"I left my heart wide open babe so I can let you swim
You left my body hoping to be under your skin
Well it set the waves in motion babe and now it's sinking in
Baby you, you did me in
And now I'm falling back again"
Oceans-Flores

Ever since that night with Celine, Jimin felt off kilter. Like being too drunk, and not recovering from the night before. Seasick on a ship of unrequited emotions. He couldn't see with his eyes, feel with his hands. All he could feel was that ache in his chest. The one that would make his fists clench and face contort with hurt.

Before, everything was fine.

Or maybe it wasn't. Jimin couldn't really tell.

He guess he could say that the time he spent with her was steel gilded with gold. Pretty on the outside, but not as beautiful underneath.

It wasn't her fault. It wasn't his.

It wasn't even Jeongguk's fault.

But Jimin had hope. He really wished he hadn't.

Because ever since the first night they spent together, Jimin felt different. The man had felt alive for the first time in a while. What had become routine, boring had changed. Something was interesting to him.

Jimin got tired of constantly being with girls. Constantly meeting a new face at night each day. He respected each and every one of them, but it wasn't what he wanted.

But every time he liked someone, they always like Jeongguk better. Every time. He knew his best friend didn't do it on purpose, but it didn't make Jimin feel any better. He'd always smile, and sit on the sidelines.

He had learned to be lonely.

She didn't love him. She loved Jeongguk. She must have seen Jimin as some clingy side piece. He should've suspected it. True colors shined in their conversation last night.

He never really got his way when it counted.

His parents weren't in the picture. Because they were too busy being socialites. Unlike Jeongguk's parents who controlled everything, Jimin's parents left him alone without a care in the world. Up until he was five, the young boy thought the nanny was his real mom. He'd get the occasional call and text from him mom and dad, but it would be always something business related.

He had no siblings. No other family members really that cared about him.

All he had was his friends, and art.

He first picked up a paintbrush at age ten. That's when he found out he had a gift. He's painted ever since, reveling in the way it allowed him to express every emotion. The gallery was something he'd loved more than anything. A place to showcase all that he had yearned for. So many people coming in and out to see what he had created.

And then there was Mia. Who he had loved with the same fondness he had for Jin. She was quiet, and would come to his new exhibitions every Sunday. She'd sit in the plastic bench, and just stare at Jimin's painting of a red poppy. Pale face serene as she analyzed its makeup.

Jimin always watched her, in a nine stalkerish way. He was intrigued that she stared at such a simple painting for so long. She came alone each time, never bringing anyone else with her. He was intrigued, at the mysterious girl and the growing sadness that hid behind her irises. The first time he'd ever gone up and talked to her, she was crying.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm as fine as I'll ever be."

"You come every week. Its amazing."

"When you have no friends and everyone hates you, it's pretty easy."

"I don't hate you."

"You don't even know me."

"Then let me get to know you. And maybe, I can be your friend."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because no one else looks at art like I do. Everyone who comes here will stare for a few seconds, take pictures for the aesthetic. Barely pay attention to any of the emotion that goes into it. But you do, and that's a beautiful quality to have."

"Beautiful?"

"Beautiful."

They did become friends. Beautiful ones. The love that grew between them bonded them together like family.

He'd never loved her more than a friend. He wasn't sure of her feelings, but it didn't matter now.

And then she was gone.

Like a phantom, had she ever existed.

But there was proof she had. With Celine's dark hair, and the curve of her mouth, and the intelligence in her eyes.

And the fact that Mia was her sister. And that she had died in a car crash.

And Jimin felt his heart rip out many times over.

Could life be any crueler?

Why didn't he get to make mistakes? Why didn't he ever get to be happy?

It always seemed like he was in a losing game. Whenever he would win a battle, the war would be lost.

Jimin guessed that's where the attention issues come from. Though he needed it, wanted it, he was often too shy to get it. And that left him feeling empty inside a lot.

And when he felt alone, and empty, all he had to focus on was himself. And focusing solely on himself was never a positive thing. Sometimes it was hours of just painting, dark and scary things that formed in his nightmares.

Sometimes it was how his eyes were small. Or how his lips were so big, and soft match his face. Or how his frame could be skinnier, or more fit. The way he never felt good looking enough.

Or that he failed his friends in every way possible. How Jin was the best looking, and Hoseok was the happiest, and Jeongguk was the funniest. What was Jimin's place? What did he have to offer?

It left him feeling lonely in a room full of people. A single cherry blossom on a ashy branch.

But then there was Celine, who'd recently taken over his mind when alone. These thoughts started off beautiful.

First he'd think about her smile. Like creek shining against the light of the sun. Potent and purely whimsical in its way to light Jimin ablaze.

