“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he started.

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But in those seconds, your feelings overwhelm you. You’ve been so busy dealing with Kaito that you don’t have enough time for Fumiya anymore. Kaito’s even occupying your thoughts sometimes. That you feel so guilty of not being loyal enough to Fumiya. You feel so bad it all comes down to you that staring into his eyes suddenly became blurry and watery that you find yourself with overflowing tears.

Seeing you in tears, Fumiya got alarmed for a moment. All the sadness, all the anger, all but gone.

“Kisa-san? Nande? Doushite? (Why?) ” He uttered in a panic.

Seeing him in a frenzy, you finally noticed your face with free flowing tears.

“Eh? Eehh??!” You shrieked.

Both of you then fumbled for something to wipe your tears away. Luckily, Fumiya has a hanky in his pocket.

“Here,” he hands you the piece of cloth.

“Arigatou,” you replied, still in a haze, wondering how it all happened.

He’s staring at you so dearly as you wipe your face. And slightly smiled to himself while he’s at it. Then he turned away and said, “Maybe I’ll tell you some other time.”

“Nani? (What?)” You replied, not fully understanding it.

“Nandemonai (It’s nothing),” he replied with a smile. “Why were you crying anyway?”

“I had no idea, gomen,” you said, hiding the truth away. Of course, you can’t really tell him the reason why.

“You scared the heck out of me. I thought it because of me,” he said while putting his hand on his chest.

“Gomen. Gomen,” was all you could say. It’s because you’re still here with me, you said in your head, just to answer his question. It’s a relief that he doesn’t ask too much.

From a little far away, Kaito was watching you. He had been searching for you for a while now, only to find you with Fumiya. Only to see you spending time with him, alone together.

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After chatting for about an hour, Fumiya walked you to your room after some time. His room is on another floor, so you watch him catch the elevator before going inside your room.

But right after entering, you receive a message from Kaito asking if you could go to the parking area for a moment. He said there’s something he needs to tell you.

You didn’t want to go. It’s getting late, too. But maybe, it’s time to finally end it with him. Tell him you’re rejecting him for good. Even if that’s the last thing you ever wanna do. You don’t want to be like all those guys who rejected you, but he’s giving you no other choice.

You arrive at the parking area seeing Kaito standing there staring at the moon. What’s with the moon today? You asked yourself.

“Kaito-san,” you called on him as you approached him.

Hearing your voice, he instantly turned to you with a bright expression. “Kisa-san.”

“It’s getting late. Please make this quick,” you demanded.

You didn’t expect that he would walk over you, so it slightly intimidated you when he stopped right before your face, as he stared down on you intimately.

“Honto ni Kisa-san ga suki (I really like you, Kisa),” he said, staring into your eyes.

You got dumbfounded for a second. This is a straight confession coming for him. A first you ever had in your life. It almost made your heart race if not for the moment he shoved down to kiss you.

When you saw him shoving down, you instantly turned away. You didn’t want his kiss. It made you realize you really don’t like him anymore.

Seeing you evade his gesture, he hugs you tightly instead, leaving no room for you to escape. You try to push him away, but his hold is getting even tighter as you struggle under him. This scene is getting worse for you. You should’ve left when you could. But it’s too late now.

“Kisa…” he murmured in your ear.

You’re still struggling, but he’s not budging. “Kaito-san, let me go!…”

He doesn’t want to let go. It took him a few moments to realize that you’re struggling under him, and in that moment, he finally loosens his hold of you and releases you. “Sumimasen.”

You look up to him, trying to calm yourself. This is not the first time he has done this. He better not do it the third time, or you’ll definitely give him a slap or two.

“I can be your friend up to this point. But any more than this, even friendship I can’t even give you anymore,” you finally got firm towards him. You can not prolong this kind of relationship both of you are having.

“Do you really… not like me anymore?” He asked as if making sure for the very last time, it’s evident in his eyes. The sorrow, the longing, the hope that maybe you’d still give him at least one last chance.

But it’s been difficult for you too. You can not do this any longer, “Hai. I only like Fumiya now,” you finally said it from your very own mouth.

And even if he knew, hearing it to his face hurts more than already knowing. He just looked down on his feet and smiled to himself, “I guess I was already too late.” He looked at you one more time and patted your head. “I hope you be happy this time around. I’m giving up on you now. And I only wish you happiness, Kisa.”

You felt his pain. You know how it is cuz you’ve been there so many times. And you know nothing you could say would make him feel better. Cuz you’re the one who hurt him. Just like how all those guys had hurt you in the past. Now you fully understand that it wasn’t intentional. It’s just that you can never tell your heart to love someone you don’t really love.

Kaito walked away in silence, never looking back. As you felt the guilt slowly creeping up in your heart. Now you know how it feels like the one who rejects. You never expected that it would be painful, too. But it’s all for the better.

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After a few weeks, Kaito resigned, and he promised never to bother you again. You believed him. He was a nice person. And you believe he still is.

“I heard Sakurai-san resigned,” Fumiya told you while you were having lunch together.

His eyes were being inquisitive. You could see it in his gaze.

“Hai, I just found out this morning,” you meekly replied.

“No wonder he wasn’t hanging around you since after the trip. He had plans on leaving,” he added.

“I didn’t know. He didn’t tell me. He just texted me today. He said he had found a better job in Osaka.”

“Osaka? Maybe he didn’t just go there for the trip after all. What a sneaky guy.”

“Well, if it’s better there, then why wouldn’t he go, right? If we had better places to be, we’d probably go to that place too.”

You feel a little sad, though. Even if you had a falling-out, you were still friends. You still wish him the best.

Fumiya could see your empathy for Kaito, so he said, “I hope he doesn’t miss this place sooner or later and have a truly better time in his new endeavor.”

“He probably won’t,” you assured him.

“Now no one’s gonna bother you even on a weekend,” he joked.

“Yeah,” you smiled at him.

“So maybe I could now? Just joking.”

Not having Kaito around feels a little empty, but having only Fumiya gives you a world full of hope that someday, you won’t have to feel rejected anymore. Cuz in your silence, you will be happy, just being there by his side.

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To be continued...

nantokanarusa 23.11.29