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Silently Falling: Chapter Sixteen

Alyse and I head back to the others after her random accusation that there is something going on between me and West. As we walk up, I discreetly watch West to see if there is any chance he overheard, or rather over-read, our conversation from across the room. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to be hiding any cocky smirks, so I think I'm in the clear. 

Everyone finishes up their drinks and soon we begin to part, but not before Gray, Tyler, and Toby make plans to hang out.

"West, man, you in? Ty's got a kickass media room where we play Apex Legends," Gray asks as we all head towards the door. "He's got an extra PS4 that he got from his grandma for Christmas, too."

"I still don't know how you finessed that one, Ty," Toby snorts. "Using your poor old Granny for an extra PS4."

"I would, guys, but I'm actually helping Raine with her song for Chorus," West says, pushing the door open with his shoulder and holding it open for the rest of us.

At that, everyone except for Alyse snap their eyes between me and West. They know the sentiment of my music, so I'm sure this is shocking to hear. Toby looks at me, narrowing his eyes for a second or two in confusion. He of all people knows the way I connect a lot of my music to mom, and my songs to the sorrows I've faced. 

I nod, agreeing with West. 

"You sure?" Tyler asks suddenly, "My place is always a good time, especially when my mom makes buffalo dip."

"Dude, your mom is making buffalo dip?" Gray asks, and I nearly snort at the sudden joy in his expression. "I love that stuff!" 

West pulls his keys from his pocket, "Hey man it sounds great and I appreciate the offer, but Raine's song is due tomorrow. Next time, I'm in."

"Yeah, sure definitely next time," Tyler says, only this smile doesn't seem as cheerful as usual. 

Toby glances at Alyse, "You in? If not I can drop you off at home."

She shrugs, "Sure. I'm always down to kick your ass in some videogames."

He snorts, "Oh is that so? When's the last time that happened?" 

I don't hide my smirk at their interaction, even catching Alyse's blush when she tries to hide it. 

"Sunshine? Ready to go?" West asks, nodding towards his Jeep.

I nod, "I'll see you guys later." Then, when the others start towards Toby's truck, I catch Alyse's eye and smirk, "Have fun 'kicking Toby's ass.'"

She smirks back at me, eyeing West who is waiting by his Jeep. "You too." 

I stick my tongue out at her from her insinuation, and she laughs as she jogs to catch up with the guys who are all waiting at Toby's truck for her. I head to West's Jeep and he opens the door for me, the muscles in his arm flexing for a moment as he tugs at the jammed door. I get in and he goes to his side, starting it up.

Almost instantly the radio starts playing at full blast. I flinch and cover my ears as he quickly turns the dial all the way down so that the music is at a dull whisper.

"Do you ever remember to turn it down before shutting off your car?" I sign.

He smirks, "Only time I forget is when I know you will ride with me."

We ride most of the way in silence, listening to the Green Day CD as he sings to himself. He pulls onto my street as the song reaches its end and, just as another starts up, West pulls into my driveway. I try to open my door, shoving it a little harder when it refuses to budge, and then finally step out as we head up my sidewalk and to the front door as I fish around in my backpack for my keys. 

When I don't find my keys, my eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. I always have them in this exact pocket... I search a little longer, pulling random objects out and setting them on the chair on my front porch.

"Uh, why are you pulling out a bunch of tampons?" West asks awkwardly, staring down at the pile of things I've dumped out.

My body freezes in my searching and I glance at the chair.

Sure enough the pile consists of at least five tampons, three pads, and other useless junk. My face flushes bright red and I hurry to get everything back into my backpack. 

"No need to be embarrassed, Sunshine," West says, noting my blush. "I'm not five, and they taught us about the women anatomy in Juvie."

I just fight to control my blush and zip my backpack up."I can't find my keys. I thought they were in this front pocket, but they aren't." 

West blinks a few times and scrunches up his face slightly. "We need to step up these lessons. I only got half of that."

I sigh deeply, my breath shown in the chilly November air, and grab my phone from my pocket. I quickly type down the sentence and pass my phone to him, my hands slightly stiff from the cold. As he reads over it, I walk towards my door and try to open it in false hope of it somehow being unlocked.

