The Disrupt Erupt Conference on the top two floors of Hibernia Heron Tower Observatory. Late spring in San Francisco, California wasn't as hot as it should have been. But on the 99th floor of the Hibernia tower a chill moved through my body as I gazed out on the busy room. Even a slight heat couldn't pierce the glacial air conditioning of the tower. Bustling people fill the busy room with people brushing against my shoulder. Racing to the next new tech toy as filled with joy as any kid at the toy store.

A lady with a large H on her Prada dress shirt passes out a swag bag full of tech goodies. Next to her collar was a tiny badge with her name on it and the store number eight. The Heron stores' high-tech approach wasn't like other tech companies. The difference wasn't simply aesthetics; it went right down to the employees level.

Most tech companies I've ever run across mask what they are about. When you go to an Apple store, they always try to seem relatable in t-shirts and jeans. Visiting a Google campus or google pop-up stores, it's hoodies and sweatpants. It appeared like after their work hours were ending they would go directly to sleep. It's as if the multi-billion dollar tech companies want to ape real normal people. It's broke people cosplay. The tech companies make more money than most countries on the planet. And in a sense playing Kabuki theater normies so you don't get turned off and buy the next gadget. That they aren't flirting with a modern day monopoly harkening back to bygone ages. A neo-gilded age that our generation has lived in. And maybe you won't notice that they are essentially techno-robber barons. With all the ethics of that old age, socialize the losses and privatize their gains. It's like no, don't look at us. We're still that, you're getting a dell kid from the 90s who got caught smoking weed. Nothing to see here, just normal business nuvo hipster bullshit.

But Heron wasn't like that fake normie stuff. The employees right down to the retail stores loudly wore designer clothes. They didn't bother with the fake out friendly appearances as other companies do. It was almost like Heron was telling you that they were lions without an inch of remorse about it. Instead of trying to pass themselves off as kittens. And if you are in the business of eating us bunnies, I'd rather you be honest about it, all things concerned.

I didn't feel comfortable in this room full of fast moving people. Normally, my day is filled with picking, planting, and planning for the next harvest. For most of our small food company my best friend Toni has handled most of this. I was simply Akeisha the farmer, and she pulled off the business money movies. My eyes, restlessly scanning the plush room, I was outside my comfort zone. The room was filled to bursting with people. And my disjointed thought process rattled my nerves. Bless my best friend's heart she drew me into a halted conversation.

Toni and I talked together more and our conversation smoothed out. Then we took our place backstage from the busy hall of people getting goodies. Our Conversation wasn't about anything important but I was thankful for her attempt to settle my nerves. She described one of the heifers' cows mounting another because we were late to put the bulls in, it was too much. She caught it for the tiktok I couldn't help laughing with her. T did a quiet "moo," in an impression of the randy heifers. That laughter drew attention from the other finalists backstage. A guy in one of those preppy business casual styles with a big, fat, golden Yale pin in his lapel. He raises his eyebrows at us like we are kids at the library being loud. Then he goes back to talking to his crowd of eager listeners turning his back on us.

"Ninety percent of startups fail within the first three years. I was offered a buyout, and joined Heron," he said with all the smug self-assuredness of someone who knew money. That old money, the kind of money that knows the stock market will always be bailed out. Meanwhile, everyone else's life not rich burns up. It was a smile and manner I knew well from college and my internship. I was working my own farming business and going to college. Then at the same time as working for free at that established tech company taught me well. His lanyard marked him as the same company as the woman passing out the swag bags. Heron Inc, bought him out. The green band on his lanyard matched the green band on both of our lanyards. Damn, he was in the same category as us green tech. "It was logical," he smiled. "I'm taking it directly after the contest as soon as possible."

Toni and I simultaneously rolled our eyes together. There's this certain type of tech bro that twenty years ago would have been on Wall Street. And had been very happy tanking the economy every 30 or so years as a Wall Street trader. The kind of guy who gets a bus to work from a neighborhood that's been freshly gentrified. Then less than three years after he bought the house in that gentrified neighborhood it's worth 10 times more. He probably even takes that luxury tech bus into work to this day.

The smug man is surrounded by all the other colors of the categories. This rainbow of category colors doesn't match the personalities of the people. It should really be more of a four-color vibe like some late 2000s hunger games clone book. First smart purple tech companies with the genius who invented some fancy product. A startup company that has good ideas and intellectual property. With a mix of a solid management team waiting in the wings to sell it off the company of honey bees. That sale may be to larger corporations waiting drooling to buy them out. Then the brave and fearless orange wanting to create a lasting company. The braves are the rarest of all the tech business, the truly brave or possibly truly foolish. Whether it's a good idea or a bad idea will ride that pony out to the end. Next, the most common creature of them all is the trust fund baby sly elitist in midnight blue. The sly tech bro will proudly tell you how they bootstrap their startup. Spinning lavish tales of only a few million dollars of investment. But leave out that million came from their parents and family friends. Because millions of dollars of investment is a tiny loan for them. Lastly, the lowly browns of the world for the rest of us. The worker bees who get bought and sold. Oh, and us, the worker bees who have no business being here as the CEO. Should I call it being a worker bee or just a count down to being shit on. Even though my thoughts were pessimistic as hell at least I wasn't in a freakout cycle so I'll take the win where I can get it.

