Awards Dinner Disrupt Erupt Conference top floor Hibernia Heron Tower

Ding.

Toni squeezes my hand and the double doors slide open smooth as butter. A room of who's who greeted me a second time but this time in full gala dress up. Conversation and happy chatter of the people at the event greet us like a light switched on. The entire place has changed from the presentation setup of the DE talks before. Instead of the stage from earlier, it's gone, replaced with a series of U shape tables. Behind each large U table the contestants from all the categories. Then those smaller tables of industry people fanning out behind the U tables. Reminds me so much of a dark sci-fi noble. As if at any second the sacrifices will be served up to the tech gods. All the smaller groups of tables fanning out from the U tables are the members who are in the in club that we aren't. All the different colors each category represented at the tables. Except, instead of everyone at one big table repping each house it reps each category. All the table is facing huge picture windows. The view is a near 360 view that looks out on the San Francisco skyline lit up all the way out to the Golden Gate bridge.

It's striking the way the lights of the city calls to you. An old San Francisco, in a mix of neoclassical art deco, Beaux-Arts and more. As if the years of San Francisco being what it is crosses through time. Dotted with the occasional new modern techy style stark building. But Old San Francisco still stretched to the sky. Those old school beautiful buildings blocked in places by new San Francisco skyscrapers. The modern glass steel and hard unforgiving edges join the old San Francisco charm. When I was a little kid, my mom after the divorce with my dad would bring me here once a year. Each year the city would change every time we crossed that bridge. Instead of being just another tourist walking through the jungle of the city on a weekend trip, I was now on top of it. I took my phone out and took a picture for my mom from the open elevator doors.

Me - Look mom on top of the world.

A quick caption just for her and hit send.

You did it baby - Mom

The pride in just those words were enough to break me a little. My mom the single mom who worked her ass off every day as a nurse to get me so many things. I had something to show to her even if I messed it up a little.

"No ruining your makeup," Toni tells me with a half smile then she tugs on my hand in hers. Her half smile turns into a full smile as she reads the text from my mom. Then she pulls me out of the elevator, walking us over to our table at the GreenTech section. A mix of local San Francisco and New York socialites. Also, the up-and-coming tech startups and established industry players behind. Thinking about them staring at my back makes my neck itch.

The social media table behind those winners in smaller tables with little flags. Industry titans line up next the startup newcomers. Nameless investors angel funding and Venture capital funding. My mind flips through the book of people to remember. It wasn't easy, along with the faces and companies that go with it in the binder. The nicknames she gave each person, so I remember, did seem to stick. When you get out of college you kind of think that you are done studying and cramming but sadly it never seems to stop. But so many faces weren't in that binder at all. I'd have to remember and make a note of who I met and who I didn't for Toni's notes.

Approaching our table a familiar cultured nasally voice, Martin Crocker from our category. He eyes me in my fine gown and within seconds he dismisses me. Once again Yale Martin is the center of attention. He's no less confident than he was before. Toni, all in red, sits in her seat next to mine.

On the table my name is on the sixth tablet in the middle. And I use the tablet to order my dinner. Martin from the DEtalks holds court again. The room is his oyster as people stop to talk to him and pat him on the back. Watching Martin is like a master class in douchebaggery. Listening to how much he can name drop as many famous people before the awards start was tiring. He completely ignores Toni and I but the different scooter startups guys next to us were eating it up. We have been cannibalizing the pile of junk scooters their startup companies leave. The call for removal happens all over Sacramento and San Francisco. We used them to make chicken and duck tractors for pasture poultry for months. What three scooter startups means for us is we might have a slim chance. But against Martin with his compost project it's all up in the air.

"It's important to have a clear and effective presentation of your ideas." Martin says loudly to his audience. If I thought that Martin could see me from his own planet I'd think he was taking a dig at me. I try a little harder to zone him out.

The meal shows up quickly, still steaming. A second waiter pours the wine. Toni thanks the man for the wine refill. I nod and smile at both the waiters. A part of me couldn't talk in the unlikely event that we actually win. I wanted to save up my words in case I needed them. This room with all its pretty skyline and fancy dress people was even worse than being on stage. Trying to explain our startup in a short clean way at DE Talks was a prepping nightmare that blew up in my face. I could have simply said it's like a blue apron except with less packing and using local farms. I could have said we have this great computer program. It's so great that makes it so every farm that's connected to it is a big warehouse. That it makes farming into a video game. That we help feed as many kids as we can in public school, a fresh made mostly local school lunch. Which means good jobs and chef quality skills from your lunch lady. Ya, ya, I got a hundred ways of saying it instead of just freezing up like that. Now that it's over of course I do.

