You and Kazuma are currently speaking to a busty female knight who is interested in joining up with you.

Darkness: My name is Darkness and my class is Crusader. If you would have me....I would like to join your p-p-p-party please! I can start immediately! 

Y/N: Riiiight....

Darkness grabs your fore arm and puts her face inches away from yours.

Darkness: Tell me about the women in your party?! One was covered in slime and you carried the other her in your arms! What sort of horror befell those two?!

Y/N: (Lady, ever heard of personal space?!) We uh...had some issues dealing with giant toads earlier today an-

Darkness: What?! Oh only if I were there!

Y/N: Excuse me?

Kazuma: (What's up with this chick?)

Darkness: AHH! I mean...As a knight I cannot stand by and watch as two tender young ladies be defiled by some creature!

You and Kazuma glance at each other and notice that Darkness is breathing heavily and and has crazed look in her eyes. Kazuma just straight up tell her the condition of your party. 

Kazuma: Yeah I don't recommend joining us! One of our members isn't what I call, "totally useful." And the other, she can use her magic only once a day! And I have got no skills, in fact Y/N's only one here with real skills.  

Y/N: Yeah, been practically carrying this party. I think you're bett-AHH!

Darkness tightens her grip on your arm

Darkness: That is exactly what I'm looking for! *lets go*In all honesty...I have a slight confession to make. Although I am confident in my defensive abilities....I am quite clumsy in fact my attacks ever hit their mark.

Y/N: (Okay, she just needs additional training. Maybe I could help her? Kruber taught me more than a few military drills.)

Once again Darkness gets really close to your face.

Darkness: That being said, I will not hesitate to charge the front-line! You can use me as your shield! YES! USE ME!

Y/N: *push Darkness away* Whoa slow down there! I am not going to use a woman as a shield!

Darkness: I wouldn't mind that!

Kazuma: Yeah well, we get eaten by monsters in every battle.

Darkness: OHH! I WOULDN'T MIND THAT EITHER!

Y/N: Look, can you come back some other time? We had a very difficult day and we've had a couple of drinks already. Can you let us sleep on it for now?

Darkness: Very well, I shall return some other time. But don't keep me waiting too long.~

You both wait for Darkness to get out of earshot and you both breathe a sigh of relief.

Y/N: *shudder* That woman is a freak! I'm glad I didn't mention the Skaven gunner.

Kazuma: Please tell me you weren't considering letting her in Y/N!

Y/N: I don't know.....She could be a reliable tank? But her masochistic nature might make her a liability....I don't wanna think about it right now. I have other business to attend to.

Kazuma: Where are you going?

Y/N: Gonna meet with a friend. Take care the bill.

Kazuma: Why me?!

Y/N: Who saved your life again?!

Kazuma:.......Sure, I got it.

You nod to Kazuma and leave the hall to meet up with Sophie. You did tell her were gonna do a music session earlier. You walk into the same alley from before and Sophie was waiting for you tuning the guitar.

Sopihe: Hey Y/N.

Y/N: Hey, you waiting long?

Sophie: No not at all.

She hands you the guitar and you play a few notes to warm up.

Y/N: Seems to be in tune. Want to do a duet?

Sophie: So what song are we gonna play?

Y/N: Just one I'm pretty familiar with. Grab your fiddle let me teach you.

You continue to warm up and teach Sophie the song. Little did you know Megumin and Aqua were walking by heading to the Guild Hall.

Aqua: That was a great bath! I can't wait to get my first drink!

Megumin: I know right! I'm starv-....Hey do you hear that?

Aqua: Hear what?

Megumin: Sounds....like....music.

Curious, the two girls walk into the alley. Then they see you and Sophie sitting on barrels and quickly hide and watch.

Megumin: It's Y/N! What's he doing here?!

Aqua: Better question, what's Y/N doing with that waitress?!

Feeling that you're both ready you start playing your song.

Y/N: Ready? 1, 2, 3.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

After you finished the song to you and Sophie look at each other and laugh a little.

Sophie: That was fun!

Y/N: Glad you enjoyed it.

Aqua and Megumin continue to watch with envy.

Aqua: (He's getting too friendly with her. That should be me!)

Megumin: (I've got to step it up. If I'm gonna get closer to Y/N.)

The next day you were eating lunch at the Guild with Megumin telling her stories. Aqua was doing party tricks for some adventurers as Kazuma came into the building.

Megumin: I can't believe one your mentors was an Imperial Battle Wizard. Did she teach you any magic?

