Love from a distance

Shehnaaz tiptoed into the room, struggling to hold her giggles and wrapped her arms around Siddharth's huge chest, snuggling into him. 

Siddharth sighed, clicking his tongue and gently detatched her from himself. "Hi.."

Shehnaaz looked up at him, flabbergasted. "K..kya hua?" 

Siddharth shook his head, "Thak gaya hoon Shehnaaz.. can we not-- today?"

Shehnaaz pressed her lips together. She absolutely didn't want her disappointment to show on her face. She was in a happy mood today and usually that was enough to brighten Siddharth up as well, but not today.

Shehnaaz understood. It might have been a bad day. Everyone has bad days, and everyone got out of them. Hopefully he will too, and by tomorrow they'll be back to being cheerful.

Shehnaaz nodded her head slowly, "Dinner ban raha hai, tujhe kucch chahiye? Sar daba doon-- champi kar doon teri?" She asked, seeing his face contorted into a grimace.

Siddharth shook his head. "Kucch nahi.." He responded quietly and Shehnaaz nodded in understanding.

"Mein-- fir.." Shehnaaz gestured awkwardly towards the door of their room. "Hall mein.."

Siddharth didn't acknowledge her, and slumped onto the bed, burying his face into the pillow. Shehnaaz smiled at him, half tempted to rush up to him and pull him into her arms, run her fingers through his hair but she knew that today was not that kind of day. Today was a "Love me from a distance" kind of day.

We all have those, the days where you just don't have the energy to share yourself with another person, not even if they're the best thing that ever happened to you.

Shehnaaz backed out of the room, slowly. 

A few minutes later, she returned with a steaming hot mug of tea and placed it on the side table. "Baby, adrak waali chai banai hai, uth ke pee lena." She called out, softly.

Siddharth hmm-ed in response.

***

"Kya hua baccha?" Preeti asked, confused. "Mujhe laga tha tu Siddharth ke saath hogi."

"Thak ke aaya bahot, shoot se. Aate hi so gaya." Shehnaaz explained, hopping on the counter-top next to where Preeti Di worked. "Aaj woh touch-me-not waale mood mein tha."

Preeti chuckled.

"Lag jaayegi tujhe, ek dum choti bacchi hai tu Sana.." Preeti chided her softly.

Shehnaaz pouted. "Aap merko help kyon nahi karne de rahe?"

"Kyonki tumne lunch aur breakfast dono banaya tha. Shaanti se baith jao ab." Preeti said, pulling her cheeks, cooing at her. 

"Jab mein Mohali rehti thi, tab bhi yeh sab kaam karti thi Preeti Di. Merko aadat hai." Shehnaaz said innocently.

Preeti smiled at her. "Mohaali gaye kitna waqt ho gaya tujhe, yaad aati hai?"

Shehnaaz sighed. "Kabhi kabhi.. mann karta hai akele rehne ka, lekin fir darr jaati hoon. Mene apni saari zindagi sirf khud ke saath jee hai, akele. Maa ke saath jaise hai na, bina bole samajh jaati hai woh apne bacchon ko, Siddharth ko.. aapko.. mujhe bhi-- vaise kabhi apni mumma ke saath nahi raha. I don't blame her, woh akeli thi. Papa-ji bhi humaare liye hi humse door the, magar kabhi kabhi bura bhi lagta hai. Mann karta hai usko zor se daant laga doon. Shikaayat karu unse baithke.. unhi logo ki. Poochu unse.. ki kyon mujhe poora pariwaar hote hue bhi unhone akela kar dia but then-- soch ke reh jaati hoon."

Preeti wrapped her arms around Shehnaaz's petite form. "Mera baccha.."

"Aap sab kitne acche ho. Jab se mein yahaan aayi hoon, mujhe itna pyaar kia aapne, bina mujhe jaane.. bina samjhe.. bina koi expectations ke.. aisa pyaar bhi hota hai, mujhe toh pata hi nahi tha." Shehnaaz confessed.

"Tu bhi humse aisa hi pyaar karti hai beta. Hum logon ne toh phir bhi show pe dekha tha, kucch kucch pehchaante the tujhe. Tere saath, unn 5 maheeno mein hum bhi hase, roye.. khush huve, udaas huve.. magar tu?" 

"Tune toh hum mein se kisi ko bhi pehle nahi dekha tha, phir bhi aise hum mein ghul gayi, jaise kabhi humse alag hi nahi thi.." Preeti said softly.

