9/10/2021 - Thank you all for loving this story so much! Your encouragement and constant feedback on these edits mean everything to me. I constantly go back through the edited chapters to read your comments about how much my writing has matured and evolved and it truly makes my day every time. This book (tentatively) will have 41/42 chapters!

Silently Falling: Chapter Thirty Seven

A little while later, when the hug ended and the fire completely died out, Gray went on his way. But not before giving me another hug and setting a friendly kiss on my cheek with some more words of sympathy and encouragement to not let Tyler's actions bring me down. He quietly reminded me to look around and see that I still have people who care deeply about me all around and Tyler isn't even worth the sadness.

As much as I want to hang onto Gray's words and find their truth, the fact of the matter is that Tyler is worth the sadness. Our friendship meant a lot to me and to lose that is worthy of my tears. He's my best friend. He was the first guy I was able to fully trust after what happened with Warren and his innocent, laughable personality helped bring me out of my shell.

That's not something I can just forget. Tyler is a good guy. So why did a good guy have to go and do something so horrible?

A shutter racks through my body and I pull West's jacket tighter around me, my eyes downcast to the stone ground. Tyler was someone I believed I could trust. I never had any doubt. Did I miss the signs? Did he only make a mistake? Or is he really not the guy I thought he was?

I close my eyes as question after question attacks my mind. Now all I can do is question my judgement when I finally felt like I could trust myself.

A gentle hand reaching for my shoulder takes me away from my thoughts and I lift my gaze to meet West's worried one.

"Are you okay?"

The concern in his voice and tender worry in his eyes washes away the bits of doubt that Tyler's actions planted in my mind and I find myself nodding.

"I will be," I say honestly, sending him a reassuring smile.

Then my eyes divert to his knuckles, wet with blood from his previously split knuckles from when he punched the Jeep. He must have reopened them when he hit Tyler. I frown and reach for his hand, gently sliding my hand underneath to lift up from his palm and take a closer look at the raw skin. West watches me silently, carefully gauging my reaction and trying to decipher my emotions after all that went on.

"You, on the other hand, are not okay and you need to get this cleaned up," I say, looking at him through my lashes.

He moves his fingers around, causing the bones in his knuckles to move and he winces slightly. However, he gives me a small shake of his head and then nods towards my brother.

"I think you should check on Toby first."

Toby is staring into the fading embers at the bottom of the firepit, watching as they dance around faintly and glow in his eyes.

"Toby?"

He doesn't acknowledge me right away. His head moves just a tad so I know he heard me, but he stays quiet for a few moments longer. Unmoving, unblinking, lost in his thoughts.

"I-" Toby finally starts, having to clear his throat and blink away the glaze on his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Raine."

Hearing his defeated tone has me rushing around the bonfire to stand by his side, trying desperately to catch his gaze.

"Please don't apologize, Toby. You've done absolutely nothing wrong."

But he shakes his head and his hands clench into fists at his sides, so tightly that they actually shake.

"I let another guy into your life who ended up not deserving it."

"Don't do that to yourself. This isn't your fault," I say seriously. "It's my life, yeah? These are the consequences of my decisions, not yours."

He finally meets my gaze and I see the tears burning in the back of his eyes.

"I could have at least stayed with you that night, Raine! That was the promise, wasn't it? And I just walked away almost as soon as we got there." His voice gets caught on a sob and he shuts his eyes for a moment, taking in a shaky breath. "I also knew Tyler liked you. I think it was pretty obvious, but I saw the way you and West started looking at one another and just figured Tyler would notice too and get over his crush. I didn't think he'd do something like this."

At that moment, Alyse cautiously walks up behind him and lays a gentle hand on Toby's shoulder, causing him to stop and turn his head to her. She rests her hand on his cheek with somber eyes, wiping away a small tear that had fallen as she shakes her head.

"Listen to Raine. This isn't your fault, Toby. Tyler made his own decisions and none of us could have known he would do something so selfish and horrible."

He keeps his gaze stuck to hers, leaning further into her touch. I watch the way every wall he's ever had, even to me, comes crashing down as he takes a small step forward, wraps his arms around her waist, and buries his face in her neck.