You reached hand toward one of the lamps and absorbed the flame in to your hand and play with it.

Y/N: Sienna taught me some pryomancy. I haven't quite nailed down yet...She said I can give it life and told me, "be careful darling build up too much and the magic will overload your body and turn against you." But I can put it out just like this.

You snap your fingers and flame goes out and Megumin gives you a slight glare.

Megumin: Darling?

Y/N: Oh it's not like that, she calls everyone darling. Plus she like in her fifties maybe late forties and she's not all there if you no what I mean.

Megumin: (*sighs*That's good to know.) So what about your other skills?

Y/N: I've got most of my Ranger skills nearly mastered. Though I wouldn't mind diversifying my skills. You think I could learn explosion magic Megumin?

Megumin delighted at you inquiry grabs your hand.

Megumin: Of course! If you really wanna learn Explosion magic! I can teach you as much as you want Y/N! When you think about it is there any other skill worthwhile to know?!

Y/N: Uhhh...

Megumin: No there is definitely not! Even pyromancy pales in comparison! Just say the word Y/N and we shall walk the Path of Explosions together!

Then her face gets inches away from yours and you slightly push her back.

Y/N: (I'm sure Sienna would disagree.) Easy, look I'll consider it and get back to you on it. Alright kiddo.

Megumin: Kiddo.....He called me kiddo.....

Megumin sulks and goes back to eating as Kazuma sits next to you.

Kazuma: Hey Y/N.

Y/N: Jeez you slept late.

Kazuma: Yeah, I know it's noon.

Y/N: So what are your plans for the rest of day?

Kazuma: Well I've got a bunch skill points and need cash em in.

Y/N: Well you need to find a skill you want have the skill holder teach you it then it'll pop up on your card and then you can use it.

Kazuma: Yeah, but I gotta find a quick and easy skill, something cool, and one that doesn't cost too much points.

Darkness: There you two are!

Y/N & Kazuma: (Oh crap!)

Darkness: We could not finish our talk because you said you were drunk and felt ill.

Y/N: Not what I said but we're good now.

Darkness: I'm glad to hear, now shall we continue where we left off. I would like to join your party.

Kazuma: You can't and that's final!

Darkness: *moans* So fast...cruel.

Y/N: (Did she get off on that?)

???: That's not how you do it Darkness. You'll scare people away if you're that pushy.

Y/N: And you are....?

Chris: My name's Chris, as you can see I'm a Thief. I'm also friends with this poor thing.

Y/N: *looks up and down at Chris* Could've fooled me.

Chris: Like what you see?~

Y/N: *blush* I-I didn't mean to...

Chris: *giggles* Just messin' with ya! Anyway I heard you talk about wanting to learn a skill. Well how would you like to learn some thieving?

Kazuma: Huh?

Chris: Thief skills always come in handy here. Plus it doesn't cost all that many points to learn.

Kazuma: Seriously?!

Chris: Seriously, just buy me a drink and I'll happily teach you.

Kazuma: That's it?! Alright count me in! Barkeep, can I get an ice cold drink for the lady here?!

CHRIS: KONOSUBA!~

The four you head to an alley so Chris can teach Kazuma basic Thief skills.

Chris: Okay so, there all kinds of Thief stuff like Enemy Detection and Lurk. But I'll show you my personal favorite. Watch close.

Chris shows you the palm of her hand.

Chris: Ready?

Kazuma: Ready when you are! Show me what you got!

Chris: STEAL!

A bright light shines out of Chris's hand blinding you both it only last a few seconds then the light fades and  your head feels drafty and you feel that your hat is gone. Then you see Chris twirl your hat on her pointer finger and puts it on her head.

Y/N: My hat!

Chris: That right there is skill called Steal. It nabs one random the higher your luck the better your score. That is how you use steal.

She takes your hat off, puts it back on your head, and gives you a wink. Kazuma puts them a variety of thief skills to his Adventurer's card.

Kazuma: Y/N, mind if I give Steal a try on you?

Y/N: Why not? It's already happened to me once.

Kazuma: I'm gonna try to get that revolver of yours.

Chris: You might get that or you'll get the lint in his pockets.

Kazuma: Well alright then! STEAL!

You're once again blinded by the skills light a few seconds later the light fades. Then you start you feel naked underneath your pants. Then Kazuma feels something in his hand.

Kazuma: Okay, time to to see what I go-.......Oh.....Uhh...

