TRIGGER WARNING: ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS

After my sister hung up, I just sat there on the end of my bed, feeling heartbroken.

They say the loss of a love is the worst feeling in the world, but the pain I had inside my chest from the rejection of my family felt pretty damn destructive.

I couldn't blame Madison. In fact, I felt grateful. She hadn't hung up on me right away; she'd risked getting in trouble to explain what was going on, and she'd wished me well before she had to go. She even seemed slightly hopeful that we would talk again soon. Regardless, I knew I couldn't risk calling any of my siblings again. I didn't want them to get in trouble--who knew what my father would do?

My breaths had already become labored. I felt the urge to hide twist in my stomach, and, feeling as if the weight of the world was crashing down on my shoulders, I crawled into bed.

I just wanted to be myself! My sexuality wasn't even that big of a part of my life. Why did my father have to treat it like it was a horrible crime?

Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes, and I curled up tightly under the blankets. It was hot and stuffy under all of those layers, but I ignored the temperature and buried myself deeper.

My phone rang suddenly, and I opened my eyes with a start. Fumbling with my phone, I pulled it out of my back pocket and brought it close to my face. Caller ID informed me that Josh was on the other end of the line.

My anxiety flared up instantly, even worse than before. Josh couldn't know I was feeling so bad; he'd question what had brought this upon me.

I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to be ready to tell him.

Despite my misgivings, I inhaled, and answered the phone.

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