Her heartbeat was on the brink of going completely insane. She didn't ever want this day to come. She had had plans, with her life, with herself. She had so much to do, and yet she was not sure what future would look like after today. Was she to trust the word of her future husband? Or her mother's? Dressed in a simple, yet elegant red lehenga, she walked down the aisle with her brother holding her hand. If not for him, she would have lost her footing, her grip on reality, her sanity a long, long time back.

The sheer audacity that her parents had, for beaming, being happy and proud, for pulling this off, at last, made her nauseated, irrationally angry. "Naaz, woh dekh raha hai tujhe, meri jaan, thoda toh smile kar." Shehbaaz said to her, trying his best to communicate over the blaring music.

Shehnaaz sighed, trying her hardest to put on a brave face, a smile on her face. She couldn't. Her life was going upside down, her whole world changing, and she was not given a real choice in the matter. She sighed, again. "Can't. Nahi ho raha hai mujhse.."

She would probably start crying if she tried any harder and her brother knew that. So, he didn't push her. He wrapped his hand around her, and smiled at her encouragingly. The music started to fade into another melody and she smiled back, grateful.

She looked up at the stage and saw her husband, he held almost the same look of assurance as Shehbaaz. Her mind went back to the day she had seen him for the first time, at her family home in Beas.

The first thing she had noticed about him were his shoes, they were shining, looked new but weren't. Then she saw his eyes, warm brown, full of sincere honesty.

If she was not vehemently against the idea of even entertaining the idea of a proposal, she would have seen these eyes, or their owner would never lie to her. She set the tray of beverages and snacks in front of the family sitting in front of them. "Yeh humaari shehzaadi hai, humaari Shehnaaz." Shehbaaz had said, affectionate as ever.

His mother had smiled at her, "Shehzaadi hi lagti hai.."

Then, her mother piped in, "Shehzaadiyan toh bas baap ke ghar me hoti hain, doosre ghar jaakar toh bas yeh dharam hai ki apne pati, uske pariwar ka har hukum maanein.."

She didn't know how she could respond to that. It was not like she had been treated like a princess by them anyway, but to reduce her to the status of a mere submissive, made her feel invisible, like she really didn't exist for them.

She came back to the present only when she felt a warm hand taking hers and pulling her upstage. Her to-be husband looked at her with such love, such warmth that she instinctively held on tighter.

She had been starved of love her whole life, by everyone except her brother. So she clung, where she saw the smallest hope of being loved. "Dhyan se, princess. Shehbaaz support her from the back, apne se double weight ka lehenga pehna dia usko.."

Shehnaaz looked down as (potentially) the two most important men in her life helped her. Her husband led her to the decorated seating, "Theek ho na?"

She nodded. He didn't expect her to speak to him right away, but she could at least have said yes, or, no. Shehbaaz got on the stage after her and Sidharth beckoned him over. "Uncle aunty kahan hai?"

"Aapke brother in law ke pas dekha tha mene, jab me naaz ko lene gaya, bulwa doon."

Sidharth shook his head, shifted slightly and made him sit. "Chotte, hum bas do hafte pehle mile hain, so I don't expect you to know me or my family, lekin hum kaafi chill hain. Humein 24/7 khatirdaari ki zaroorat nahi hai."

Shehbaaz chuckled politely. "I know, sagaai pe ya shagun waale dinn, tujhse aur shehnaaz se bahot kucch bola gaya hoga. Magar yeh— He pointed to his side— yeh sirf teri nahi, meri bhi shehzaadi hai. Hamesha rahegi."

Shehbaaz nodded. Shehnaaz looked at him surprised.

"Shakal pe likha hai tumhari ki aunty ne ek poori list rataayi hai do's and Don'ts ki. I know tumhaare parents ka mindset kya hai." Sidharth said calmly.

She hadn't looked up the whole time he had been sitting across from her. Her parents were singing her praise in every aspect of home making and of course he respected homemakers, his own mother was one, but none of those praises, none of those stories had yet lit her eyes up. He was looking, searching, like a hawk.

"Do you have a job, Shehnaaz?" His sister asked gently, "Hamara Sidharth kaafi—"

Sidharth looked at his sister, grateful for asking what he had wanted. He wanted to know her. Her aspirations, her dreams and by the looks of it, homemaking was not her dream.

Shehnaaz looked up, finally Sidharth thought.

"Aap pareshaan nahi hoye.. beta. Abhi toh shaunk shaunk me ek college me kaam kar rahi hai, par shaadi ke baad poori tarah aapki ho jaaegi."

"Ji mera woh—"

But the damage was done. Shehnaaz had gone back to looking down, her eyes had gone absolutely blank.

"Parminder theek keh rahi hai ji, kudiyaan ghar ki izzat hoti hai, ghar me hi acchi lagti hain." Her father remarked.

Sidharth scoffed,, irritated. Her father's tone sounded like a warning for Shehnaaz to stick to silence. Sidharth just had to challenge that. "Kahan job kar rahi ho Shehnaaz?" He had asked, assertive and calm.

Shehnaaz looked up again, troubled. "Hindu college.. notice de diya tha kal. Ab bas, final three weeks bain."

Sidharth nodded, "Speciality?"

"Psychology."

Sidharth smiled, "Oh, wonderful. Toh tum dimaag wimaag parh leti ho.."

"Sheh mat deejiye Sidharth. Saari raat baat karne me beet jaayegi.. vaise bhi, kucch dinn ki baat hai.. shaadi ke baad sab bhool jayegi iss sab ke baare me."