I let out a groan when the doorknob refuses to turn and let me in. I rest my forehead on the door and bang it against it a few times before turning back to West. He passes my phone back to me.

"Leave it to you to lock yourself out of your own house." He chuckles, throwing his hands in his pockets yet again.

"This isn't funny, I'm locked out of my house." I sign, glaring at him.

West hops down my steps and walks towards his jeep. "Alright, then let's head to my place."

My head shoots up to face him as he waits in front of his car.

"Your place?" I echo, squinting in confusion.

He raises an amused brow. "Yeah. I do have a house; I don't live on the streets, Sunshine."

I look down at the ground in embarrassment, of course I knew he had a house. I guess I've never really thought of it before. Every time I've pictured West out of school, the mental image consists of him hanging around the juvie.

"Do you have a P I A N O?" 

West purses his lips, "No, but you played the song for me already. I know the notes, we can still come up with some lyrics."

He's right, and I don't really have much of a choice. I walk down my front porch steps, over the tiles that make up my sidewalk, and get back into the Jeep. 

"Where do you live?" 

West adjusts his mirror before backing out. "In a house."

He places his arm around the back of my seat, craning his neck to watch out the back window as he backs out of my driveway and back onto the side street. The scent of his cologne is suddenly washing over me, and I force myself to tear my eyes away from his sharp jawline and ignore the flutter in my chest. 

"I know that." 

He glances over at me and smirks. "Then why did you ask?"

I don't sign anything else and keep my hands on my lap for the rest of our ride. I look out the window as West drives, trying to decipher where he may live rather than paying attention to where we drive. He could be secretly loaded and somehow live in the same neighborhood as Tyler and Warren, 'King Heights.'

I shake my head at the thought, Tyler would have seen him. It may be a rich neighborhood, but it isn't a large one. It really only consists of about four different roads and maybe twenty homes.

Then I play around with the option of him living in Gray's neighborhood. It's a nice neighborhood for a family with the average pay. Most of the homes hold three to four bedrooms and are two to three stories. Much like my house.

The lock of the doors snaps me from my thoughts and my eyes focus in on where West has driven us. As any other town, we have the wealthy parts, the regular-income households, and then we have the...more dangerous areas. West has passed the metaphorical train tracks into the side of town I rarely venture into.

The nice family homes soon turn into single story, brick laid homes with overgrown yards. Some look very homey, but the majority have barred windows. As he drives down the pothole covered rode, my eyes soak in all the beaten down homes and apartments, the torn and ripped fences, random objects strewn across porches, and rabid faced dogs generating hectic barking. 

We roll up to a graffitied stop sign and my eyes drift to West, his jaw stiff as he glances around. When no cars come he presses on the gas and the car hauls forward down the road, jumping and bumping along the way.

We come to a stop at the end of one of the many streets, this one in particular nothing but dirt and gravel. The driveway we pull into is the same; a mix of rocks, weeds, and dirt. I eye West's house, but my immediate thought is that it's rather cute. The siding is green, but looks recently painted as opposed to the houses around with paint chipping off of decaying siding. His front porch is small, with a few yellow chairs around a small side table that honestly looks inviting. 

West puts his car in park and shuts it off, taking the keys out. But as I reach for the door, his hand shoots out and stops me. I notice him looking out the back window with a clenched jaw, and I risk looking back.

All I see are two guys, looking to be a few years older than us. However, they have the complete look of a hoodlum waiting for their debut on a mugshot.

"I'll come over and get you." 

West steps out of his own side, lips in a tight line as he walks around the front of the Jeep and to my side. He opens the door for me in one swift motion, his body blocking mine from any views. I hesitantly step out of the Jeep, eyeing his stiff jaw as he eyes the two guys walking down the street. He stays close to me as we walk down his sidewalk that consists of nothing but a few stepping stones and patches of grass. 

I try my best to keep my face indifferent as not to offend West. It's not often I come to this part of town, and I should never be too quick to judge. West keeps one hand on the small of my back, providing a tremendous amount of warmth to my body, as he reaches for his door. It creaks open and reveals a dirty, gray carpet.

He gestures for me to go in first, his face vacant of a smirk. I step inside and he does so after me, quickly closing the door.

"Welcome to my humble abode." He mutters, throwing his keys to the side.

