Prologue

"For the past years of living out of concealment, I had thought that the flash of exquisiteness from the cameras is the only left way of masquerading my unveil dimness of imperfect flaws behind the lights of perfection."

I let out a deep breath and tightened my grip at the award I'm holding to as I stare at the attentive crowd, listening to my speech.

"But now, I have learned the great lesson in my life as a woman who had been through the downs of the natural flow of this world that as I lift myself up, I know I'll reach the sky of my dream from being free away from the eyes of judgement, flying my own wings at my own will of reaching the destination of the true definition of happiness and progression, far from the seek of perfection."

The crowd clapped their hands but I'm not done yet, still, I gave them my genuine smile.

"The lesson of knowing the importance of your own breakthrough as you are the main character of your own story, paving the way of the road you're riding to, making the reel of your life a worthy of journey to reminiscence so I'm dedicating this award to all the people out there as a symbol of new beginning, that you don't need to be the C.E.O of a company, a popular school girl, or a lead of a movie, all you need to do is to lead your own life towards the breakthrough of your own story." I smiled at them.

Once again, clamorous claps echoed around the stadium. I smiled and bowed down before I walk down from the stage with my red mermaid sweetheart dress.

"Wow, thank you for that wonderful speech, Ms. Racle Valentina Clifton. You really deserve to have the oscar for the best actress." The host commented on the stage.

I laughed and sat on the chair I occupied earlier.

"Congratulations. You deserve it." Jake smiled beside me.

"Yup. Thanks."

Jake and my movie named "Love me, Hate me" became a successful hit blockbuster that even if I wasn't involved during the promotion, I still have this award with me.

"And the academy award for the best supporting actor goes to . . ."

Suspense music started beating, attentive attention were all on the screen, gasped of the fans were evident but my eyes remained at the man on the screen that was nominated, he's just a new actor, who would've thought he'd reach this far.

I'm proud of you.

"Aldric from the movie Love me, Hate me, Aiden Drane Alonzo!"

Loud shouts from the fans became deafening, many stood and clap but no one came in the stage.

Everyone became quiet. Many were looking at the stage, finding for his presence but I know the reason why he wasn't here, I just hope my hunch were wrong. He shouldn't let go of this opportunity yet he did.

Because he knew . . . how much I hate him. How much I don't want to see his face right now even when a year had already passed since the last time I fought and talked to him.

"Oh. It looks like our best actor didn't attend the ceremony." The host said when the staff motioned something to him.

I wonder how can he let go of his dreams that easily?

"We'll have a reunion party later." Jake informed me.

I nodded. I already expected that since our movie won the best picture award, best screenplay and best cinematography, even Daviz Blaze Aragon--- Mr. Director, won the best directing award while Naomi, our Producer won the award for producer of the year, Jake on the other hand was the one who took the best actor award and Jade for the best supporting actress.

The movie "Love Me, Hate Me" was probably the main character of this academy award. Our hard work paid off, and I can't help but to think of him, this is his first movie, the first movie he played a big role that became a hit and yet he didn't attend.

"Aiden's popularity is rising. Such a waste he'll quit showbiz." Jake said beside me.

"I'll quit showbiz too after this." I looked back at the stage.

Jake sighed. He knew what I need to do after this.

"Congratulations, by the way." He changed the topic.

I heard that a lot of times this day but one voice from that simple word has a great power to give an affect to me.

"Congratulations, Miracle." He uttered on the line after a while.

My grip on the phone tightened. I cannot believe he called me after disappearing. I cannot believe he still can talk to me naturally while a single word is already so hard for me to utter.

"Racle, let's go to the venue now." Jake's voice outside the bathroom shouted.

I stayed still. I could hear his breathing on the other line and as much as I don't want to admit it, I miss him so much that I didn't notice a tear had already fell off my cheeks while staring at my reflection on the mirror.

My eyes . . . they looked so sad and longing. Yearning for his presence, wanting to hug and accept him. But I know I shouldn't, he knew he couldn't. As if by my side, he lingered inside.

"I'm proud of you . . ." He whispered on the line.

Instead of uttering a word, the silence of my mouth became the loudest tears from my eyes.

"I-I'm sorry for appearing in your life just to ruin it." He ended the call.

My hands stayed on the phone, my feet remained on the ground, my eyes lingered on my reflection.

I was the one who ruined your life, Aiden.

"I'm sorry . . ." I whispered to the wind as if it can wave the message towards his stance.

Are you already accepting the denials, Miracle?

"Yes. I accept my defeat." I said to myself and with a trembling hand, I dialed his number once again.

Please answer me, Aiden. I want to talk to you. Please . . .

He answered the call! But no one talked.

"We-Weakling . . . how are you?" I smiled on my reflection.

