Young, Katniss never understood how her mother could let herself fall like this after the death of her husband. Now that pain was throbbing in her, she understood. The loneliness that was making her nights feel like there will be no more sunrise. The headaches caused by the umpteenth scenarios she was making in her head. The hard fall back to reality when her utopias where Peeta's arm was around her waist and his lips on her neck were not enough to keep her sane. The tears burning her cheeks just as the acid fog did. Sometimes, she was wondering how many more screams was she gonna hear ? How many times her mind was going to replay these endless yells before she made it shut itself ?

Coin was talking, but Katniss was not listening. She didn't care. All she wanted was this voice in her head to stop screaming. However, even if she pleaded whoever was hearing her each evening in the dark of her despair, nobody cared enough to please her pleas. The only person who ever did was now staring at her with hate, wishing her to die. The more time passed, the more she agreed with this boy. What was left apart from her insanity ?

When his hands touched her for the first time since forever, fire started to burn in her stomach. Although, they were not gently embracing her neck like before. They were tightening around her trachea, making her see stars. For a brief moment, she considered letting him kill her, but she met his blue eyes. Cerulean pearls in which she had found comfort and love. Two emotions which belonged to another boy. A teen she loved. Tears spilled. Because she could not do this affront to his past lover, Katniss escaped his grip.

She wandered often at night in these long hallways. Light flickered. Silence filled the space. Thoughts darkened her mind. Yells occupied her. Sometimes, Buttercup joined her. They despised each other, just not in these hours of darkness. Tonight, the duo was walking in the military aisle. Doors hid soldiers, weapons and boards covered with strategies. Just as they passed another dorm room, Buttercup hissed towards a shadow. The pet ran as soon as the unknown person approached. Blond hair could be discerned not long after. Katniss' heartbeat fastened at the sight of Peeta. Should she be running too ? However, as his words cut the loud silence, they paralyzed her.

''I did this to you, didn't I ?''

She nodded.

''Reality is hard to distinguish from illusions nowadays.''

He sighed, frustrated.

''Everybody is saying that you were good to me, but a part of me is dreading to squeeze your throat until your last breath escapes your lips because I remember the hurt you caused me. And I don't know if it's some Capitol's conception or if it is real.''

Guilt stirred in the woman while her eyes fixated the gray ceiling. Wasn't it both ? She did play with his feelings so she could return to her family. She hated herself everyday for it. If only she could have seen the boy as she was seeing him now, maybe they would not be in this situation.

''I caused you harm.''

A murmur that was all she said, but in the tense atmosphere it resonated.

''And I still loved you, reality or not ?''

''Reality.''

His eyes found hers. A deep reflection was in his. A scaring thought that occupied her brain everyday since his capture.

''The Capitol made me open my eyes about you, reality or not ?''

A lump growth in Katniss' throat.

''Reality.''

Her voice was hoarse because of the pain this little word brought. He nodded nonetheless, as if he didn't care. Which was probably the case.

They encountered some nights. He questioned her about the past. She replied honestly. The woman always felt his gaze on her and it made her heart ache to touch him, to feel his hands on her hips. When her desires were invading her mind, Katniss let herself get lost in these whirling screams in her head. Peeta never continued his questions when he was seeing her struggling to keep up with her own reality. His consideration reminded her of the old Peeta and tears never failed to decorate her cheeks. Although, this time, he was not wiping them.

One night in June, he asked Katniss if her love for him was real. She replied what she thought was the truth. Her answer seemed to bother him a bit before he seemed to forget about it. Her heart pinched at that reaction, confirming her response.

Months later, he arrived with her mockingjay's pin on his shirt. Concentration was deforming his traits while Peeta opened his mouth to let these unforgetful words spread to Katniss' heart.

''The day I will give you back your pin will be the day I stopped mimicking him. It will be the day when I will be ready to love you as me and not as him. Maybe on this day, you will be able to love for me and not him.''

A smile tugged at her lips.

''Maybe.''

Her words of months earlier came back in her head and for once, there were no screams in her mind, just the peaceful silence of her acceptance.

***Sorry for the grammar errors. I did my best. Anyway, thank you for reading !***