AHOTE

     "I—" she started, but paused, nibbling her lower lip before sighing and shrugging her shoulders. "I don't know where to start," she muttered, looking away from me before staring down at the kitchen island as she licked her lips.

     "There's so much to say—"

     "Just pretend like you're talking to a mirror," I butt in, making her chuckle before shaking her head.

     "Alright," she said, turning to look at me with a small smile.

     "My face is the mirror?" I asked, and she laughed again, kicking my feet from under the kitchen island as she shrugged her shoulders. I smiled a bit too, mirroring her somewhat tired yet enthusiastic look. She seemed nervous yet happy, and I hoped whatever news she had to share with me was good.

     "I'm pregnant," she said, making my smile weaken and grow into a thin line. My expression was blank as I stared at her, and I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure what there was to say. Was this a good or bad thing? I wasn't sure. That was Kaya's call.

     "Zeke...?" I asked in a hesitant tone after a while of the kitchen remaining silent. She nodded her head, and I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "For how long...?" I asked, still toeing the line. I wanted to ask when, where, and how, but I wasn't sure how much interrogation was okay, and I was trying not to upset Kaya.

     "About three months now I think," she muttered, playing with her fingers. "At first I wasn't thinking of having it. I was going to get rid of it without telling anybody, not even Zeke," she muttered, playing with the baby hairs on her hairline. "But I kept pushing it back until it was too late to do anything about it. I guess on a subconscious level I did want to be a mother," she went on. Her hands were shaking, and she tried to mask that by lacing her fingers together.

     "Zeke knows now," she said, answering the question I had wanted to ask next. "And, I convinced him to try and ask the elders to stay here with us," she said, making my eyes go wide. That was the meat of the issue, not being pregnant. No one would fault you for having a child with your mate but trying to bring in a rogue was a whole different ball game.

     "I've told Alex about this, somewhat. You know, asking for advice about the process and all," she added, adjusting her sitting position on the high stool so that she could look down at her stomach. She wasn't showing yet, and I guess that was normal. For a very long time, it hadn't dawned on me that I was pregnant with Elan since I didn't show any signs physically. "I haven't told Aponi," she added when I didn't probe her for more information.

     The kitchen went silent again since I didn't add anything to the discussion. I was shocked beyond words and was trying to process what she had told me.

     I've always known Kaya for wanting to keep her relationship with Zeke distant and out of the known for most people in the pack. For a very long time, I felt she had the same aviation towards Zeke that Honon had with me. I wondered what changed her mind. Was it my situation with Alek? That might be it.

     "Please say something, you're making me nervous." Kaya's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked over at her, staring into her equally dark eyes as a small smile formed on her face.

     "Kaya," I started, feeling the need to get things off my chest too. "I'm pregnant," I muttered. I watched as her eyes went wide and her mouth hung low. She stared at me and then looked down at my midriff.

     "It hasn't been long," I said, answering the question she had stewing in her head.

     "It's for Alek," I added, noticing the minor shock on her face. She had probably assumed that within Honon's short stay here something had gone down.

     "Oh," she said, leaning forward. "Oh," she repeated before turning to look at me again. I was afraid of how dramatic she was being, but she broke out in a smile, and I felt relief rush through me.

     "I'm happy for you," she said, reaching out to hold my hand. "This is great," she said, taking a deep breath as she squeezed my hand. Her smile was so wide that the edges of her smooth skin wrinkled up. I was smiling too. My eyes cast down at the hand she was still holding on to tightly.

     "Does Aponi know about this?" she asked, and I licked my lips before shaking my head a bit.

     "No," I told her and watched as she nodded and let go of my hand. She seemed to be thinking over what I said from the way her features kept shifting.

     "I know you two are fighting, but I'm sure she'll want to know," Kaya muttered, making me look over at her. She was tracing the edge of the kitchen island with the tip of her finger. She looked up, smiling a bit before looking away. "She's like an older sister to you. She'll want to know," she deadpanned as I felt my heartbeat in my ears.

     "I know." I sat up, touching the outline of my stomach again. "But I'll give it a little time ­— when Honon leaves. Things are too tense now," I muttered, and Kaya nodded, humming in agreement under her breath.

     "We should tell her about our pregnancies together," Kaya suggested, and I couldn't conceal the chuckle that erupted through me.

     "I think we'll kill her from shock," I said when Kaya frowned at me for laughing. The kitchen became silent again when my laughter died down. The sunlight coming through the windows was less intense now. It looked like it was preparing to rain maybe.

     "So, no?" Kaya laughed. "I'll just tell her when I'm ready."

     My good friend shrugged her shoulders as she adjusted her sitting position on the stool. "She'll be mad at first, but she'll come around. Aponi loves kids," she muttered, and I nodded in agreement as my eyes moved to look out of the kitchen window. Kids were playing in the compound now. Hopping around and chasing each other with sticks.

     "What about names, what are you going to name her." I looked towards my friend again, raising a brow.

     "Her?" I asked, raising a brow as Kaya smiled. Her face reddened a bit. She seemed a bit embarrassed. It was adorable.

     "I don't know, just a guess," she muttered looking up at the ceiling as she rested her folded hands on the surface of the kitchen island. "I want a girl. I don't know why. I've just been thinking about it," she mused, and I smiled wondering if she'd had this discussion with Zeke.

     Alek and I didn't talk about the pregnancy too much. Alek made comments here and there, but I guess he was trying not to put pressure on me in case I decided that I didn't feel like committing to this anymore. My heart sank a bit at the thought, and I decided I should talk to him about that later. I needed to explain to him that I had completely made up my mind.

     "Also, this is my first kid so I'm going to ask you for a lot of help," she mused, and I smiled, feeling my eyes water a bit as I thought of when I had Elan. Kaya was asking me for help now but she and Aponi had raised Elan together for the first few months because of my depression. If anyone should be asking for help it should be me.

     As the thought of childcare swam in my head, I started to wonder what Alek would be like as a dad. I've had the opportunity to see new children be brought into the world in my pack, and I've noticed the varying degrees of dedication wolves gave their cubs. A lot of higher-ranking wolves passed on childcare to omegas, but I doubted Alek would be like that. I was merely pregnant now and he seemed to be having a hard time keeping to himself.

     Other thoughts also started to swim in my mind. Boy or girl? Skin color. Would they look like me or Alek? A bit of both maybe? The thoughts made my face warm up. Here I was thinking of a child that was barely the size of a walnut at the moment, but that was the thing I supposed. Logic never really factored into matters of love and emotion.

     "See you later, Ahote." I blinked at the sound of Kaya's voice. She had gotten up from her high stool and was now smiling down at me.

     "Sorry, I spaced out," I muttered as she made to brush hair out of my face.

     "I know. It happens. I'm not offended whatever you were thinking about seems to make you smile," she muttered, running a thumb across my lips. "Take care of yourself," she said, tapping my cheeks before walking away from me. I didn't look away until the door to the kitchen closed behind her.

     I found myself looking out the window again and thinking about everything. About Alek, about Elan, and about the baby and family we were making out of the scatter. My face grew warm, and my palms felt a bit sweaty. I found myself swallowing spit that built up at the back of my throat. A sigh left my lips as I shook my head and got off the stool. I was angry at myself. I wasn't sure why I was still nervous and a bit hesitant, but what I did know was that I wasn't going to let fear stop me from being happy.