Kazuma reveals that he's holding your boxers with an American flag pattern on them. Your eye is twitching with pure rage you could hear a tea kettle whistling. But both Chris and Darkness have huge blushes on their faces.

Kazuma: *nervous laugh* You uh....really like your flag that much huh Y/N?.....Y/N?

You couldn't hear him over rage boiling over you draw your revolver, cock it, and point it at Kazuma.

Kazuma: Whoa! Whoa! Easy Y/N let's not do anything hasty!

Y/N: Kazuma, you wanted my gun didn't you? Here I'll give to ya! EVERY SINGLE BULLET!

Kazuma drops your underwear runs away from you apologizing repeatedly as you give chase and shoot at his feet.

Y/N: DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN! I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND!

Darkness is nearby watching the whole thing unravel blushing.

Darkness: What a truly savage act.....I MUST JOIN THEIR PARTY NOW! MORE THAN EVER!

Chris picks up the boxers and hides it in her pocket.

Chris: (So that's the guy Sigmar was talking about.....Interesting.)

Kazuma: KONOSUBA!! *gunshot*

After you chased Kazuma up and down the city you cooled off and headed back to the Guild building. You were still slightly angry at Kazuma for the whole ordeal. Darkness blushing and Chris trying hold her laughs and blushing.

Aqua: Y/N, Kazuma where have you been all this time? You missed all of my fabulous party tricks.

Megumin: Why are you sweating so much?

Y/N: We were....Training. RIGHT Kazuma?!

Kazuma: Right! What he said!

Darkness: Chris taught Kazuma some of her thief skills just now. He tried to using them on Y/N and he stole his boxers they had quite an odd pattern red, white, and blue with a mix of stars and stripes. Y/N got mad and chased Kazuma all over the town shooting at his feet.

Y/N: Stop!

Aqua, Megumin and several other women were all listening and blushing.

Aqua: (Y/N's.....)

Megumin: (Underwear!)

Chris: By the way.....

She pulls your boxers out of her pocket for everyone to see. And the the women watching all have nose bleeds.

Chirs: Do you want these back?~

Y/N: *snatches underwear* Gimme those!

You can several giggles around you cover your face with your hat. You feel like you're about to die of embarrassment when Chris taps your shoulder.

Chirs: Y/N.....I'm sorry abut this. I'll owe you a favor, will that make up for it?

Y/N:.....It's a start.

Chris:Deal!

You shake her hand but can't make eye contact with her. You just want to forget the whole thing ever happened.

Aqua: So did you really learn a skill or were you both just horsing around?

Kazuma: Huh? Oh I learned a skill alright! Here goes! STEAL!!

Kazuma uses Steal again, Megumin is blushing and has tears in her eyes and hides her face under her hat. Kazuma reveals that he stole Megumin's black panties.

Kazuma: Uh-oh......

Megumin: What's your problem? Did your stats and level go up or something? Cause your class went from Adventurer to Pervert!....Now then, may I have my panties back? It's starting to feel a bit drafty.

Aqua: You are so ecchi!

Kazuma: Wait! I wasn't trying to steal these! Whatever I steal it's supposed to be random!

Darkness steps in front of the girls while your rage is building up.

Darkness: This goes beyond savage! How dare you shame her in public like that! I cannot stand here and do nothing! Therefore I ask you again! Will you let me join your party?!

Kazuma: Forge-

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Kazuma is knocked out by the butt of your rifle then you pick up Megumin's panties with the barrel and hand them back to her. But you look away from her.

Y/N: Here you go......Megumin.

Megumin: T-Thank you Y/N......

Aqua: Hey Y/N, is this the person Kazuma was were talking about? The one he spoke to while Megumin and I were in the bath yesterday?

Y/N: Yes, Darkness let's talk.

Kazuma: *dizzy* KONOSUBA!

You decide to hold a meeting with your party members including Chirs to discuss the subject of recruiting Darkness.

Kazuma: *rubbing head* Did you have to hit me so hard?

Y/N: You deserve far worse.

Megumin: Hang on! According to her card she's a Crusader! We'd be crazy to turn down someone of her powerful as her.

Kazuma: (This sucks, I so did not want these ladies to meet. Oh well, I'll try something different. Hope Y/N doesn't knock me out of again for this.) Darkness, I'm sorry but we haven't been totally honest with you. The thing is me, Aqua, and Y/N might look harmless.

Y/N: (I'm not.)

Kazuma: But our mission here is to bring down the Devil King.

