"Cooper, I-"

"It's okay Dallas," he interrupts, leaning away from the wall and gesturing for me to follow him to the steps. We sit down and I nervously twiddle my thumbs together. I feel terrible that he flew all the way here to take me to homecoming just to catch me making out with someone else.

My only defence is that I hadn't asked him to come, that would have been worse. The attempt to justify my actions goes down like a ton of bricks. I can't even convince myself that this isn't the worst thing I've ever done.

"I'm so sorry..." I mumble with my glance downcast in my lap. The silence is starting to gnaw at the last shred of stability I have left. I need him to say something.

"Don't be." He smiles as he stares out in front of him. The soft night breeze tousles his hair and chills the surface of my skin. It's getting colder but I'm well aware that the anxiety over this situation is making me feel ten times worse. "I get it, ya know. You guys have this thing. It's pretty obvious that you're tryna fight it."

"I'm failing..." I admit with a small voice.

"I've been in Drayton's position before," he casually states, but his eyes focus on absolutely nothing, indicating that his thoughts are possibly far off with memories of his own. "I've had to watch the girl that I love, move on with someone because a future wasn't in our cards. It fucking sucks."

"Drayton doesn't love me," I quickly deny the notion, not wanting the ache in my heart to become any worse.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." He nudges my arm with a playful smile. "The way someone looks at you can say a lot about how they feel. You both look at each other as though - as though no one else around you exists."

I don't say it out loud, but that's exactly how it feels when I look at him. As though we're the only two people in the room, the heated stares and lustful longing is nothing to be ashamed of because half the time I forget that other people can see it.

"So, what happened? With the girl you love?" I question, a little more interested in how he can relate to Dray.

"She's an Indian girl. She and her family moved here when she was young and we went to high school together. We went to separate colleges but the travel distance was only an hour by train so we made it work. I loved her." A sad smile tugs on the corners of his mouth as he stares at his lap. "Unfortunately her parents had arranged for her to marry someone else when she was a child. It's not super common and a lot of Indians don't adhere to such practices. But her family is old fashioned. So anyway, when it came time for her to get engaged, she tried to end things between us. But it never worked. We always found our way back to each other. It was so hard to know that her heart belonged to me, but by law she'd belong to someone else. I begged her to call it off, to be with me, I was willing to marry her if that's what it took. But she knew that she'd get shunned from her family and she felt that she couldn't lose them." His tone is almost bitter, like he resents the families involved. I suppose I would too. "Anyway" - he continues - "when they got married she was only in the country for a week before her husband moved them back to India. I think he knew something was going on. We got one last night together and I haven't seen her in over six months. If she was to show up here, right now, I'd go to her in a heartbeat."

By the end of his story he looks worn and defeated and I swipe the tear that slips down my cheek as I sniffle through a prickly nose. He's been through so much heartache and it makes what I've done ten times more gut-wrenching.

"I know that feeling you two share," he continues with a firm voice. "You'll always find your way back to each other because no one else can compare. And Drayton hates me, I know that because I hated Priya's husband. A lot. But I wouldn't want to come between what you have" - his hand rests on my knee - "don't lose it. Make it work."

"I dunno if it's that easy," I tell him with a quiet voice. The tears that welled from my sockets just moments ago, belonged to his story of heartbreak. But a fresh fall begins to trickle and this time, it's for my own pain.

"Because of the distance?"

"That," I confirm with a small sob. "And his reputation. He's not exactly known for being a one-woman man. Unless you count his cheating ex."

"Well I can't ease that concern." He smiles apologetically. "But communicate with him. Figure out what you both want. That's all you can do."

"I really am sorry for messing you around." I gently dab at the teardrops on my cheek so that I don't ruin my make up too much. "You deserve a lot better than someone who's hung up on another guy."

"Like I already said, don't worry about it." He stands up and offers me his hand, pulling me to my feet with ease. "Would it be horrible if I said I was kinda using you too in hopes of reconnecting with someone after Priya?"

"That actually makes me feel better."

