It had been a while since the shooting. We were all in group therapy, well some of us were. Bailey went back to see her parents for a month. People had seen me on the streets and started asking me about the shooting so I went and stayed in Poland for a month. I stayed with my grandparents. When I got home I was put into therapy. But it was hard walking into that one patient room and into the hallway that Charles died in and where I almost died. We'd all been called to a meeting today at the staircase. I stood with Jackson and Lexie. Jackson and I had got back together again.

"Have you been cleared for surgery?" Jackson asked me.

"I have to be cleared." I said while leaning on the desk.

"I'll take that as a no." Lexie said, when Derek walked in everyone applauded him.

"Hey, uh, yes, good morning. Thank you. Thank you very much." Derek said as he walked to the stairs. "Good. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's, Uh, it's great to be back. First of all, I'd like to thank Dr. Webber for stepping up in my absence. Thank you." Derek said and we all cheered, I would say I wish I never left but maybe it did me good. "I'm grateful for all of you, for all of your support during my recovery. Thank you. Uh, it's just, uh, so great to be back as chief. I'm grateful for the, uh...I'm sorry. That's a lie. That's what people say, and, uh, the truth is...I hate being Chief. I hate it. Chief Webber...Chief Webber is our chief. Um...and I'm sorry, but this giant...sorry, I gotta go look at this chordorma. I, um, I'm sorry, but...I quit." Derek said, that was unexpected.

"What a first day back. The Chief quits his job." I said to all of them.

"I can't believe he just quit." Lexie said to me.

"I've got to go and see that counselor." I said to them before I knocked on the door.

"Come in." Perkins said before I entered. "You're Dr. Y/l/n, I've been wanting to talk to you but you left the country before we could. Our last group session wasn't the best." He said to us, I remembered that clearly.

Last group session

Everyone was here, that was affected the most. Including Ken and Tyler. "Does, uh, anyone have anything to say? I know that, uh, a lot of you are only here because this has been mandated. So let's talk." Perkins said to us before it went silent. I couldn't stop thinking about the pain and seeing my sisters face and Tyler's face as life was slowly escaping from me. "Anything at all?" He asked, I had nothing.

"I ate a really good taco from one of those trucks by the side of the road." Cristina said to us, I went with her. They were good tacos.

"When?" Mer asked her.

"Last night. You were asleep. Y/n and I went together." Cristina answered.

"We didn't want to wake you." I said to her.

"Which truck? The one of 7th?" Jackson asked us, that would be the one.

"I want to go. I like tacos." Alex said to us, I wanted to go again.

"Me too." April said to us.

"I read a book...about the history of mass murders in the U.S. That's...that's the actual name of what happened to us. It was a mass murder. You can't call it a terrorist attack, because the murders weren't political in nature. Abs we weren't the victims of a serial killer, because Mr. Clark would've had to Murder several people over a period longer than 30 days in order to qualify as a serial killer. We could call it a spree killing...which is defined as killings at two more locations with no break or pause in between, because Mr. Clark shot that guy in his car before he got here. But I'm not sure that that counts as a true second location since it was so close to the hospital, which means that we were a mass murder, because it happened at one place, by one person, and more than four people were killed." Lexie said to us before going silent, she was affected by this whole thing really badly.

Present day

"Hopefully it can go better today." I said to him while nodding.

"How have you been?" He asked me, that was a tough question to answer.

"You know they always say that you shouldn't be scared to die. But I was, yeah I had people around me but it didn't give me comfort or like it was ok. You know, when Charles died next to me in Miranda's arms I was thinking how long until that is me. Now that is a difficult thing to be thinking about especially when you have a son who's at kindergarten who's thinking that his mum is going to be home tonight. When in fact I didn't think I was. In my life I've gone through a lot of crap in my life but that is the worst thing I've ever. Since the whole thing, I haven't even been able to step near that patient room and I can't even walk down the hallway anymore. I think what makes this whole worse is that every time I walk down the street people look at me like I need help or that I shouldn't be out. It makes me go crazy and then some will just sneak up behind and try to talking to me but it makes me think that I'm about to get shot again. Is that what people want? For me to get shot and to actually die this time because that's what it feels like." I said to him, it was the hard truth.

"It's clear to see that you're experiencing PTSD like the rest of you, which is normal. Just as long as your taking the correct medication, I can clear you for surgery." He said said to me, I nodded. I had to stay a bit longer before I went off to the cafeteria. Once I got food I went down to the abandoned hallway.

"I got cleared for surgery." I said to Mer, Cristina and Jackson.

"Bitch. What did you say?" Meredith asked me as I sat next to Jackson.

"The truth. I laid it all out." I said to her. Lexie joined us and we all spoke about Cristina's wedding with Owen.

"I dig weddings. I do a mean chicken dance." Jackson said to us, if that was happening I was leaving and not claiming him.

"Oh, there will be no chicken dance. And if you start a conga line, I will physically throw you out." Cristina said to him.

"And I will not claim you at all." I said to Jackson with a smile.

"I just went to the cafeteria, and some nurse called me Reed and then said, 'I thought you died.'" April said while walking in.

