1/17/2021 - Yes, I made sure to update these chapters back to back! Enjoy...I believe this is the chapter everyone has been waiting for since you started reading ;) Also, a huge thank you to Kailaaa_ann for creating the attached cover! I think it's one of the most unique covers I have received :)

Trigger warning: This chapter is going to dive into her story of what happened with Warren, so please skip that if you need to. When you see the *, that will be the end of Raine's story about what happened with Warren and you'll know you're safe to read on!

Silently Falling: Chapter Thirty Two

West's eyes widen, his shock not easily masked. He stares at me, calculating for a moment or two to make sure I'm not just saying that and that I really am ready to tell him everything. But, of course I am. 

This is the man who wanted to learn ASL just to get to know me. This is the man who showed me his music and has brought mine to life. This is the man who got me to open up about my parents and comforted me at my absolute worst times. This is the man who somehow earned my trust and my heart and held both delicately; and the man who walked to my house in the freezing cold in the middle of the night to ensure both my trust and my heart are still his to hold. 

I would be crazy not to tell him about my past; crazy not to see that I can trust him with everything because what I thought was him breaking that trust was really just him developing it even more. He told me he knew my secret when he easily could have kept that to himself. He only threatened Warren with my intentions at heart. 

"Of course I'm willing to listen, but you don't have to say anything if you don't want to," he reassures. "Just because I blabbed that I know about the court case doesn't mean you have to tell me your story. I want you to do that when you're ready."

"I am ready." 

With another deep breath, I hug my arms around my body and will my earlier speech back to my mind. I knew all along that I was going to tell West tonight, but I had to hear what he had to say before I could bring myself to do it. Now that he's explained his earlier actions and I could listen with a sound mind, I know I'm ready to open up to him even more. 

I haven't told anyone my whole story. I couldn't tell my Dad or Toby. That would have made them hurt more and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Alyse has heard a lot, but even she doesn't know the level of horror I went through. I don't know if I should tell West every little detail either, but looking into his eyes right now- clearly showing that I have his full attention and that he will stick by my side no matter what I say- I know that I can tell him everything. 

"It was the first party I went to. Alyse and I were just freshman and Toby was only a sophomore, but he had been invited by some seniors and offered for us to tag along. I was hesitant since we weren't invited by the hosts and we were just measly little freshmen. But then, Toby told me that his best friend, Warren, was going too and I easily changed my decision and decided to go." 

West stays silent, hanging onto every word I say. His posture does stiffen upon learning that Toby and Warren were once best friends and for the fact I just alluded to having a minor crush on him. 

"I did have a crush on Warren. He was my brother's best friend, cliché right? He just...he was at the house all the time, loved to pick on me and tease me, and every now and then he'd throw in a compliment that made me think he actually liked me, too."

My voice nearly gives out. But I don't know if it's due to the strain on my throat, or the long buried memory of liking Warren resurfacing. I hate to admit that I did have a crush on him. It was something Nathaniel Snow capitalized on during the trial, using it to attempt to prove that I wanted Warren. He made me look like a liar on the stand. Made me admit that ever since Toby and Warren became friends in elementary school, I had a huge crush on him. A childhood crush must mean that I wanted to be forced into a room to have sex with him, right? 

"Sunshine?" 

I shake my head and snap out of my thoughts, focusing on West's concerned eyes. 

"I'm okay, sorry. Anyways, when I found out that Warren was going, I agreed to go. Can you believe that? The guy who ruined my life was the whole reason I went to the party in the first place..." I trail off, clenching my jaw at how stupid I was. 

Any speech I planned is being thrown out the window now that I'm actually in the moment, telling West everything. I haven't told anyone this story in nearly three years, and doing so now is reminding me of things I wanted to keep hidden away...such as the feeling that this was all my fault for stupidly liking Warren as more than a friend. 

"You couldn't have known at the time," West says gently, pulling me back to the present again.

"I should have."

Before West can say anything else, I continue on.

"So, I went to the party and, much to my surprise, Warren hung out with me all night. He had never given me his full attention like that and I remember feeling so special. He made sure I always had a drink in my hand and was pressuring me to finish a cup-full every few minutes. At the time, I thought that was his way of looking out for me, you know, to make sure I blended into the party and didn't look like a freshman among so many upperclassmen. Now...now I realize how stupid and naïve I was. He just wanted to make sure I was drunk enough to be stumbling around and needing him for support." 

My eyes are trained tightly behind West, staring into nothingness as I recall everything that happened that night. From my peripheral vision, I can see the way West's hands clench into fists and the way his entire body goes rigid. But he doesn't say anything and forces himself to stay calm. 

