Chapter 19

"What?!" My father roared after hearing what the doctor said.

I gulped and held my stomach. It's been a month since I left Aiden and it looks like after all of leaving everything behind, a memory has been made.

I don't know if something's wrong with me. I've been dizzying out lately, vomiting every morning and fevers always occur to me. It looks like . . . I'm pregnant.

"Dad, please . . ." Justine held my hand.

I avoided dad's gaze, he looks enraged that he's about to hurt me because of the horrifying news.

And it became worse after that. Fatigue persistently occur to me. It was Pixie who would always come to me to give me my food while my brother would visit me after his school. Always, even when I want to walk and stand, I feel the awful tiredness of my body because of my pregnancy.

"Miracle! You're nosebleeding again!" Pixie ran to me and grab some tissue.

I accepted her tissue and wiped my bleed off. I feel awful and weak. I don't want to be like this.

Now, I regret it. I regret giving in. Not because of Aiden but because of its consequences. I should've think the consequences first before making a decision. I should've give it a thought, about my child, about everything that could happen after doing such thing.

It's too early. I'm not even sure if I can give my baby enough time or love. I'm not mentally, emotionally, and physically strong to even take care of anyone.

Will my baby be okay for not having a father?

I stood from lying and looked at Pixie beside me.

"Can we go back to New York? I want to meet Aiden."

Her eyes widened. She immediately shook her head out of disagreement.

"But—"

"Please, Pixie. This is for my child's sake."

She gulped, still not knowing what to answer.

I stood and even though I'm weak, I managed to pack a few clothes.

"If you're not going with me, then I'll go on my own." I said.

"No! I'll go with you!" She stood too.

I gave her a small smile. It was already midnight, dad's already sleeping. Justine's already in his new condo unit so we can easily go.

I have money from my cards so it wasn't a hassle booking a flight. My phone was confiscated by dad, he was so mad that he deactivated all my social medias and even all my gadgets, she threw them all, he might have thought I cannot live without gadget, if only he knew my state and situation, he wouldn't even think I'd do social medias neither use my gadgets.

"Promise me, Miracle. We'll come back after you see him." Pixie's voice was nervous when we finally sat on the airplane's sit.

"Mmm." I closed my eyes, tired.

She let out a sigh of relief and grabbed my hand, she squeezed it while I covered myself with the black jacket I'm wearing as I feel the chills again. I'm only wearing a simple jeans and black t-shirt with black jacket since I can feel the coldness, I'm not feeling well so I decided to sleep it off.

My baby's already 2 months old, I don't know if Aiden changed, I left him without proper goodbye, maybe because I hate to, I hate to say something that'll hurt me, I prefer to vanish them all and suffer all the regrets after it. I just don't have enough courage to say those words of goodbye.

I'm sure he's mad. And if he is, if he completely forgot me after those 2 months, then I'll let him be. I'd be contented with seeing his face without talking.

I thought I'd be selfish for having a baby but turns out . . . I'm willing to be selfless when it comes to my love ones' happiness.

And when I saw him, sitting on the side street of our mansion, waiting for someone, wearing his school uniform, looking at his sketch, I know for sure, nothing changed.

"I'll wait inside." Pixie said.

I didn't mind her and trudged towards Aiden. I could see the loneliness in his eyes as he look on the sketch and it made me feel guilty for letting him feel this way.

The guard of our mansion looked to me when Pixie talked to him. He nodded and opened the gate for her. Aiden heard the opening of the gate that he stood and turned to me, only to meet my eyes.

"Weakling . . ." I whispered, I don't know if he can hear it.

His lips parted as if processing my presence in front of him. He stared at me for a while and when he finally realized I'm infront of him, he immediately ran towards me. I stepped back when he hugged me tight I almost cannot breath.

"Where have you been?" His voice was both in pain and anger.

I didn't answer him, all I did was to close my eyes and hug him back. How much I miss and love this boy in front of me, I'm willing to do anything what's good for him.

His hug on me tightened as if he's not gonna let me go again. I want him to hold on too but I need to be selfless. We can't stay with each other especially that we haven't reach anything yet, and even if letting him go will not make me reach anything, I'd still be happy if he'll reach his dreams not mine . . . because my dream is to be with him and that'll be selfish.

"Please don't leave me again." He begged.

I gulped and parted my lips but no words came out from my mouth.