I look around at the one story home. Right away all the rooms are on full display. To my right is an open living room consisting of an old couch and a recliner with a TV seemingly from the early 2000's. To my left is a small office covered with papers and random cups. Then straight ahead is a small hallway with three doors of which I assume are the bedrooms. To the end of that hallway is what I would guess is the kitchen.

As small as it is, and as bad of an area as it's in, West's house has a very homey feel.

I turn to West and smile. "It's cute."

He frowns slightly. "I know it's not much and I know it isn't in the best location, but... it's home." He says with a sigh.

"How about a T O U R?"  I ask with a smile.

West awkwardly shifts on his feet, "You've seen the majority already." 

I smirk, "I'd love to see how messy your room is."

"You trying to get me into bed, Sunshine?" 

I roll my eyes and shove him lightly. "Shut up."

He chuckles, his brown eyes light. Much different from the darkness that consumed them as he drove through this neighborhood. 

"Alright, tour it is." He walks to the right and all the way into his living room, and I get a better look at the room.

It's no larger than my bedroom, holding nothing but a coffee table, a couch, a recliner, and an old TV. The walls are composed of old panels of wood, complete with the random black splotches. The carpet continues on into this room, and a large stain of some sort covers the space just next to the couch.

The couch is set up across from the TV with just enough room for one person to walk behind it, and the old yellow clothed recliner faces the TV at an angle, just next to one of the three windows that occupy the room. Next to the recliner sits a small table that seems to be able to hold no more than a few remotes and a drink, but what more do you need a side table for? My eyes drift to the TV itself; an older box TV. 

"So yeah, this is the living room. Where we live." West says, looking around with a single, small nod.

"We? Who lives with you?" I ask.

"Don't tell me you thought I lived alone?" He asks, trying to hold back a smile.

I don't respond.

"My mom and little brother both live with me." He explains amusedly.

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. I didn't know he had a little brother. I never imagined him the type to have any little siblings... I wonder if they're close or if West's a jerk to him. I take note to the fact his father wasn't mentioned, but I don't ask him anything about it.

He walks out of the living room and to the office, which is a considerable amount smaller than the living room. In here there is nothing but a small couch fit for only two people, a desk with a desktop on it, and a rolly chair to go with it. The couch in here has a floral print, unlike the living room couch that was a light brown.

The walls of this room are the same as the living room; wooden panels. However, in here they are almost completely covered with pictures.

"This is my mom's office, and also her room." West explains, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry it's so messy, but she isn't exactly a neat freak."

I wave it off. I couldn't care less about a little mess. 

I roll my eyes at him and then walk closer to the walls to get a better look at the pictures. When I come across the first one, my brows shoot up and I laugh lightly. It's an old picture, that I can tell by the quality, and it's of West. He looks no older than ten, wearing a blazer and a bright blue tie. He's smiling cheekily at the camera, his face covered in cake along with his hands.

"Is this you?" I ask, looking back at a disgruntled West.

"Yeah," he mumbles, kicking at the carpet. "Come on, lets keep this tour going."

Is West Love...embarrassed?

"You were so cute!" I exclaim, causing him to blush lightly.

This must be a dream. I made West Love blush.

"What happened?" I ask, causing his blush to disperse and a scowl to make its way onto his face.

He walks out of the room with an eyeroll. "Let's just get this tour over with, yeah?"

I follow him as he goes to the narrow hallway containing three white doors. The walls of this hallway are cream, the ceiling low like the rest of the house. Right at the base of the hallway is the first door, and the rest follow in a zig zag motion. Then the hall opens into a kitchen.

West opens the first and I peek inside to see a small bathroom. The floors are tiled, the sink covered in toiletries and the faucet slightly rusted. The lid on the toilet is crooked, but the curtain for the shower is bright blue and free of wrinkles.

The next door holds his little brothers room, but I don't get much of a look into it. All I see is a single bed, a dresser, and bright orange walls.

"I don't know why he chose that color." West mumbles with an eyeroll.

I shrug, "It gives his room character."

He scowls, "That's what my mom said."

We walk to the final door, which I'm assuming leads into West's room. I feel myself becoming excited to get to see his room. It's not that I've wondered what it looks like, but now that I'm just seconds from finding out, hundred of possibilities run through my head. In a way, I feel sort of special to get to see what his room looks like.

