Nikki's POV

TRIGGER WARNINGS: intrusive thoughts, suicide

I stood on top of my apartment complex building, staring at the ground a good three hundred feet off the ground. If I jumped I would land in an alleyway, and probably not be found for at least several hours until some thugs decided to push someone away from the street to mug them.

You know this is what you deserve.

Just do it.

Jump.

Tears  started falling down my cheeks. Great, the first time I can physically cry in over a year, and it's right before I'm about to die.

It'll feel so good to finally be able to let go of everything.

You've imposed enough.

It's better to end it all now before you cause more trouble for everyone.

They don't want you anyways.

They'll be glad you're gone.

All you do is cause problems.

"Shut up..." I was half-heartedly trying to fight the thoughts, but I still inched closer and closer to the edge.

Since when had I been this bad? I always knew I wasn't super great mentally but...when had I been pushed this far? Had it been forcing myself to seem okay at the tower for so long? Had it been the constant string of lies I had fed the others? The ones that they hadn't even questioned for a moment?

Stop thinking.

Just jump.

So I did. I stepped off the roof.

I was falling.

Falling...

Falling...

Falling...

And then I wasn't.

Everything was dark.

I hadn't felt the impact of hitting the cement.

I simply felt like I was floating.

Was I dead?

Did I die somewhere along the fall?

Please tell me I succeeded...

I felt myself lay down on something, maybe my body finally hitting the ground after my soul left it.

"...lo? Are you alright? Can you hear me? Please...please tell me you're alive..."

Of course you couldn't succeed.

Failure.

Worthless.

Weak.

I shifted my head around slightly, turning it so that it faced the opposite direction, away from the voice.

"Oh my gosh you're alive thank the stars...hold on for just a minute I'm gonna call someone. Hold on, please."

And then I passed out. Again.

********

"...onna make it." I knew that voice. Where do I know it from? Why is everything dark? Why can't I move?

"Thanks for looking at her...promise me you'll get me if she wakes up." I knew that voice too...who's voice is that?

I forced my eyes open slowly,  blinding myself with the light blaring right into my eyes. There were a few people in the room, but my vision was blurry so I couldn't make out who. One of them turned towards me, and noticing my open eyes, walked next to my bedside.

"Friday, full body scan please."

A breath. Then, "Scan complete. Miss Hammond does not appear to have broken any bones, but some joints have been knocked out of alignment. She also shows several signs of muscular strain, both healing and current."

"Thanks." The voice softened slightly, and I felt something being poked into my arm. "This is just a painkiller, kiddo. Should help a bit."

I blinked my eyes a few times, making my vision clearer. "What...happened?"

I saw the other people shuffle out of the room, as if not wanting to be here. "How much do you remember?" I was finally able to identify the voice as Dr. Banner. He sounded kind, but worried and...hurt? at the same time.

"I mean I was...on top of my old apartment building looking...over the city. Then I uh..." You can't admit what you really did. You'll only make him hate you more. Make up a lie. "I kind of...fell off? And now I'm here. How...?"

Dr. Banner took his glasses of and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're lucky P-Spiderman was patrolling. He saw and caught you before you hit the ground. Thank Thor."

"O-oh?" I was beginning to feel a dull throb in my left shoulder; it probably got knocked around a little more than usual when I ah...fell.

"That reminds me, Peter wanted me to get him when you woke up. Friday, can you tell Peter than Nikki's awake if he wants to come down?"

Dr. Banner started checking some computers and other medical stuff that I didn't understand, leaving us to sit in awkward silence until Peter arrived.

"Nikki! Oh my gosh, you're alive, you're awake, never do something like that again I swear you scared m-us so bad seriously are you okay?" His rapid way of speaking he tended to fall into when he was worried was somehow comforting in the moment, something familiar.

"I'm fine. Just...a little banged up apparently. I'm honestly probably good to g-"

"Absolutely not." Dr. Banner looked back over, almost glaring at me.

"What do you mean? I'm just a little banged up, Spiderman caught me and brought me here before I hit the ground, so I don't really have any damage!"

Unfortunately.

If you had done your job right you wouldn't be in this situation.

"Your dislocated shoulder begs to differ."

I rolled my eyes. "That's a regular thing. I can fix it - I'm very practiced in putting it back and I have KT tape to help it while it heals."

Both Peter and the older man looked surprisingly alarmed at this.

"...Regular thing?"

