"Please don't be upset anymore." 

Days had passed. Currently it was night, Mikha'el and I sitting in our usual spot in the tavern. It was unusually busy, everyone laughing and talking. 

I hadn't said a word yet, and we had been drinking for a while. 

I glared at Mikha'el. "He won't even look at me, Mikha'el." 

"I know, but—" 

"There is no 'but'," I snapped, days of frustration and guilt finally rolling off me. "I walk into Metatron and he doesn't greet me. He doesn't even raise his head! I once walked in with another angel and he greeted them. He acted like I wasn't even there." 

Mikha'el frowned deeply at me. I took another gulp of meade. 

"He was traumatized, Ulcinin," my ward told me softly. "He cares about you an awful lot. It's the only reason he agreed to help me in the first place. He was worried something would go wrong, and he wanted to help you gain your powers." 

"Tsch." I looked away. 

Mikha'el sighed. "I have a question for you." 

I raised my eyebrow, signaling him to continue. 

"I'm unsure what to do. God wants to renovate the Eternal Springs, and has requested a specific set of designers spearhead the project. This is a conundrum, for they have been tasked with creating a new biome in a specific section of the Great Rainforest on The Surface. He made the Springs project top priority—but He also stated that this new biome is crucial for the advancement of humanity."

I blinked, the abrupt subject shift catching me off guard. "Oh. Er, I don't know?" 

Mikha'el didn't reply, simply took a sip and stared me down. 

"Um," I continued, rubbing the back of my neck. "Well…why do the Eternal Springs need attention?" 

"Maintenance." 

I cut off the growl in my throat before it left my lips. "Alright…what are the Eternal Springs?" 

"There are several on The Surface, spiritual rivers that grant life. However, in the Holy Realms, it's a spring that gathers and floats down, providing sustenance for the earth. Without it, The Surface would begin to wither and die." 

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Well, that sounds extremely important. What is wrong with it? Is it clogged? What does the job entail?" 

"Esthetic in nature." 

I paused. Then I flat out laughed. "There is nothing wrong or damaged with it?" 

"Correct." 

I laughed again. "Then put that at the bottom of the list!" 

"Except He is doing the renovation as a favor to Sakra, Lord of the Devas—a tribute to him." Mikha'el waved a hand. "There are certain friendships that must be obtained and nurtured for things to run smoothly in the cosmos. Sakra doesn't like how the Springs look. So, since it resides in our Heaven, he asked God to change it." 

I paused. Then I raised an eyebrow and spoke flatly. "Certainly you jest?" 

"If this were not serious I wouldn't be seeking your counsel, now would I, Ulcinin?" 

I let out a groan and raked both hands down my face. Mikha'el snorted into his cup, eyebrows raised. 

"Did you voice your concerns to God?" 

"Of course." 

"And?" 

"He told me to figure it out, that I was capable of such things." 

"Can't He just—I don't know. Wave a hand, and it's done?" 

Mikha'el smirked. "He could, but he has a lot of different, more important, 'hand waving' tasks as you put it." 

I drummed my fingers against the arm of the chair, thinking. Then I sat up straight. 

"You could split the team in two!" 

"That would take double the time." 

"So?" 

Mikha'el raised his eyebrows. 

"If God really wants these things done, simultaneously, then He should be willing to be flexible on time frames for completion." 

“I find it funny that your outlook is largely to put God in His place.”

I couldn’t help it; I rolled my eyes. “Well if He is going to be ridiculous with unrealistic expectations, then we can be ridiculous as well.”

Mikha'el narrowed his eyes. “You speak in blasphemy a little too much for my liking.”

“And yet my wings haven’t turned black.”

Mikha’el decided to abruptly change the subject again. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh. Uh. I’m good.”

He shook his head. “Not what I meant. Physically, how do you feel since we attempted to tap into your powers.”

I didn’t reply.

“You’re not answering me. Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing is wrong.”

That wasn’t a lie. I felt weird. There had been a strange sensation in my body since that day. I couldn’t quite place it; it wasn’t painful, nor uncomfortable. It was just…there. Aside from that, I didn’t feel different.

“You’re very powerful, you know.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” I grumbled.

“No,” he said, dead serious, looking at me so intensely it was like he was looking into my soul. “I mean now. Ever since that day. Even your aura is different.”

I stifled a gasp. “You can see my aura?”

