, as if her words were a joke. He fell back onto the bed. Celine following suit. Each situating themselves in the bed.

There was so much harm in what they were doing.

Because at first they lay face to face. Close as they could be without one wanting to kiss the other.

Without a word.

Wondering how they got here, and why they let it happen. Why they couldn't look away from each other. Why they wanted to touch each other.

And what stopped them from doing it.

It was a sweet sight, Celine thought to herself. One she would cherish forever. One she couldn't help but replaying over and over in her head from time to time.

Jimin's plush cheek smushed against the side of the bed. Red lips puffed out similarly. His eyes glaring into hers with an unknown expression.

He wanted to lay like this with her forever.

It wasn't fun and games anymore. He was serious. She was serious. Though neither really understand what about. Everything was the same, yet different all at once. His expression, though mysterious, was unfiltered. The intensity of his gaze causing havoc on her heart.

"I want to be with you until the sun rises in your eyes."

She kept her hands to herself. He reached across the small space between them. Started gliding his thumb back and forth against her rosy cheek, which grew warmer under his touch.

She swore she could have cried then.

"I want to paint the moon with your eyelashes, paint the night."

Because this was the moment she knew that she loved Park Jimin.

And all within the same moment, she knew she'd never tell him. Not right now.

Because she couldn't. They had fallen into a galaxy of complications. A web of complexity and human emotion; caught and unraveled.

If she told him, she wasn't sure how he would react. Even though she trusted him, she only trust him to do the right thing. Which was tell Jeongguk.

As much as she wanted to save Jimin from Jeongguk's revenge, she knew she would be the main target.

Celine turned around, hoping he'd mistake her closed eyes as a sign of sleep. She didn't want him to see her cry.

Of course he got closer to her. Pulled her back against his chest, so she could feel the erratic beating of his heart. Celine was somehow shocked by that, the fact he was nervous to be near her still. The fact his hands were almost shaking as he placed them around her.

That his lips trembled as he placed a tiny kiss on the back of her neck.

All they needed was each other in this moment. Their silence. Their scent. Their warmth and acceptance.

She had wished before that he had feelings for her. Unspoken, but very true.

Now she wasn't sure. If she found out now that Jimin loved her in return, she'd lose control. All morals and good intentions would leave her body. If he felt for her, then reckless abandon would become her only priority.

Celine would do the best to avoid her emotions and his. And she was good at that. Good at acting like nothing could phase her.

Pretend I don't love him like that.

And I'll never know if he does.

She would keep things calm like they were before. Like they had agreed to earlier.

Friends. Jimin and Celine.

Job: Park and Angel.

Because she would not ruin everyone else's life for the happiness of her own.

She'd done that before. When she asked to drive before she had a license. When she risked everything for momentary happiness.

Celine wanted to make sure Jimin wasn't her momentary happiness.

So she lay in the sheets. The pink, smooth ones she liked so much better than the black on her and Jeongguk's bed. Feeling Jimin's chest rise and fall against her back.

And fell asleep soundly.

Because being awake meant constantly thinking about whether Jimin loved her in return.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
(A/N) MIC DROP REMIX Seriously tho 2017 was saved. They all looked so freakin fine and damn those bass drops. Not gonna lie Yoongi freakin killed it for me the most 🙌🏻

Okay soooo...Celine admitted her feelings to herself whoop whoop better late then never. Do you agree that she shouldn't tell Jimin?

You're probably wondering, where is this going to go if they each know that they themselves love the other (wow what a confusing sentence) ??? Well a lot of places.

From personal experience communication is a major key, and when insecurities and other people's opinions get in the way, things can get pretty messy.

Let's place bets: Will Jeongguk find out? If you think so, also comment when and how you think he will.

lol no spoilers from me 😎