I don't know West super well, but from what I've seen...he doesn't seem much like the type of person to bring girl after girl into his home. Come to think of it, he's never once mentioned his home life to me before.

"Ready for the ultimate revealing?" He jokes, smirking down at me.

I chuckle at him and nod, "Just open the door so I can see how much of a pig you are."

He turns the knob and swings the white, wooden door open. West walks into his room and switches on the light, and out of everything, the first thing I notice is his color of choice that fills his walls; dark blue.

One would think dark walls would make the room itself dark, but with the white comforter that covers his bed, and the white pillows and white blinds to go along with it, his room is nowhere close to dark. The two colors contrast beautifully.

It's bigger than his brother's room, but is still only half the size of my room. His bed is pressed against the wall and takes up the far corner, and across from it rests his dresser. He doesn't have a desk in his room for homework, there's no room for one, but he does have a small bedside table. His room is barely able to occupy what he has in it now. The walls of his room are only partially covered up by a few posters. Two of The Eagles, one of Queen, and one of Green Day, the rest of his dark walls open for more.

What I find the most interesting is how clean his room is. There's not a single stray sock on the floor nor a wrinkle on his bed. Not one of his posters are hanging off the wall, and even his bedside table is neat. I was more than expecting his room to look like a tornado had run through it.

Then, my eyes spot the guitar in the corner of his room and it catches my attention. There are pick marks along the dark wood, proving the love this guitar has had. I walk over towards it, tilting my head as I look at West. 

"Guitar?" I sign, and with how obvious the sign for guitar is, he picks up on what my sign means. "You play?" 

West shrugs, "A little. I write a little, too." 

My jaw drops and I quickly pull out my phone to type out my reaction. 

'How come you didn't tell me that when I played for you?'

He walks over to me, standing behind me as he reads my phone over my shoulder. I feel his warm breath on my neck from how close he is, and I conceal the shiver that runs down my spine. 

Once he reads my response he shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets as I look at him over my shoulder. He walks over and sits on his bed, eyeing his guitar before glancing at me. 

"Because that was your moment, Sunshine. Not mine. Besides, my songs are nothing to the extent of yours. I just mess around on my guitar and hum a few lyrics. You clearly have a special connection with your music." 

"How come you didn't at least say that you play the guitar?" I sign. 

He smirks at me, "Well, I couldn't show off too much. I don't want you thinking I'm cocky or something." 

I give him a sarcastic smile, "No, never." 

Then I walk over to his guitar and pick it up with a tiny, mischievous grin. He watches me closely as I walk over to him and set it down, typing on my phone. 

'I think you didn't say anything because you aren't really that good. Play me something?'

He reads it over and smiles, grabbing his guitar to accept my challenge. "What do you want to hear?"

"Something you wrote." 

"Sunshine, I told you I don't really write-"

I cut him off by lifting my hand, quickly typing onto my phone again. He patiently waits for my response, randomly strumming. 

'I don't believe that. That guitar looks like its been loved, and anyone with an instrument that loved is bound to have written something.'

West reads my phone once I toss it to him, lifting his eyes to me once he finishes. I see the debate going on in his head when his brows subtly furrow, and then he gives a small, lopsided smile. 

"I do have one song."

I smile widely at him, coming to sit next to him on his bed as he adjusts the guitar in his arms. I sense the nerves in his posture when he takes in a breath, letting it out slowly through his nose. 

"I'm really not a great-"

"Just play the song," I sign with a smile, nudging his shoulder.

He looks at me and sighs, but I don't miss the small smile playing at his lips. 

He starts strumming. His head gently nodding to keep his beat as he eyes the strings and the position of his fingers. The melody instantly shocks me from how gentle it is, how beautiful it sounds. And only seconds in and I'm already lost in the notes. 

"I was just waiting for something to believe in,

Something to come my way.

Spend my day staring at the sky,

Trying to figure out what to say.

All this pain around me,

Why won't it go away?"

I get engrossed in the sound of his voice, in the breathtaking way it dances with the chords he plays. His fingers effortlessly pluck the strings, sliding along the neck of the guitar as he switches notes as though he's been doing this for years. 