My throat has become gritty with the threat of tears mixed in with an already painful dryness. It's becoming very difficult to keep this going, but I've already come this far and I know I can't stop now. 

"It didn't take too long for me to be extremely drunk. It didn't help that I was just a freshman and had never really even had alcohol before. I had no tolerance, I was probably a goner after just that first cup of jungle juice. I remember feeling dizzy, disoriented, everything felt like it was spinning. Warren acted like he was extremely concerned and when Toby ran over after I fell into some senior couple, Warren reassured him that he could take care of me."

I drop my gaze to the floor and subconsciously fiddle with my hair-tie as my chin quivers. I open my mouth to keep going, but a small sob beats my words. Instantly, I feel West's warm hands rest gently on my arms. I lift my eyes to his and see the anguish in his own eyes from hearing my story.

"You don't have to keep going if you don't want to."

"I need to," I whisper past my tears, staring into his eyes for the strength I desperately need.

West rubs his thumbs up soothingly on my arms which slowly but surely makes my tears retreat. When my voice is able to surpass the threat of sobs, I continue and West's hands drop from my arms. I avoid eye contact as I begin again.

"He took me upstairs to one of the bedrooms. I was so disoriented that I didn't know what was going on. My stupid, crush-idled brain thought he was going to take me upstairs to sleep off the alcohol and cuddle me back to health. B-but as soon as we got into the room..."

My voice fails me, catching on a near sob that stings my throat so badly that I flinch hard. West reaches for my water bottle on my nightstand within the second, but he deflates when he notices that it's empty.

"I'm okay," I whisper hoarsely. 

I need to get through this now. If I don't, I don't know if I ever will. I continue on, but now my voice is nothing but a throaty murmur. 

"As soon as we got into the room, he practically threw me onto the bed as if he couldn't waste any more time. Then he locked the door a-and started taking his shirt off. The next thing I knew, m-my dress was being taken off of me. I questioned him, cried for him not to do it, tried to struggle against him, but I was so drunk that I'm sure it was barely a hindrance to him. Every time I moved to kick him away, I just felt sick from the alcohol. I was screaming, but the music downstairs was so loud and no one heard me. Then, with my dress off, I remember feeling the prongs to my bra slicing into my back as he ripped that off too."

A single tear escapes and runs down my cheek when I shut my eyes tightly to will away the memory of blood soaking my skin. I'm sure there's a small scar right in the middle of my back from it. 

Suddenly, West's hand is there to wipe the tear away before it gets past my cheekbone. I open my watery eyes to meet his. Though his hand feels gentle and reassuring, I can't ignore how tense it is. He's doing a good job at masking his feelings on his expression, but his body language is revealing how angry he is. I lean into his hand, reveling in the stability it provides. 

"It wasn't too long after that that I blacked out," I say in a whisper with my bottom lip quivering against my will. "W-we took him to court, but Nathaniel twisted the story around entirely. He used my crush as consent to the things Warren did to me, and it worked. Warren got off easy while I was stuck looking like a liar, stuck in silence with no way to talk except for in my dreams where I would scream at Warren to get away from me."

At this point, I don't think I have it in me to say anything else. My throat is stinging and throbbing, and I'm not sure I can face anymore of that nightmare. This is the most I've ever talked about it, and it's the first time I've actually spoken it. I gauge West's reaction, but though his eyes are tight on me, I don't think he's really seeing me. He seems lost in his own heated thoughts, if his set jaw and flared nostrils are any indicator. His hand drops from my face and I take a step back.

* 

"Well say something," I manage to get out.

That snaps West out of his thoughts and he focuses back on me. 

"What are you thinking?" I whisper.

He balls his hand into a fist. "That I shouldn't have held back at the party and should have rearranged his ugly little face. That I should have beaten him so badly he ended up in the hospital. That he should be rotting in a cell right now."

I swallow back a lump in my throat as I watch West's face get redder and redder as he thinks of all the things he should have done to Warren. I look away and only now do I notice that I'm shaking. My knees feel weak and I step back to steady myself, which catches West's attention. His anger almost instantly melts away and he steps closer to me, close enough for me to notice the delicate look in his beautiful brown eyes. 

"I'm also thinking about how strong you are," he says softly, "about how much you amaze me by still being able to smile and laugh despite having had that happen to you. I'm thinking about how much I admire you for being able to find your voice again, which is beautiful by the way. I'm thinking about how much you inspire me, about how much you mean to me." 

My breath gets caught in my throat as he goes on, saying how sorry he is for earlier this morning, how strong he thinks I am, how much I've come to mean to him and how he never wants to lose me, and how grateful he is that I told him my story. And as he continues, my admiration for him skyrockets. 

