A/N: Based somewhat off of episode 17 ''Disordered''
Mentions of Self harm, depression and suicidal thoughts/actions.
Birdflash.

Happy Harbor
Mount Justice.

The team was all at the mountain today. They all sat by themselves in silence, waiting to be called next to speak with Dinah, Black Canary, about how they are doing after the failed simulation just a day ago.

Robin sat the farthest from everyone. Wally tried to sit with him but Dick just shook his head, he wanted to be alone right now. Wally didn't know if that was the best but decided to respect what Dick wanted. Robin looked off in the distance, not really focusing on anything as his thoughts were all he could focus on. 
He was blaming himself, because of his choices and actions his whole team was suffering. He had hurt them and they probably didn't trust him any longer. He quickly glanced over at his team, none of them were paying him any attention. 
"They probably all hate me. It was my fault. I became in charged and sent all of my friends to their deaths. I was the leader of the team and I finally got to be but I failed. I was focused on the stupid mission. They all hate me, I know that they do because I hate me too. If I wasn't here then everything would be alright. I was heartless. I-I I was like Batman, willingly sacrificing everything for the mission. I don't want to be like Batman, I-I I just want to see my mom and dad again. I'm so tried...I've had enough. They won't even miss me, they will all be glad when I'm gone.'' thought Dick.

Black Canary called everyone in one by one. When Robin heard Wally's name he looked over at him but Wally never looked at him. Robin's shoulders dropped and he lean forward, placing his head within his hands. 
"He's probably telling her how awful I was. How he didn't really love me. That all of this was my fault, that they should have left me in there to die.'' thought Robin as he sniffled, tears filling up his eyes.
Kaldur was standing against the wall, watching everyone. He was their leader and he wanted to make sure that they were sorta alright, he wanted to keep a watchful eye on them, to be their protector since he was their leader and the oldest. His eyes slowly landed on Robin and he pushed himself off the wall, preparing to walk over towards the small boy when the door open and Wally walked out. Wally just walked past him and sat down and sighed. Kaldur looked back at Robin, it appeared that he was crying. 

"Robin'' said Black Canary. He pushed himself off of the couch and rubbed his face quickly. Kaldur knew for a fact now that Robin, who is always so strong was in fact crying. He slowly entered the room and once the door was shut, Kaldur turned to face the rest of the team.

"Team...we need to talk'' said Kaldur. They all came together and waited for Kaldur to begin. "I know what everyone is dealing with, but I fear one of us is hurting way more than the others. Robin, he was...he was just crying. He is the youngest of all of us, still merely a child and I do believe that we all should come together in this time of need and help him and each other.'' said Kaldur. Everyone slowly nodded their head and waited for Robin to come out.

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"I know that you're hurting'' said Black Canary. Dick sat across from her, his eyes directly on the floor, he could look up at her, not now.

'Hurting? Try traumatized.' sign Dick. Dick pauses, as he collects his thoughts, he can see Black Canary looking at him with concern. 'I finally become leader and I end up sending each one of them to their deaths. They hate me! And...I can't blame them.' he signed and sat back in his seat.

"Why Dick, why can't you blame them for hating you?'' she questioned him. Dick shakily inhaled before he began to sign to her once more.

'Because all of this was my fault. My fault! I did this, I ruined everything! They should all hate me because...' Dick signed but stopped. He couldn't reveal the whole truth to her because she might tell Bruce and that would be a disaster, heavy on the dis.

"Because why Dick?'' she asked him. Her eyes scanning him, watching how he held himself. She could see his hands shaking. He then rubbed his wrist and she cleared her throat cause she could guess what was on his mind, self harm. 
"Dick-" she began but he cut her off.

'When this all started, I wanted to be in charge, but not anymore. I can't be! I didn't mean to, but I did what I had to and I hated it. I hated every single second of it. They all hate me...Wally hates me. But I should have saved them! It was my job and I failed. I should've save them...they are like family. I-I can't save anyone. What kind of hero am I?' he signed then looked up at her. He pulled his sunglasses off to brushed the tears brimming in his eyes.
'You can't tell Batman' Dick then signed, then replaced his sunglasses back upon his face.

