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Shivaay sat alone in the darkness. His eyes staring into the nothingness. The darkness seemed infinite. And he felt the same suffocating feeling gnaw deep in his chest.

He felt a brush of hand on his arm.

And a gasp.

Her touch.

Her giggles.

And then her smile.

And suddenly he felt his stomach churn. He felt as if he was falling. The sinking-in feeling of his gut doubled. His face scrunched up in discomfort.

Her smile morphed into a thin line.

Her sparkling eyes narrowed and the love he saw in them mere seconds ago was replaced by pure hatred.

"—ya!" He woke up startled. His breathing was uneven.

A glass was pressed to his lips and he was forced to sip on the water. Priyanka rubbed his back firmly to bring him back into the world. He was sleeping so she decided to check on him. He was having a nightmare again.

He rubbed his face.

Priyanka held onto his right hand tightly. Rubbing them. He smiled at her furrowed eyebrows as she concentrated on the task in her hand. To provide some warmth to his freezing skin.

How much has his baby sister have grown up? And how did he never realise such? There was a time where it was him in her place taking care of her but it was now her only. What he truly regretted was that he was never there when she needed him the most but she didn't hold that against him.

Priyanka passed him his medicines, one that he had to take before meals in the mornings. He gulped them dull with water there was a dull ache in the side of his throat which he didn't address. Priyanka was worried as such.

He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He closed his mouth, frustration visible on his expression. Not one syllable fell from his lips unless he forced himself to bear the pain. And the bloodied coughs. His eyes snapped shut. But a hand on his shoulder made him stop, Priyanka was looking at him with a pleading expression. To not to do it.

And his attempt ceased.

His hands balled into a fist, the pain shot up from the tip of his fingers to the middle of his palm, followed by painful contraction of his muscles. Movements were again in his control, for now. He sighed in relief for that.

Priyanka looked at her Shivaay bhaiya. She will never forget the time when she saw him like this. He was lying on the hospital bed almost looking like he was dressed in bandages. From head to toe. Nothing was visible. His chest looked like it was held together by them. She felt the familiar fear surge to her when she reminisced about the scene again.

There was only one word she could describe it with.

Horrifying.

Shivaay stood up, standing still for a moment to let the nausea and dizziness faint. Priyanka watching him carefully just in case he needs help. Who would have thought the businessman who had industry under his fingers would have fallen. And to the point that he had to learn all the basic human traits that one is acquainted with in childhood.

Walking. 3 months to learning to stand again.

Moving his hands. 7 months to regain the movements. 2 to unclench and clench them at his own will. And the next were spent regaining the motor movements back.

Speaking. No progress.

His physical trauma and mental stress contributed together to keep him from letting his vocal cords heal. Just when they were in better condition his screams would hurt them again.

Shivaay chuckled to himself, was there anything left? He ate medicines more than he ate meals.

There was a time where they had to drop all the medicines to let him heal at the natural pace. Because it was more harming him than doing him good. But that was too painful.

And he was not the old Shivaay who welcomed the pain with open arms, standing up straight fearless from the world. He was tired. And scared. Because he knew one such thing, and he was good as dead.

He was a coward.

But then again he felt he had enough suffering in his life already to add the self pity on them.

He passed a smile to his sister who left him so that he could get freshened up. But he knew she would be roaming by his room not moving until he comes out.

He felt that he was a burden on her. Keeping her from enjoying the points of life. But her life has been filled with miseries too. And what he regretted the most, that he can't take those on his shoulders again like the old Shivaay would have.

That Shivaay died somewhere along those years. Or maybe it was the time when he realised he was left with nothing in his hands.

He went inside the shower. A cold one.

The cold water felt like a blessing on his heated skin. Cooling down, numbing down the pain as the seconds passed. He wrapped the towel around himself.

He looked at his beard. A few months ago, Priyanka used to trim his beard and give him the haircut according to her own liking. She said she liked styling him, it made her feel like her childhood had returned. When she used to get her brothers to paint their nails too just because she had hers. Rudra eagerly did so. And Om reluctantly. While Shivaay used to wrinkle his nose at the smell of toulene on his hands, he did so because the smile Priyanka gave him was far too precious.

He picked up the trimmer staring into the mirror. And began his work. Patiently. Calmly. There was a slight trembling. But it was controllable. He kept his breathing calm and forced his brain to focus on the task he had in his hands. Nearly forty minutes to trim his beard. He looked at his appearance and sighed, now he looked somewhat human.

<>

Annika looked at her assistant cum friend negotiating with the clients.

She turned away to look at the serenity of the garden.

