It always feels like im stuffed or choking I cant seem to cry because i want to be strong but the next day, week, month i lose it and I cant tell anyone anything because to them...i act the way i do because i watch a lot of movies, i want to kill myself because I want to disgrace and put the family to shame, my moody attitude is making everybody hate me. Saying im ugly and opening up to you just means i seek too much attention.Im useless

I wish you actually knew what is going on in me. Nothing about this is funny, nobody understands whats going on im my mind. Ive tried so much to smile ad pretend and laugh so i can get over the day and go back to my room to actually be me and break down.
But now that my pain is showing, you hate me even more, you think im insane, you call me names, friends only talk to me out of pity, people walk away from me

No joke i would have ended it all a long time ago, so you dont have to worry about me, you wouldnt remember i was here anyways. This time ill go, but ill go in a way you'll never know, you'll never notice. I wont leave a trace. Will that be better?

Death must be the answer
When i go please i dobt still want you around my grave yard. Death will come really soon.