I've become heartless, I don't regret not laughing at jokes and smiling at everyone, I just look for anything to numb or distract the pain. You made me this way.

It's so stupid when they ask 'what happened to the little girl I know'. She's fucking gone, you all didn't care enough to read behind my pretence. You claimed you know me, you don't!

I've blended with every wall that's been around I don't expect you to actually know me, when you gather at the table talking about how amazing my siblings are and how your life is doing great, I was only brought up in bad conversations. I looked and just pictured it the way it should be a happy family without me. I slipped out realising I didn't belong there, you didn't notice, did you?

I carved your favourite words to blurt in my skin and it showed a red approval. I smiled as I wrote every name of what I wanted on each drug. Happy, Joy, Beautiful, Dreams, Hope, Perfection and Love, I took them in smiling once it let me fall thinking this should do it.

You didn't let me go. Why?!!! You got it out of me. Now Im stuck here and you still blurt those words. Why?!!! You should have let me go. It would be better for both of us. You don't have to worry about me, I don't have to get reminded of my mistakes, I would be far from everyone reach, I wouldn't be self conscious or keep worrying and getting anxious.

But then again I keep getting left alone. I wonder who would take me. I'm not sure God or even the devil will want me.

Now Im heartless the tears don't flow the same anymore they just hide inside wondering why I should let them fall. What exactly I'm feeling I can't tell. Every hurt I just look away from. Pushing the tears away and punching walls to let it out. Nothing can help how I feel. The sun annoys me, the night isn't beautiful anymore, the air just feels stuffy. I am heartless because it's at that point now and it's getting worse every second.