We both laugh lightly and a sense of relief washes over me. Cooper could have taken the kiss with Drayton a lot worse than he did, he'd have the right too. But it's a comfort to know that he understands Dray more than anything.

"Look, I'm gonna head home alright. I'll stop at your place and grab my things first."

"I'll come with you." I start down the concrete steps but am intercepted by his tall frame.

"Please stay. Salvage the rest of your homecoming dance okay. Talk to Drayton. It's fine, I'm sure your brother will be more than happy to see me out."

"Ugh," I groan with red cheeks. "I'll call him and tell him to ease up!"

I wait with Cooper while he orders an Uber, the conversation takes a less heavy turn as we discuss idle topics. I promise that when I move to California, I'll seek him out as a new friend so that I don't have to battle being a first-year, alone. Things feel like they're in a good place when the Uber pulls away and he gives me a small wave from the passenger window.

"Where have you been?" Spencer asks as I walk back into the gym. Her and Grayson are huddled by the punch bowl, sipping their fruit drink as they assess the student body with a pompous attitude.

I don't immediately offer an answer because I'm too busy scanning the area in hopes of finding the quarterback I'd just been locking lips with. Cooper is right, we should at least have a conversation about what that kiss meant. Does he want to be more than friends? Does he just want something physical? I wish I knew but it's so hard to tell with him.

Spencer glances in my direction when I don't let her know of my whereabouts and I meet her eyes in time to see them widen, her mouth popping open.

"Is that a hickey?"

A slapping noise sounds out as I bring my hand to my neck, covering the spot where Dray had been devouring me not more than twenty minutes ago. Grayson and Spencer watch me with raised brows while I stutter to come up with some excuse that they won't believe for even a moment.

"Were you and Cooper getting in a little quickie action in the janitor's closet, mmm?" She wiggles her brows and leans into Grayson who's wrapped his arm around her waist.

"I don't know one single person that would screw in the janitor's closet. Have you been in there?" I shift my weight and give her a pointed look. "It stinks, it's cramped and it's full of cleaning supplies. We have locker rooms that'd work far better."

Spencer rolls her eyes but what catches my attention is Grayson who's staring at me with squinted eyes and an accusatory glare. "Drayton just came through here not too long ago" - he points at me with his lips curled up - "he looked all - scruffy and undone."

I'm almost certain that Spencer just sucked all of the oxygen out of the room with the exaggerated inhale she breathes in. "Where is Cooper?!"

"He um — he left. He went home."

I explain the entire situation from beginning to end because honestly, I want to talk about it more. I don't think I've entirely recovered from the mind-blowing pash.

My best friend is many things, loyal, hilarious, tech-savvy. But she's not calm and news that thrills her, kills her.

She's doing her best not to burst into an ear-piercing scream, which I appreciate because it does my head in.

"So what does this mean for you both?" Spencer steps forward and embraces my hand between her own. "Are you going to tell him how you feel?"

"I think I have too," I tell her sheepishly, taking a moment to sweep the room in search of the devastating quarterback that I just can't stop thinking about. "I suppose I'll have to find him first."

"He disappeared pretty quickly," Grayson informs us. He pulls his cellphone out of his tux pocket and starts tapping the screen with his thumbs. "I'll call him."

I do my best to calm the nerves that churn in the pit of my stomach as Grayson makes the phone call. I have no plan for what to say, I have no idea how the conversation will go. All I know is that I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of denying how I feel. Hell, he might not return the feelings at all but at least we can get it all out in the open.

"Hey man, we're looking for you? Where'd you go?"

Grayson listens for the response, his brows furrowing a little more with each second that passes until his eyes flicker to me. He turns around and lowers his voice, which only prompts me to step forward so I can hear what's being said.

"Why can't I tell her?" he asks with a hushed tone.

"She wants to talk to you about something bro. Just come back."

Grayson's shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath as he runs his hand through his hair. The conversation isn't giving me a very positive vibe and my stomach sinks when he ends the phone call, turning around with an apologetic look etched in his features.

"Um he - he wasn't feeling well." Grayson gives me a tight smile.