"Miracle, please . . ." He held me so tight.

"You need to go to school. You're late . . ." I uttered a whisper.

"No. I'll cut class. Please tell me you won't leave me." He insisted.

"Aiden . . . go to your class. You'll drop out if you keep on doing this."

"I don't care just don't leave me." He was stubborn.

Now I regret it. I should've been contented with just seeing him. I shouldn't have shown myself in front of him.

"I won't." I lied.

His hug loosened. He made me face him and an optimist smile was plastered on his face. It break my heart that I need to break those smile when I leave him . . . again.

"Really?" He asked.

"Mmm. So go to your class . . ."

He shook his head with a smile.

"Let's go on a date. I told you, I saved money for you." He chuckled.

I dug my nail on my skin and nodded. He nodded with a radiant smile and grabbed my hand to drag me out there.

I let him. I feel like I'm drowning in a melancholic sea the more I go on further with him, sinking deeper, I don't know if I'll be able to save myself. His hot palms around my small palms seemed so nostalgic, I don't want to let go of, his presence of sight seemed so longing, I don't want to leave alone just yet. Everything seemed so peaceful . . . yet painful.

He made me sit on the familiar fastfood where we always dated; McDonald. The time where I was happy with him, teasing each other and laughing all the problems away.

I waited patiently, or I was just too tired to even walk around until he sat beside me after ordering. I leaned my head on his shoulder while he grabbed my hand.

"What happened to you? You became skinny." His voice was worried.

I closed my eyes. I just want to sleep, resting all my problems to the comfort of refuge around his presence, making all the pain and sadness vanish in thin air as I feel the consoling embrace laid on his shoulders.

"And what are these wounds? They're all over your arms. You have many." He sighed when he raised the jacket's arms to see how skinny I am, only to see those wounds.

"A simple scratch from simple things. One's because of clumsiness." I said the truth and chuckled.

I felt like my skin became sensitive with little things that it bleed easily by simple touch of pointed objects.

He kissed my forehead and caressed my hand.

"Let's eat. The food's already served." His voice was soft.

I nodded and removed my head off his shoulder. Even if I prefer sleeping than eating, I decided to eat to appreciate the things he brought for me.

"You look so pale." He tucked the strands of my hair behind my ears.

I didn't answer and just ate while he stare at me with his scrutinizing eyes.

After finishing my meal, I leaned my head on his shoulder again as I felt the tiredness once again.

"Eat your food. I'll sleep. Maybe I'm too tired because of the flight." I assured him when he look so worried.

He sighed again and nodded. I wrapped my hands around his waist and let myself be drown in drowsiness.

I opened my eyes when I felt him playing my hands. I feel like I slept for hours but then I still feel tired maybe because I'm pregnant.

"You're awake." He smiled.

I nodded even if I want to rest more on his shoulder.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked.

"Hudson river park." I said, maybe because I want to rest on the bench and sleep again.

He nodded with a smile and stood. I stood too and let him drag me.

When we reached the outside, I rested my head on his arms and closed my eyes as we walk. I feel so tired.

"You're tired? I'll carry you." He offered.

I nodded. I don't have the energy to decline his offer because I am just tired. He kneeled in front of me, facing his back, he biggy back me and I didn't complain.

"I miss you, Weakling." I said when he started walking.

"I miss you too. Especially your middle finger." He laughed.

I smiled at that and rested my jaw on his head as I close my eyes. My hands wrapped around his neck, not too tight and I feel comfortable.

"How was your oral recitation?" I asked in a slurred speech.

He didn't answer me for a while, maybe he didn't get my words since my speech was slurred.

"Oral . . ." I whispered.

"Ah! I didn't get to do it. I looked for you the whole day." He answered.

I didn't answer him for a minute.

"Are you mad at me?" I whispered.

"Mad? Hmm . . . little, yes. But my longing is greater."

I decided not to talk as I started to feel the tiredness even with talking.

When he stopped, I opened my eyes. There's a small tree and under it is a bench. It's a nice view of the Hudson River and seemed so relaxing. He put me down on the bench and sat beside me, I leaned my head on his shoulder again as I stare at the river and bright sunny sky of morning.

"Is something wrong with you, Miracle?" He seemed so bothered.

"No . . ." I uttered, tired.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

"Please tell me if something's wrong, okay?" He asked in a soft tone with a hint of begging.

