Clara's POV

My heavy eyelids flutter open and I feel a weight on my lap.

I glance down and I see Jin sound asleep with his head on my lap and he's holding my hand tightly in his own grip.

I smile to myself.

I try to run my fingers through his hair, but my arm stays in place.

I look over in confusion and see that my wrists are bound to the bed.

"Jin?" I say, anxiety coursing through me as I try to remember what happened.

Jin's eyes flutter open and he immediately sits up and meets my nervous gaze.

"What's wrong?" He asks as he rubs his eyes with his free hand while keeping a firm grip on my hand with his other one.

"Why am I restrained?" I ask, wincing when I feel a dull ache in my head.

He looks at me nervously. "Do you not remember? You've been awake before. You even talked to me."

I frown, the pain in my head throbbing with my heartbeat. "I remember what I did. And I vaguely remember being awake, but I was really out of it I guess because I didn't realize I was restrained until now."

"It's just a precaution, Clara Bear. To keep you safe," he assures me, rubbing his thumb along my cheek to soothe me.

I relax, leaning my head into his comforting hand. "How long have I been here?"

Jin bites his lip.

"Jin, how long?"

"A week."

My eyes widen. "What??"

"You've been in and out of it the whole time. You're on some pretty strong pain medication," he explains. "They've been giving you less and less the last day or so. You're getting discharged tomorrow."

I sigh in relief. "Maybe you could come stay at my apartment for a few days to help me settle back in. I don't really want you to have to be alone."

He sighs but doesn't say anything.

I frown. "I mean, you don't have to. I don't want to bother you. I just figured we could keep each other company."

"That's not it, Clara Bear," he says quietly, shaking his head.

"What is it?" I ask curiously, eyebrows furrowed.

"You're not going home."

I cock my head to the side, still completely confused. "Am I staying at your place? I mean, that's fine. I've been curious to see where you-"

"Clara..."

"It's rude to interrupt, Jin," I say, smiling at him.

He doesn't smile back.

"You're going back to the psychiatric hospital."

No.

I shake my head, tears in my eyes.

"I'm fine! See? I'm fine. It was just an accident. I'm just so clumsy," I say, tears rolling down my cheeks as I fake a smile.

"We both know that it was no accident, beautiful," he says gently, looking down at our intertwined hands.

"I..."

"Clara, did you try to kill yourself?" He asks suddenly, locking his eyes onto mine.

I stop breathing and my stomach drops to the floor.

"Jin..."

"Answer me. Please. I need to know."

I stare at our hands, desperate to avoid his burning gaze.

"I just wanted it to stop," I whisper.

The look on his face breaks my heart.

Betrayal.

His own tears fall down his face. "You were going to leave me?"

My heart breaks even more. "I told you before that I'm sorry for doing it, Jin. I didn't think of anything or anyone in that moment except the pain."

"You're so selfish, Clara."

My eyes widen in shock. "Selfish?"

"You made me open up to you!" He shouts, standing up and letting my hand go. My heart aches at the sudden emptiness that I feel.

"You made me trust you and rely on you and then you... you..." he whimpers.

"Jin, please..." I cry out, desperate to be free of my restraints so I can hug him.

He shakes his head violently, holding his hands up in defeat. "I told myself that this wasn't a suicide attempt. That you would never intentionally hurt me like that. I have been absolutely selfless for you since we met. I didn't want to talk about my issues because you have enough to deal with on your own. So I put you first. Every single day since I met you. And I know you tried to get me to rely on you just like you rely on me, but I couldn't. It made me feel happy knowing that I was helping you to find yourself again. That in itself was enough for me to come back to the light. But then you do this? You know how I feel about being left alone. Every single person in my life has left me. Even if my parents beat me half to death every day, I still needed them. I needed them to be there. And then they nearly died. So I left them before they could leave me. Just like everyone else. And now... you. You tried to leave me too."

My heart is pounding. He's becoming hysterical and I can't do anything to stop it.

I'm the reason for all of this.

I was selfish. I only thought about my pain... but he has never put himself first. It's always been me that he's protected and cared for.

And this is how I repaid him.

My heart is shattered. I hurt the person I care about more than anyone just because I couldn't handle my own darkness anymore.

But here he is, fighting his own darkness every single day by himself just to be able to be with me and make me smile.

What have I done?

"What can I say, Jin? Tell me how to fix this and I will do it," I plead as I struggle against my restraints. My heart rate has skyrocketed so high that the alarms in my room are going off.

I'm having a panic attack at the thought of this beautiful boy in front of me hurting because of me.

Jin is hyperventilating and continuously shaking his head.

"Jin!" I exclaim. "You are NOT alone! I am still here and I swear to you, I will NEVER leave you. No matter what."

He looks at me, our eyes locking.

A nurse comes in, looking at me worriedly.

I'm pulling desperately against the restraints, wanting nothing more than to hold my sweet Jin.

The nurse injects something into my IV and I immediately feel overwhelmingly drowsy.

The last thing I see is Jin watching me with a saddened expression on his face.