"Yeah, you don't go to the cafeteria for lunch. They just point and stare." Lexie said to her, that was true. I couldn't stand being in there for a minute.

"Is that why you dyed your hair?" Jackson asked her.

"They stay because we should've died. Y/n, barely survived." Cristina said, that was true. I'm surprised I'm still breathing.

"Pack a lunch. Keep it in your locker." Lexie said to her, I nodded as well. I've got to keep that in mind. Alex then came in and joined us. He then laughed.

"You are kidding me. You got cleared?" Mer asked as Alex held up his form.

"It's down to you, Yang and Y/l/n." Alex said while sitting down.

"Actually Alex, I was cleared as well." I said while showing him my form.

"That is not funny." Mer said to us, it kinda was.

"Well, Perkins is no dummy. He can see the crazy right under the Meredith Grey surface." Cristina said to her, I think she was forgetting she wasn't cleared as well.

"Again, Cristina, it's not funny because you're not gonna get cleared either, and the two of us gonna be serving slushies at the multiplex." Mer said to her, I would never chose to work at the multiplex.

"Really? I'd choose dermatology over multiplex." Cristina said, I would as well it would be nicer.

"No, I'd go gynecology over dermatology." Jackson said, I would say I'm surprised but I'm not.

"Oh, of course you would. Perv." Cristina said to him making me smile a bit.

"I'd probably go dermatology as well." I said to them all.

"I think I'd go with psych." Lexie said making it go all quiet. "That was a joke." She said making us let out forced laughter.

"That was good." Jackson said to her while ending his laughter.

"Anyway, I don't know what Perkins' problem is with me." Mer said to us, maybe he thought that she was being dishonest.

"Maybe he saw your file." Cristina said to her, that could've been it.

"Maybe he knew your mother." Alex said to her.

"Maybe he heard how you told the shooter to shoot you." Jackson said to her, I'd found out about that after I got out of hospital.

"Not funny." Mer said to him, he was being serious.

"Not a joke." Jackson said to her, I then saw Miranda enter the space. She didn't want me to call her Bailey anymore after what we went through together.

"Dr. Bailey." Mer said to her.

"Welcome back." April said to her, she was quiet.

"You ok?" Alex asked her.

"I'm happy to see you all." She said before going silent, I was happy to see her as well. "Karev, there's a patient in 23-04 that needs an endoscopy. Grey and Yang, surely your paycheck covers more than stuffing your face in the basement. Get to the clinic now. And, you two...I'm awful sorry about the loss of your friends." Bailey said, the everyone left but the four of us.

"Thank you." April said to her.

"So are we." Jackson said to her. It was hard on everyone.

"22-13 has a bowel impaction, and I'm sure as hell not about to stick my hands in there." Bailey said before handing the file to Jackson. Him and April then walked off which left Lexie and I. "How have you been Y/n?" Miranda asked while sitting beside me.

"So-so. Not the best not the worst. Seeming my family was good though and I'm sure it was the same for you." I said to her with a smile.

"It was, Tuck enjoyed seeing his grandparents." She said to me with a smile. We continued speaking.

"I still can't go into that patient room, even the hallway is somewhere I can't go." I said to her, she looked at me and took my hand.

"And that is perfectly understandable. You nearly died in those places it's normal. I can't go I'm that hallway either, I just see you and Percy dying there and me being helpless." She said to me, I liked that we had become friends because of all of this. It was nice having someone like Miranda as a friend.

"You weren't being helpless, you were being there when we needed you. Even though my brother and Kennedy was there, they weren't making me feel comfortable like you were. You were actually being calm which I needed." I said to her, she smiled at what I was saying.

"Thank you for saying that Y/n, I needed to hear that." Miranda said to me and smiled, we continued before I went to go and watch the surgery.

"You okay?" Jackson asked me when I entered the gallery.

"I think so. I haven't broken down yet." I said to him, he pulled me into him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be with you all day." He said to me, I shook my head.

"It's fine." I said to him, we watched the rest of the surgery before he took me home.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said to me as he kissed me at the door. He then turned to leave.

"Jackson, wait. Stay. I can't be alone, I'm scared to be alone at night because I feel like I'm not safe anymore. And what I need is for someone to stay so I can feel safe in my own apartment. I can't even hear my neighbours shouting without thinking that he's still coming after me. So Jackson, please stay." I said to him while crying a little bit, he ran over to me and hugged me.

"It's okay. I'm staying, I won't leave you." He said to me. We then went inside and I hugged him. For once I felt safe, especially with Jackson next to me. When it got to Cristina's wedding day I got all dressed and made myself look nice.

"How do I look?" I asked Jackson as I walked out into my main room.

"You look hot." He said to me. We got to Mer's house and we stayed together. As much as I wanted to be here for Cristina I wanted to leave as well. When the both walked down the makeshift aisle together I smiled. She looked beautiful in her red dress. I was just hoping I didn't have to cut her out of this one. When the ceremony started I hugged Jackson's side. It was nice to see something good come out of the bad.

"I do." Cristina said making Owen smile. They then kissed and we all clapped. I'm happy I came back when I did.