My mind won't quiet
I'm stuck in this ever looping whole of existential thoughts
Bombarding the barricade I built from such a young age
Such a young age that should say something.

Why do we need to build barricades?
WHY do we need to distance ourselves from this world.
From this ever changing, from this hating, cruel world.

These thoughts don't come from me
No
They come from those that I've spoken to
Those that offer their input

Well I never asked for their input
They say that I should lose weight
Thy say that I should smile more
They say that my teeth are crooked
The say this and they say that

They never mean any harm, but they don't ever think.
They are the reason I can't anymore
Thy are the reason these thoughts break and bruise and bombard their way to me.
They are the reason that I took that knife to my skin

They are the reason red runs from my wrists
And yet, they don't matter
Years pass and I can't seem to stop
They Keep attacking me
They keep hating

They start to ask questions.
They seem to care after so long
They see the scars and the bandages
They see the pain
Yet they never think that they caused it

They take me to a new place
a different place
It's quiet here
It just makes me want to tear my hair out because the thoughts are back.
The voices in my head are back and they keep getting louder.

Until
There is a light
There is a soft quiet sound
And a hand that reaches to me
I am on the ground
I am alone

But they don't mind.
He doesn't mind.
He gets on the ground with me and runs his hands along these cuts that I worked so hard to make
He looks sad. like he wishes I never had to endure that.

I miss that look.
I miss being cared for like a normal person
I never heard him say anything but soon I go to live with him.
Perhaps a change of scenery will bring the color back into my vision.
It does.

He cares for me like a daughter
He stays when the voices won't be quiet
Thy haven't gone.
They are just dulled
But he doesn't mind
He stays

He stays when nobody else would!
He doesn't leave me to rot in a cell with white walls and white clothes.
He brings color back but by bit until one day,
The voices have left.
I don't know where they went
They left and they never came back.

I let the barricade down and loved once more
I married and had children
I was cared for and I never forgot him
Him. The one that brought me out.
The one that gave color to this world.

He is the pleasant breeze on a summer day
He is the smell of a rose in the morning
He is the warmth of a fire on a snowy day
He is love

I will never forget those days where I was torn and broken
But I grow up stronger to know that this whole world is not cruel.
The cruel lies within all of us but the world isn't cruel.
Everyone has to chose to became a vessel on love just like him.
Even though I won't forget those days, I can let them drift to the back of my mind for now. As I live in a life of Love.