*Trigger warning: self harm*

I'm laying in bed, but I can't make myself sleep.

My mind is lost in the past.

The part of my past that I don't speak of. Not to anyone.

It'll only draw in more pity and I can't stand that.

I'll keep this part of my life to myself. It's not like it will make a difference if I talk about it.

Talking about my parents disowning me for being "a crazy lost cause" isn't going to make them love me again.

Talking about how they literally pay me to stay away from them isn't going to make them realize how much they've broken me.

I tried not to accept the money because all I wanted from them was their love.

But I eventually gave in when they abandoned my childhood home.

And they moved somewhere unknown to me.

No goodbyes. Nothing.

They just left.

I get monthly deposits into my bank account as compensation for my cooperation in letting them abandon me.

Money is no issue to them. Money is nothing more than an object that they throw at anyone who is deemed a problem.

So they send me insane amounts of money since I am one of those problems.

Maybe I'm a bad person for accepting the money, but it's not like I can handle having a job like a normal person.

I haven't heard a word from my parents in a year.

Who abandons their child just because their child's mind is broken?

Well, my parents did. They did it without blinking an eye.

It's hard to believe that I'm not who my parents say I am.

Maybe I am crazy.

Maybe I am a lost cause.

Who am I without the numerous medications keeping my mind from snapping?

I don't know.

All I know is that person is horrible enough to make my own parents stop loving me.

That person is horrible enough to make my friends become scared of me.

In this entire world, I have three friends.

Jin. Yoongi. Jimin.

The only three people in the entire world who didn't turn their backs on me when seeing how my mind works.

I start to count my fingers absentmindedly as my mind falls into chaos.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Do it again.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Do it again.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Stop it.

I need to shut my mind off. I need this to stop.

I'm so lost. So lost.

My tears fall down my face as I stare hopelessly at my ceiling.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I need it to stop.

Make it stop.

Stop.

Before realizing what I'm doing, I've gotten out of bed and I'm now on the floor, kneeling down in front of my bedside table.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Everything goes black.

**********

Jin's POV

I knock on the door to Clara's apartment again, but there's still no answer.

I frown slightly as I pull my phone out and try to call her again.

No answer.

"Clara Bear!" I shout through the door.

Silence.

I start to feel worried. She cancelled our date yesterday because she said she wasn't feeling well.

Maybe she's sick? Maybe she's sleeping?

I turn the knob, not even thinking that she would ever leave her door unlocked, but I stare at the door in shock when the knob turns and the door opens.

"Clara...?" I say uneasily.

I know she's home. Where else would she have gone? She doesn't have a job that I know of. Maybe she went to hang out with Jimin and Yoongi?

I decide to check her bedroom. Maybe she's in there sick or something.

But when I get to her bedroom, I see something much, much worse than I ever expected.

Clara is laying on the floor of her bedroom in a puddle of blood.

"Clara!" I yell, rushing to her side and pulling her into my lap.

She has a large gash on her head and she's pale, so pale.

I glance over and see that her bedside table is broken and bloody.

Did she fall and hit her head?

I pull my phone out and dial for an ambulance while I run to the bathroom to grab a towel.

I place it on her wound and apply pressure.

"Clara..." I whisper. "You'll be just fine. And once you wake up, I'll take you on the best date in the existence of dates."

I wipe the tears that are falling down my cheeks as I watch her still, pale form in my lap.

I frown when I go to check the bleeding on her wound.

There are multiple bruises around the cut.

Almost like she hit her head multiple times.

But that would mean that she...

"Oh, Clara Bear..." I whisper in horror as I pull her closer to me.

I can hear the ambulance outside now.

"You're okay, sweetheart. I'm here. You're not alone," I whisper as I gently rock her back and forth.

I should've been here. I should've known something was wrong when she suddenly wanted to go home.

But I guess I don't know her as well as I hoped.

She's so broken. But from the day I met her, I knew that she is special.

And I want to fix her.

I want to help her.

I tap on her lifeless hand three times.

But she doesn't stir.

"Don't leave me alone, damn it. Don't you dare," I whisper through my tears.

I hear the paramedics come into the apartment.

"In here," I say weakly.

Don't leave me, Clara Bear.

Not when I've only just found you.