Her eyes. And how they resembled Versailles and its golden appliqués. Bronze against the fairness of her face and cheeks. Always searching his face, always wondrous. You could see her intelligence and patience for life through her gaze. It always left him breathless.

Celine was the first thing he's ever really wanted in his life. And it was turning him into a terrible person. One that was willing to go behind his best friends back. And feel great doing it.

Because Jimin started to care less. Not in general. Less about what other people thought.

And more about himself.

It scared him.

The selflessness that looked like darkness and threatened to swallow up his being.

That's why he had to leave for a while. A month in Paris. From February to March, he'd stay away. He'd frame it as a business trip. Learn a few things.

Because of that night. The way she looked at him like he was nothing. How he was just some clingy person who grew too attached.

He knew she was too good for him.

But to have her confirm it tore at him.

Broke every bit of confidence he had left.

So he gave her the money she had earned. The money she wanted. The pieces of paper that defined their relationship. The green of Jimin's envy relayed onto it. The only thing of substance between them.

Because it was her job. It was her job to make him feel wanted. It was her job to treat him like a friend. To spend time with him. None of it felt like a setup. Like forced time.

He actually believed she wanted to spend time with him.

The night on his balcony, the museum, the dinners, the laughs all meant so much to Jimin.

But they were worth more to her.

His thoughts were interuppted when he heard his phone ring. His heart leapt with hope for a second until he realized it was Jin calling. Adjusting his scarf and luggage, he quickly swiped right on his phone.

"Jimin, where are you?" Asked a concerned Jin. He truly sounded like a parent in this moment.

"At the airport." Jimin replied, staying low key.

He attempted to maneuver around people and not drop all the shit he was carrying. It was a pretty difficult feat at the moment. Especially when his gray scarf started to fall off of his neck, and his glasses were at the top of his nose.

Jin coughed, letting out an agressive sigh.

"And why is that?" The elder asked, sounding skeptical.

The ache pounded in the silver haired man's head again, and he willed the damaging thoughts to go away.

What is love?

"I need to think for a while." Jimin answered plainly, voice coming out clipped. He saw that he was nearing his gate, and that the flight would be leaving on time.

A sigh of relief left his parted lips. And for the first time in months he felt a little bit more at peace.

"People can do that in their bedroom Jimin."

He knew he was caught now. Stuck in the barbed wife of his decisions.

The younger man stopped in the middle of the long hallway. A person bumped into his right shoulder but he barely felt it, grip relaxing on his black phone.

"Yeah, well I can't."

"Is it because of Jeongguk?"

He wished it was that simple.

"It's because of everything." Jimin said, hoping he'd lay off. The man started to move again, unfrozen and wilting.

"Celine?" Jin said, confidently as if he already knew the answer.

And it was with that one word, that Jimin knew Jin found everything out.

Jimin immediately reddened, feeling ashamed. Maybe Celine was right. They were too obvious. He was about to start denying, to say it wasn't true but he knew Jin wouldn't believe him. He was stuck, and ready to apologize to his probably disappointed friend.

"You know?" He said, voice shaking.

"Honey, I'm your doorman. How the hell wouldn't I know?" Jin said, no ounce of anger in his voice. Just acceptance.

"Shit."

"Yeah, shit. Jimin I can help you. Help both of you."

You can't force someone to care for a person when they don't. But Jimin refused to say the words out loud. Acceptance would make his heart feel even more broken than before.

"How? It's nothing Jin."

It's funny, how lying is so easy. But in the inside, it felt so different. His voice was stable, confident in his answer. But he felt a snake writhing inside of him, reminding him that every moment with her wasn't nothing.

It was something special he'd never forget.

"That's why you're flying halfway across the world to escape her?"

"If she meant anything, I would have stayed. She wants space, I'm giving it to her."

"It seems a bit childish. It seems like you're running away."

"And what if I am? Everyone ones from their problems, and no one gives a shit. Jeongguk runs and blames a murder on me, Celine runs from her unsteady relationship to me. And where do I get to run? When do u get the freedom to not give a fuck?"

"You're right, you're so fucking right. I'm sorry Jimin. Just keep me updated, stay safe, and don't do anything stupid."

"I will, Jin. You and Hoseok should visit sometime."

"We will. I'll let you do what you have to do. Maybe some time will help you figure it all out."

"Thank you. You really are a blessing."

"Same to you. I love you and don't forget to call me."

"I love you too, and I won't."

******

It has been two weeks.

Two weeks of absolutely blissful torture.

Blissful, in the sense he was alone.

Torturous, because the opposite had happened of what Jimin hoped to achieve.

The man thought being away would make him forget the girl in the silk sheets. Suddenly reconnect with Jeongguk and make up. Clear his head and make him a better person.

To let himself know he deserves a different girl. A person with true feelings for him, and not his best friend.

Celine wasn't his perfect match. There was someone else in the world for him.