My phone buzzes in my clutch and I pick up as my mind squirrels with all the what I could have said. I saw it again and noticed I still hadn't given him an answer back. Completely though I slide my finger across the no for the next date. I nervously re-cross my legs under the table and that burn of good hard sex knocks me out of my thought pattern. My click tingles as those fiery sapphire eyes hard coded in my brain and I zone out of the event. Nipples hardened and my breathing kicked up as I could almost feel his eyes on me again. Tingling feeling spreads and my hand tightens around the phone. It vibrates with the insistent alert notification for my answer. Damn, image was like a lifeline for my pleasure. I absolutely knew that one time was enough for me to understand the power that man had over me. Without a name another anything in the bag an eclectic connect and those crack sapphire eyes. The most expensive of gem with a beautiful flaw, a bad bad man.

"Ke, ke-"

How many times has she called my name? My mouth moved as if I was fish out of water, and I stayed completely out of it with my phone in my hand.

"Akeisha, is everything OK," she asked. I nodded slowly to Toni and went back to my meal. Toni gets my attention off that thought. I am a little sad to see the eyes fade from my mind. But I got control of myself and sent the swipe left for no contact. I wasn't going to fall into some self destruction loop. My recovery for my emotional and mental problems was precious to me. I'm not totally sure that hook up was me falling into bad habits but I was closing the door on it all the same.

"I'm ok, it's just the uni fried rice turn out better than I thought." We supplied most of the raw ingredients for the event. It was a great contract for us. The event looked good because we were in the greentech section. Plus, it wasn't like I was lying; the fried rice turned out insanely good. For something that we were being paid to remove from the ocean the tasty purple sea urchin. I don't think we could add the recipe to our high school menu. Which is too bad but we also work with public colleges and public community colleges. Maybe a special offering for teachers at public pre k-12.

"Yes you caught me, I'm a Georgetown prep boy just like my cousin and dad." Martin smiles at the passing man cutting into my thoughts, "Senator Coltis, thank you."

"Good to see you young man, make sure your uncle contacts me next time he comes out from New York." Mr. Coltis replies.

The two men talk but Martin's toothy expression didn't reach his eyes as he gazed at the man running for California state senator. "Oh, I slipped and spoke a little too soon, city councilman. I hope I win too," Martin says goodbye to the passing man. His yale pin on his tux shines in the light like a beacon of virtue. I knew Mr. Coltis he had a ranch near the one we wanted to buy. Also, in the most small world moment he also has multiple town residences. One of those houses is next to the school district I work with. Unfortunately, the school may be joining if our school district redistricts. We've met before, him and his school board wife but I guess he didn't see us. Or more likely didn't remember us. Although the city councilman had an award-winning toothy smile to match Martins, there wasn't a single press member to take note of it.

The event has zero press for a reason. No one wants to show you how sausage gets made. And we are fresh meat. I smirk at the thought.

The room's lights flicker on and off and everyone goes to their assigned seat. Steve takes the center of the room in front of the main windows looking out on to San Francisco.

"Thank you for joining the disrupt erupt conference. The conference is about ideas. Good luck to the winners and entries. All of you have a bright future ahead of you." His smile to all of us was sweet and reached his eyes. The man has dreamer eyes, and a kind of natural genuineness. Toni wrote in her written assessment of him that he really is Mr. Nice Guy. She was right, he is. The room claps at his words as he starts naming off the winners for each category. As soon as the winners win, they take the prize trophy along with an envelope. The tables behind them with the executives and headhunters get into motion. They try to get the winner's attention first. Yes, this is how the tech sausage is made and maybe it's best that most people don't see it getting made.

"And the winner is?" He opens the envelope for GreenTech. "Martin-" my brain checks out on his words a little coming in and out of it. Martin gets up from the table and I drain my wine glass. And I drain that wine glass as salty as I do at my book club with a poorly chosen book. Compete with a quick side eye watching him head to the stage. He walks up to the center of the room like he's just won, Miss America. Martin shakes his cousin's hand from the capital investment table. His other cousin Paul claps with a big wide grin. The two yale pins look a pair like book ended exclamation points saying of course he won.

Steve goes on to say, "Heron Inc would like to announce the purchase of Martin's enterprise. The compost company is being bought for an undisclosed amount. Martin will be joining Heron Inc. as the environmental liaison for the company." Steve with his hand out shakes Martin's hand then hands him the award.

Quick eye contact with the server for another glass of wine. I have a feeling I'm going to need it. Martin starts his speech and I tune him out fully. The room applauds Martin's speech and I join the clapping after my glass is filled. Martin brings back the trophy to the table placing it in the middle of the round table like a stuffed elk's head.

I absolutely wanted this night to be over a lot faster.