••SILENT SCREAMS••

Created By; Snow Marisvega

ALL THE GOOD BOYS GO TO HELL.

Connor opened his eyes and winced in pain. "Ugh, my head hurts."

"Good, you are awake." Alex said with a small smile on his face.

Connor looked over to where Alex was, to see him leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

"How long have you been up?"

"Not long enough." Alex answered, he walked over to Connor and sat beside him. "You okay?"

Connor shook his head. "Of course not." He huffed. "It has been a couple days, I have no idea why we are locked up in a mental facility like we are fucking crazy." He said with a sigh.

"Is this some silly joke?" He asked as he stood up and waled over to the iron door. "We're perfectly fucking sane!!" Connor yelled, hitting his fist against the door.

"At least they let us share a room," Alex said and looked at the bed. "And a bed." He smiled.

"I can't believe they dragged you into this."  Connor said softly, he returned to the bed and sat beside Alex.

"I mean, did they really?" Alex said, furrowing one of his brows.

Connor frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe they think we are both lovers and brought us here to....cleanse our ways?" Alex shrugged.

"It's not the fucking 90s."

"Doesn't mean people don't suffer from homophobia, get depressed, suicidal and...maybe drown." He shrugged. "It happens to a lot of teenagers and grown ups, literally anyone."

Connor looked at Alex for a short period of time and then sighed heavily. "I am so tired."

Conner couldn't understand why he was in a mental hospital with Alex, why people had brought him in here. The last thing he remembered was his mother visiting him with his older sister, she had been crying about something and then their house was invaded and he and Alex were being carried away. He tried to fight them off until he got injected with a syringe that had God knows what and he went unconscious, waking up in a mental hospital.  He knew it had to do with his family, maybe they were trying to separate him and Alex....again, like they tried to do after graduation, which made him leave town. 

He remembered his mother saying "I'm sorry, son" and then those men came in and took him away and ever since then, he has been in here. Why a mental hospital? He could not answer that, but what he knew was that he hated his mother, and was glad Alex was not away from him. The room had no television, no nothing and most times when he would come out of the room to take some medications, he realised the meds were to make him feel high or something, because every-time he took them, Alex was never around.

They were trying to split them up.

He was fucking right about his mother, she was trying to get them to not be friends anymore and he was not going to let that. So, he pretended to take his drugs, but never swallowed.

Alex had taught him how to hide it in his mouth....

If only he knew.

"This is ridiculous." Connor spat and stood up again, he was impatient, he was furious and frustrated. He made his way towards the door and began hitting the door continuously, he didn't want to be locked up in a room, which had happened to be his punishment when he fought with one of the male nurses.

"Hey! Someone fucking get me out of here! I need my lawyer or something! You can't just lock us in here because my fucking mother asked you to." He said and looked to his left and to the camera close to the ceiling. "Hey!" He yelled at whoever was watching. "Get us the fuck out of here! Whatever my mother is paying you to keep us apart, I'll pay you double!" He said, but got no answer. 

Connor was exhausted, he ran a hand through his hair as he kept thinking about ways to get out of here. Did his father know? If he knew what his wife was doing, he would come get him out of here but he didn't know how to reach his father.

"I am so mad, Alex."

"I can tell, you are turning red, almost like an angry bird, I think the only thing missing is smoke coming out of your ears." Alex laughed.

"This isn't funny, Alex."

Alex remained laughing. "Oh, it sort of is, Connor. Everything is just a fucking joke."

"Don't swear like that, I don't really like it when you angry swear." Connor said, his brows puckered.

Alex scoffed. "You angry swear a lot, Connor."

"Well,"

"Mmhmm."

"Help me find a way out of here." Connor said, but Alex said nothing in return and just sat still, staring at an agitated Connor. 

"Are you seriously not going to help?" He questioned but Alex said nothing, he seemed awfully calm and that bothered Connor the more. 