Not wanting to intrude, I turn toward West to bring him inside. However, I jump slightly from the way he's looking at me. I can't quite decipher his intense, thoughtful gaze, but it causes my heart to thud harder and I walk over to his side.

"Do you want to go inside?" I suggest quietly. "We can go get your hand cleaned up."

He nods and we quietly walk around Toby and Alyse, not wanting to ruin their moment, and make our way inside. The doors lead into the kitchen, so I have West sit on the barstools at the counter while I go and grab some bandages and a bag of ice. I walk back into the kitchen from the bathroom where I grabbed the little first-aid kit and I notice the emotion weathering behind his brown eyes when he meets my gaze. I take a seat on the stool next to him and he holds out his hand for me to inspect.

I look at it for a few seconds, gently moving his hand around to get the best look at the split and bruised skin, and then dive into my little medical kit to search for the Hydrogen peroxide so I can clean it off. When I finally find it and direct my attention back to West, I find myself blushing under his tender gaze.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.

He shrugs with a tiny smile, "How am I looking at you?"

"I don't know..." I admit with a small chuckle, "But I like it. I just want to know what you're thinking about."

"You."

My blush deepens. I don't know how to respond. So, we both stay quiet as I continue to work on the cuts on his knuckles. After a few moments, his gaze slips away from me and instead he stares at the cuts on his hand. He flexes it, jaw ticking and stare hardening.

My eyes jump to him when he fills the silence.

"There was a moment earlier, right after I punched Tyler, that I wasn't actually seeing him anymore. In that split second, I was back in that bedroom with my mom and Jason the day I got arrested. And in that split second, I didn't want to stop hitting Tyler until he was on the floor unconscious like Jason had been."

While he talks, I continue to clean his wound while hanging onto his every word. I think he appreciates the small distraction as he talks about a man who didn't deserve to be a part of his family.

"Even if it was only for a half a second, I didn't want to stop. Finding out that Tyler knew what was going to happen to you at the party and that he did nothing all because he was jealous... Everything I suppressed with Warren from that night came rushing to the surface again, and I guess it stirred up some similar feelings of anger that I hadn't acted on since that day with Jason. Hell, I hadn't felt that level of anger again aside from when I walked into that room at the party. And I couldn't do anything about it then."

I accidentally dump too much peroxide on the cotton ball and it soaks through to West's knuckle before I have the chance to warn him that it's going to sting. He winces and I send him an apologetic look, but he doesn't let it put a dent in his story.

"I've been in other fights before, back in juvie, and I never saw him during any of those. All I did was hit Tyler once and flashbacks started surfacing. The same hopeless feeling and desire to do something came over me."

He stops there, and I credit it to the fact that I started dabbing at his wound with the cotton ball a little too aggressively on accident and he had to bite his tongue. However, even when I quickly stop, he stays quiet and watches me work and I relax into his comforting gaze.

"Maybe the reason you saw him," I think out loud as I concentrate on bandaging him up, "is because Tyler is someone else in your life that should have been able to be trusted. In juvie, I'm sure the fights were for different reasons, but in this case it was someone you trusted betraying you, and those close to you, again."

West hums his agreement and I look up at him. He's watching me with a tiny smile; cute enough to show off the crinkles by his eyes, the look in his eye one of serene happiness. I tilt my head a little, confused as to how he could look so at peace after telling a tale like that.

"That could be part of it," he agrees. "I don't think that's the main reason, though."

"What's the other part?" I ask, reaching over to my medical kit to grab a Band-Aid.

"You mean what's the other reason that I felt the same level of anger seeing you get hurt as I did seeing my mom get hurt?" West asks, staring at me as if he knows something I don't with a playful gleam in his eye. "The reason that you're really the only other person I would get that angry and emotional for?"

"Yeah?"

West simply smiles a bit wider, the look in his eye almost challenging me.

"Why did you yell my name that night?"

I furrow my brow at him, startled by the question. When I don't give him an immediate response, he only gives a small chuckle with that same twinkle in his eye.

