Silently Falling (ORIGINAL): Chapter Ten

After school, I meet Toby and Alyse by his truck as I mentally prepare for when West comes after school. We drop Alyse off at home and head back to our house with the radio up all the way.

"When is West getting here?" Toby asks as we pull up to the driveway, turning down the music.

I go to answer him, but said bad boy comes pulling in behind us only seconds later. Toby watches in the rear view mirror and I watch the scowl form on his face.

"Never mind," he mutters, turning off the truck and stepping out.

I follow, grabbing my backpack before shutting the truck door as Toby walks around to my side and eyes West as he gets out of his old Jeep Wrangler.

"Hey Sunshine, Toby," he says, walking towards us.

"Were you waiting down the road or something?" Toby grunts, crossing his arms.

West quirks a brow, "Raine told me to be here at 4:30, it's 4:30..."

I roll my eyes and start on my way to the front door.

"Ignore him," I sign to West.

We head inside and Toby goes to the kitchen to do his homework while West is over. He still isn't thrilled about these lessons and isn't backing down on his plan to always be downstairs when West is over. But, I can't say it bothers me too much. The extra security calms that never-ending fear in the back of my mind of being taken advantage of again.

West and I settle into the couch and I shuffle through my backpack for my whiteboard, going with a green marker today.

'How much do you remember from our last lesson?' I write.

"All of it."

I raise a skeptical brow, but he pushes past it.

"So, how come brother bear in there is so cold towards me?" He asks with a hint of amusement, nodding towards the kitchen.

'He's just protective over me.'

"So I've noticed, why-"

I cut him off by holding up my hands for a second or two, then quickly grab my whiteboard and scribble down my sentence.

'Ah, today is my day to ask questions. My end of the essay, remember?'

West reads it over and chuckles, backing off. He gestures for me to go ahead.

"Ask away, Sunshine."

He keeps his eyes on mine, and I feel frozen under his gaze. I need to look away so I can start with my interview, but it feels like his stare has reached out and is holding me in place.

Surprisingly, I'm not trying to pull away.

I snap out of my daze, letting out a small breath and start writing down all of the questions Alyse helped me come up with in the car. West tries to read as I write them down, but I pull my knees up and lean the whiteboard on them to block his view, sending him a look. When I finish writing them, I spin it around to show him.

'What was the first thing that went through your head when you went to juvie?'

He thinks about it for a second before smirking widely, "'Damn, I had better not drop the soap.'"

Did he just-

If I could talk, this would be the time for me to choke on my words and stutter out a response. However, just because I use ASL doesn't really save me from stuttering. I lift my hands to sign a response, but I'm too shocked to even think of anything so my hands just kind of hover in the air.

West looks at my hands and then at me, eyes brimming with mischievous humor.

"So this is a mute's- I mean, someone who is vocally challenged's version of being at a loss for words, huh?"

I finally am able to snap out of my shock and roll my eyes at him, lightly smacking his shoulder with my whiteboard. With the space I left underneath my questions, I write down my response.

'Serious answers only.'

"Who says I wasn't being serious?"

I narrow my eyes at him.

He puts his hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay. First thought?" He pauses and mulls it over, eyes focused down on the couch cushions as he answers. "'I can't believe I somehow ended up here.'"

He keeps his eyes trained on the cushion for a few seconds more. His mind seems to be back on that day, brows drawn together in thought. I frown, awkwardly fumbling with my marker while hoping none of my questions are too personal.

"Next question," West says, breaking the silence with his tone back to its usual vigor.

I show him the whiteboard and point to the next question I wrote down.

"Were you scared, and of what?" He reads out loud, cocking his head. He lifts his eyes to mine and smirks, "Come on Sunshine, don't ask me ridiculous questions."

I furrow my brow, "You weren't S C A R E D at all?" I sign slowly, having to spell it out since I can't recall teaching the sign to him.

"No. I was angry. What's next?"

I watch as his jaw clenches for a second or two before he quickly replaces his scowl with a cool look, and I show the next question.