The popular speaker who got his company bought by Heron gazed at us again. Somehow, our existence seems to be interrupting his impromptu backstage seminar for success. Which is a little nuts as we're backstage being somewhat quiet while the actual DETalk was behind him. He and his talk was louder than we were. Toni stares him down until he breaks eye contact with her. The vultures of all the tech companies, mingling with the category finalist. Each one of the reps has their own badges. Tech company headhunter representative passes us by with barely a glance our way. It was like Toni and I were poo in the middle of a room full of the up-and-coming tech elite. "So, this is the life of a red-headed stepchild." I couldn't help but giggle at Toni's joke. The crowd claps in applause at the end of the presentation.

Curtains on the stage were closed. Then the black clothed backstage crew runs around to set up another presentation. The DE Talk sign glows against the red velvet curtains. The smug guy ends his conversation. In front of the closed black drape, the two presenter hosts work the room.

The first man speaks, "The Disrupt Erupt startup contest is unique in that it's two parts. First, you disrupt your industry and get our notice. When you come back next year and show us how you erupted on to the scene. I'm Paul Herzens of Raven Venture Capital and this is my brother Steve Herzens of Heron Inc," Paul says. The two men kept talking and Paul reminded me of a smiling man but the smiles never reached his eyes. Whereas Steve looked so much like him but his smile reached his eyes unlike Pauls. Both had super model good looks and an old money bearing. As if you were watching one of those classic movies. Where the actors and every day people's clothes were sleekly tailored. Because there were tons of people who knew how.

It was like a cue to a cult, the audience claps at the perfect point for the two brothers to smile. The large black curtain sways behind the two speakers. The drape hides the frantic movements of the backstage crew that split our view. They wipe the last category in stark contrast to both brothers hamming it up on stage.

Paul continues, "I might just be the money but you need me to make this Silicon dream work." He makes a face while the audience laughs at the lame joke. His old time Yale College pin on his chest glints as the lights from up top adjust. The whole event felt like a club of who's who, who knows who's who, but we didn't know of the who's at all. "The prizes for all categories are an investment. But for one category, the Greentech, it's straight cash. Ten million in cash and possibly millions in additional VC funding. That's one hell of an investment for the winner of DETalks Greentech, right Steve?"

Steve picks up, "correct, getting it without any strings can be life changing." He agrees with his brother and that same real smile is there. "As the chief operating officer of a company that years ago was on this same stage-." He paused, cutting off his words almost as if he can't believe how far he's come. "My three best friends became my business partners, and we conquered the tech world." Hmm... Conquered is an interesting way to put it, I thought to myself dissecting Steve's speech. "We name our tech company Heron Inc. for the inventor Heron who created toys in the royal court of Egypt. Heron of Alexandria was an engineer in 60AD who invented a toy steam power device. Without realizing he was looking at the industrial revolution. A man who was too far ahead of his time to capitalize on his genius. That even in his imagination and play, you can show the world what could be." A cheer goes up in the audience for the little known inventor. Almost like when the rest of the world figured out how cool Nikola Tesla was. "The three of us started Heron together in a crowded tech market. Our biggest lesson was to dream big. Someday anyone of these companies could be the next host of this conference, the next company to make it. The next big great idea to disrupt and erupt into our world." Steve Herzens, unlike Paul, had something about him. Maybe it was sincerity a dreamer for a hopeful world? It reminded me of my college professor who talked about how the tech world used to be.

The get rich fast guys were there but the people who wanted to change the world. Against the people who simply wanted to sell the world. Two fundamentally different outlooks on what tech can do for our plant. So much of the backbone of tech was built on that intellectual property of the dreamer. A dreamer who gave it away for free and they never got super rich from it. They were about the change and what could be. I worked as an intern with my best friend and I mostly knew the fast money guys. Maybe that's what I was sensing from Steve, hopeful possibilities in a world of fast money.

The audience claps and the curtain opens. Paul picks up quickly after Steve, "Our first DE Talk presenter in the Greentech category. Martin Crocker of Green Apple Technologies." Martin walks out on stage. "Also, full disclosure," Paul says like an aside to friends, "this is my younger cousin." The room laughs again like old buddies. Paul shakes Martin's hand and the two yale pins shine in the light like Justice League badges.

My eyes scan the crowd, and it's not like doing a field presentation on cattle handling day. All those people in fancy suits. A cold chill that never left me creeped deeper up my back and I breathed a little faster. The guy on stage begins speaking to the crowd with ease.

Toni wraps her arms around me. Leaning her head against my shoulder, "it's going to be fine. We are going to be fine. We got here together, you and me. Team double trouble grand plan is in motion." And she's right, I need to cut off my feelings and get it done. But my heart keeps racing, not listening to me at all.

