TRIGGER WARNING: Severe anxiety
Also, this is a sort of long chapter, so enjoy!

After Josh and I went our separate ways, I didn't feel happy anymore, but I didn't feel depressed. I was numbed to teh pain of what had happened with my father. In fact, I was numbed to almost everything. It wasn't a bad kind of painlessness, however. I felt content to be numb, content to feel nothing.

When I got home from work in the late afternoon, I started to feel again. Just looking at my apartment, somehow, made me anxious. I was starting to feel significantly stressed. 

As I often did when I was feeling stressed, I paced--starting in my bedroom, then through the living room and kitchen, then back to my bedroom. The process repeated itself endlessly.

By my eighteenth pace through the kitchen, I was only feeling worse. I still didn't know if my father was serious about all of this, but I was afraid to contact him.

Well, what about the rest of my family? I stopped in the living room, rapidly pondering this. I could call my mom...but she might be working. My brothers were likely at basketball practice, as well. I decided to try Madison first. I went into my bedroom, sat on the end of my bed, and called her number.

She picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, Maddy."

"Tyler?" My sister's voice was suddenly hushed.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Just give me one second." I heard shuffling sounds on the other end of the line, the sound of a door closing. "Okay, I'm back. Why are you calling me?"

I wasn't sure what to say. It's hard to explain that you're calling to find out if you've been disowned. "How's everything at home?"

"Everything's fine." Madison's voice was still hushed, and I detected a hint of paranoia in the tone she used. "I shouldn't be talking to you."

"Why not?"

"Dad says we're not supposed to."

My heart plummeted. "What do you mean?"

"He was really mad after you and your boyfriend left the other night, and he went straight to bed after dinner. The next day, he abruptly took the day off and disappeared, then came back about an hour later and told us we shouldn't talk to you anymore."

"Did he explain why?"

"Just that you weren't a true Christian, and if he caught any of us talking to you, we'd be in huge trouble."

"I-I don't want you to get in trouble. I should go." My chest felt hollow. 

"Okay." She paused. "Take care of yourself, okay? I don't know when or if we'll be able to talk again."

"Okay. You too."

"Bye, Tyler."

"Bye, Madison."

And with that, my sister hung up.

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