“Of course I can,” he scoffed. “You should be able to now as well.”

“I can’t.”

“You haven’t tried.”

“I wouldn’t even know how to if I wanted to.”

“I know you’re withholding from me,” Mikha’el said, growing impatient. “I can see the grace surging through you. Your chest is damn near glowing, something I’ve only ever seen in, well, two people.”

I raised my eyebrows and drank some meade. “Who?”

“Mary and Jesus.”

I tried to come off as nonchalant. That said, the words shook me to my core. Only two others? And one was Jesus himself?

“Who is Mary?”

“Mother of Jesus.”

I knew that. Feeling embarrassed that evidently the drink was starting to get to my head, I looked away. “Oh. I knew that.”

“Drink.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Drink.”

I laughed. “What are you–”

Mikha’el lunged forward, tipping my cup into my mouth. I sputtered and partially choked, drink spilling out of my mouth. I pushed him away and wiped at my mouth.

“What the fuck, Mikha’el?!” 

“If you’re not going to tell me outright what’s going on, I need to make you more drunk.”

I gaped at him. “You’ve been trying to inebriate me?!”

“Yes. And it’s working, seeing as you forgot who Mother Mary is.”

“Fine,” I growled, not even attempting to hide how pissed I was. I slammed my cup down. “I feel like I’m buzzing. I have for days. Like a fucking bee. Especially in my chest.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No it doesn’t hurt,” I snapped at him as though he should just know that.

“Why haven’t you said anything?”

“It seemed inconsequential.”

“Inconsequential?” Mikha’el laughed bitterly. “We’re trying to help you reach your true form, and you seem to have done that, and you don’t say anything?”

“I’ve been busy!”

He laughed again. “Doing what?”

“Studying.”

“That’s not exactly busy, that’s normal. What are you trying to hide, Ulcinin?” 

I slammed my fist down and screamed. “I don’t want to be special!”

The entire room abruptly stopped, and everyone looked at me.

“I didn’t ask for this!” I continued, getting to my feet, upsetting the table and knocking our drinks over. “I am so sick of everyone treating me differently! I want to be like them, alright?!” I gestured wildly around the room. “I just want to be me!”

And suddenly there were tears in my eyes, and I felt really, horribly stupid.

“I just want to be me,” I repeated at a normal volume, and when my voice cracked I took off flying.

I had never flown so fast. Not even in training. It was too much. I wanted to get away but I didn’t know where. I didn’t want to be in Heaven. I didn’t want to be an angel. As I went tears streaking away as I flew at breakneck speeds, I thought about how nice floating in space had been. It was jarring at first, yes, but for the first time in a year the disquiet that whispered inside of me had eased, and stopped. 

For the first time since I had died, I felt free.

I collapsed in a crying heap. I hadn’t even meant to, but I found myself in the first scrying pool I had been shown. I had been too chicken shit to try again, after that day with Raphael. I had seen the slip-stream pool, yes, but a regular scrying pool? It had been too painful, not wanting to look at myself.

But now I did, and how I looked made me cry harder. There is such beauty in the act of an angel crying. My mortal coil, the one that still considered myself largely human, was mesmerized by the angelic horror. I was breaking my own heart. I was sobbing, and it should have looked ugly, but instead I looked in all of my celestial glory. And as I cried, I realized something really had changed, because my tears were now shimmering silver as they fell–no longer just clear.

I didn’t want to look at this beautiful angel crying any longer, so I waved my hand at the water. Sure enough, the surface rippled and I found myself staring down at The Surface. I had come across a wide meadow, beautiful, lush and verdant. I waved my hand again, and this time it was of a mountain peak, cold and uncaring. I finally found what I was looking for, waving my hand a final time.

People. China, somewhere. Time slipped away just as the tears streamed down my face. It was calming, ever so calming. The scene itself was mundane. Women doing laundry and talking. Children running around, laughing and playing. A man came out of one of their houses and kissed his wife, and they shared a brief look, one that said once the kids were in bed they were going to have some adult fun. I began to relax, an indescribable outpouring of devotion and love settling my nerves even further. 

“Ulcinin?”

I could feel my shoulders tense at Mikha’el saying my name.

“Ulcinin? Are you alright?”

Angrily I splashed the image of The Surface. When it didn’t leave the water, I was pretty surprised. Regardless, I turned angrily to my ward.

“Does it seem like I am alright?”