He knows, that I know, that he's lying and the urge to press for details is simmering under my tongue. But I don't want to put Grayson in an uncomfortable position, so I keep my mouth shut and reduce to a feeling of utter disappointment.

Spencer however, apparently does not feel the need to bite her tongue. "Excuse me, babe!" She folds her arm with a grouchy glare. "Tell us what he said."

"Please don't make me!" Grayson groans. "You know I love you but respect the bro code!"

"I will do no such thing!" she bites back. "My best friend wants to talk to that idiot and you bett-"

"Spence, stop," I cut her off, placing an arm on her shoulder. I appreciate the fierce instinct to get the information that I so desperately want hear but I'd rather not get in between her and her boyfriend or him and his best friend. God what a complicated fucking circle. "I don't need to know. I'll just - I'll talk to him on Monday."

"No!" She spins around and stares at me pleadingly. "What if something happens in that time. Like what if he has to move across the country. What if your feelings go away or you change your mind!"

"I didn't talk to Drayton for an entire month and the second he approached me, we were eating each other's faces." I flash her a brow-raising, sarcastic smile and throw my arms open wide. "I don't think another day is going to change the way I feel."

"I suppose." She pouts defiantly. "You know how long I've been waiting for you to realise this though, right? Now I have to wait even longer. It sucks."

Deep down I share her feelings. It's not like I'd planned on running into his arms and declaring my undying love. But a simple confession that yes I do have feelings for him and yes it is scaring me and I'm not sure exactly what to do with this new - or not so new - revelation, was more of the approach I'd been planning.

• • •

"Who took the photos on Saturday night?" Spencer stares at the bulletin board in the school corridor. We aren't the only ones, there's a hoard of students scrambling to see the display. I'm surprised it's up this quickly. Last year the photos didn't go on display until weeks later. "Whoever it was, is an asshole. Look at this" - she slams her index finger down on a rather unflattering shot of herself - "I look disgusting."

"There's one bad photo of you," I scoff. "Come on, look at this one of you and Gray. What a cute candid!"

The two of them are wrapped around each other, foreheads touching and smiles illuminating their features. The photo is focused on them, the other students surrounding them on the dance floor are blurred in the background.

"You have to order a copy of that one!"

"Definitely. Oh look" - she points at a wide shot of the dance floor. In the very back of the photo is Gray, Spencer and I - "I'm yelling at Gray because he wouldn't tell us where Drayton is."

She laughs loudly as I roll my eyes before I'm aggressively shoved at the hip by Becca who sneers, moving into the space I'd just been standing. "You've had long enough, Dallas. Get out of the way."

Some part of me wants to slam her head into the wall in front of me for being so damn rude. Instead I take a deep breath and link arms with Spencer, dragging her down the corridor before I become irrationally violent. Cheerleaders bring out the absolute worse in me.

"That was rude," Spencer chortles as we head to first period. We'd not long left homeroom when the photos captured our attention. I remind myself that I'll go back later on and see if there are any worth purchasing. "So... Econ now" - Spence does a nervous jostle. "You gonna talk to Dray?"

"I'll tell him that I want to talk to him. I think I'll save the actual conversation for when we're not surrounded by other people in first period."

"Good idea. I'd love to listen in, so text me after you've finalised a talking spot and I promise I'll be discreet."

"I'm not even going to comment on how disturbed that makes me." We stop outside Spencer's food tech class. "I'll fill you in, I promise."

"Fine." She smiles with an eye roll and disappears inside.

Dray isn't in his usual back seat when I arrive in econ. I'd rather not make a scene when I talk to him, so I sit at the desk in front of his and patiently wait while the class quickly fills up.

My heart thuds hard and fast in my chest. I don't know why I'm so nervous. He's always made a little flustered, despite how much I hid it, but I can't deny that his presence has always had an overwhelming effect.

But we'd gotten to the point where our friendship was comfortable enough to share hotel beds and eat together and spend days away as if it was totally normal. Now I'm a bundle of nerves at the thought of seeing him after Saturday nights lip lock.