For he was not the one for her.

And it felt like that would happen.

The first day he arrived in his Parisian apartment, everything was fine. He smoked a shit ton of weed, to dull his mind and calm him down. Took a long nap, drank some wine with his fancy dinner, and went to bed.

He only thought of bad thoughts right as he went to sleep.

He'd only thought about her 100 times that day.

A success, the day before was 150.

So the silver haired man saw a victory in his future.

The next day, he met up with old friends. Went clubbing with pretty girls. Talked to a few, but barely looked at them. A single face kept blaring in the conscience of his mind.

And the next, Jimin had even higher hopes. Taehyung came to visit, explaining that he had to go to Milan for a fashion show. He was glad too, because this best friend of his was always busy. He had almost forgotten how close they truly were, and how easy it was to talk to Taehyung. The two had an amazing dinner, and afterward ran around the city streets like two flighty pigeons.

He only thought of her 99 times. Remarkable.

In a country full of beautiful distractions. It should be enough. To remind Jimin of the important things in life.

But...

The man had not escaped like he had hoped.

Because it was within those same two weeks that Jimin discovered he had fallen in love with Celine.

It might sound crazy, because it was.

At first he thought it was a simple crush. Lust, like, and obsession. It explained the jealousy, the sexual tension. The thoughts of utter despair he was having. They were all candidates but none fit the bill.

So he simply liked her.

But France, especially Paris, is some magical place where love is alive. Vivid in the ancient city streets and the romance filled cafes. The sparkling lights and bustling sounds of metropolitan glory.

Jimin chalked it up to be the dizzying side effects of living in "city of love."

But that wasn't it. Because he saw Cafe Céline and couldn't resist going inside. Whenever he'd look up at the sky, he'd be reminded if her, because Celine means "sky or heaven" in french. Artist littering the streets with desperate hopes and dreams to become the next Monet, her favorite artist. See the poodles and the corgis waddling down streets and laughing at the simple fact that she hated dogs. When there was amazing restaurants to try around him, and all he wanted was a cup of shitty noodles.

This is when Jimin realized he had feelings for her.

Everything was still fine, despite his unrequited emotions. Still felt like shit, hadn't talked to Jeongguk in three days (a new record), and he was still lonely as fuck.

He realized that he loved her went he went to a museum by himself. He'd been to it many times, it was one of his favorites. Whenever he went, his heart would swell up and he'd forget everything wrong in the world.

Jimin stood in front of his favorite painting. One that spoke with his soul in a way that allowed for transcendence. It was a pretty painting, one done in the early Renaissance. A Botticelli.

A tall girl stood in the middle of a Roman landscape. Long golden hair swirling down her back, reaching the pale and curved waist. Piercing golden eyes melting whoever would stare upon her image. Pink material wrapped around her like a ribbon, facial expression like that of a cerulean sea.

An angel, flying from above towards her. Small and baby faced, but joyous in his descent. Tiny lips turning up, darker hair curling in small flickering flames around his ears, basking in the glory of the cyan sky.

The angel looked at the woman with all the love in the world.

And all he could think of was Celine. Her name. What she'd say if she were here. How her tiny hand would perfectly in the palm of his.

And while staring at the painting, he teared up. She wasn't here with him. All alone, people swerving around him. All oblivious to the fact the man had answered his quintessential question about love.

Because this was it.

Being in a room full of things you loved.

And still loving someone more than that.

She wasn't a simple fling. And deep down he had always known that. But it wasn't supposed to be like that. For her, it was a way to get money. For him, some company. It transformed into something neither could describe.

He was past the point of caring.

He didn't want to run from his problems anymore.

So Jimin booked a flight home. In two weeks, he would return back to Seoul Korea. He'd come back to his friends. Apologize to Jeongguk.

And tell Celine his true feelings.

It didn't matter what her response was.

Or what her feelings were.

He just needed to let her know.

For Jimin would regret not telling her for the rest of his life.

Loving her was an honor. She deserved it more than anyone. She deserved more than Jeongguk could give her, even if she didn't accept it.

Because life is a constant battle against time. And he couldn't imagine running out of time without her.

Jimin thought all of this as he sat outside his favorite cafe. The place was as pleasing the eye as it was the the stomach. The two floor, Parisian place was at the apex of cozy luxury. Pretty white siding painted black at the bottom. Cursing in white script telling the name of the place. Ashy plants hanging from the windows to compliment the chic vibe.

Jimin like this place the most, because they served their coffee in a simple white cup. With a small red heart on the side.

And they gave you a complimentary croissant.

He sat back, not too chilly or too warm. Yet his nose and cheeks still lit up like he was Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Jimin was alone, but he still liked sitting in front. He was dressed warmly, in a white sweater and coat. Basking in the scent of warm bread and crisp earthy air. It was almost Spring, and the change was obvious in people. More smiles, more laughter.