"I'm tired, so tired of this.

My soul's too heavy and I can't carry it.

I'm tired, so tired of this.

Where did the kindness go?

When did being good get old?

It's hard sometimes but I'm never gonna give up on hope."

He closes his eyes and lets his song take him over. It's obvious how emotional this song is for him from the focused expression on his face, picturing what this song means to him. I get lost in the lyrics, trying to figure out what they must mean to him, because they already have a meaning for me. 

"Everywhere I go there's people telling me what to do.

Every damn word coming out of their mouths,

Well it never seems to be true.

All this noise and fury, 

It breaks my heart in two."

I watch his fingers dance across the guitar. His eyes are still closed as he plays from pure memory, body fully relaxed and slowly swaying with his song. As he continues, his voice fills with more emotion. 

"I'm tired, so tired of this.

My soul's too heavy and I can't carry it.

I'm tired, so tired of this.

Where did the kindness go?

When did being good get old?

It's hard sometimes but I'm never gonna give up on hope."

West takes in a small breath, shaking his head before going back into the song. 

"So for now I'm just doing my best to be kind.

You never know where a person has been,

Or what they've left behind.

Beneath all this difference we're just sharing time.

I'm tired, so tired of this.

My soul's too heavy and I can't carry it.

Where did the kindness go?

When did being good get old?

It's hard sometimes but I'm never gonna give up on hope."

He plays the last chord out with his final word, and the song finishes to the silence of the room. West opens his eyes but doesn't instantly look at me. He keeps his gaze trained ahead as he grips his guitar, lost in his thoughts. He clears his throat after a moment or two and forces a smirk, clearly trying to cover up his emotional response to his song.

"I told you, I'm really not a song writer," he says.

"Are you kidding? West, that was amazing." 

He reads my signs and cracks a small smile, looking away. 

"I wrote it in juvie, a few months in. I don't...I don't fully know what it means. But," he pauses, squinting his eyes as he searches for the right explanation, "when I went there...it was my lowest point. It was really tough to see what was surrounding me. So much hate was drilled into me. And as much as I wanted to succumb to that hate that was all around me, I knew doing that really would mean losing. Losing to what, I don't even know. But...the same can be said for a lot of the guys there. We had to fight to keep that hope alive, you know?" 

I frown at him, understanding exactly what he means in ways I wish I didn't have to. Holding onto hope when it feels like the world around you is crumbling is one of the hardest things you can do.

"No connection to your music?" I sign with a small smile, referring to his comment earlier. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

West meets my eyes, and I conclude the song may have been more about him than the guys he's referring to. 

"You shared a personal song with me, seemed fair I do the same." 

I suddenly realize just how much it must mean to West to have me over. To show me where he lives. To play that song for me. I could have harshly judged his home, this neighborhood, and even his song. But he trusted that I wouldn't. And it hits me how much I must secretly trust him to let him go into my personal song book and sing a song that important to me. He and I are closer than I have given this friendship credit for.  

"Raine," he says gently, and I focus on him instead of my thoughts, "you know you can trust me, right?" 

My mouth goes dry as I stare into his unguarded eyes, and I see how sincere he is. My heart starts pounding harder, and even though I don't know how to respond, I feel myself nodding. Because I believe him. And that thought scares me. 

Before I have the chance to respond anymore, my ears pick up the sound of the front door unlocking and then opening up. West doesn't break eye contact with me, and his captivating gaze refuses to let me look away.

"West! I'm home." A feminine voice hollers, forcing us to break our stare. 

West sighs and places his guitar on the ground, a small smile appearing as he glances at his door and stands up. 

"Come on, it's just my mom."

---

10/1/2020 - This chapter has the same overall premise, however I'm sure you RR's can tell how different it actually is. I included another song, WHICH I DID NOT WRITE. It is called 'Something to Believe In" by Allman Brown. I felt it fit perfectly for West and his mindset in juvie and how it has shaped a part of him. I wanted to include juvie's toll on West's character more with these edits. The entire scene of them together in his room was re-written :) Mostly everything else was kept the same. I hope you guys enjoyed it! 

I will be posting the original, unedited version in its own separate book once I have fully completed these edits!