chapter thirteen.
it doesn't matter.

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The following morning I immediately texted Nadine telling her to meet me in a usually empty alleyway near the gymnasium building.

After I jumped off the bus and stalked through the school gates, I made my way past hundreds of students milling about or going to their classes towards the place I would be meeting the girl.

When I arrived, Nadine was sitting in a shaded spot on the grass, looking at something on her phone. She looked up when she heard me approaching and smirked. "Hey," she greeted. "What'd you need to talk about that was so urgent it couldn't wait until after school?"

I stood above her, unsmiling as I formulated a sentence in my head. I was mad, so mad, and wanted to call her a million different things but I knew being an asshole wasn't going to help anything.

She stared at my frown and dropped her smile. "What? What's wrong?" she stood up suddenly, grabbing my arm. "Did something happen with your parents?"

I shrugged her arm away. "No," I answered, that hot prickly feeling returning. How did she not know what she did wrong? "You know perfectly well what happened."

A strange look came upon her face. She took a step back, breaking our eye contact as she stared at the grass. "Ky...I..."

"I don't need excuses," I stopped her. "I told you that you weren't supposed to tell anybody. And now you have, and Edwin is suffering because of you."

"I didn't mean to! It just—kind slipped out—"

"It doesn't matter if you meant to or not. You still told someone, and I don't intend to forgive you for it after you practically begged me to tell you in the first place!" I could feel my fingernails digging into the palms of my hands. "Who did you tell, anyway?"

Nadine looked even more guilty at the question—if that was even possible. "It doesn't matter..."

"Who?" I demanded.

Tears began to fall from the girl's eyes and she rubbed them away quickly. "Dan." she said quietly.

I stared at her in shock. Of fucking course it was Dan who spread it around.

I turned sharply and walked away, my heart pumping madly in my chest. I heard Nadine yelling my name but I just walked faster, ignoring her.

"Kyran!" she caught up, grabbing my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I don't care." I pushed her away from me, causing her to stumble back, and I disappeared into the crowd of people that began to surround us, curious about what all the yelling was about.

I stomped into my first period class, feeling sick with anger, not only at Nadine and Dan, but at myself.

I shouldn't have told her. I shouldn't have told her. I knew something like this would happen. This is all my fault, I've ruined Edwin's life.

I felt tears pricking at my eyes so I hid my head in my arms, deciding to ignore my teacher for the rest of the class period.

🌌

I skipped lunch entirely, deciding to hang out at the edge of the field in the back of the gymnasium, my back against a tree, watching two boys playing catch with a football on the other end of the field.

I put my earbuds into my ears and listened to music while I ate from a bag of pretzels I found in my backpack, trying to calm my nerves so I didn't explode at someone during the second half of the school day.

I knew I had to tell Edwin the truth about what happened, but I was just so scared he would hate me because of it. It was especially painful knowing that I did have some sort of chance with him past a friendship—but because I was such an idiot I knew he wouldn't ever trust me enough anymore to be in a relationship.

Twenty minutes later I shoved the empty pretzel bag into my backpack and stood up, deciding to head back to the school building despite having ten more minutes left of lunch.

As I stepped inside the main building, I spotted Dan and Nadine walking alongside each other down the hallway away from the cafeteria, in deep discussion. I stopped and ducked in a doorway, waiting for them to turn the corner so they didn't spot me.

When I was sure they had gained enough distance on me, I walked down the hallway they were just in and peeked my head around the corner, spotting them sitting against the wall a few yards away. I slowly and quietly sat down, thankful for a small group of people who walked past right as I sat, covering up the shuffling of my bag as I laid it on the floor.

I leaned my head as close as I could to not reveal myself and listened in.

"You just shouldn't have done it," Nadine was saying. "It's just so disrespectful and rude. I told you because you're my best friend and I thought you'd keep it to yourself."

Dan shot back, "It's not that big of a deal. Who cares if he's chronically ill? It doesn't affect me."

"Clearly you care since you gossipped about it to others and now it's spreading around school!" the girl exclaimed. "You don't get to tell other people's secrets just because you don't think it's a big deal. It was a big deal to Edwin and now you've gone and ruined his life."

"Me? You're the one who told me his secret because you couldn't keep your mouth shut for two seconds."

There was a slight pause before Nadine responded, "I told you because I trusted you. I didn't think you would tell anybody else. I said it was a secret and you just broke my trust entirely."

I heard Dan sigh dramatically. "Whatever. You won't stay mad at me for long anyway."

"How are you so sure about that?" Nadine sounded angry.

"Because that's what you always do," the boy replied with a laugh. "Ever since your dad died your mom hasn't shown you any of the love you crave. I know you can't stand the thought of losing me too."

Although I was incredibly angry at Nadine, I felt a flare of protectiveness over her suddenly and I itched to reveal myself and yell at Dan for the horrible things he had said to her. Using her dad's death from no more than a year ago against her? What a prick.

"You're a fucking asshole." Nadine said. I heard shuffling and feet walking away down the hallway, the sound dampening as she walked further away.