When he finally walks in, I feel like someone's stuck a white-hot knife right through my chest, because his fingers, the fingers that had caressed every inch of me, the fingers that had been tangled in my hair only two days earlier, are laced with Emily's.

She clings to him with a wide smile as they shuffle through the room. His confident walk is as dominating as ever. But his face doesn't show a hint of emotion, his eyes stare straight ahead and don't glance in my direction for even a second as he takes a seat in the middle row next to a chipper Emily who hasn't removed her claws from him, once.

"Are you guys back together?" One of the girls from the squad asks with a scandalous tone.

"We are!" Emily sings out before she snakes her hand around the back of Dray's neck, driving their mouths together so intensely that I can feel my stomach churning.

I look away, I can't stand the sight of it and I wonder how I'm supposed to get through the next hour with a front-row seat to the reunion from hell. Confusion and disbelief don't even begin to cover how I feel.

If I thought Econ was bad, it only gets worse from there. During practice at lunch time I'm forced to endure the two of them fondling each other while Emily is meant to be coaching us through a new routine.

The quarter-finals are approaching and each stage of the playoffs that our team progresses, requires a new cheer routine. Her words, not mine. It's sure going to bite her in the ass if she doesn't stop eating the quarterback's face.

"Guys," she skips towards us, leaving Dray a few feet away, staring at the ground as he fidgets with his helmet, "I have to go do something. I'll be right back!"

She sprints off towards the gym leaving the rest of us to our own devices. Apparently no one thinks to make use of the time productively so they all whip out their cellphones and turn to cyber reality. I roll my eyes and wander down the edge of the field, with no particular destination in mind.

"Cheer?"

I don't react to his presence, although I can feel him with every fibre and nerve in my body. I'm afraid that if I react, I'll go off the deep end and instability isn't a quality I want to possess.

"You don't get to call me that anymore," I bite.

Okay so not reacting is easier said than done. But I give myself props for not turning around and slapping him across the face.

"Can I explain?"

"No."

He grips my elbow, sending me straight into a flashback from Saturday night, when he'd touched me in the same spot as he'd dragged me into his body and kissed me like I've never been kissed before.

"Let me explain," he demands, turning me towards him with a hard expression set on his face.

"Fine, go ahead." I fold my arms across my chest and raise a brow while I wait for him to humour me. "Explain why you're back with the girl who cheated on you. With your uncle!"

He continues to stare at me with a firm expression. His eyes hold mine and as much as it hurts and I want to scream right now, I can't look away because no matter how upset I am, he captivates me in so many ways.

"I didn't mean to hurt you Dallas."

"You didn't." I shrug, doing my best not to crack. "Seriously. We kissed and yes I did feel something for you Drayton" - a big something - " but if you think you deserve someone who betrayed you, then that's on you. I personally think I deserve better than someone that can't just say how he feels and plays games with my head."

I feel a little hypocritical because I haven't exactly been forthcoming with how I feel, but I also didn't kiss him at homecoming and then disappear with a cheating ex.

"This is for the best though, right?" He looks at me questioningly. "You're leaving next year and you didn't want to build any new bridges that you'll have to leave behind after graduation. Dancing is the most important thing to you, right?"

His brows raise in an almost hopeful expression, like that's what he wants to hear.

"Yes," I agree with him. "But this isn't just about that. You deserve someone better than her. She doesn't respect you Dray. She-"

I almost bring up the fact that she'd threatened to spill his secret if I spent any more time with him. But that would be adding fuel to the fire and it's another can of worms that I really don't want to open.

"You just - you could do better."

"So can you Cheer." He reaches out as if he's going to graze my face with his fingers but quickly retracts his hand before it makes contact. "You can do better too."

I stare after him as he stalks away. That is the final time I watch him walk away from me. I refuse to pine after someone who can't settle on one fucking temperature. Our relationship has been up and down since we started spending time together and I can't do it anymore. All I've been doing is watching him walk away from me and I'm done.

• • •

Is she really done tho 🤔