In France, its always best to sit outside and eat. Unlike other countries, their cafe seats are faced towards the sidewalk. This way you can have great food and conversation, all while people watching.

And he did watch.

Saw an old lady start to feed some pigeons. A rowdy group of teens talking in a language he tried to learn, but never could. Two men fighting over what seemed to be like a black hat. Pretty peuple. Less than pretty people. Sad people. Angry people.

He watched and watched and was fascinated. Because like a tv, he was flipping through the channels of each person's life.

Looking at a million faces and expressions.

Seeing a million smiled, and hearing so many voices.

But only one truly made an impression in his mind.

And people watched back.

Saw a beautiful man dressed in a long beige coat and slacks. A face like a doll, a body like a model. Saw the parted silver hair and how it blended in with the black and white background of the cafe. How there was a passion in his dark eyes, making his pink lips tilt like a rocking boat onto a smile.

They wondered what could make him so happy. He looked like he was on top of the world.

They didn't know he was thinking about the love of his life. What he was going to say to her when she saw him.

"Just let me love you."

Let me love you, naturally like when the leaves fall in autumn. Or how flowers bloom in spring. Maybe like how the sun shines in summer, or the snow falls in winter. Because all of these occurrences cannot be prevented. They happen every year, and will happen till the end of time. I love you just the same.

Jimin was torn away from his fantasy when he heard a beep on his phone. The man rolled his eyes, annoyed that he didn't turn off the stupid thing. He usually does before outings where he just wants to be at one with the world around him.

He hastily pulled the device out of his pocket, nearly coughing up his coffee onto his coat.

He'd received a text from Celine.

For some reason he was blushing. They'd left off on a terrible note, and Jimin hadn't contacted her. No matter how many times he typed something and deleted it on his phone, he never actually sent a text.

Could she be missing me right now?

Does she regret what she said?

Is she going to tell me she broke it off with Jeongguk?

Calling to apologize?

Is she just asking to see if I'm okay?

His heart basically bursting out of his chest as her name flashed across the screen. A million scenarios ran through his head.

Everything felt different now that he knew he loved her. He didn't know what to say, talk, think, do, breath.

His palms were sweating. That never happened. A smile kept springing up on his face, probably creeping out anyone who was looking at him. The fact she had thought about him was enough to send butterflies throughout his whole system.

Jimin opened up the message, eyes tightly closed.

And finally, he looked.

My Angel:

I hate myself for what I said to you.

His heart stopped beating. Lungs, unmoving. Whole body frozen with shock. His mouth tasted bitter, and he started to feel sick to his stomach.

Why did loving someone feel like being murdered constantly everyday?

Words that simply tore him a part. That made him regret his homecoming and the ticket he had just bought.

Because she hadn't been wrong. Jeongguk had said he would hurt Jimin if he touched his things. And instead of talking to Celine about it like an adult, when she was clearly distressed, he treated her like her previous sugar daddies. Like an object to be handled because it hurt to hear that her feelings were not the same.

It was a common misconception that love is supposed to be tragic. The world fed people pretty stories of Romeo and Juliet and Patroclus and Achilles, where one must hurt in order for it be true adoration.

Jimin didn't want that type of love. Celine didn't deserve to hurt for him.

He wanted her to love and never feel pain again a day in her. The world be damned.

Celine hated herself for doing the right thing and making Jimin stay away.

And he hated himself more for hurting her and pretending like they were invincible.

That she was invincible.

He didn't know Celine was crying on her bathroom floor. Makeup running down her perfect face in angry lines. Sobbing so hard no sounds were coming out. Clutching at her chest as if her heart was about to burst out. For two weeks, she had not eaten or slept correctly. There was no signs of Jimin, and Jin hadn't been around either. She wondered why the hell he'd leave her like that.

He didn't know that Jeongguk told her that Jimin was permanently moving away, and never coming back.

Jimin just didn't know.

So he sat, coffee in hand and pain in his heart.

Hoping that one day he would be able to erase her from his memory.

Forget about the golden eyes that would haunt his dreams.

The harsh winter was drawing to an end, but Jimin felt as cold as ever.

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(A/N): I just can't say this enough. THANK YOU FOR READING MY SHIT! I cannot believe how many reads I've gotten on anything. I legit can't. It's amazing I love everyone. I'm such a loser because it's not that much but idk it makes me emotional 😭👏🏻

So I explained more about Jimin. I hope everyone gets more of a sense of who he is as a character. I'm sorry this chapter is a little shorter than usual. I feel like less is more in some situations.

And I hope I did well with descriptions in this chapter. It was so important for them to be explicit because, I don't know, I wanted Jimin's love for Celine to feel pink, yah feel? I don't know how to describe it but like agh it's a feeling.