Shehnaaz smiled. "Mujhe woh waqt yaad nahi rakhna, jab mein aap log se alag thi. It was a very bad, dark place." 

Preeti  kissed her forehead. "Tu hamaari bacchi hai, humse kabhi alag nahi thi. Haan, ek waqt tha jab tu aur hum mile nahi the, magar tab bhi, yeh ghar, tera Siddharth teri hi raah tak raha tha, tere aane ka wait kar raha tha."

"Sacchi Di?"

"Mucchi.."

***

"Tu Preeti se kya baat kar rahi thi?" Siddharth asked, watching her enter the room with a huge bowl of dal-rice and sat on the bed. 

"Mohaali ki baatein kar rahe the.." Shehnaaz informed him, setting the bowl on the low table at a far end of the room. "Tu jaag kyu gaya, araam se so ja." 

"Neend nahi aa rahi, mera dimaag sada hua hai.." Siddharth grumbled. Shehnaaz sighed, walking upto him and sat on the edge of the bed, only inches away from him. 

"Hug karu?" She asked softly.

"Tu pooch--" Siddharth squeezed his eyes shut. "Tujhe push kiya na mene.. sh*t sorry baby.. mein bas--"

"Abbey poocha hai mene, hug karu ya nahi karu.. sorry kyon bol raha hai?" Shehnaaz asked, rolling her eyes. 

Siddharth's face fell. 

Shehnaaz sighed softly. "Tu kyon apna dimaag faatu cheezo mein sadana nahi chodta?" She asked.

"Tu push nahi kia mujhe. Itne pyaar se 'Hi' bola tha, itne pyaar se bola ki abhi nahi chahiye hug. Push kia hota toh mein waapas thodi aati tere paas, aise nahi baithi hoti.. tu mere peeche ghoom raha hota mujhe manaane." Shehnaaz explained with utmost affection. 

"Tujhe bura nahi laga?" Siddharth asked innocently.

Shehnaaz smiled. "Bilkul nahi.." 

"Kyon? Mene push nahi kia.. but usually mein tujhe hug karne se rokta bhi to nahi." Siddharth looked confused. 

"Aaj kucch alag hua hoga. Sab dinn ek jaise nahi hote na. Kabhi kabhi door se I love you bolke bhi chalana padta hai." Shehnaaz said sweetly.

"Mein woh.. shoot ke baare mein soch raha tha. Twitter pe bhi roz koi naya bawaal hota hai.. my mind was too occupied. Sorry baby.. teri hug usually sab kucch normal kar deti hai.. aaj--" Siddharth sighed, closing his eyes. 

Shehnaaz tentatively reached for him, wrapping her arms around him. "Aaj tu self torture ke mood mein tha." 

Siddharth snuggled into her, almost like a child. Shehnaaz rubbed his back. "Mera nona baccha."

"Aise lag raha tha.."

"Jaise agar kisi ko chu liya, ya choone diya toh saara gand, saari negativity uss insaan ko affect karne lagegi." Shehnaaz said quietly, still rubbing soothing circles around his back. 

Siddharth looked at her surprised. "Tujhe kaise--?"

Shehnaaz shrugged. "Punjab mein.. jab sab bura ho raha tha na.. tab Shehbaaz rehta tha mere paas, kitni baar.. mein khud uske paas jaake.. uske gale se lag ke khoob roti thi.. magar jab kucch bahot ghatiya hota tha na.. kucch itna bura.. ki mein khud bhi yaad na karna chahu.. tab mein khud ko kamre mein band kar leti thi.. ghanto akeli rehti thi.. andhere mein. Shehbaaz bahot bolta tha, baat kar mujhse.. kya hua.. kyon hua kaise hua.. lekin uss second mein.. jab woh sab cheezein dimaag mein film ki tarah chal rahi hoti thi, tab lagta tha ki apne chote bhai ko iss gandagi se ek-dam door rakhu. Shehbaaz kamre ke bahar hi rehta tha, lekin woh kucch kadmo ka faasla hi kaafi lagta tha. Woh kamre ke bahar se hilta bhi nahi tha, mujhe akela nahi chodta tha, bas space deta tha, apne thoughts ko sort out karne ke liye,  normal hone ke liye, jab tak mein uss se baat karne ke liye ready nahi ho jauin." She said quietly.