'Describe the first day.'

West sighs, shifting around a little. His eyes dart back down to the cushion, brows once again furrowing as he recalls the memory.

"I showed up, the removed my handcuffs and I remember instantly rubbing my wrists. Handcuffs are just as uncomfortable as they look. I had to remove my belt and all of the random things in my pockets before getting patted down. I was ushered to the showering area where they gave me soap, shampoo, and my towels through this two way door. The shower was so...bland. White tiles, no color anywhere. After, they issued me my clothes and led me to my pod- that's what they called the different dormitory areas. A, B, C, and D. Each one had four cells, I was in Pod D. I was in a cell with one bed, but there were a few with two if you were lucky enough to have a roommate. My cell, just like the others, had a built in desk that was attached to the wall and only jutted out only one foot. There was a metal stool to go with it, bolted to the floor, a sink, and a toilet. The walls...they were boring white concrete. Hell, even the bed was just a concrete box with a mattress on top with some sheets and a pillow."

He stops there, swallowing hard before clearing his throat and glances at me with any emotion other than laid-back completely masked. "That answer your question?"

Even knowing that West was in juvie, I never really thought about what it must have been like for him. He seems so carefree, so confident in himself. But hearing him talk about juvie...I can tell the toll being there actually took on him. I wasn't expecting it to sound so much like a prison, and I wasn't expecting him to actually answer my questions truthfully.

Then, West chuckles.

"Sunshine, don't look so down. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. The food was decent."

I realize my emotions are clear on my face, so I quickly look away and force myself to shake off the sympathy coating my eyes, choosing to lighten the mood.

'Right, those were the only questions I had for now.'

West reads over my sloppy handwriting and nods, relaxing back into the couch.

"Well, if anymore come to mind just ask."

Well...

'So...did you ever drop the soap?' I write, shrugging at him.

He reads my handwriting and laughs, and I find myself chuckling with him.

"It was a coed detention facility. We were kept separated from the girls when it came to our cells and showers, but there wasn't the need for....that when we could still interact with the girls," he explains. "You can put your dirty thoughts to rest now, Sunshine."

I feel my face heat up and I smile sheepishly at him, just causing him to chuckle some more.

"Now it's my turn."

I raise a brow in confusion at him.

"Your turn?"

He nods, "To ask questions, of course." He smirks, placing his arm around the back of the couch.

"Oh."

"Where are your folks? Surely they wouldn't let you stay at home with a delinquent, I mean who knows what I may do?" He asks rather suggestively.

I ignore what he insinuated and look away, gnawing on my cheek at his question. I'm nowhere near close enough to West to tell him about my mother's fateful death or my father's absence. And I doubt I'll ever be that close with him.

"Father's out of town on business." I sign, and he nods, comprehending.

"Either you didn't mention your mom, or I'm a really shitty student." He says, cocking his head at me.

I don't answer.

West doesn't question me further about her.

"So, your dad is out of town on business. What does he do?"

I adjust my position, pulling my legs up underneath me on the couch.

'He works for some accounting firm in New York.'

"New York? He couldn't find a job in Chicago?"

I look down and fiddle with the couch while shrugging, 'He's been with the same company since he got out of college, and he's moved up the chain to where he needs to be at the office in NY a lot.'

West frowns as he reads the whiteboard, "How often do you see him?"

'Every few weeks he'll come home for a few days.' I answer truthfully.

He glances towards the kitchen were Toby is, "That why Toby is so over protective? Because it's just the two of you for the most part?"

I continue to gnaw on my cheek and nod, avoiding eye contact.

It's hard not having my dad around. I used to be daddy's little girl, especially without my mom. He was always there for us before he got promoted. He was the perfect father, and those memories make it even harder not having him here.

I go to sign something, but when I glance up my heart leaps as I meet West's gaze. He's watching me closely, brown eyes frowning at me.

We break out of our stare when I hear the chair in the kitchen abruptly scratch against the floor. Toby comes into the living room seconds later, placing his phone into his pocket.

