chapter fourteen.
you make me feel better.

• 

I saw Edwin during lunch the following day, and I swore my heart practically skipped a beat when I saw him. I never realized how much I missed him until I saw his slightly askew glasses and floppy hair that was freshly dyed back to his natural hair color—dark brown, almost black.

"You dyed your hair!" Was the first thing I said to him when I approached, holding my school lunch on a tray.

He grinned. "You don't see me for two days and that's how you greet me?" he teased. "And yes, I did. My roots were growing in and I didn't wanna touch them up so I decided to just go back to its natural color. My hair feels so much healthier now."

"I bet it does," I agreed, sitting down directly beside him. I didn't know why, but it felt strange to sit so closely to him, like I was constantly holding back some strange emotion I couldn't quite understand. Yearning, almost. "I think it looks amazing." I added, beginning to eat the slice of pizza on my plate.

"Thank you." Edwin replied, deciding to start eating a sandwich from his packed lunch after seeing me begin to eat.

About five minutes of silence later Edwin spoke again. "So, I know I mentioned this on Monday, but I still really wanna hang out soon."

I swallowed a bite of pizza and looked at him. "Yeah, maybe. I dunno where though, I don't go out to a lot of places to know what's good."

"Hm," Edwin thought for a second. "I mean, it'd be nice to come over to your house or something. I'd like to meet your parents—if that's okay, of course."

I hesitated. My parents really didn't mind if friends came over—Dan and Nadine had come over many times during our freshman year and the previous summer—but I didn't know how I felt about having my crush over at my house. That was an entirely different story.

"Actually, nevermind, I'm sorry for asking." Edwin said due to my lack of response. "I know they suck and you don't want me around them."

"Oh, no, it's okay," I reassured him. "I was just thinking."

"Well if you had to think about it, I think it's best if I didn't come over then." The boy stated. I nodded slowly, knowing he was right.

"Yeah. Sorry."

Edwin wrapped his arm around my shoulders and hugged me onto his side, catching me off guard. "It's fine! It was just a suggestion. We can think of something else."

"Okay."

He held me there for just a few more seconds while I breathed in his scent and felt like my heart was going to explode with happiness. He then let me go, retracting his arm away from me to resume eating his sandwich as if nothing happened.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel just a little bit disappointed.

🌌

The rest of the week went by in a blur. By Friday afternoon, I was exhausted and just wanted to go home and sleep—and thankfully, I wasn't scheduled for work so I could actually go home and do just that.

Edwin called me nearly five minutes after I got home to an empty house. I picked up the call, surprised he was even calling me at all.

"Hello?" I answered, moving to sit down on my bed.

"Hi, Ky," he then laughed. "That rhymes."

"Did you call me just to say that?" I groaned, flopping onto my back.

"No, sorry," he chuckled again. "I wanted to see if you were free tomorrow. My parents won't be home, so you could come over if you'd like," he paused. "Okay that sounded weird. But you know what I meant."

"I do, I do," I assured him. "And...I think I'm free. I mean I know I am, I just need to ask my parents."

"That's fine," he said. "Let me know what they say as soon as possible, I need to tell Nathan when to pick you up."

"Pick me up?"

Edwin laughed again. "Yeah, of course. You can't just walk to my house. And I don't want you taking the bus either. It's much better if we just come and get you."

I smiled to myself. "Alright. Thank you."

"Of course," the boy replied. "I've gotta go though, so just text me when you've asked your parents and all that, okay?"

"Yeah. Bye bye."

"Bye!" and he hung up, leaving me alone.

My parents came home from work nearly an hour later, carrying grocery bags in their hands. I peeked downstairs, watching them put away the groceries in the kitchen, trying to work up the courage to go and talk to them. At least it seemed like they were both in good moods.

I slowly crept into the kitchen, wringing my hands together with worry. Although I had asked them things like that a billion times, it still felt so terrifying to me; there weren't any consequences to just asking if I could hang out with a friend, but they were just intimidating. Very intimidating.

"Um," I started, catching the attention of them both. "I have a question."

My dad sighed, "What?"

"Um, could I go to my friend's house tomorrow?" I asked, my palms already feeling sweaty.

"Which friend?" Said my mom.

I hesitated. Should I tell them the truth? I mean, they don't even know that Edwin is my crush so why would it matter if I bring him up?

"Uh...his name is Edwin. He's new to my school, doesn't really have any friends. A-aside from me." I added, hoping they'd just say yes because they felt sorry for the boy. "He wants to hang out tomorrow at his house. His brother would pick me up and drop me off, so you guys don't have to drive or anything."

My parents were silent for a few moments. I caught myself unconsciously holding my breath, waiting for an answer. My dad looked at my mom and they both shrugged.

"Fine," my dad said. "Be back by ten pm. And make sure you've done your homework before you leave."

"I will, thank you." I said quickly, scurrying from the room in case one of them changed their minds.

I immediately texted Edwin telling him the good news. He replied in seconds, letting me know that he and Nathan would be picking me up at three pm the following day. I couldn't stop the grin that appeared on my face and the butterflies that rampaged in my stomach. The fact that he was willing to do so much just to hang out with me was incredible...

Brushing aside thoughts of taking a nap, I hurried and finished all of my homework for the next few hours with the thought of going to Edwin's house again keeping me going.

🌌

At two thirty pm on Saturday, I was a nervous wreck.

It wasn't like I hadn't hung out with him before or anything. It just strangely felt like something had shifted between us, causing me to literally freak out over seeing him again in a more casual setting. It was different, being at school, and just getting to talk to him during lunch surrounded by hundreds of other people. But at his house? Alone? Who knew what would happen.

I nervously paced around my room, my sock-clad feet hitting the floor with a loud thump every step I took. I didn't even care if one of my parents sitting in the living room came upstairs and scolded me for it, I was so nervous yet excited.

