P R A C T I S E D   T E A R S

S H I V A A Y

Shivaay opened his eyes. He felt a weight on his arms. Priyanka was sleeping beside him.

The last nights incident filled in his mind. His eyes dropped to his kurta. There were strains on them. Blood stains.

He could still taste the copper in his mouth. And he shuddered in response. He have become habituated to him. With shakily legs he stood up. Priyanka was fast asleep. He entered the washroom, his eyes taking in the reflection and his eyes grew round at sight.

The collars of his kurta were painted red.

How much did he—

He furrowed his eyes. He couldn't recall what exactly happened. His nightmares. The injection.

He remembered Priyanka's arms pressing him to be still while the doctor injected the sedative. Restrained like an animal.

He gargled, the water he spat out was mixed with his blood. He wanted to wash away the taste of blood from his mouth. But the that metalic taste lingered deep in his throat.

He hated how he couldn't control his own hands. The pain in his upper limbs never ceased.

He didn't have to learn to bear the constant pain in his arms.

If there was one thing that was constant in his life. It was pain.

It never disappointed him.

Ironic isn't it?

When Priyanka woke up, she found Shivaay gone. Panic rushed into her mind until she heard the shower running. She went downstairs. She was exhausted. The whole night she spent by Shivaay's side, leaving only when she saw sun rising up. She went to get freshened not expecting Shivaay to wake up in that span.

"We need to stop those medications." She looked up. Aradhya was sitting on the living room couches. Her arms crossed as she stared at the decorative piece ahead of her.

"His body will get addicted to them." The doctor turned to face her fully. "That will only increase his sufferings. These steroids aren't good for his heart. You know that very well." Priyanka's hands fisted into balls. These medicines were the only things that managed to calm him down after he woke up from those nightmares. "And this was the third one I injected in this month. That is worrying." She spoke.

"I can't help him, not until he learns to accept it." She spoke keeping her voice firm. Priyanka knew she was referring to the sessions that he refused to attend.

"Are you backing off?" Priyanka couldn't help but ask.

Aradhya looked at her, her eyes neutral when she answered. "I don't give up on my patients, Ms. Oberoi."

<>

"Lift it up." The muscles in his hands refused to obey. But he wasn't going to back down. He tried to lift them up. A painful grunt escaped him. The injection have caused his arm to stiffen.

"Don't force. Relax and focus." Came the doctor's calm voice.

Shivaay closed his eyes trying to relax  himself. The muscles in his arm contracted painfully. His face scrunched up in pain. And he raised them, his hands clenched into fist.

"Yes. Now unclench them."

He did so. The pain only increased. He felt tissues being dabbed on his face wiping off the sweat beads.

"Keep them up for a moment."

And after a minute he pulled his hand down, his face contracting from pain and he gasped.

"Here." Aradhya passed him the glass of water. He took it with his other hand in which the pain has subsided, taking small sips.

"Trembling has reduced considerably. That's progress. Congratulations, Mr. Oberoi." She smiled at her patient.

Shivaay gave out a soundless chuckle. She frowned. Was there anything funny?

He quietened down. She scanned his reports. "Hm... better but don't resume the therapy. For two weeks from now on." She turned to him. He rolled his eyes.

'They don't work.' his hands signed, his fingers curling to describe what he wanted to express. His hands dropped unable to bear the ache anymore. Aradhya sighed. "It needs time, Shivaay." She spoke.

He arched his eyebrows.

"Mr. Oberoi, give it some time." She corrected herself immediately. When he didn't answer anything she left him alone in the room. He looked at the tissues discarded on the bin. Covered in his blood. And he wondered how much suffering was left in his share.

One year in hospital.

Three in recovery.

And he was still unable to form a single sentence.

<>

He plunged his head down in the pool. His body surrounded by waters.

He felt his body fighting. But he held himself back from making any movements.

His ears ringed.

His hands flailed for a moment before he calmed himself.

His mind going to over that moment.

The laughter.

He tried to remember. Was it man? Or was it a woman?

All he could hear was the rippling waves if the water. He was holding his breath. His eyes closed. His hair which has grown to the point that he had bind it in a ponytail was flowing freely.

"You will beg. Beg for death."

They were right. He was begging for it.

A gasp. Water rushed inside his mouth. And resurfaced to the air, gripping the side of the pool. He coughed out the water.