"I've got to head out, so West you gotta go. Sorry to cut your lesson short."

"Where are you going?" I sign, but Toby ignores it.

West cocks a brow, nearly scoffing. "What? Raine isn't allowed to have a friend over when you aren't here?"

Toby narrows his eyes, jaw clicking. "It's time for you to leave."

I stare at Toby to try and get his attention, but he refuses to break eye contact with West who sighs and stands up.

"Well, in that case, I guess I'll be going. Sunshine," he says, turning to me with a grin, "always a pleasure. Let me know when your da- brother will let you and I have another lesson."

I stand up along with West to walk him to the front door, trying to control my annoyance with Toby. I have a pretty good guess as to why he suddenly has to leave. There's only one thing that could get him to just abruptly head out. Someone called him for some...fun.

"I'm sorry about him," I sign to West. "He's just..."

"Overprotective? Overbearing?" West offers with a smirk.

I sigh and awkwardly nod.

West shrugs on his jacket, sending me a cool smile. "Don't worry about it. I've dealt with worse."

West opens the front door and steps outside into the fall air, looking back at me before walking all the way down the front porch steps. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sunshine."

When he gets to his Jeep, I shut the front door and turn back around to Toby who is on his phone. I wave to get his attention, and he glances up at me.

"Seriously? Where do you have to go all of the sudden?"

He sighs, "I have to work on a project."

"Bullshit." I sign before crossing my arms over my chest.

"I am working on a project, Raine. It just happens to be over at Tina's house."

I scoff, "Are you kidding me? You're leaving for a booty call? And you forced West to leave?"

"Who cares if he left? It's a good thing I made him leave, you can't be here alone with him."

"He was here for 30 minutes, Toby. We didn't even start our lesson. Your 'project' couldn't wait?"

"I don't want to have to plan my life around some lowlife like him!" He yells, suddenly losing his temper.

"You don't even know the guy!" I sign, and if I could talk then I would have been yelling.

"Oh and you do?" He scoffs.

I don't respond.

"I don't want someone like him around you!" Toby yells, causing me to flinch in the slightest. "I wasn't able to protect you once before, I'm not making the same mistake this time around, Raine."

It isn't often he yells at me, it really isn't often he gets angry with me.

"I understand that you want to protect me, Toby, but you don't get to choose who I hangout with."

"Why can't you just hang out with Alyse! She's not a threat!"

"Who said West was a threat?" I sign, giving him a incredulous look.

"Oh, so now you trust this guy? He's been to jail, Raine, and we don't know what for!" He shouts, throwing his hands in the air.

"Juvie."

"From the way he was describing it, it sounds like the same damn thing."

"You were eavesdropping?" I sign angrily.

"I was observing, yes! But juvie or jail or whatever, he's not someone to trust."

"I never said I trusted him, I'm just saying he hasn't given me any reason to be scared of him!"

"The things you heard aren't enough?!" He hollers, looking at me incredulously.

"Not all rumors are true! I thought you of all people would know that from what rumors swarmed around you and Warren!" I sign, angry tears rising in my throat.

"They had no evidence, they all completely guessed! West has been to juvie, that's fucking proof that he's done something!" He yells, getting closer to me.

"People go to juvie for stupid things, and sometimes they are wrongly convicted." I point out, swallowing my tears.

"People go to juvie for things that are against the law and put others in danger." Toby growls. "Don't try to tell me you think this guy went to juvie for no reason, Raine!" He yells incredulously.

I take a step back as his yelling intensifies and tears threaten to spill from my eyes. "Is it going to take him fucking raping you for you to realize he isn't the type of guy to just have over?" He yells, huffing from his anger.

I feel as if I got the wind knocked out of me when he finishes and I look away from him.

I don't care how upset he is. Bringing that up will never be okay.

I know he realizes how far he went when his anger instantly changes to shock and his eyes widen. He stands there still as a statue, mouth agape.

"Raine, I am so sorry-"

"Too far." I sign, pushing past him to go to my room.