I know he was listening, I could hear his heavy breathing on the other line.

"How could you call me just to say congratulations? That's too common!" I laughed as my tears fell.

I closed my eyes and dug my nails on my skin to stifle the ache of sounds wanting to escape away from my throat.

"Are you . . . happy even after everything that happened? Are you living well without . . . us?"

He didn't respond.

"Mmm. I assume you're happy." I nodded.

I wiped my tears off.

"I'm happy that you're happy. I really mean this." I whispered.

I heard his loud gulpe on the line.

"Don't be a weakling anymore. Don't cry every night. If you're having a hard time sleeping just think for the tomorrow you'll wake up to. Even without . . . us, please be happy for yourself." I smiled as I dug my nail on my skin.

"Racle, are yous still there? We'll go to the venue, they're all waiting for us." Jake shouted outside.

"I'm . . . already happy. Find your happiness without me, okay?" I closed my eyes before ending the call.

It looks like my longing got outshadowed by my hate. Love was coaxing me to annihalate the hatred but also bewitches me to go back to the pain where every cuoldron of memory with him would always be filled with drops of ache from the yesterday. 

How did everything turned out this way?

I can't help but to smile, reminiscencing where it all started.

It all started from from a fight . . .

"I'm not dumb!" I shouted at my chubby classmate, Buger, who teased me.

"You are! You got zero! Ha-ha!" He showed his tongue.

"She's not dumb!" A thin boy who laughed at me earlier shouted.

He's my classmate so he must be 8 years old like me too.

"She is!" Buger laughed and they all laughed at me.

There was no adult here in the soccer field so I kicked his stomach and pulled his hair aggresively out of anger.

"Ahh! Let go! Mommy!" He cried.

"Let go of him!" The thin boy who defended me, panicked.

"I'm not dumb!" I yanked his hair down and up out of frustration.

"Yes you're not! Let go of his hair!" Thin boy said.

I pushed him when he tried to hold my hand that his face fell on the ground because he was too weak to balance.

"Blood!" They shouted when they saw the thin boy's nose.

I let go of Buger and ran towards the weak boy.

"You should dodge it! Why you fall!" I blamed him because of the huge blood from his nose.

"You push me!" He was about to cry because of the blood, panicking.

I pulled his hand to make him stand because I might get scolded if they see the blood! I need to get him out here so no adults will see his blood! I pulled him with me as I ran.

"You---" I turned to him.

His feet stumbled on the rock that his face banged again on the grass.

"Why you're weak!" I kicked his head when his face and body remained facing on the ground.

But he didn't answer me. I panicked because he might be dead! I might be a killer! I crouched on the grass and pushed his face upward so I could see his face and I saw the blood from his nose spread all over his mouth with his teary eyes and trembling lips that look like he was about to cry.

"You dead to Daddy!" He cried.

I shot his head with my hand because of irritation! I thought he was already dead! The thin boy sat on the grass and cried even more while massaging his head as he stomped his spread out legs on the grass, complaining.

"It's you're fault! You weakling!" I glared at him.

And he cried even louder.

"Pft . . ." I restrained my laugh when a slime mucus exploded from his other nose hole because of his cry.

He sniffed back his mucus and swallowed it hard, glaring at me.

"You're a weakling" I wiped his tears off. I'm used to wiping tears because mom always cries every night.

"You're like a thug!" He pouted, still blood dropping from his nose.

I sat on the grass and he sniffed. We looked at each other for a while before bursting into laughter.

We were innocent back then.

"You're smiling yet you look sad." Jake commented beside me.

I shook my head and looked at the plate on the table in front of us with a smile.

"I just remember something." I said honestly.

"You shouldn't be sad. You won an award. You should enjoy this day and celebrate with us!" He tried to change my mood.

"Yeah! We miss you, Miracle! Celebrate this with us!" Jade shouted and waved her beer in the air.

I shook my head and smiled. All of the staffs, camera man and everyone who was a part of the movie's filming was here. It looks like they were all so sure our movie will win an award that they rented this club beforehead.

"A mysterious guy will sing a song for us, everyone! No one should be curious who it will be, okay?" Ms. Pro shouted beside Jake who was beside me. She thought she was being subtle but I noticed her glance on me.

I didn't mind her and arranged my black vegan leather one shoulder cropped jacket, pulling it down a little and crossing my legs with my black high waisted stretched ripped jeans partnered with stiletto. It has always been black, I can't help but to smile when I remember someone.

"Here." Jake gave me a plate with dessert.

Loud cheers started when the lights became dim. I looked at the club's stage and saw a red curtain covering the performer but then the guitar started strumming behind it, I stopped at the familiar beat.

Fuck.

With a trembling hand, I grabbed the spoon on the plate and tried to act as if the song didn't faze me anymore.

