if you head to my message board, you'll see that i won't be active for a while or so. i'm not about to explain everything again so please head there if you wan't to know why.

i guess i owe you guys an explanation for why i've been disappearing here and there and basically not being the most active on wattpad. all i said is that it was personal and it was, but i didn't dare to go into the details because i didn't want people to think differently of me.

so before i start, i'm going to say that i know everything below is my fault and i made a horrible mistake. the past few weeks have been the lowest point of my life and i've beaten myself up many times over it. so if you want to laugh at me or say that you'd have done something different, please keep it to yourself because i already know i was wrong and i'm already feeling shitty enough over it. i usually support insulting me but please please please don't say anything too bad because i have literally wanted to die so badly and i was serious. 

basically, i... did badly in my exams. so badly that i wasn't going to pass the year because of my school's wonky grading system. it was my fault; a lot of things happened and i didn't clarify my doubts, and that was excluding my, in my father's words, "addiction" to social media. i lost motivation quickly because i was overwhelmed by all the new content and i couldn't regain it in time.

i had a breakdown over that, fun. at this point, if you say wow or any sarcastic comments, i have nothing to say. please don't make fun of me.

i'm not going to go into the details because the school asked me not to do so. but basically, after a few supplementary papers and several conversations later, i am still going to be promoted to secondary 4, albeit i'm dropping physics and higher chinese. i'm also going to be transferred to a different class, where i have to get to know everyone again. yay.

and you know what? it's humiliating. but more than that, it was literally hell for the past few weeks; i was studying for about ten to twelve hours a day and my dad kept yelling at me and i wanted to cry all the time. no joke.

i know my parents care about me and that they want the best for me, but the way my dad went about it just made me feel like shit again. he called me worthless, pathetic, and someone who made herself fail, amongst other things. it's why i've lost motivation in a lot of things. he keeps reinforcing that it's all my fault and i don't deserve to feel angry or sad at everything or sorry for myself, which i get but everything he said just really got to me.

so that's it. that's everything that happened. i'm really sorry for the long depressing chapter and everything that's been going on, but i really do want to clear things up. i'm sorry for not having been the role model a lot of you look up to; please don't look up to me because i'm just a failure at this point. i'm really happy that some of yall are still staying with me even after i've been so inactive--i love you guys so much, you have no idea. i just can't express it right now.

thank you.