"Toh.. samajhti hoon, ki kabhi kabhi overthinking chaah ke bhi nahi rukti. Kabhi kabhi.. apne dil dimaag sabse khud hi ladna padta hai.. Mein toh tujhe chodke bhi nahi gayi thi, jaise mera Baaz baitha hota tha, kamre ke baahar.. mein bhi yahan hi thi.. wait kar rahi thi, kab tu shaant hoke.. baat karega. See, here we are. aur tu bahot strong hai. Mera sher hai tu. Twitter ke kalesho se tujhe farak nahi padna chahiye." Shehnaaz said softly, caressing his face. Siddharth let his eyes close, and relaxed into her arms. 

"Mujhe yeh sab cheezein ghar laana accha nahi lagta.." Siddharth said softly. Shehnaaz kissed his forehead. 

"Shoot accha nahi gaya?" She asked. 

Siddharth sighed.

"Rashika ke saath tha. Uska aur mera toh terko pata hai na 36 ka aankda rehta hai. Meethi banke sabko apni taraf kheench leti hai. Mein to uski life ka ever-present villian hu hi.. narrative bhi banane ki zaroorat nahi. Bas tab se hi.. dimaag sada hua hai.. aur fir tere aur mere baare mein harr doosre dinn koi nayi khabar aa jaati hai.. aur ghoom gaya sir." He said quietly.

Shehnaaz sighed. The world thought she was the one who reacted worse, of the two. The world thought she was the one who took things to the heart, clearly no one knew the heart that Siddharth possessed. The heart of a sensitive, emotional little boy. They lived in a world where vulnerability was awarded with nothing but ridicule and scoffed upon. Of course he had a facade that he put upon himself, to shield himself from the world and its ways. 

"Kucch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna.. logo ke kehne se na hum change honge, na woh-- tu hi merko samjhata hai, khud bhi samjha kar na bebu." Shehnaaz said silently, brushing her fingers through his hair. Siddharth smiled. "Tu smart hoti ja rahi hai."

Shehnaaz giggled, pressing her lips against his. "Tu bahot pyaara hai, mera nona baccha."

"Have I ever told you that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me in all of my life?" Siddharth asked softly.

"You tell me everyday, maybe not vocally, not with words but whenever you look at me, I see and hear and feel everything that you've ever wanted to say to me. Isi liye toh.. teri aankhe meri best-friend hain." She giggled. 

Siddharth rested his forehead against hers. "I love you."

"Same same."

"Woh daal-chawal mera hai?" Siddharth asked, looking past her and at the bowl of dal-rice she had placed on the table a few minutes ago.

Shehnaaz shook her head. "Woh kal ke rice hai.. mera hai woh.. fresh rice ban rahe hain aur tu abhi chai piya hai.."

"Chal na dono saath khaate hain." Siddharth frowned. "Tu kha sakti hai kal ka chaawal toh mein bhi kha sakta hu."

Shehnaaz smiled. "Baby bilkul ittu se chaawal hai. Dono ko poore nahi honge. Tere liye Maa ne pohe bana ke rakhe hai. Chai ke time lake dene waali thi, but tu itni neend mein uthke chai pee liya yahi bahot tha."

Siddharth nodded. 

Shehnaaz kissed his nose. "Mene kucch plan kia hai.. kharab ho jaayega abhi khayega toh." 

"Kya plan kia hai?" Siddharth asked curiously.

"Surprise.." She grinned, mysteriously.

Siddharth shook his head, "Ja leke aa bowl. Merko tere saath cuddle karke sona hai." Siddharth said quietly.

Shehnaaz nodded. "Ek minute mein aayi abhi.. tera poha bhi leke aa jaauin?"

"Nahi.. mein so jaunga abhi. Abhi bhi thaka hua hoon. Tu jaldi bhaag, usse bhi jaldi wapis aaja."

"Jo hukum mere aaqa." Shehnaaz said, bowing in front of him, extravagantly and giggled softly making Siddharth go all awed and shake his head at his precious little child woman. 

What had he done to deserve someone like her, so precious, so amazingly understanding, so childish and yet so mature?

She was everything that he had been begging for, all his life and here she was, not even aware of what she meant to him, to his life, to his heart and to his sanity. She was everything and even if he didn't deserve it, he'd make himself worth her, in every way possible.

I hope you enjoy this story.

Do let me know your views in the comments below.

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