"For fuck sake, Alex! Aren't you scared? Worried? You are just staring at me like I am some fucking television, I am not! Don't you fucking want to get out of here too? You should be screaming at the cameras, and the guards or nurses with me! They locked us up and we both know your parents won't bail us out or my mom, and I so do not own this place, so fucking help me here because I am losing my mind." Connor yelled, angrily.

There was a couple of seconds before Alex chuckled.

"You can't lose what you already lost, again."

"What?" Connor asked, confused. "Whatever." He walked back to the iron door and began calling for anyone.

"Connor," Alex called, softly. "What did they tell you when you were struggling to get out of here?" He asked, voice as calm as the sea.

Connor sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair again, thinking about what they had said. "Those pricks said you weren't real." He chuckled. "Did they think I am stupid? They probably thought their drugs were working. What does that even mean? People always treated you like you were invisible back in high school , like shit, and now they want to do the same, again? I won't let them do that to you anymore."

Alex chortled, folding his arms.  "That is actually rich coming from you."

"What does that mean?" Connor asked, confused, he knitted his brows and turned to look at Alex and saw a pale looking Alex, his eyes were greyish and he was dripping wet.

Connor's heart stopped for a second as he screamed and looked away, falling to his knees as his heart began again and this time started to beat super fast, like it was begging to beat out of his chest. He shook his head continuously, trying to get the image off his head.

"Look at me, Connor."

"No." He cried.

"Connor!  Did you seriously forget what happened three years ago in oakwood?" Alex asked. "Look at me!"

Connor looked at Alex with heavy breaths, tears at the prick of his eyes. "What? I don't....I don't understand what you are talking about." He replied, trying to catch his breath, his hand on his chest.

"Oh come on, Connor, think." Alex said as he slowly made his way towards Connor. "You know what happened three years ago, before graduation." He said as he squatted in front of Connor.

Connor blinked as he looked around while he searched for answers in his head. "Erm, you...y-you fell off the bridge after we had a conversation, and uh, we saved you and-"

"Saved who?"

"You. You were....we went down and...and."

Alex laughed. "Connor, come on."

Connor's frown deepened as he looked to the side, confused. "Alex, w-we saved y-"

"I'm dead!" Alex shouted, cutting him off.  "I am fucking dead."

Connor looked at him again and he saw a pale looking Alex with greyish eyes dripping wet, he let out a small scream as he shut his eyes and began to cry.

"No, no, no, no, stop. You are not...."

"My body wasn't found until three days later, Connor." Alex said blankly, while Connor shook his head, trying not to look at Alex. "Don't you remember?" Alex cocked his head to the side slowly as he placed his hand on Connor's cheek. "Look at me, Connor. It's okay. I'm me."

"No, please!" He cried, his chest pounding and hurting.

"It's okay," Alex placed his second hand on his cheek and Connor slowly opened his eyes to see a normal looking Alex.

"Do you remember what you said to me the day i fell off that bridge?" Alex asked, smiling at the crying boy. "You told me to kill myself, Connor."

Connor shook his head. "I would never say that."

"You told me, you didn't care about what happened to me and said if I really wanted to kill myself, I'd have done that a long time ago. So I jumped. You made me jump."

Connor winced in pain, his head suddenly hurting. He closed his eyes, shaking his head a bit to get rid of the sudden pain. "T-That's a l-lie, Alex. I would never say that to you."

"Don't you ever ask yourself why people look at you weirdly and in pity everytime we go outside?" Alex stood up and walked away from Connor and to a wall, resting on it. "Hmm? That m is because they cannot see me, Connor. I am all in your head!! I don't exist." Alex said firmly.

"Shut up! YOU ARE HERE!!!" Connor shook his head, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his head. "Don't do that. Don't...say that."

"I am just here because you want me to be. I am what you made so that you can live with yourself and not blame yourself for what happened to me, when the reality is....you killed me, Connor."

Alex shook his head slowly at the sobbing boy on the floor.

"You couldn't deal with it. The guilt. So here I am, that is why you've been awfully nice to me, so that you can clear your guilt. That Alex Perkings jumped off the bridge that good evening he met up with Connor McCoy who told him to kill himself."