This is the man that I trust completely. This is the man that makes me feel safe and secure. This is the man that has slowly dug his way into my heart and has planted himself firmly inside. This is the man who made me feel like I could break away from the chains that bound me. This is the man that I've come to care deeply about and the man that I want. 

He's still going on, repeating himself a few times to get his message across for the way he feels about me. I want to say something and cut him off; to say everything that's swirling around my own mind as I look into his eyes, but I think my voice has about had it tonight. However, being trapped in silence for three years, I learned something important: actions speak louder than words. So, while he blabs on about strength and admiration, my eyes drop down to his lips. 

I don't hesitate. 

In one fluid motion I take the tiny step needed to be closer to him, stand up on my tiptoes, and kiss him. He was mid-sentence and my sudden, bold action clearly surprises him, but he instantly kisses me back without pause. His hand comes up to rest tenderly on my neck, underneath my jawline, with his thumb resting on my cheek. It's an innocent kiss, but it is electrified with passion from months worth of pent up emotions. His lips are slightly chapped from his walk earlier in the freezing cold, yet they are still undeniably soft and warm and make my body melt. This is what a kiss should feel like; protected and adored with my heart beating faster from excitement.

When we pull apart, our eyes flutter open and West has a tiny smile playing at his parted lips. He keeps his hand gently on my cheek and searches my face with that tiny smile, rubbing his thumb along my cheekbone. 

"Yeah, it was better," he whispers, meeting my eyes once again. 

I furrow my brows in question.

"Kissing you. It was even better than I thought it would be." 

Despite my massive blush, I open my mouth to make fun of his ridiculously cheesy line, but my throat is so dry that trying to speak feels like I swallowed a thousand needles. I shut my eyes tight as I wince in pain, and West's smile vanishes into a look of concern.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, trying to swallow away the dry feeling. 

"Did you push yourself too hard?" 

I open my eyes again and lightly nod. Suddenly, my exhaustion is catching up to me and I know I have dark circles under my eyes. 

West sighs, "Okay, come on. Let's get you some water...and I should probably go get your dad to drive me home so that you can get some sleep." 

As much as I'd rather we stay here, held in each other's arms, I know West is right. It's probably nearing 4 in the morning now, and neither of us have gotten any sleep. I can't even imagine how tired he must be after walking half of the way here. 

We pull apart and head towards Dad's room. The door is slightly cracked, so I push it open expecting him to be sitting up reading or something. But instead, he's passed out with the light on, snoring loud enough for me to be shocked West and I didn't hear it in my room. We glance at one another as though asking each other what to do, until I walk all the way inside and shake him awake. 

He grumbles something out and turns away from me, which causes me to chuckle and shake him again.

"Mmm, what?" He asks, burying his face in his pillow.

"You asked me to let you know when I needed a ride home," West says since my voice isn't ready to be used again.

"The couch is pretty comfy," Dad groans, still half asleep, "I'll drive you back in the morning." 

Then, his snores take over the silence in the room again and I stand straight up. I glance over at West who shrugs, and we both silently leave the room, shutting it behind us. We head downstairs after grabbing two of the pillows from my bed and a blanket. West sets himself up on the couch while I retreat to the kitchen and down a bottle of water, sighing in relief at the way it coats and cools my dry throat. Hopefully, with some sleep, it will feel better in the morning. 

I pad into the living room with a second water bottle in hand for West just as he finishes setting up his temporary bed on the couch. 

"You know," he starts, looking down at his attire, "I never thought our first kiss would happen while I was wearing Spongebob pajama pants. Had I known that was going to happen when I came over, I would have at least changed into some manly sweatpants."  

I chuckle, but my tiredness prevails and a yawn escapes me. West smiles softly and walks over to me, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"You should get some sleep, Sunshine."

Another small yawn escapes me and I blush since it was right in his face, but West just chuckles at me. He leans forward again, pausing before touching my lips to allow me to pull away if I need to. But, of course, I don't and I close the hair-length distance between us and kiss him sweetly.

"Goodnight, Raine," he says as we pull away.

"Goodnight, West," I sign.

And, as I head upstairs and snuggle under my covers, despite the way everything seemed to work out I can't help but think that things are far from over. I still have to deal with Warren at school and face the fact that he attacked me again. West still has the threat looming over his head of Warren telling the school why he was sent to juvie. I still have to manage to keep my voice and strengthen it. For now, however, I allow myself to bask in the comfort that things are okay and fall asleep. 

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1/17/2021 - So that only took me 3 days to write...lol. I have a feeling you guys are pretty happy right now! But, like Raine said, things are far from over and I have more in store for you guys!