"Yes, Banner, this is a common occurrence for me. I'll be fine, now if you don't mind I'll be goi-"

"Nope." He pushed me back onto the bed, much to my dismay.

"Why not?" I whined.

"You just fell off a building, why else do you think?" His tone said that he didn't believe the whole 'falling' bit, but he didn't press.

"Ask Friday. I'm sure she'll be able to tell you how it's not a big deal."

He sighed, annoyed, but did ask her. "Friday?"

"Miss Hammond does appear to have an ability to move her shoulder in and out of its socket by tightening her muscles. She shows signs of this happening fairly often, as the muscles surrounding it are thinner and in different placements than that of a normal shoulder."

"Well, that only means I need to look at it closer, to see exactly what happens."

I tensed up. "No." 

Peter seemed to notice how uncomfortable I was, and spoke. "Nikki, I know you think all this is normal, but really, it's not. I've seen you in so many braces over just the last couple months when I've been paying attention, and that's pretty concerning, don't you think?"

"Won't you two listen? That's normal for me!"

"Just because it's normal doesn't mean that it's not concerning." Another voice came from the doorway, and Tony Stark stepped into the room.

"Great. Another person to tell me how screwed up my body is." I rolled my eyes, packing as much sarcasm into my voice as possible.

"That's not what we're trying to do at all, Nikki." Banner's kind voice broke the air of tension that was starting to build up. "We're just asking for you to let us do a checkup on you, that's all."

"And I'm just telling you that I don't want one, nor do I need one!"

"Why. Just answer me that. Why are you so against it? It'll take Bruce ten minutes, tops."

My usual expression of a glare showed up on my face as I looked towards Stark, who had just spoken. "Because I don't need one." I then expertly fixed my shoulder, putting it back in its socket with a slight pop.

Dr. Banner waved his arm over me, gesturing to my body laying down on the hospital bed in the medbay. "I beg to differ."

"Oh please, I could get up and be completely normal if you'd let me."

"Nikki, your muscles are strained and your shoulder was dislocated! You almost died by falling off a building, for crying out loud! Please...just let Dr. Banner make sure everything really is okay. It couldn't hurt to just double check, right?"

But it could. It really could. If they saw my shoulder, they would see...other...things, which would launch into a tirade of questions, which would end in them finding out everything.

I just stayed silent, slightly glaring past all three of them. I'm sure it was worrying them. But I was going to do everything I could to make sure that they never knew.

After a few minutes of this version of a stare-off, Stark spoke up. "Friday, pull up all of Nikki's records, please."

Panic seized my heart. While most of my issues weren't on file, he was going to find out. He would see some of the things. He would see, and with how badly my luck was going lately, recognize my parents.

He started swiping through the hologram files that showed up, with Dr. Banner and Peter looking over his shoulder as Friday read them aloud.

"Nikki, full name Nikki Ashley Hammond, age fifteen. Height is five feet, two inches. Daughter of Cassandra and Miles Hammond-"

"Friday, hold for just a moment." Stark turned towards me. "Your mom's name is Cassandra?"

I nodded, still gripped with fear, knowing what he was so close to figuring out.

"And you dad is Miles...Nikki, what's you mom's maiden name?"

It was the first time he had called me by name instead of just saying 'kid'. I should have cared, but I was a little preoccupied at the moment.

"Um. Well you see..." I was stalling. It was probably obvious; Stark just kept staring intensely at me, while Peter and Dr. Banner looked at each other, confused.

He sighed. "Friday, pull up records on Cassandra Hammond."

Shoot.

"Cassandra, full name Cassandra Bethany Stark-Hammond-"

"Friday, stop." Stark's gaze only grew more intense. The other two had a look of realization dawning on them. "You-why didn't you tell me?"

"I...didn't want to make an issue out of anything."

Peter spoke, awe shining through in his voice. "Nikki, you're related to Mr. Stark???"

I awkwardly stared down at my lap. "Um, yeah. He's my uncle...the one I was telling you about who send my siblings and I money for special occasions...the reason I was able to get an apartment and pay for school and everything else."

Stark's facial expression lit up, as if he had some great thought. "And since I'm your relative, I can actually tell Bruce to do a check-up for you. Especially since you don't have one on record since you were thirteen."

To say my gaze was annoyed was an understatement.

"Technically I still have the legal right to say no."

"But you're not going to. After all, I can contact your parents and tell them you're being difficult."