Connor swallowed, looking up at his bestfriend. Alex had to be lying, he had spent a lot of time with him, they were more inseparable than before, so how? He remembered all the time they spent together, it couldn't have been made up.  He shook his head and looked away from Alex. "That cannot be true! You are....alive! You live with me! You didn't die! I jumped in and-and I s-saved your ass! I saved you" He yelled.

Alex laughed maniacally. "Is that...is that what you tell yourself? That you saved me? Wow." Alex laughed again.  "Connor, you never looked back. Connor McCoy never looked back once, maybe if he did, Alex Perkings-" Alex swallowed. "Maybe if you did, I would still be here. Alive. Happy."

"Stop lying! Stop lying!!" Connor cried, his hands in his hair as he tried to stop the hurt he felt.

"You are sick, Connor." Alex said, blankly staring at him.  "I am only here because you brought me here, I am only but in your head." Alex stated. "You choose popularity, you choose people who didn't care about you, over me who fucking cared. You fucking listened to Austin! Austin of all people. You wanted to be number one, to be worshipped by all.  You abandoned me when I needed you! Your best friend!" Alex yelled at the top of his lungs, and then his voice became calmer and filled with hurt.  "You asked me to die. You said I was the reason everyone around me was miserable. Why couldn't you live with that?"

"Alex, Stop!! Stop saying that! I'm sorry!"  

"You made yourself forget, you couldn't deal with what you did and so you blocked that part out, you rearranged it, that part of your memory, you aren't well. For two years, you lived alone, Connor." Alex said, softly. "I never ate pizza with you or Mexican. I never went to the store with you,  I never did anything with you.  You did all those things yourself. Alone. Talked to yourself. That's why you are here, love, because you are crazy."

"Shut up!" Connor screamed, tears running down his face as the memories began to come back,  as he re-lived it,  that very day.  He remembered every word he said.

"You killed me, Connor!!  Why couldn't you just live with the fact that you said those things to me?  Why?!"

"I'm sorry." He cried, his hands in his hair as he sobbed like a child. "I am sorry, I...I didn't mean to...say those things, I just...I don't know why I did that, why I listened to A-Austin. I loved you, I didn't mean to treat you like that, I was so stupid and I lost my best friend."

It was always like this, before he would make himself forget again because of the pain. He always avoided things that would remind him he had lost his best friend, he would rewrite his own memories and live a lie.

Alex moved closer to Connor and smiled. "It's okay, I'm not mad. I forgive you, you are my best friend after all."

"I'm sorry." Connor begged.

"I know." Alex wiped off his tears as they rolled down his cheek. "I just wanted you to know what you did. To remember. "

Connor felt guilty,  because of his words,  because of what he said,  Alex died.  He was cruel to him all because he wanted the popularity he never used to care for,  all because his other so called best friend said to.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

The fact that he did that.

He couldn't live with that.

"How can I...ever make it up to you, Alex? I can't...I can't- I don't know what to do, I killed you! I said those things and then you died and it is all my fault!"

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Alex said softly,  his hand on Connor's back.  "You want to make it up to me and be free of this guilt, right?" Alex asked, hands back on both sides of his cheek as Connor nodded continuously, trying to redeem himself.

"You want to really see me again, right? The real me. The real Alex, and not this version of me, not the one in your head. Hmm? You want to apologize to me in person and stop the pain you feel here." He touched his chest. "To redeem yourself and feel that weight get lifted off your chest. So, you don't have to make yourself forget over and over. You feel suffocated, dont you?" Alex asked, his voice warm and calm. Connor nodded in response again while he sobbed, holding Alex's hands to feel safer.

"I j-just want to stop the pain." He cried.

Alex smiled. "You can make that happen, you know?"

"H-How?" He asked, confused. "How is that possible? I'm trapped here. I don't know how t-"

"It's okay." Alex said, patting his back. "It is even better here, Connor."

Connor frowned, confused. "How?"