Aqua: Mm-hm.

Y/N: Well, that cat's outta the bag. Yeah he's telling the truth.

Chirs: Whoa!

Megumin: Seriously?

Aqua: Pretty awesome huh? *hugs Y/N's arm* And I know with Y/N at my side it'll be no problem at all.

Y/N: *nervous chuckle* Yeah sure.

Megumin: *glares* Hrmm.

Kazuma: (That is so not fair.) Anyway, we know how rough it's gonna get for us. But what about you Darkness? If he catches a Lady-Knight like you. Do you know what he's gonna do to you? For starters! He'll chain you up and torture the hell outta of you!

Darkness: Yes, I fully expect he would...For you see, since the days of old becoming his erotic play thing has been a female knight's duty. And that alone makes it worth while to go!

Kazuma: Wait what?

Darkness: Sorry, did I say something strange just now?

Y/N: Okay....Megumin, we're not playing around. Are you prepared for what might come?

Megumin answers with a fire in her heart. 

Megumin: *slams table* My name is Megumin! Member of the Crimson Demon Clan! Wielder of Explosion magic the finest spell! The Devil King thinks he's superior to us! I shall obliterate his vile presence with the strongest magic in the land! 

Kazuma: (Ah great, I just made these two useless ladies even more motivated!)

Y/N: Let me ask you both something......

Darkness: What is it Y/N?

Y/N: *inhales* Are you prepared to face the followers of Chaos?

Everyone was shocked at your question Megumin and Darkness were about to answer but then suddenly an alarm goes off.

Luna: *PA* Emergency quest! Emergency quest!

Kazuma: What the hell is that all about?!

Luna: *PA* We need all able Adventurers to assemble at the Front Gate! I repeat all able Adventurers assemble at the Front Gate at once!

Y/N: Time to go to work! Let's go!

People around town start closing shop and start to take shelter. Every able bodied Adventuers rushes toward the Front Gate. Once there everyone takes a defensive posture just outside the gate and wait. You look off in the distance and see what looks like a green mist approaching

Kazuma: Something is headed straight for us.

Y/N: Doesn't feel like a Skaven pack.

Darkness: I shall protect everyone. Stay close to me and you'll be fine.

Kazuma: Didn't they said it was an emergency! Are monsters going to attack?!

Aqua: Oh those aren't monsters you silly. It's cabbage.

Y/N: Cabbage?

The horde of cabbage are almost in firing range.

Mohawk: This is gonna get ugly!

Megumin: A tempest cometh!

You cock your rifle, take a knee, and take aim with the other ranged weapon Adventurers.

Adventurers: IT'S HARVEST TIME!!

Aqua: UNLEASH THE MAYONNAISE!!

Kazuma: WHAT THE HELL?!

COMPULSORY QUEST: DEFEAT ALL THE CABBAGES FLYING INTO THE CITY

Mohawk: ATTACK!!

You and the other ranged Adventurers fire your weapons and other charge the flying cabbage  horde Kazuma is still flabbergasted while Aqua explains everything.

Aqua: In this world cabbages fly. During harvest time when they've reached peak flavor. They don't sit around  waiting to be eaten. They careen through the cities and meadows, across the continent and the ocean until they reach a secluded place where the eventually die. With out being eaten.

Y/N: (So.....pretty much salmon?)

Aqua: It's such a waste! So we should capture as many of them as we can and turn them into delicious meals to eat!

While the "battle" is going on the guild offers 10,000 Eris per head. Kazuma thinks the whole thing is ridiculous wants to go back to bed. Darkness wants to prove herself and charges the front-line swinging her sword....But not hitting a damn thing. Your shooting them down one by one.

Y/N:(It's not enough, I need more fire power.....Well I guess it's as good as time as any.)

You get up and stand on in the middle of the field with your weapon in your left hand and raise your right hand to the sky.

Megumin: What's Y/N doing?

Kazuma: I don't know.

Then you snap your fingers and suddenly about thirty soldiers appear from out of nowhere that look just like you.

Y/N: FORM RANKS BOYS! MAKE READY!

Kazuma: Since when could Y/N make clones?!

Your soldiers quickly form two ranks fifteen in front, fifteen behind, and cock their hammers. 

Y/N: ALL RANKS! AIM!!

You and your soldiers take aim at a cluster of cabbages heading toward them.

Y/N: FIRE!!!

Scores of cabbage are gunned down Adventurers hear and see the thunderous volley are amazed by the accurate fire.