He wanted to hear her the whole night, talking about her passions, her interests. Of course that was not happening in front of her parents. He knew by now that they didn't care as much about her passions, as they did about getting her married.

"Chotte, kab se aaye ho tum log?" Sidharth asked him, looking at some of his friends still entering the premesis.

"7 baje se.."

"Kucch khaya piya hai tum logon ne? Ya tapasya me the baraat aane tak?" Sidharth asked cheekily.

"Juice piya tha."

"Naaz ne?"

"Makeup hai.. kharaab ho jayega.." Shehnaaz responded. "Ma ne kaha hai feron tak kucch nahi.."

"Meri mom ne?"

She shook her head. "Last kabmooh me niwaala daala tha tumne?" He asked. Shehnaaz sighed, Makeup se pehle.."

"Aath ghante ho gaye hain, Naaz. Purohit ji ne 4:30 baje ka mahoorat kaha hai pheron ka.. 6 baje se pehle wahan se bhi nahi uth paayenge. Itne bhaari taam-jham me, 16 ghante bhookhe rehna is not wise. Kucch kha lo."

"Par Maa.."

"Kucch kahengi toh kehna tumhaare ghar me aisa koi riwaaz nahi hai.." Sidharth said firmly. "Vaise bhi, mai khilaunga toh kisi ki himmat nahi hogi question karne ki."

"Saara dosh mujhpe pad jaayega, Sidharth." She sighed.

"I welcome them to try." Sidharth scoffed. "Kya khayegi meri princess?"

She shrugged.

"Mai laata hoon.." Shehbaaz offered.

"Ruk ja chotte, stage pe mere alawa iska koi nahi khada hua.. reh yaheen. Abhi karan ya Adi aate hain toh woh jaayenge." Sidharth held on to his arm. "Compensate for leaving her alone with your mother."

Sidharth knew the blank, agonized look she held when she was walking up to him. She held a grudging look, as if.. she hated the idea of marriage. Of course, her mother didn't really mean any harm. She was telling her daughter what she had learnt all her life. There was nothing wrong in that.

The thing was, to adjust into a new family, Parminder Kaur had given up on a huge part of her. She expected the same of her daughter, even if no one else did. Sidharth was never one for grand gestures, but he did know one thing for sure. His wife would never have to kill a part of her to fit in for him.

He didn't blame her for not knowing. He had met her two weeks ago for the first time. In these weeks, they'd met three times.

Out of these meetings they'd met alone and unaccompanied by her family only once. After they were engaged. He didn't expect her to trust him or to believe him when he promised her the world. He would show her that through his actions, all their life.

Shehbaaz chuckled, "Uska bhi ek hi bhai hai na? Bhaagna daudna toh mujhe hi padega."

***

"Kya baat karni thi aapko?" Shehnaaz asked timidly, Sidharth clicked his tongue disheartened.

"Ring acchi lagi?" He asked her gently. She nodded. "Dekhi tumne, ya aise hi sar hila dia?"

Shehnaaz didn't respond. Sidharth sighed, "Baitho.. badi mushkil se permission mili hai tumhaare mom dad ki, to talk."

Shehnaaz sat down. Sidharth took his place next to her. "I know thoda late hai, but are you happy?" He asked her.

Shehnaaz sighed, "My parents wanted this."

"What do you want?"

Shehnaaz shook her head.

"Please bolo, Shehnaaz. I know the ideal bahu, the ideal homemaker, I know the.. perfect cook, or the perfect wife. But I don't know you. Mai Shehnaaz ko nahi janta. I want to know."

"What do you want to know?"

"Psychology me interest kaise hua?" Sidharth asked curiously. "Mumbai me, ya kaheen aur, koi jobs, koi future plans enlist kiye hai tumne apne feild me?"

"Maa baba ne kaha.."

"Don't mind me saying this, Shehnaaz but I know your parents don't care about your future aspirations. They want to see you married. I know their priorities. I want to know yours." Sidharth said calmly.

"PhD program hai ek.. University of Amsterdam ka. I have a full ride sans accommodation. Job offer from the university par.. Amsterdam is a long shot. It will always be." Shehnaaz sighed. "Maa aur Papa kabhi nahi maante aur.. shaadi ke baad–"

"Life khatam nahi ho jaati shaadi ke baad, visa aaya?"

"1 saal ka buffer dia tha unn log ne, 8 saal ka extendable visa priority basis par bhejenge, they promised. I just never asked."

"How much time do we have?"

"7 months."

"Kitne saal ka PhD program hai?"

"Depends. 6 saal, 4½ saal. Depends on me.. mostly."

***

"4 maheene hai humaare pas, Naaz." Sidharth said softly. "Tickets aa gaye hain na? Tum term start ke pehle hi settle ho jaogi wahan."

"Aur tum?"

"Mai tumse zyaada dinn dur reh sakta hoon? I'll be right behind you, like a lost puppy." Sidharth said innocently.

"Mere liye.. khud ko uproot kar rahe ho.."

"Tumhaare saath rehna mera choice hai. Kyonki tumne aadat laga di hai apni.. warna mujhe tumhe Amsterdam me akele rehne dene koi problem nahi hai.. bas.. har subaah uthkar tumhara chehra nahi dekhunga, toh dinn accha kaise jaayega?" He asked softly.

Shehnaaz chuckled, "Baatein banana koi aapse Seekhe sahab"