"When I look into your eyes,
It's like watching the night sky . . ."

I put down the spoon when I recognized who's voice it was. I can't be wrong I know to whom that voice belongs to.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked beside me.

I didn't answer him. My eyes remained on the red curtain as I felt the pang in my heart, reminiscing how that song gave me strength and made me weak at the same time.

"And just like them old stars,
I see that you've come so far,
To be right where you are,
How old is your soul?"

I stood, they all turned to me but I didn't bother explaining my side, I immediately turned my back on them, hastening my steps away from his presence that has the ability to hammer my brittle heart into bits at the same time make my hatred vanish by just the whisper of his voice.

"Go to the rooftop." A man suddenly said when I reached the rooftop.

I turned to the person's voice and saw Mikhail. He motioned his head towards the stairs up to his club's rooftop.

"Go to the rooftop. Talk to him." He turned his back on me.

I gulped and closed my eyes.

Should I? Am I ready to face him?

In the end, I did. I hugged myself and shivered from the loud waves of the wind here on the club's rooftop. There were only a few rooftop light, other than that that, it was empty.

"Miracle . . ." 

I flinched when I heard his voice behind me. I was about to turn to him when he covered my eyes with his palms.

"Can I ask you a favor?"

My breathing became heavy as I nod.

"Can you not open your eyes until I said so?"

I gulped.

"Why?"

"Please?" He begged.

I nodded even when I wanted so bad to see him.

He put his palms down but my eyes remained shut until I felt the cloth wrapped on my eyes. He then let me face him while I couldn't see anything.

"You're still beautiful." He caressed my hair.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered, trying my best not to cry.

"Can I hug you tight?"

I nodded and bowed my head, thankful that the blindfold was against my eyes, preventing my tears from screaming once again.

He hugged me tight and fuck, how much I miss this warmth I longed for so much. I was about to hug him---

"Please don't hug me back." He whispered.

My hands remained in the air as he hugged me tight.

"Why?" My voice cracked.

"Just please don't." His voice was pleading.

After a while, he loosened his hug on me and felt him stepping back while I couldn't move.

"I want to hug you tight, Aiden."

"I don't want to keep holding onto you, Miracle." His voice was in pain.

"Please?" I bowed my head.

"But can you make a promise to me?" He held my hand.

I gripped into his hand, still couldn't see anything.

"Mmm." I nodded consecutive times.

"Don't look for me after this."

I was out of words for a moment.

"Will this be. . . the last time?" My tears started pouring down.

"I want this to be the last time you'll cry because of me."

"Then let me hug you for the last time." I stepped forward.

When I felt his arms around me once again, I hugged him as tight as I could. I felt how his shoulder trembled and heard his stifle sobs, I want to ask him what was wrong but I know he doesn't want me to know.

"If . . . you still love me today. Can you not love me tomorrow?" His voice was trembling.

"Weakling . . ."

"If . . . ever you'll miss me. Can you not find me?" His hug on me tightened.

"What's wrong, Aiden?"

"If . . . ever you still hate me. Can you hate me forever? So that you won't . . . long for me."

I buried my face on his chest to stifle my sobs.

"Why are you doing this, Aiden?"

"Please love someone else who can be by your side." He let go of me.

"Aiden . . ." I stepped forward.

"I love you, thug. Please don't be in pain again because of me."

I was stuck for a minute. I couldn't move because my tears were the one who was taking over my actions. I felt tired but I managed to unfold the blindfold only to get welcomed by the cold wind without his presence.

"Weakling!" I shouted at nothingness and sobbed.

My feet gave up on the ground as my tears pour down. I bowed and covered my face with my palms as I sob.

Why can't you be by my side?

I want to ask him that question but I know I'll just get hurt if I discover the answer. I know I'll be in more pain if I chase for him, no, because he's always been so selfless, he always did what he think was better for me and I guess . . . saying goodbye was the thing he knew would be best.

He planted love within the broken soul of my life,
Withered by the ache his hand held with the knife,
As if stabbing me like the greek of loosestrife,
Leaving a wound thinking his love was a rife.

I bowed my head and closed my eyes as I clenched my fist to stifle the pain.

But in the end I was the one who broke his heart,
Left him without a path just to depart,
Insensitive to be mad for I was the one who made us apart,
Never did know my beating sentiment gave him another slot.

And when I opened my eyes, I saw his genuine smile without my presence. Laughing with a woman as if he forgot me after saying goodbye . . . six years ago.

With the eyes of love we used to portray,
Now the sight of today feels like a betray.
An arduous journey just to witness the agonizing today,
Will I be able to accept our end with just a replay?

Not minding the pain, I smiled genuinely.

"I'm happy that you're happy today, my weakling."

________________________

Celestial Aurora