Female Adventurer: That's amazing!

Male Adventurer: Damn! That's Imperial gunnery for ya!

Kazuma: Holy crap!

Aqua: That's so loud!

You and your men reload and fire another volley  meanwhile some of the Adventurers are being overwhelmed...by cabbages. One of them is pinned to the ground by another falling on him and is about to get hit by a cabbage. Darkness runs in front of the cabbage and gets hit head on and loses her sword.

Darkness: Retreat to safety! I have this!

Male Adventurer: Forget about us my lady! Save yourself!

Darkness: I will not!

Darkness continues to take sustained damage from the cabbages her armor is being stripped away. While everyone is concerned for Darkness's safety and admiring her bravery. Kazuma is the only to notice that she is getting off on getting hit and everyone staring at her.

Kazuma: Y/N!!

Y/N: What?!

Kazuma: Darkness needs support!

Y/N: Roger that! LET'S GO BOYS!

Your order your men to follow you up the hill to support the downed Adventurers and Darkness. You help up a downed Adventurer.

Y/N: Gather your wounded and get back to the gate.

Adventurer: What about you?!

Y/N: I'll keep 'em off you! FORM A LINE! PREPARE TO FIRE!

Adventurers grab their wounded and begin to retreat to the front gate. Your men form a line in front of Darkness and take aim at another cluster of cabbages.

Y/N: FIRE AT WILL!

You and your company fire a volley and then fire at will at the cabbages. But it becomes a battle of attrition your line begins to take casualties.

Y/N: HOLD THE LINE BOYS! COVER THE RETREAT!

Adventurers watch and admire your determination to hold on to save the others Adventurers.

Male Adventurer: That Imperial is holding line for the others to get away!

Female Adventurer: So brave.....and handsome too!

Kazuma: Ugh, Americans are so selflessly heroic it makes me want to puke.

Back over to at the field you try get Darkness to retreat.

Y/N: Darkness pull back!

Darkness: I cannot abandon my comrades!

Y/N: You're relieved! Now pull back!

You sling your rifle, draw your revolver, shoot at any attacking cabbages, and your company begin slowly falling back keeping up the fire. Over to Megumin as she prepares an attack the only way she knows.

Megumin: Quake in fear cabbages!  For no one can stand against my lethal Explosion spell!

Kazuma: (That one's freaky too!)

Megumin: When I'm faced with massive army of foes...How can I resist the sweet sweet urge to unleash Explosion? I cannot!

Kazuma: Yeah you can! (Plus Y/N is still out there!)

Megumin begins her incantation.

Megumin: Darkness shrouded in light! Frenzied blaze claded night! In my clan's name, reveal the full of thine origin!  I summon the root of thy power! A power so fearsome it lies hidden...in a kingdom of ash!

Kazuma: Y/N GET AWAY FROM THERE!! RUN!!

Megumin: EXPLOSION!!!    

Y/N: Oh no! FALL BACK!!

Your company retreat double time down the hill. You grab Darkness and barley escape the blast zone as Megumin's Explosion spell leave another carter you're both knocked down by the shock wave along with your company. Right now you find yourself on top of Darkness.

Y/N: You okay Darkness?

Darkness: I am.....um Y/N?

Y/N: Yeah?

Darkness: *moans* Could you let me get up?

You look down and see that you're squeezing Darkness's left breast the sudden realization of this causes your whole face to turn red and jump to your feet.

Y/N: I'm sorry! Let me help you up!

You offer your hand to Darkness and she accepts.

Darkness: Thank you, what about....?

Y/N: Oh them, don't worry about them.

You see most of your clones are down and snap your fingers and the clone just disappear into thin air. Then Darkness leans into your ear.

Darkness: *whisper* You can be rougher next time.~

Your ear goes red at Darkness's statement....You feel a sharp pain in your abdomen and start to wince.

Darkness: Y/N, what's wrong?

You put your hand down near your stomach and see blood on it. Then you look down and see wooden shrapnel protruding from your stomach and you to go into shock.

Y/N: D-Darkness I'm......

Your legs buckle from the shock and you collapse into Darkness's arms. She lays you on the ground and sees that you are wounded. She starts shouting but you can't hear her. Darkness waves the other over to her Kazuma carrying Megumin on his back and Aqua all gather around you. Aqua starts to heal you. Kazuma looks concerned and Megumin has tears in her eyes everyone shouting at but you can't hear them only your own shallow breathing. Everything feels cold...everything's getting dark......