"Madara!" I was not losing him again. I was not losing him again. "Madara!!"

I got flashbacks to that night we went clubbing, when he had seen Tobirama with someone else and ran away as well. I had looked for him for two hours, texting and calling him all the while. I had been this close to calling the police but I hadn't. 

I was not going to lose him again this time. This time, I would catch up.

As opposed to last time, it was summer now, the trees in bloom, the grass tall and emerald green, the sun scorching from an azure blue sky that forced Tobirama to use a tube of sunscreen and a fucking umbrella for the second he was allowed in the sun each day, seeing he had no pigmentation to protect his skin.

I would also want no pigmentation to protect my skin. I would gladly exchange my tanned, pigmented, protective skin if it meant Madara would love me as he loved Tobirama.

A selfish thought, but when had anyone ever been anything but selfish?

I caught up to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, speaking his name as softly as it deserved to be spoken. He turned round. To my surprise, there were no tears on his face, but rather an expression of determination.

"Madara, please stop running away from me. From us."

"Can I go home with you to watch a film?"

I suspected something was going on, but couldn't bring myself to ask what. Or figure out what it was myself. But it was a harmless request, so I agreed, and we walked to my apartment, on the fourth floor in a red brick house with enormous glass windows in black metal frames. I thought I could speak to him in the more familiar setting of my apartment rather than out on the streets.

Madara, however, had other plans. As soon as we came into the door, heturned to me, grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I grabbed his wrists before he could reach my lips.

"What's up?" I asked.

"What?" Madara asked, clearly hurt, his eyes still hazed over with desire, desire for my twin and not for me.

"Stop. You don't want this. You don't want any of this."

"But I do!" Madara wailed, eyes filling up with tears now, and he sounded so desperate it felt as if someone was tearing my heart up into pieces with a blunt knife.

I was suddenly angry with him.

"It's clear as day you're only trying to fuck me because Tobirama also has someone!" I shouted. I wasn't a person who shouted, so it felt strange over my lips. "You haven't been interested before since..."  My voice died down. "Since the last time", I finished almost inaudibly. 

I waited for Madara to protest, but he didn't. Of course he didn't ,because what I said was true. Instead, he turned around and left my apartment, closing the door behind him. 

I sighed, hid my face in my hands and massaged it. Why the fuck did he do that? Just leave, when things were too hard? Maybe, I was better off without him if that was how he handled conflict.

I was taken aback by the force and magnitude of the thought. Even so, I was angry, but not only at Madara...

I waited two hours, because then he had to be done, right? Then, I walked the ten minute distance to Tobirama's little cottage. I didn't knock, just used my spare set of keys and walked in. They were in the living room, Tobirama and that boy. Tobirama was just walking there with a pot of tea. They looked decent enough, but I knew they had fucked. It was something about the atmosphere in the room. 

"What the fuck did you have to do that for?!" I screamed, actually screamed, making my shouting at Madara seem like nothing. I was looking straight at Tobirama, ignoring the boy.

Tobirama frowned, looking genuinely confused.

"What?"

"Is your dick that close to bursting that you can't wait for a few minutes instead of taking someone else with you right in front of Madara?" I knew I was being rude to my twin's guest, but at the moment, I could only see Madara's sad fucking face when he sold himself to me so cheaply. "He fucking loves you, and you treat him like this? How do you think he feels?"

I expected Tobirama to immediately defend himself, to say it wasn't his responsibility how Madara felt, to say he had every right to do whatever, and whomever, the fuck he wanted.

But he didn't. Instead, he slumped down on his couch, and his facial expression told me that if he had had any colour in his face to begin with, he would have dropped it now.

"Is that so?" he whispered.

I was so confused.

"You... You didn't know that?"

"I had no idea", Tobirama said and it struck me then, for the first time of our twenty-eight years together, that Tobirama might be just the slightest bit autistic. "I honestly had no clue."

"I should leave", the boy said.

"You should", I said.

"No, stay", Tobirama said at exactly the same time, putting his hand on the boy's thigh. 

The poor boy looked from me to my brother, confused as to what he should do now. I understood Tobirama's need to talk to someone then that wasn't me, and John and Damien weren't really talking material for him at this stage. 

"Fine, stay", I said and crossed my arms. "But Tobirama. If you hurt Madara one more time, I swear to God I'll leave the fucking band."

I had never threatened with that before, and felt incredibly pleased with myself. 

I turned and left.