"Let me know when you figure it out," he says and before I have time to decipher what he means, he nods down to his hand. "How's my hand looking? You think it'll have to be amputated, Doc?"

I look down at my handiwork and cringe at the way the Band-Aid is barely sticking to his skin, peeling off as it follows the hills of his knuckles.

"I think that I could never be a doctor," I say with a small chuckle. "And I blame my dad for buying Spider-Man Band-Aids. He did it once when we were kids and now that's all he buys. They aren't very good quality."

West chuckles with me and flexes his hand, causing the red and blue spiderwebbed Band-Aid to pop off and we both laugh a little more. He reaches onto the counter for the remaining Band-Aid, tearing it open and easily placing it at the proper angle so that it stays attached to his skin. He sends me a small smirk as he flexes his hand and it doesn't come off, to which I pout at him in return.

"At least they aren't Spongebob themed?"

West chuckles and uses his good hand to tuck some hair behind my ear, gently pulling my face closer to his to set a soft kiss on my lips.

"Thanks Sunshine."

I grin back at him and kiss him again, melting into the feel of his lips on mine. His natural campfire scene is multiplied by the smell of the actual bonfire and it takes over my senses. His lips are warm and inviting despite the chill that was in the air, and he even has the taste of sweet chocolate on his tongue.

We both begin to stand so that we can be closer and hold one another in each other's arms as the kiss deepens. I have to stand partially on my toes, causing me to lean further into his body with my hands on his strong chest. His hand dances down my body and lands the back of my hip, holding me securely against him while his other hand stays tenderly caressing my face.

In the back of my mind, I pray that my dad stays in the living room and out of sight and that Toby and Alyse remain outside. But, the kitchen is perhaps the worst room to try and kiss in privacy and seconds later I hear the back door slide open and a quick squeak from Alyse. I pull away from West to see her ushering Toby back outside with wide, sorry eyes on me.

I just grin and roll my eyes, motioning for her to bring Toby back inside. West lets out a small grunt of reluctance and squeezes my hip before letting go and settling for resting his arm around my waist as we face the other two.

As Toby and Alyse start chatting, West leans down to whisper in my ear.

"My mom and Casper are dying to see you again. Dinner at my house tomorrow night?"

I lean further into his side, tucking my head under his chin as I nod my agreement.

OoO

The next day at school, I was lucky yet again since Warren never showed. Tyler did, however, with his broken nose and two black eyes on full display. Tina gushed worriedly all over him, loud enough to be heard across the parking lot where he stayed as the rest of us drove in. I constantly felt him looking at me, but I stayed tucked into West's side and refused to glance Tyler's way.

It went like that for the rest of the day. Somehow, I was fortunate enough that Tyler had a doctor's appointment to fix his nose he and missed the only class we had together. Yet another conversation and person I'm able to avoid, but a confrontation that I know is inevitable.

Now I'm in West's Jeep on the way to his house for dinner. He has the heat cranked up because despite my sweater and winter jacket, it's still beyond freezing. His mom won't be home for another hour or so, but West and I both figured it was smarter to just go to his house straight after school.

As we leave the nicer parts of town and venture closer to West's home, he reaches his hand across the console to take mine, sending me a smile as he does so. We pull into his driveway and walk swiftly inside and out of the cold.

"Last time you were here," he says as he shuts the door, "I joked to my mom that we were dating. Trust me when I say that she is very excited that's now reality."

I begin to take off my coat and chuckle. "She knows I got my voice back, right?"

He takes my coat for me and hangs it up as he nods. "She does. She doesn't know the full story, of course, but she knows you can talk again."

We make our way to his bedroom and I sit down on his bed, eyeing his guitar with a grin.

"You also played your first song for me the last time I was here," I say.

He walks over and takes his guitar before sitting on the bed next to me, scooting to rest his back against the far wall.

"I could play you something else."

I quirk a brow, "Did you have something prepared for this moment?"

He chuckles, "No, but there is a song I've been dying to sing."

"Let's hear it."