"Now open your eyes." Annika's eyes widened when she stared at the picnic spot under the shade of the tree. The park was empty especially on his orders.

"Shivaay....this...." She trailed off.

"I know we have not been able to spend time alone, with all the problems surrounding our family. The least I could do is take off your mind. Even if it's only for some time." She felt the tears spiking up but Shivaay distracted her before they fell.

He pulled her towards the sheet spread out on the grass. She stepped out from her sandals to let her feet feel the cool grass underneath.

He had cooked the lunch for them.

Her favourite aloo puri, gajar ka halwa and everything else that she liked. What he didn't know was that she would eat anything, anything that he cooked. Because it was his love that he filled in the dishes had her hunger satisfied.

She was shaken out of the memory by her assistant, Nandita aka Nandu to her.

"You okay? You kind of look gloomy." Annika just shook her head and passed her a smile to assure her. And they got in their taxi to get back to the small office they managed to set up for their business.

She looked outside the window not minding the bright sunlight that fell on her face. Her mind goes back to his memories.

She remembers every curve of his lips.

Every scrunch of his nose.

Every twinkle in his eyes.

The tears.

The smiles.

The grimaces.

The smirks.

The winks.

The blushes.

She has traced them with her own fingers. She wondered how it was possible.

That the eyes which left her breathless will become the cause of her sufferings.

She had seen pure devotion in them.

But she might be mistaken.

She wondered where he was now. Was he okay? Safe? Happy? Of course not, how can he be. His life was stuck in those Mansion walls, dedicated to his family. He was away from them for years. Of course the years would have been hard on him too.

Sometimes she wished things didn't turn out this way.

He had changed her. For good? For bad? She didn't know. He has changed too, for her. Was it all a pretense? She found herself wondering from time to time. Because nobody could fake the love he had, the devotion that his eyes carried.

Because she didn't know love until she looked in his eyes. Never did she expect them to shine with that very emotion whenever she was around. Why did you do it Shivaay? Or did you do it at all?

Both the questions haunted her. For entirely different reasons.

For the former she feared the answer and for the latter she feared the possibilities. And the outcomes.

The taxi car stopped with a jerk and they realised they had reached their destination. She got out of the car while Nandita bargained. "Can you believe he was asking extra? It was not that far, man." She finished her sentence with an exhausted sigh.

"Let's begin our work?"

"Have you contacted the caterers?" And they both began.

<>

Shivaay walked in the orchard owned by Arjun's parents. He and Priyanka were invited to his wife's baby shower. His wife, Jagriti was extra kind to him. As if upon sensing his discomfort in the room. She led him to the orchard so he could be comfortable away from the crowd, even though it was a private setting. The air was cool as he walked beneath the shades the tall trees provided. His mind going over to that moment when he brought Annika for a picnic years ago.

He felt a small smile tugging at his lips.

Her smile was his life.

But that smile soon dimmed.

"It was your decisions that have landed us where we are. Worlds apart."

He felt himself frowning. What did she mean? He didn't remember what happened. What he had done? That his family turned his back to him.

He forced his breathing to calm. He didn't want to cause a scene at his friend's baby shower.

"Shivaay?" He stopped in his tracks. "Jagriti told me you're here. Everyone left. Come let's have lunch. Together." And a slight tug on his arm.

Arjun. His mind registered the words.

He walked back towards the house. His eyes trained to the ground.

Arjun was looking at his friend carefully. Yes, friend. He considered him friend. Shivaay never behaved to him like a boss. He has helped him and his family on numerous occasions. It was his gratitude and appreciation that he had for him. And he was a couple of years younger than him. And that was the reason he felt a strange sense of protectiveness over him. Arjun didn't know that the crowd will make him anxious. He just wanted to make him feel at home.

Shivaay has suffered. He didn't know how but he knew it was enough that it has rattled him to the very core. So he decided he'd at least try to fill the void his family has left him with by providing him a new one. That there were people that he could confide in, not his blood. But family isn't born of blood, but of joy and security that your people provide. The very same ones that Shivaay never hesitated to give his family and also the ones that his family failed to give him.

And Arjun knew, he will let nothing reach his now, younger brother.

"Everything will be alright Shivaay. Time heals." Arjun spoke without glancing in his direction.

Shivaay found himself pondering over Arjun's words. Did it really? For all he could remember was that he was blessed with pains all his life.

That now he have lost the remaining hope that he had been left with. After all how long a person can fight? In the end he accepted his defeat too.

So......?? Thoughts? I didn't like how I wrote Shivika in the first book. Hopefully it turns out better in this one.

Re-watching a few episodes of BALH2 and some of BALH 3.....Ram Kapoor is love 😭