No.

"On second thought, maybe it won't be so bad."

"That's what I thought."

Dr. Banner sighed, then sat down at his desk after shooing Peter and my uncle out of the room. I was still sitting in the hospital bed thing, but had taken the IV from my arm, since it really wasn't necessary.

"Alright kid, it's a lot different than whatever other doctors you might have gone to. I just ask Friday to scan you for whatever needs to be checked, since she tends to be more accurate and able to see more than human eyes. Okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

He asked Friday to check all the regular things - heartbeat, blood pressure, temperature, if there was anything off about my breathing, eyes, or ears. He didn't seem concerned as he wrote all her responses down, which was good.

Then the issue came when he asked her to scan for any other things. I just stared at the ground during the silence that was building into a very awkward tension.

"Kid-"

"Don't. Just...don't."

"How much more isn't on record?" His voice was timid, almost as if he...cared?

"It doesn't matter."

"Nikki...this is quite a bit."

"I know." My voice had hardened, and I still hadn't broken off from my staring contest with the tile.

"I'm going to have Tony come back in, alright? I think...I think he should know."

I rolled my eyes; not that he could see. Assuming I didn't have any choice in the matter, I just replied with a simple, "Fine."

"What's going on? Is something actually wrong?" Stark's voice re-entered the room a moment later, sounding confused, worried, and obviously, smug that he had been right.

"It's better if you just read it..." I knew what he was reading. Everything on that file. I knew everything it did have, and everything it was lacking. There was a heaping amount on both sides of the scale. On file, depression, anxiety, extreme electrolyte deficiency, a crap load of allergies, records of the physical therapy I had to go to for my ankles and knees, notes on the few times I had actually gone to a doctor for a sprained joint, asthma, and that I was diagnosed with autism. Off file...so much more.

I could feel the atmosphere in the room changing with every passing second. After a minute, it had become overwhelming, so I stood up from the bed, mildly surprised that I wasn't stopped.

"I...need some air." I walked out the door, hearing Mr. Stark talking to Peter who was standing in the hallway to follow after me so that I didn't 'do anything stupid' as I headed up to the roof in the elevator.

~~slight time skip because I don't wanna write an elevator ride filled with intrusive thoughts~~

"Nikki?" Peter's voice cut through the wind, reaching my ears where I was sitting, staring out over the city.

"Hey, Peter."

"You good?"

"Yep. Absolutely dandy now that tons of my secrets are known by superheroes."

Seeming to not know how to respond, he sat next to me, both of us several feet away from the edge. "So...about earlier..."

I turned and looked at him, the wind blowing a few strands of my short hair into my face. "Peter, I know you're Spiderman."

"Y-you what? I-I'm not Spiderman...you must-must have the wrong person."

"Stop playing dumb. I recognized your voice when you um...caught me."

He sighed. "Fine. Yes. I'm Spiderman. It was...absolutely terrifying to watch you falling from that building. I almost didn't think I would make it." Peter paused for a second, then continued, his voice quieter, probably so that I could pretend not to have heard the next bit if I wanted to. "Nikki, it wasn't an accident...was it."

It wasn't a question. He knew. I looked back over the city, thinking of my response. Something about sitting up here...so high above everything just felt so...freeing. I felt like I could actually share.

"No. It wasn't." My words were slightly unsteady, but I was just...so done with lying. All the pressure to keep up with all the different 'truths' had led me to try and kill myself just earlier, after all.

"If you don't me asking, um...why did you do it?" Peter spoke cautiously, not wanting to cross a line.

"It's...complicated."

I let my half-answer hang in the air for a minute, trying to come up with something legitimate.

"Just...all the pressure of everything, I guess."

I felt him turn so that he was facing me, and I did the same so that we made eye contact for just a moment.

"Nikki, please never try something like that again. We all care about you too much for you to even consider it. I care about you too much."

I tried to formulate words, but my mind wasn't working properly, probably from all the events of the day. "Thanks, Peter."

"It's just the truth."

Word Count: 2464

Author's Note

I would like to specify that this is not a Peter Parker x Nikki fic, for reasons I'll include later. This scene is literally the one that got me started writing this story (confrontation in the medbay), so I hope you all enjoyed it! I swear I was literally vibrating during the three period it took to write this (seriously - I was pretty much working on it for all of my second half of math, lunch, creative writing, and language arts time instead of doing schoolwork).