He eyes me and then sits up a little, "Only if you promise to sing with me."

That makes me straighten up in shock. My body nearly freezes and I swallow hard.

"West..."

He sets his guitar to the side. "I know you used to sing. You have your voice back now, there's nothing holding you back anymore."

"I haven't even tried to sing since getting it back and I don't even know what song you want to play or-"

"Sunshine," West says, cutting me off with a small smile. "Singing isn't something you just forget how to do. It's like riding a bike. And you'll know the song, I promise. After all, it's your song."

Before I can protest anymore, West picks his guitar back up and starts playing. And with just the first few chords, my heart melts and my whole body fills with warmth.

West smiles tenderly at me, "I told you you'd know it."

And then he begins singing.

"You are my Sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are grey.

You'll never know dear,

How much I love you.

Please don't take

My sunshine away."

He keeps the original chords going, pausing his own singing. Tears prick the corners of my eyes as I look at him and his encouraging smile.

"Come on, I know you know it," he says.

"West... I don't know if I can," I whisper.

"You'll never know unless you try, right?"

And with that, he plays the original chords once more to sing the famous chorus over again. He keeps his gaze locked on mine, brown eyes encouraging me to join in. The little grin stuck to his lips makes it almost impossible to refuse, and with a small smile of my own, I join in. After all, what better song to sing for the first time in three years?

"You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy

When skies are grey.

You'll never know dear,

How much I love you.

Please don't take

My sunshine away."

West keeps playing, but his own voice falters and fades out. He watches me with awestruck eyes, his jaw partially parted with a smile tugging the corners of his lips up ever so slightly. That twinkle in his eyes is back full-force, lighting up his whole face as he looks at me.

The lyrics flow almost effortlessly from my lips and I'm overwhelmed with a sense of utter relief and happiness. I shut my eyes as I keep singing, forcing myself to keep my tears of relief at bay. My voice comes out choked with emotion, but I'm able to still sing clearly. As though I never had to stop.

"The other night dear,

As I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you,

In my arms.

When I awoke dear,

I was mistaken.

So I hung my head

And I cried."

I meet West's gaze again, laughing breathlessly as my eyes well with my tears of joy. A weight that I didn't even know was on my heart feels lifted as I sing again, and West joins in with me.

"You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

When skies are grey.

You'll never know dear,

How much I love you.

Please don't take

My sunshine away."

The sound of his voice with mine fills my ears and my heart. We keep our eyes locked on one another, both glimmering with pride and admiration. And suddenly, I understand what the other reason was that caused West to hold so much emotion to protect me from Tyler. The reason I yelled his name that night.

"I'll always love you,

And make you happy.

And nothing else

Could come between.

But if you leave me

To allow another.

You'll have shattered

All of my dreams.

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy

When skies are grey.

You'll never know dear

How much I love you.

Please don't take

My sunshine away."

As he plays the last chord, the tears welling in my eyes finally let one fall. Silently, West sets his guitar down and comes closer to me, wiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb before delicately holding my face in his hands.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers. "You sound so beautiful."

And then he kisses me. Breathlessly and tenderly, full of more passion and emotion than any kiss we've shared before. I rest my hand on the back of his neck, threading my fingers through his hair as I begin to lay back on his bed with him following. His hands leave my cheeks, one resting on the pillow next to my head and the other trailing smoothly down my arm, intertwining our fingers.

His body rests on mine and our breathing starts to find the same rhythm, both of our hearts pounding uncontrollably fast from whatever emotion is stirring deep within us. He kisses me slowly, tenderly, squeezing my hand before letting it go to place his hand on the other side of my head.

The collar of his shirt tickles my chin as it hangs down, bathing me in more warmth to protect from the chill flowing in through the crevices of his window. However, when his body gently presses into mine and I feel his natural reaction below, my mind goes blank and panic overrides everything else. I suddenly feel trapped beneath him and his warmth turns to fire, locking me in place and burning my skin.