Alex gave a warm smile. "Now listen to me and pay attention, Connor. When they take you out for your medication in exactly thirty to one hour, you don't throw any tantrum, go calmly, be quiet but alert. If you see any sharp object, take it and hide it and bring it back here. It could be a scissor, a knife, a fork, whatever it is, hide it and bring it here."

Alex continued. "And when you are back here, you do what you must, Connor."

Connor frowned, confused. 

"You slit your throat."

Connor became as pale as a corpse in less than a second, his eyes widen like he had seen a ghost. "W-What?" He stuttered,  shocked. 

"It's the only way out, Connor. Trust me. I'd never lie to you." Alex said with a smile. "You'd wake up from this bad nightmare and I will be waiting for you when you leave here and open your eyes. It is all a bad fucking nightmare here. It's terrible here and you will only feel nothing but pain, and you don't want that, do you?"

Connor shook his head and gulped. "But, I'll be dead."

"Here. And besides all you want is to do something right for once, isn't it? You want to meet me and make it all right,  so all you have to do is pick up whatever is available and just drag it across your throat, slit your throat so they won't be able to bring you back to life and fill you up with more guilt and pain." Alex smiled. "Because then it would be worse and they will leave you here to rot."

"A-And when I do it?

Alex beamed.  "Like I said, you will be free."

Connor remained silent as he gave it a thought, he believed him. Alex was always right, he was never wrong about anything and besides, he couldn't live with himself knowing what had happened and that alex wasn't here, and maybe when he meets Alex again, they'll be best friends and Alex would forgive him. He would be able to touch the real Alex and laugh with him.

"You promise everything will be okay? " Connor asked, his brows furrowed like that of a child.

"Of course. I promise."Alex smiled and stood up.

Connor stood up as well and gave a weak smile "Okay."

"That's a good boy,  you've always been smart,  Connor. " Alex said. 

And Connor waited for the time. 

The perfect time.

It was finally time for Connor's break and medicine time, a guard helped him out of his room and while he walked, Alex walked beside him.

"Say nothing." Alex told him. "And just smile a little." He instructed and Connor did so.

While Connor stood in line to take his pills, he looked around, at the nurses around, the security guard, the receptionist.

"I spy one." Alex said, but Connor was already looking that direction. The receptionist, she had a small nail clipper on her desk that had a small pocket knife.

"Take your pills and go make small talk." Alex said.

Connor smiled at the nurse who handed him his drugs, he took it and hid it in my Gum.  

"Show me your mouth?" She requested and Connor did.

Connor walked away and to the receptionist.  "Hello!"

The redhead nurse frowned. "It's weird that you are talking to me."

Connor placed his hands on the front desk and smiled at her. "Lovely day?"

"I guess so."

"You look amazing today by the way." Alex said and the nurse grinned.

"Thank you." She blushed.

Connor smiled. "Have a nice day." He said and walked away.

Alex popped up beside him, his arms folded. "That was fast." He said as Connor sat on a chair, watched every nurse and security before hiding it in his shoe.

"No one saw." Alex told him.

•••

Connor waited till it was late, and then he just held the nail clipper. Alex sat across him and smiled warmly at him, he looked at the scared Connor and gave him a small nod.

"It's time. It's gonna be okay. Do it."

A tear fell from his left eye.

"Do it."

"Slit your throat. And then you'll get that redemption you so seek. That peace."

"Alex."

"Do it."

Connor nodded and dragged the small pocket knife through his neck harshly, he began to choke as he couldn't speak and the blood gushed out of his neck and onto his clothes.  The nail clipper fell off his hand as he fell to the ground and watching him was a smiling boy as he choked to his death.

"All good boys go to hell." Alex sang.

And then he stopped moving.

•••

The CCTV footage was checked the next morning after the death of Connor McCoy. His mother had requested to see the last moments of her son. And all they could see was Connor talking to himself in two voices, pretending to be two people, screaming one second and speaking in a dark tone the next,  crying and also consoling himself. 

It was a case of split personalities. Him taking the personality of someone he cared for. Being two people.

Everything was in his head.