"Nothing leaves this room Dick. It's okay to talk freely in here.'' said Black Canary. Dick nodded his head and sighed before he signed again.

'I always wanted...no expected to become him. But that thing inside him, the thing  that cuts him off of emotions, the very thing that drives him to sacrifice everything for the sake of the mission. That's not me. I did it in the simulation and I hated it, I was heartless and I-I I can't take it. I....I don't want to be....the Batman, anymore.' Dick signed and with that he stood up quickly and dashed out of the room. 

Once he opened the door he saw the team all sitting around one another, a few had smiles on their faces. But before, when he was out there, there was none of that. They paid him no attention.
"They really do hate me, they don't care about me at all. I'm a burden...I'm in their way. No one cares, and why should they....I'm nothing. I'm worthless, useless, a failure. Bruce, Alfred, and Wally they don't really care about me, I don't care about myself, I'm always alone because I'm nothing. Everyone will be better off with me gone! I'm soo tired and done. Done with trying, done with talking, done with breathing..I'm just done. I miss my parents, I want to see them again, to feel what being loved feels like. To feel that warmth once more. I'm done.'' thought Dick and he snuck off towards his room.

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Black Canary stepped out and looked at them all. She walked forward and cleared her throat, they all then noticed her and look up at her.

"Where's Robin?" she asked. Now everyone looked shocked. They all looked from one another then back at her with confusement clearly written upon their faces.

"Wasn't he in there with you?" asked Artemis.
"He was, about 10 minutes ago. He ran out of there early, I was hoping that he was out here with all of you.'' said Black Canary. Wally's eyes widen suddenly and he quickly dashed off in the distance. He ran around the whole mountain until he finally came to Robin's room. He knocked once but got no answer so he pushed the door open and entered the dark room. Wally quickly flicked the light and was met with an empty room. He looked quickly and found no one in the bathroom. Wally ran his hand through his hair and sighed. 
"Dick must have hacked the zeta tubes so his name wouldn't be called out." thought Wally. Wally then raced back towards the team to tell them that their teammate was missing.

The team didn't like this at all and Black Canary pulled Wally to the side. She shared her worries with him. Wally was now full blown panic. 

"If Black Canary feared that Dick might hurt himself or worst then this was truly serious. I knew that he wanted to cut last night but...thinking that he might want to end his life was scary. He blamed himself for all of this and I should have noticed it sooner. I suck as a boyfriend and best friend'' thought Wally.

Black Canary radioed a few league members about Robin and to keep an eye out for him while the rest of the team split up. Wally took Gotham and he walked slowly over towards Artemis, who he had a small crush on. He told her that Robin might hurt himself and he told her if she found him first to call him right away. She agreed and she called her best friend Zatanna, who Dick had a crush on. Wally sighed and raced towards the zeta tubes, to Gotham and towards Dick hopefully.

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The wind was blowing like crazy in the Gotham cemetery as Dick walked closer towards his parents graves. Mixed with the wind was a coldness that made Dick even more numb. He soon came to a stop before their graves.

"Hi mami and Tati. I....I miss you.'' said Dick. His shoulders began to shake as he slowly broke down. Tears were now streaming out of his beautiful bright blue eyes. "I'm...I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you! I can't save anyone...including myself, I'm not a hero. I'm nothing. I'm sorry that I am a disappointment to you, I am really sorry and I hope you along with everyone else can for give me." Dick said as he pulled out his blade an a bottle of sleeping pills.

He sat down with his back against the head stones. He quickly downed the pills before dropping the empty bottle next to himself. Then he pulled his sleeves up and sighed and closed his eyes. He then brought the blade down upon his skin. He cut and cut leaving many cuts upon his wrists, he cut deep but not deep enough to kill him, just enough to feel something, to feel the pain rather than this numbness that he was feeling. He had woken up with this numbness after the simulation and he hated every bit of it. He cut one more time as his body felt heavy and he fought to keep his eyelids open but it was a losing battle. He looked up at the sky before closing his eyes and drifting off into the darkness in hopes of seeing his parents again, for he missed them dearly and everything was so painful after they left him, here all alone.