The voice was echoing badly in his ear. He couldn't recognise the speaker. The ache in his head increased.

"Bhaiya!"

Shivaay snatched his hands back when Priyanka tried to pull him back to the surface. He pushed the hair falling on his head back and leaned back into the waters.

Priyanka watched helplessly.

She knew he didn't seem comfort in waters. He sought answers.

She longed to hear his voice. His voice. His sweet calls of her name. Not the bloodied rasps. She kneeled down next to pool.

Her eyes watching her brother intently.

His eyes were closed, painfully.

And he submerged his body again.

The chlorine filled water irritated his eyes. He scanned the waters. It felt he was reliving the moments from his dreams. The only difference was that these were clear. Because the ones that drowned him in his dreams were crimson. He stayed unmoving and afloat till his oxygen demand couldn't be ignored anymore.

Priyanka wrapped the towel around him. And dried his hair with the other. Her lips pursed tightly forming a thin line of disapproval.

Shivaay seemed unfazed from all it.

"P-p-p-ri" she froze when she heard the voice. It was a soft whisper. One filled with pain. He opened his mouth again, to utter the syllables but they were replaced by coughs.

And with that the hope in her chest was extinguished.

The coughs rocked his body with the force of it. And his eyes clenched shut in pain. Her eyes fell on his scar. It sent chills down her spine even by looking at it. It is healed now. She has seen it. Countless of times. It tore his chest into two.

She couldn't fathom the pain he have beared.

And what scared her even more, was that Shivaay too didn't know how it happened.

"Shh.... don't speak. I am here." She assured him. She wrapped an arm around him, the thin frame of her brother made her stomach churn painfully. He leaned into her hold.

He stayed unmoving. His eyes barely open. His skin was getting cold. Fear instilled inside her.

"Aradhya!" She heard a scream. Was it her own?

<>

Shivaay removed the paperweight from the pages. He scanned through the contents before he handed the signed ones to Arjun.

"Are you okay, Shivaay?" He looked from the file. He settled for a nod.

Arjun watched Shivaay reading the documents. His eyes fleeting to the signature on the page for a brief moment. The letters have imprinted to the back of the page.

He eyes the slight shivers that was noticable in the signature. He knew Shivaay was pretending. Pretending that he was fine. But he was not. He knew the prestige Shivaay held in the industry and he hated seeing him like this. Hiding away from the crowds, the same crowds he used control with a word of his.

He never heard him speak in person.

And he wondered if he ever will?

"When you will be going home?" Arjun asked. Shivaay looked up from the file and towards the clock. Befode he turned back to his work.

Arjun didn't know whether he should leave him alone or not. The trembling in his hands have increased. Shivaay couldn't utter a sentence properly without damaging his already healing vocal cords. And he rarely used the sign language as the nerves of his hands sometimes didn't coordinate perfectly. It was painful for him to force them. He has seen how Shivaay's face would scrunch up in pain as he forced his fingers to hold the pen.

His grip was forceful and when he wrote the force caused the letters to be imprinted on the back of the paper. These controlled movements didn't ease up the pain in his arms. If only they only increased it.

"You can't stay away from the world forever." Shivaay didn't answer nor showed any indication that he heard his words.

"Who will represent us on the fifth anniversary of the establishment?" He asked. Shivaay's eyes without hesitation turned in the direction of Priyanka's cabin. And Arjun got his answer.

<>

Annika stared at the ceiling of her room lost in thought.

She has changed in these years. Her eyes were now dull and held no shine in them. Her smile now came out forced.

She moved back in her house. She didn't want to stay in the place that would constantly remind her of him.

She turned over. Her fingers digging into the pillow as she clutched it tightly. Her eyes flickered close for a brief moment before they opened again.

All she could see was his tears.

The eyes who were filled with so much tears when they stared into her own anger filled ones. She turned again.

She tried to close her eyes. And she saw the same helpless gaze. It haunted her.

With sleep gone from her eyes, she sat up.

She drew her knees in, her mind briefly fleeting to the memory.

He was begging.

To be believed.

And she found herself wondering if those tears were true?

From next chapters the story will move forward and we will explore the Oberois and Annika 🙈 these chapters were just to elaborate on his trauma and injuries and his relationship with Priyanka.