need to . list down stuff ahHa

1) stay on top of schoolwork!! i'm going to try my best not to get distracted this year since it's a big jump from secondary school to JC, and it should be easier now since i'm not bringing a computer to school ~ i'll try going to libraries and stuff without my laptop to study if i think i'm going to lose focus, and i really need to review regularly and revise content ahead of lectures.

2) figure out what i'm going to do in university! this is honestly a huge blank for me right now - it's kinda worrying considering i'll need to get this figured out by the end of JC. though i really do love art and writing with all my heart, i know it's not realistic trying to pursue that kind of career, especially in singapore. for now, i'm considering taking psychology, but even that's up in the air. (if i did have the chance to do whatever i wanted, though, i'd like to be a character designer or a scriptwriter for a game or something!) (my dad: psychology is good in the future there'll be a lot of depressed people // me: ((DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY DEPRESSION DIDN'T EXIST HALF A YEAR AGO)))

3) be on the internet less! this is pretty self-explanatory and i'm kindaa doing this a little bit out of spite so my dad doesn't have anything to yell about any more, but i do want to stay more aware on current affairs and take time to spend with my family and friends.

4) gain more self-awareness! i'm actually a really ... clumsy and blur person so i really need to work on this AHHA// i don't want to cause trouble for my friends and family by blundering around, so i'll really try hard to fix this!!

5) get better in my passions! finally got the dry stuff out of the way,,, i've been looking back at my art and this is rare for me to say, but i'm really surprised at home much i've improved in the span of a few months! i think it's because i drew so much /// either way, i hope that even through school, i'll be able to set at least a bit of time each week to write and draw!

6) be a better friend! not much to say i think everyone wants to be a better friend,,,but i'm super grateful to all my friends for being there for me through 2018, and i hope i can be that same type of friend too! 

7) improve my personality! i want to stop being so awkward and shy with everything, and become at least a little bit more sociable. also, i won't dive too deep into things, but something happened with someone this year that served as a big wake-up call for me, and i want to stop self-pitying myself because i know it just makes everything awkward. 

8) related to the last point, i want to overthink things a little bit less. i always read a lot into everything everyone says, so they can be like "hi" in a slightly different tone and i'll be like ((omg what did i do wrong--)) so,,,i want to be slightly more understanding of things like that.

so . that was a long list damn

i don't know if i'll be able to do everything i said, but i'll definitely try :") please pray for me!

will i still be active here? i really don't know so please don't ask me, i'll be vv busy so probably only during the holidays? i'll try my best to go on but as for publishing content...yeah

can you find me somewhere else if you still want to talk?? of course!!! i've taken down my discord from wattpad because i felt uncomfy sharing it but you can PM me and I'll give it to you if I feel close enough with you!

you can also find me on instagram at @ sayonyara, and i'm pretty active on my twitter @ ikanyaide!

will you see me doing anything else? right now i'm pretty busy because i'm starting up a zine, participating in another one and applying for a third one, but i want to try to draw lots!!! i also want to save up for csp HAHA 

i also want to try to sing more. my dad says i can get voice lessons if i keep up my work, but i did some research and it's pretty expensive so,, a bit ambitious :^) i wanted to do something for new years but i fell sick sigh

anyway, thanks for reading!!!! i love you all so much but also why did you take the time to read through this essay