The archangel approached me cautiously. Still apprehensively, he sat in the grass himself. Mikha’el had provided enough space between us where we wouldn’t touch, he off to my left a bit. As he sat he pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. The only time I looked at him was to throw him a glare.

Mikha’el sighed heavily, and then he spoke.

“I might Fall for this, but oh well. Watching you suffer like this, well, I want it to cease. It is worth the risk.

“You yourself are not only a Destroyer. You are also going to become the ward of someone very important, eventually. I can’t tell you who, because quite frankly I know little about them. All I know is they don’t even exist yet, and won’t for centuries.”

I slid my eyes to him, viewing him curiously.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, the only reason I heard him at all was because of the silence surrounding us. “I wish I had more to offer you as an explanation. aside from ‘you’re an anomaly’. I wish–”

Mikha’el paused. I looked at him. When he didn’t finish his sentence, I whispered back.

“You what?”

Mikha’el now dropped his eyes and looked very sad. “I wish I had the power to not do this to you, because it’s clearly upsetting you so. But it had to be done.”

“Was I killed on purpose?” 

I could feel Mikha’el tense. Truthfully the thought had slithered through my brain on and off over the past year. I had always told myself it was a ridiculous presumption to make. However, with Mikha’el’s lack of immediate response, I knew I had my answer.

“God’s Plan?”

Mikha’el couldn’t speak, turning a horrible shade of red. He looked at me and looked so, so guilty. He nodded once.

“Fuck Gods plan.”

Mikha’el lunged forward and clamped his hand over my mouth. He looked scared for his life. When nothing happened, he slowly took his hand away, and the terror melted into vicious anger.

“Do not speak such blasphemy! If I need to remind you further, I will not hesitate to punish you!”

I wanted to point out that nothing had happened, but I decided now was not the time to be a jerk. Instead I looked back to the scrying pool. It had begun to rain, and people were laughing and darting away into houses in the unexpected downpour. 

“I can understand them,” I said softly. “I don’t know what language they speak, but I can understand them.”

I had no idea how Mikha’el had reacted to that, for I still wasn’t looking at him.

“I get the feeling that, had I not tapped into my abilities, I wouldn’t be able to understand them, would I?”

The archangel didn’t reply. So I looked at him. “Would I?”

Mikha’el looked at me guiltily. “No.”

I let out a deep, slow, tired sigh. Mikha’el scooted himself closer, and then went back to sitting with his arms wrapped around his legs. 

“I almost died, you know.” I swallowed at the admission. “What happened?”

“When I laid hands on you that final time, you…Well, sort of burst. Like an orange being squeezed.”

I cocked my head in question.

“Your eyes glowed with pure angelic power, pouring out of your eyes, your mouth, snapping off your body. You awakened your angelic power with the force of a volcanic eruption, and Auriel and I were flung back into the wall.” Mikha’el redirected his gaze, looking embarrassed. “It knocked me unconscious. When I awoke, Auriel was still slumped against the wall. Once I aroused him, we both scrambled to you. We knew you weren’t dead, because you would have dissipated back into the cosmos, but you were…”

I waited. 

Finally Mikha’el shook his head. “Wrong?”

“How was I wrong?”

“I…I wish I knew how exactly to explain it. We couldn’t get you to wake up, and we could feel you slipping away. Yet, simultaneously, you had power simply rolling off your body. It made no sense. It…”

Mikah’el turned his head, trying to conceal the tear that streaked down his cheek. “It scared me.”

I reached out and put my hand on top of his. He glanced at me, eyes shimmery and red.

“I thought I was going to lose you, Ulcinin. I finally have you, and I thought I would lose you already.”

I gave his hand a squeeze.

“So, we summoned Raphael. It took a scaringly long time, but he was able to revive you.” The archangel looked at me. “You know the rest.”

“Did Raphael give any indication as to what happened?”

Mikha’el shook his head. “The only conclusion was that the sheer amount of celestial power that was awoken was too much for your physical form to handle, and it nearly obliterated you.”

My lips parted in shock. “Is that possible?”

Mikha’el shrugged and gave a sad little smile. “We do not know, Ulcinin. You are, as I said, an anomaly.” 

I took up Mikha’el hands into my own, and gave him what I hoped was an assured, warm smile. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Mikha’el. I’m not leaving you any time soon.”

He looked relieved and smiled.