TRIGGER WARNING: Anxiety, a crying Tyler Joseph

I took a deep breath. In, then out.

There was this feeling, still, that I couldn't tell Josh, couldn't bother him about it. I needed to be strong, or at least sound like I was, so he wouldn't worry. My anxiety attack was still there, lingering on the edge of my brain, like it was waiting for something bad to happen so it could strike again. I was fragile, delicate, but I hoped that maybe a call from Josh could help.

I cleared my throat before speaking into the phone. "Hi, Josh."

Josh's warm, kind voice filled my ear. "Hey, Tyler."

Some part of me wanted to cry, hearing how happy he was. He didn't know everything that had happened over the past few days.

Then again, maybe that was another reason to keep it from him a while longer. The less he knew about it, the happier he'd be.

"How are you?" Josh asked me.

"Not bad," I lied. Tears were still running down my face, and my chest felt hollow--in part due to the information Madison had passed along, and in part because I wasn't being truthful to Josh. "How are you?"

"I'm doing good." I heard a faint shuffling sound, maybe the rustling of paper. "Where are you?"

I rubbed the sleeve of my sweater against some of the tears on my face. "My apartment?"

"I meant, like, where in your apartment. I like picturing you and what you're doing," he admitted.

The tiniest smile flickered across my face, and I sniffled. "That's so cliché."

"I don't care, you're adorable I like thinking about you. It makes me happy."

That reminder, the reminder that I was good for something, made me feel a little better. I wiped the rest of the tears from my face. "Well, I'm in bed right now."

Josh chuckled. "It's four thirty in the afternoon, Tyler."

"It's comfy, though." I rolled over a bit and stuck my head out from underneath the blankets, taking a breath of fresh air. It almost felt cold against my tear-stained cheeks. "Where are you?"

"I'm sitting at the kitchen table, working on an essay. And before you say anything, no, I don't want you to go, because you're not interrupting me." I pictured him smiling. "I'm a good multitasker, I promise."

Another small smile made its way to my face. "Then I'll stay."

"I'd never stand for anything less."