I nodded without talking.

The cold breeze tickled my skin, his presence beside me gave me warmth I've been longing for so long. Whispers of the wind gave a relaxing hum along with the chirps of the bird, even with the eyes close, I can feel the beauty of sky and the atmosphere it holds.

He played with my small fingers, I moved in closer to him, trying to find the best comforting spot around him, he encircled his arms around my waist and kissed my head, I felt safe and sound after feeling the warmth I found in him that has the power to cease all the coldness away taking a firm hold of the left energy I have.

"What do you want me to buy?" He asked.

I shook my head as a sign of nothing.

"Chocolate ice cream?"

"No . . ." I answered.

He intertwined our hands and leaned his head on my head leaning on his shoulder.

"I can buy you anything you want . . ."

"Can . . ." I couldn't continue my words.

"What is it, Miracle? Tell me." His voice was gentle.

"Can you do . . . anything I want?" I whispered.

"I can do anything for you." He wasn't even hesitant.

I removed my head off him and looked at his eyes. His eyes were attentive as he look at me, waiting for my next words.

"Can you . . ." I bit my lower lip, "let me go?" I trailed off.

He avoided my gaze and tightened his grip on my hand.

"I almost went crazy when you left me." He shook his head.

I gulped and bowed my head.

"I'm unhealthy for you, Aiden." 

He looked at me with his mad eyes but I gave him my small and tired smile.

His face softened.

"Are you tired of me?" I could feel the pain in his voice.

"Mmm." I looked at the sky to divert my eyes from pain.

He caressed my hand.

"If it's because I'm poor then I could work. If it's because of the gap of inequality between you and me, I'll do my best to be rich. If it's because I'm not good, I could be better. I can do anything, Miracle. Just not this . . ." He whispered the last sentence.

"I live now in . . . Canada." I said.

His lips parted. He couldn't say another word.

I looked at him.

"Do you think I'm that type of person who can be contented with just hearing your voice through phone or see your face through screen?" I managed to ask those words.

"I . . . I could buy a ticket to visit you."

"What about your school? Your money for college? What about everything you saved for your dreams? You're just gonna waste those to a girl like me?" 

He gulped and slowly, he nodded.

"You became a part of my dream, Miracle. And . . . if I have to choose one, I'll choose you."

I shook my head in disappointment.

"All the feelings we felt for each other are plain bullshit, Aiden. As we grow older, we'll realize that it's all a part of our phase of being a teenager . . . It's a young love and it's bullshit. We cannot reach anything from it." 

I'm carrying our child and I cannot reach anything now because of our baby. Go reach your dreams, Aiden.  I don't wanna be selfish, I'm gonna give up my dream of being successful for our child so you shouldn't give up yours.

I stood but his grip on me stilled.

"I think I should go to the airport now. I need to go back." 

He stood too but now his eyes were begging. I chose to avoid my gaze.

"Miracle .  . ."

I stepped backward when he was about to step in closer.

"Don't make this hard, Aiden. I'm tired . . ." I was saying the truth.

"Oh! O-Okay . . . let me accompany you?" He begged.

I nodded and let him hold me. I closed my eyes when I felt my eyes dizzying. Aiden held me tight when I almost fell.

"Are you okay?" His voice was filled with worry.

I nodded and let out a deep breath as I feel the tightening on my chest. I feel suffocated and felt like I'm about to lose my breath but I managed to act okay even though I know I'm pale.

"Let's go back." I said.

"Can I carry you? You don't look okay."

I shook my head.

"I can walk with you." I gave him a small smile.

He chuckled and avoided my gaze. After a while, he nodded and held my hand tight. His walk was in a slow pace, as if taking his time for this walk and I'm thankful since I know I cannot manage to run or walk in a fast pace with my state right now.

The walk was excruciatingly painful, every step forward always wants to end up staying in place and hold him close as the longer the walk, the painful it takes to step away but then I should continue because this would be my last walk with him.

Who would've thought my last walk with him would be my last walk alone. . . because all I know after all of that step with him, was that one day, I woke up and I cannot walk anymore.

And the news I never expect would happen to me after all of those selfless decision I did, made me question the worth of my decisions and sacrifices.

"I'm sorry to say this but you're positive for Leukemia, Miss Clifton."

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Celestial Aurora