Music in media: Spotlight by Xydo

It's six in the evening when Matsuba appears in front of my house, donned in a mauve yukata.

"Yo, Kyo," he greets with a smile. "It's... just the two of us this time, huh?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "Meta isn't with me when I woke up today. According to Rae's text, he's spending time with her as well as her friends."

"Kaspar and Hayato are barred from entering Enju too, all thanks to the stupid Ivory Tower researchers," he adds with a sweep of his yukata, a dash of snow kicked up into the air, as if he's about to sing some Christmas carol.

"Shall we head out?" I ask and he agrees.

An unspoken tension squeezes through the gap between us as we amble down the streets of Enju, lit by boxed lanterns spaced out across the pavements. It's been like this for the last five days and will continue on for the next few days, lasting a total of ten days for the Hanatoro festival, paths of flowers and lights bringing more life to the city. Temples and shrines are also illuminated as the sky darkens, with extended hours. Another place with prolonged opening time would be Otousan's brewery where more patrons would arrive to buy and drink saké.

Matsuba and I don't speak a word while observing our surroundings. That is, till we stop by the dorayaki place and Matsuba brings up the topic on dinner.

"I know this is disappointing and we promised to not let that terrible drama ruin our friendship and lives, but this just sucks. I'm sorry, Kyo." He runs up to get two adzuki dorayaki and gives one to me.

I bite the familiar snack, my gaze not once leaving his face. Not that there are crumbs or cream on his lips, but the pang of regret he emanates is horrendously strong. Under a pine tree, two friends eat in silence what should've been a delicious appetiser, a threadbare conversation held by their eyes whose lids grow heavy with resignation. We both know it's not exactly fair for Kaspar and Hayato, but honestly, Okaasan should've been more considerate.

Once we're done with our dorayaki, we trudge to the edge of the city where the Bellchime Trail lies in wait, pausing in the middle of the bridge separating the trail from the city at about six-thirty in the evening to peer beyond the serene waters that reflect our weary countenances. Hands on the railings of the bridge, feet locked centimetres away the lantern installation, or the ikebana arrangement in Matsuba's case, we stand shoulder-length apart from each other.

"Something's bothering you." Matsuba leans in.

I shrug. He's right, as usual. Grimacing, I pour my thoughts and feelings into the river, watching the tiny, laughable ripples distort my reflection.

"Why are we so awkward with each other now?" I turn to face him with a grim smile. "When did our friendship take a turn for the worse?"

Matsuba smirks and swipes at my hair. "Overthinking again, Kyo. Overthinking."

We're polar opposites, come to think of it. My false peace and his genuine calm, my thought-infested mind and his seeing heart. We complement each other, yet it seems like something changed the formula, changed the equation.

"Meta," I mutter and he rests his palm on my head. "Everything changed that day."

"It did," Matsuba says.

"This is quite sudden but... are you... do you swing this way?"

The question doesn't just throw him off, but me, too, and I almost fall off the bridge, though his hand steadies me in place.

We lock eyes. Then, Matsuba says, "I think it's time we talked about this."

"About what?" I grab his hand and feel his racing pulse.

"The friendship contract." Matsuba lowers his hand and my hand follows his lead. "You want to know why we're friends. Me, you, Hayato, Kaspar."

I inhale deeply and let go. His hand falls to his side, almost mechanically like a toy soldier after a salute.

Matsuba stares at the waters. "Hayato and I... we're bi, though we're more comfortable with guys. Kaspar, though, is your typical heterosexual in a heteronormative society."

I blink and sweep snow off my hair. "Then... why did Kaspar agree to the contract?"

"You'll have to ask him." Matsuba switches sides so his back leans against the railings. "But I'm guessing it'll be along the lines of 'because no one wants to lose a good friend'."

"I see."

Because no one wants to lose a good friend, huh? I wonder if I'm that good of a person to begin with.

I close my eyes. Minimal footfalls pass us by from left to right and right to left, small talk drifting into my ears before fading like a mirage. The ripples, I feel them now inside me, starting from the deepest trenches of the heart, an echo of serenity for the time being. To be frank, being with Matsuba is comforting, but I can't just leave Meta alone now that we've been through so much together. It's kind of a betrayal. I did promise to make him smile, to make him truly happy. I don't know how much of that I've fulfilled thus far.

Is our friendship transactional, even with the absence of the contract? Maybe we both expected something out of each other. As for Matsuba, Hayato and Kaspar, they have their own wishes to realise. Matsuba just wants to meet Ho-Oh, Kaspar's in the midst of rebuilding himself and seeing through his façade, and Hayato, stable Hayato, just wants everyone to live happily. Gym Leaders, I suppose, attain a sense of composure together with their duties. They're something else. Well, back to Meta, he sought freedom, didn't he? Is he happy now?