"Raine! Please, I didn't mean to say anything like that!"

I storm up the stairs, making it a point to make my rage known, and then slam my door shut. The tears stream down my face as I slide down my wall, burying my head in my hands.

I don't like arguing with Toby, I don't like it when we get mad at each other. He's the only family that cares about me, and when he yells at me I start to feel alone. He was the one there for me the most when Warren assaulted me. He was my rock. To hear him threaten me with the mention of rape... it's the worst thing he could say to me. As much as I wish it didn't, the mention of rape brings flashbacks flooding into my mind; and this time the flashbacks aren't so easy to keep back.

"Where are we going?" I asked, leaning heavily on Warren for support.

I missed his smirk as he responded. "Don't worry, Raine. I'm taking you upstairs, I'll make you feel better."

I giggled, "What is that supposed to mean, Warren?" I asked, stumbling up the stairs.

He chuckled, "Come on, you'll see. I hope you at least remember some of it."

More sobs escape my body, how could I have been so stupid? The signs were so clear. I should have known. I could have prevented it.

"Warren...what are you doing?" I asked as he threw me on a bed and locked the door behind him.

"Getting you away from the party, you said you were feeling hazy." He explained as he unbuttoned his shirt.

I nodded, laying my head back. "Oh... Thank you." I sighed with a small smile, but then I lifted my head again. "Then why are you taking your shirt off?"

He met my eyes and let out a laugh, only it didn't sound like the carefree laugh I was used to. It sounded evil, and it scared me. He walked towards me and my heart started racing.

"You'll see soon enough."

My eyebrows furrowed together, my hazy mind having trouble comprehending his words. Next thing I knew, he was on top of me and my dress was being torn off.

"Warren, no! I-"

That's when I feel a piercing pain in my cheek and my mouth is violently covered.

My breathing starts to intensify and I clench my eyes tight, I need to stop my flashbacks before I remember too much. I don't want to relive it. I want to forget it. I want for it to have never happened. I want my voice back.

I want my innocence back.

I hear a knock at my door and snap my head towards it.

"Raine..." Toby calls, his voice hoarse. My breath catches in my throat as mixed emotions fill me.

I want my brother because I want him to protect me from the memories. But he had no right to say what he did. He went too far.

"Raine, I am so so so sorry. Please let me in."

I shake my head and bite my lip to keep from sobbing.

"Please, Raine..." he begs, tears in his voice, "I know you're fighting the flashbacks. I don't want you to go through that alone just because I fucked up."

I don't go to the door.

"I was out of line," he says through the door, "I should never have said that. I know. I just...I worry about you so much, Raine. I let it happen to you once and I never want to watch you go through that again. Don't hate me, I love you."

I love him too.

I sniff and wipe my nose, slowly getting out of my bed. I pad to the door and unlock it, quickly walking back towards my bed. I hear the door open and he walks in, regret evident on his face. His eyes are red, and my heart breaks a little at the realization that he must have been crying.

Siblings like us shouldn't be fighting. We're all the other has in terms of family.

"Hey," he whispers, sitting on my bed.

I avoid his gaze.

"Raine...you don't have to forgive me for what I said. Hell, I wouldn't forgive myself. I just...I just worry about you. I don't want what happened with Warren to happen again. I can't see you like that again."

I slowly look up from my blanket, "I know, Toby. But you can't rule my life."

He sighs and shakes his head, "I know, I know. It's hard for me to not take on that overprotective role, especially with dad not here."

I frown and I feel my anger slowly slipping away.

"I know it's been hard for you without dad. It's been hard for me too, but you're my brother. Not my dad."

"I guess I should stop trying to be both, huh?"

I offer him a small smile in response. He places his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close for a side hug. "I love you."

"I love you too. I don't like arguing with you."

"I know, I don't like it either."

We stay like that for a little while before he talks into the silence. "I ordered a pizza for dinner, by the way."

I chuckle and nod. "Toby?"

He hums in response.

"I think you should give West a chance."