I break the kiss without thinking and plant my hands on his chest, shoving him off as my breathing becomes erratic and flashbacks dance in front of my eyes. West instantly gets off of me, standing from the bed to give me space as I quickly sit up. I try to control my rapid breathing, lifting a hand to my chest as I shut my eyes tight and will my horrific thoughts away. My bottom lip begins to quiver and I clench my eyes tighter and tighter, my jaw clenching with them as I breath heavily through my nose.

"Sunshine? I'm sorry," West says, his voice panicked.

His voice helps me fight away another unwanted memory, another unwanted feeling of his hands on my body.

"Keep talking," I beg, still focused on controlling my breathing.

"It's okay, it's just me. I'm sorry, you're okay," West soothes the best he can, alarm still in his tone.

I listen intently to his voice, willing it to remind me of where I am and who I'm with. I'm here with West, not trapped in a room with him. I'm safe. West is here. Eventually, my breathing slows and I open my eyes to meet West's worried ones.

"Are you okay?" He asks, now kneeling beside the bed to be eye-level with me.

I swallow down the tears that burn the back of my throat and nod. "I-I'm sorry," I whisper, embarrassment flushing over me.

West reaches out to take my hands, holding them in his with his elbows resting on the edge of the bed. He kisses my knuckles, his warm lips helping me to stop shaking and he rests his chin atop our hands.

"Don't apologize, Sunshine. I should be apologizing. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard o-or pressed into you like that I-"

"You didn't do anything wrong, though," I whimper, cutting him off. "I just...I don't know. Something came over me and I-"

"It's okay," West hushes me, kissing my hands again. "It's okay."

"No it's not. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that. You weren't doing anything wrong and I-I was enjoying the kiss I just-" another sob cuts me off and I shake my head before letting it hang low.

West lets go of my hands and sits up slightly so that he can pull me into his arms, soothingly rubbing my back as he softly shushes me.

"I know you were, Sunshine. We're going to take this one step at a time, yeah?" He asks softly, pulling away slightly to meet my eyes.

I sniffle back the last of my tears and nod. "Can we try again?" I ask sheepishly.

West furrows his brow and then smiles, letting out a small chuckle as he nods. "If you're asking if we can kiss again, that answer is always yes."

"I didn't freak you out?"

He shakes his head and squeezes me gently. "You scared me a little, but that's only because I thought I did something wrong. But freak me out? No."

He sits back next to me on the bed, laying down with a hand behind his head as he sends me a grin.

"This time, though, you can be in full control."

I stare at him for a moment or two and he smirks.

"That means you get to be on top of me, Sunshine." He says slyly, then quickly adds, "If you're comfortable with that."

I smile at him and hesitantly move so that my legs are straddling him, but I sit slightly higher than his lap. He grins up at me, lifting his hand to gently toss my blankets of hair behind my shoulders, fixing the few strands that fell forward by tucking them behind my ear.

"I meant what I said, though. Your voice is absolutely breathtaking."

I grin and lean down closer, gently bumping my nose on his. "How long have you been planning to sing that song?"

"I've been trying to figure out when to play it for you ever since the first time you were here. I didn't know today would be that day, but I'm sure as hell glad it was."

I nudge his nose softly one more time before kissing him again, letting my shoulders relax when no other flashbacks resurface. I keep this kiss more innocent and West does too, keeping a hand delicately on my jaw and the other still behind his head rather than suggestively on my body. Soon, we both hear the front door open as Libba gets home and I pull away, settling for sitting next to him.

"Thank you," I say.

He sits up and kisses my forehead, sending me a small smile.

"You don't have to thank me for kissing you."

"I mean for not freaking out after earlier. It means a lot," I admit.

"One step at a time, right?"

I smile at him, heart filled with relief and nod. "Right."

---

9/9/2021 - The most important part of this chapter, to me, is Raine's panic attack. In the original version, I don't think I accurately depicted a survivor's reaction to getting intimate for the first time after their sexual assault. I know this may not be true of every survivor, everyone has their own story and their own way of coping/overcoming, but I felt this added to her character and her experience. It shows that just because her and West got together and she found her voice doesn't mean her battle is over.

Until next time!

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