The moment I received a text from Edwin saying he and Nathan were there to pick me up, I rushed out the door, speeding down the steps faster than I had ever gone before. I hurriedly shoved on my shoes sitting at the door, tying the knots haphazardly before opening the front door and stepping into the sunshine. I saw Nathan's car parked down at the street, the sun shining directly in my face making it difficult to see through the front windows of the vehicle.

I stalked across my grassy front lawn and opened the back door, my heart thumping in my chest. There, lounging in the backseat as if he was taking a taxi or something, sat Edwin, a grin set upon his face. I returned his smile and climbed in, shutting the door closed behind me.

"Good morning." Edwin said, watching me buckle my seatbelt as Nathan pulled away from my house after greeting me briefly.

"Morning? It's three pm." I laughed.

"It may be...it's still too early for me, though." The boy told me. "I'm a night owl. If I could, I'd love to go to sleep at five am every night and wake up at two pm. Unfortunately, life does not allow me to do that." he complained.

"And thank God for that." Nathan added from up front.

Edwin rolled his eyes beneath his glasses. "Whatever."

I just smiled, staring at Edwin's fake irritated expression he threw in his brother's direction. Butterflies filled my stomach yet again and I spent the rest of the car ride desperately trying and hoping that they would go away. But still, they persisted.

When we arrived at the Zepeda household, I immediately realized something was different. "It smells different in here," I mentioned as we walked to the dining room and sat at the table.

"Huh? Really?" Edwin looked around, a confused expression on his face. Nathan shrugged and walked down the hall towards his and Edwin's shared bedroom.

"Yeah. I mean, not in a bad way, though," I added, hoping he didn't take any offense to my words. Luckily he didn't look phased by it, for he smiled at me nonetheless from across the wooden table.

Nathan returned a moment later, a small bag in hand. "I'll be back later to drop you off at your house, Kyran," he said to me. "Bye."

Edwin and I waved him goodbye and watched his car pull out from the driveway, leaving my friend and I alone.

"Where is everyone, anyway?" I asked, turning back towards him in my seat. "It's Saturday, so I didn't think your parents would be working."

"No," Edwin explained. "they're at a barbeque with some church friends. I haven't been feeling well this week so I didn't wanna go. They don't mind that you're over by the way, before you ask."

"Oh." I nodded, resting my head on my arms. "You're not feeling well?" I asked a few seconds later. "I thought you changed your medication or something."

The boy looked confused. "I mean, yeah, but I don't remember telling you that. How'd you know?" Although he didn't seem upset at all, I immediately felt guilty for knowing.

"Nathan told me, I'm sorry," I said. "A few weeks ago you two came into McDonalds and while you were in the bathroom I asked Nathan why you looked happier than usual and he told me what happened. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked him anything."

"It's not your fault, don't worry," he assured him. "And either way I don't really care that you know. I was just confused because I didn't remember telling you anything about that."

"Okay."

We fell silent, not sure what else to say.

"You want some ice cream?" Edwin finally spoke after what seemed like hours.

I grinned, nodding. "Of course." The two of us stood up, excitement running through my veins.

We spent the next two hours eating ice cream and loads of other snacks that I didn't even know existed while we played some zombie game on his living room floor.

"RIGHT THERE BEHIND YOU!!!" Edwin yelled, causing me to jump and almost immediately become incapacitated by the boss zombie that showed up out of seemingly nowhere. "NOOO!!!"

Before I could even blink I ended up dying, leaving Edwin entirely alone in the middle of a horde of zombies. I wasn't surprised that he died only thirty seconds later, despite all of his claims that he was the best player at the game of all time.

"This shit is rigged," he complained, setting his controller aside and curling his legs up to his chest, a painful look on his face. "Damn." he muttered.

I felt a tug of worry and stared at him. "You okay?" I asked, scooting closer to him in case he needed me.

"I'm fine," he nodded, hugging his knees tighter as he leaned his back against the couch. "Like I said, I haven't been feeling well."

"Do you want me to leave so you can rest? I can take a bus home or—"

"No," he cut me off. "I'd rather have you here. You make me feel better."

I stared at him, feeling my cheeks burning red hot. "Okay." I replied, looking away towards the carpet.

I felt Edwin's head rest on my shoulder and I stiffened, not knowing exactly how to react. My stomach was a bundle of nerves and I felt my skin tingling in a mixture of embarrassment and excitement at the feeling of his body touching mine.

"Sorry. I'm just tired." He said. I opened my mouth to say something but he spoke again before I could get a word out. "That doesn't mean I want you to leave." he added in a teasing tone, a small laugh following.

"I won't. You can sleep if you want."

"Nah," he raised his head up and looked at me, his face only a few inches away from mine. I stared straight ahead, terrified to turn my head and meet his gaze. "you didn't come over here on the weekend just to sleep."

"I don't mind." I insisted. "I really don't." I glanced in his direction and the boy was just smiling at me.

Edwin put his head back on my shoulder and sighed loudly. "Okay," he finally agreed. "If you say so..." and he snuggled closer after taking his glasses off, folding them closed carefully, and setting them on the floor in front of us. "Wake me up in thirty minutes."

"Okay."

And we fell silent.

I listened to his breathing as it slowed with each inhale and eventually I could tell he was asleep. I slowly pulled my phone out of my pocket and stared at the reflection on the black screen, my heart melting at the sight of Edwin's squished face and soft black hair falling down over it. I opened my camera and took a picture of the two of us, a bit scared that the boy would wake up suddenly and notice what I was doing but thankfully he didn't stir.

A sense of peace washed over me and I felt my eyelids forcing themselves closed and no matter how much I fought against it...I fell asleep.

— — —