"Live next door to each other," I responded.

"For forever," she replies back.

"Ok, we can do this. Impress a room full of suits, ten million free and clear." The tiny slivers of calm I scrape together begin to slip again.

"If push comes to shove, imagine the crowd are goats," she says.

A bark of laughter burst out of me. I turn my head, catching dark brown eyes just as the sound of the crowd clapping and the end of the presentation.

"Our next presenter is Akeisha Hart. The CEO of Gleen, Garden Girl, Edible Landscape, and Nutrient Cycling." Steve conference host introduces me. I walk out of Toni's arms directly onto the stage.

Think of everyone watching as a goat. You do farm presentations on the farm all the time. No people out there in fancy suits imagine really cute, bouncy goats. The presenter in a goat form gives me the remote in his mouth and says "bleat." I try my hardest not to giggle.

I can do this...

"That's a fancy way to say a gardener, farmer, and garbage woman. I should write that down and put it on a business card." The goat audience bleats, laughing at me for the line. "We like to think of ourselves as the type of company that's part Newman's Own private nonprofit. Meets Costco but a farm. Simply put, since we are mostly all online we can do things differently. Largely direct delivery or pickup zones, we are food without a middleman. We use an app to flex the power of small farmers, small gardens to sell to big companies or a single person."

I turn to the screen and start the beginning of a slide show.

"When I was ten years old, I started mowing lawns for school shoes." A picture of me in braids, my brown skin gleaming in sweat pushing a lawnmower. "Five lawns for a month and I had a new pair of shoes. To my ten-year-old self, it was a revelation of shoes. It was also the beginning of a serious shoe fetish I still have to this day." The room of goats laugh again at my joke line in beats. Mine and Toni's shoe collection together look like a dragon hoard at my moms house. But most of the shoes were repaired vintage pickups. "When I was fifteen, my mother set up a food pantry for people with food allergies at the hospital where she worked. It grew to feed anyone hungry."

"Instead of hauling grass, I started hauling fruits and vegetables. Eventually, even grains in a complete human diet. We wanted to be able to fill the pantry for my mom's hospital. We also gathered food out of the waste stream that was going to waste anyway and made sure it went to people first. Then processed, so it didn't end up in the landfill. I want to change how the food system works. A passion for food grew in me."

The memory is poignant. "My mother told me food is life when she opens the pantry." Soften brown eyes glass over at the flash of my mothers warm gazes capture me again. Her nurse's scrubs for the day's work on and the people picking up the food that I grew. The memory is so sharp it moves me to this day.

"It was the realization that farming is complicated. Farms need a free open OS in order to be successful. At this time, you can get farming software and most of the good tools are expensive and paid. We used the Heron OpenToy OS to backbone our own offering."

"If you can play a basic game app, you can farm. It's a simple premise, but designing the system to make it work has been fun." The feature of the app and how it pans out farming connects customers directly with farmers. A game-like interface pops up on the screen. Showing the harvest for our converted golf course urban farm. Everything can be viewed down to the total harvest from a single peach tree over the years. Current possible harvest shows up for that single tree. Then it narrows down that tree's name, what fruit and its location that's ready to harvest. Right down to every single piece of fruit currently on the tree. The information along with possible harvest total and weight. Allowing for easy harvest.

The room makes a large ooooh sound altogether. Goats don't oooh. That chilly feeling crawls deeper into my chest and back. I pause during the presentation and look out into the crowd. The light from the spotlight blurs my vision and my breathing gets harder.

The video starts with the kids from the lunch program having fun. Hundreds of students picking and learning about farming. The free breakfast and lunch programs for public schools. The higher quality food offered. It's the type of stuff that might be served at one of their companies' ritzy cafeterias. It's not the normal stuff that's prepackaged for public schools. A que for me to talk over the video...

My chest beats into my ears. A thunder of noise as my vision comes in and out of focus. It's getting harder and harder to breathe.

"Hello, I'm Antonia from Garden Girl," an awkward clap emanates from the audience. "Those are the school kids and free programs. We work with them even to help find job placement. We have mentoring programs open and work with the community to make sure everyone is fed." She goes through the programs smoothly doing my part for me. But my world feels so small, nothing but my heartbeat and the goats that are people staring at me like I'm an alien.

T smoothly takes over the presentation following up on her part as well. "We made major changes to our rough OS when we received as a gift the RiHms glasses. It was a minor bit of code change. We were able to use augmented reality in the same way Pokemon Go does to increase the harvest. By tracking fruit that's ready to harvest inside the glasses, it shows it outlines in gold ready to be picked." The room is back to ooohing and ahhing. I don't know how much time has passed or when Toni took over the presentation.

I close my eyes on stage, still frozen at the moment. It all sinks in, my feeling becomes a lead weight. I just fucked up the presentation. Fuck...

Gazing up at the glass ceiling above the world of San Francisco, wide star filled night and beautiful views. On top of the big city but I feel on the complete bottom of it instead. 

A/n: I'm so pump to finally be able to share this story. :) Thank you as always for reading.