I heard Dan mumble something I couldn't understand and I stood up, leaving my backpack on the ground, leaning against the lockers.

I turned the corner and faced Dan, who was staring down at his phone with a frown. He looked up as I approached and his face screwed up in disgust.

"What do you want?" he asked, shoving his phone into his pocket.

"You're a shitty person for using Nadine's dad's death against her like that. You know damn well it's a sensitive topic for her." I started, staring directly into the boy's hazel eyes.

"I was just telling her the truth," he replied. "It seems to me that you two can't handle it for some reason."

"It doesn't matter. Just because you feel some way about someone doesn't mean you have to express your opinion to them. You may have been partially right, but you did not have to tell her that." I said. "It's just cruel. I don't understand how you can't see that."

Dan shrugged, not replying.

"You're also very shitty for telling Edwin's secret to other people. Are you insecure or something? Do you need to beat other people down just to make yourself feel better?" I asked, stepping closer to him.

"No," Dan replied firmly. "I'm just blunt."

I had to hold myself back from stepping forward again and punching the boy right in his face.

"Just fuck off and never talk to me again." I spat, turning around. Not two seconds later did I feel Dan's hands on my shoulders, whipping me over to face him.

"You don't get to come over here, pick a fight, and then just leave," he exclaimed, his hands digging into my shoulders. "Come on, fight me like a real man." He let go of me and shoved me away.

I caught my footing before I fell over and glared at him. "No," I said. "I don't need to punch you to prove that I'm a man, nor do I need to hurt you just to defend others. That solves nothing."

"You're just a pussy." Dan laughed, crossing his arms and trying to make himself bigger to appear more intimidating, I assumed.

"I don't care." I said finally, turning around and walking away quickly before Dan could say something else or try and coarse me into a physical fight. I grabbed my backpack from where it still sat and headed down the hallway towards my next class, my hands shaking.

🌌

When I stepped off the bus and walked up to my house, I felt a pang of fear when I saw my parents' car in the driveway. Still, I walked up the grass and opened my front door, walking up the stairs as quietly as possible.

Thankfully none of my parents noticed, or they just had nothing to say to me, for in the thirty minutes I had until I needed to leave for work, they didn't bother me whatsoever, leaving me time to relax before I left.

Dressed in my uniform, I stepped downstairs, partially annoyed that my shift was until nine thirty pm but also glad because that meant my parents would probably be heading to bed before I got home.

My shift was slow—made even unbearable by the fact that none of my favorite co-workers were scheduled either. For most of the time I was sent back to cook hamburgers or wash dishes so I didn't even know if Edwin had shown up or not. Either way, it seemed to me that he hadn't been attending the fast food place as much. Maybe because he just felt happier those days and didn't need the comfort of shitty food to help him cope.

By the time nine thirty rolled around, I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was go home and fall asleep for the night. I clocked out, taking a free meal home with me, and headed for the bus stop, hoping not to miss the one that typically would arrive around nine forty-five.

I sat down on the bench, no bus in sight, and pulled out my phone, smiling once I saw Edwin had texted me about an hour ago.

Edwin: hey i came in just a bit ago, are you not working today? i thought you usually work tuesdays ):

I replied, feeling a bit bad that he had missed me since I was stuck in the kitchen for the majority of my shift.

Kyran: sorry, i got put in the back for my entire shift. it would've been nice to see you!!

The boy replied immediately, his response causing me to laugh out loud as I ate my dinner from the paper bag sitting beside me.

Edwin: mcdonalds is dead to me now...breaking apart our friendship smh

Edwin: you work tomorrow though too, right?

Kyran: yeah i am. but aren't you coming back to school tomorrow?

Edwin: ehh i don't know. i said i would but i'm honestly still too scared.

Kyran: don't be. today i heard barely anyone talking about you. also i confronted the person who spread it around so he shouldn't bother you or anything.

Edwin: i guess that's good to hear

Edwin: wait lol how'd you know who spread it around?

Just then the bus pulled up, its lights glaring in the darkness and temporarily blinding me. I shut my phone up, grabbed my bag, and got on the bus, choosing a seat furthest away from other people. I pulled out my phone to another message from Edwin.

Edwin: hey don't leave me on read lol

Kyran: sorry, the bus home pulled up. i didn't wanna miss it of course

Kyran: but yeah i just asked around and found out who it was

Edwin: oh. who was it if you don't mind me asking?

Kyran: just one of my old friends, dan. you probably don't know him though

Edwin: i know a dan from one of my classes lol is it the guy with short blond hair? wears the same combo of a red hoodie and basketball shorts every day?

Kyran: probably lol that describes dan perfectly

Edwin: damn. maybe i should come to school tomorrow and say something to him

Kyran: i wouldn't bother, he's a nasty bully. there'd be no point to be honest

Edwin: i guess not. well i'm gonna have to go to bed now that i'm going to school tomorrow. i'll see you at lunch!

Kyran: yeah see you (:

I smiled to myself, feeling the first bit of joy in the entire day.

— — —

originally i was gonna have ky punch dan but then i realized that would be incredibly out of character for him 😢