Relaxed, I confront the world, soak in the bursting cacophony, and breathe. I've been noticing my breaths a lot more than usual nowadays. Mayhap I'm checking in on myself to see if I'm still alive.

"I've become more useful, haven't I?" I chuckle, a wisp of mirth sinking to the lantern by my feet, causing the flame to flicker.

"You always are," Matsuba returns, a serious trace in his eyes, the regal amethysts lording over any treason of reason. He shifts his hand across the railings and dust flies into a smoke, into the river. "You're not a tool. I hope you can stop seeing yourself in this way."

He shakes his head. "The sky's darkening. Let's go."

Into the woods we go. Bellchime Trail connects the Bell Tower to Enju City, the grove a fiery vermilion no matter the season, an assembly of maples and bamboo. It's got a few more souls to dispel its emptiness tonight, faces and voices commingling like the snow. Ikebana installations, done to express all the beauty of nature rather than simple decorations, abstract as the woods themselves are, scatter across Bellchime Trail, slightly lit at corners by the lanterns.

We go further into the trail, embraced by nature. Performances by the Kimono Girls are held in the city centre, but we just want to be as distant from Enju as possible. Besides, I still can't pluck up the courage to see Satsuki-han in the eye after what I did back then.

Here in the deeper parts of the Bellchime Trail, the bamboo stretches higher into the sky, trying to pick at the clouds. Snow settles in whatever gap it can find in the soil. Leaves sway in the howling wind, sleepily forming a blanket for the shuddering snow.

"Any further and we'll be near the Bell Tower," Matsuba says. "This is good enough."

The Bell Tower is too sacred a place to disturb even for a festival like Hanatoro. Sure, there might be the signs that Ho-Oh would be gracing us with zir presence soon, but we don't want to do anything to piss it off. While the Hanatoro festival is often known to be an excuse for Bellossom to convene without judgment from their Vileplume counterparts, a lesser known reason ties into the night of the resurrection of Raikou, Entei and Suicine. When Ho-Oh revived the innocent trio, the Bellchime Trail blossomed like never before. About two weeks before the end of the year, the Hanatoro festival would then be held in Enju to celebrate the resistance of adversity in winter and the hopeful tidings of fortune. The Hanatoro festival does take place in Kanto in March, but I'm not too interested in Kanto to care. All I know is it's held in Celadon City where the resident Gym Leader Erika would see to the ikebana arrangements herself, though I doubt there exists any greater significance than the Hanatoro festival held in Enju.

"Is this going to be a shinrin-yoku session?" I tease Matsuba.

He nods. "Why not? Let's cut into the bamboo grove."

I truly admire Matsuba's calmness, and at times, when it shows, his devil-may-care attitude. I want to harness the balance of mind and heart.

"Do you still have the Rainbow Wings?"

"I returned one to your mother."

We stop in a moonlit spot, the green fray of nature encircling us overhead, and sit cross-legged while facing each other. The most intimate part of any relationship has to be the meeting of eyes, the moment when both parties open the windows to their souls and peer through in a Romeo and Juliet fashion, a sequence of mutual pining playing out in slow motion like a teasing waltz. Some people may disagree and think physical touch the most intimate, but to each their own. To me, the mutual gaze transcends the barrier of skin and allows for a deeper connection in a spiritual way. But why is my mind reeling towards the topic of gazes?

"About two months ago, you confessed to me," Matsuba says.

I grip the bottom of my yukata. "It was a false confession."

"Was it?" Matsuba moves closer to me.

"I was talking to Meta, not you," I mumble.

Matsuba blinks and takes a leaf off his hair. "If I asked you now, you won't have an excuse, right?"

I bite my lip. He takes it as an answer and hurls the question: "Riddle me this: do you love me, Aomine-kun?"

Word for word... I couldn't have forgotten such an iconic line even if I used Amnesia on myself.

"You heard it?"

"How did you think I was able to reply quickly?" Matsuba grins. "So, do you love me?"

Heat scratches at my throat. It couldn't have been more cliché. Friends trying to salvage a forced romantic subplot into their lives, but ending up as a couple.

"I love you, Matsuba."

How did it begin? When did it start? Was it from childhood? Was it because of Meta? How do you trace a subconscious love? Or was it conscious?

"I love you too, Kyo."

My eyes widen as Matsuba embraces me and pushes my head into his shoulder. My hands reach to his back, trembling, cold. Maybe I know he's stable and warm so I deliberately put myself in such a vulnerable position.

Then he whispers into my ear, "As a friend."

I don't know what's churning within me when I reply, "As a friend."

Am I confirming his sentiments or agreeing with him?

Is my love for Matsuba, and his love for me, platonic or romantic?

My heart thumps against his chest, and his heart knocks against my abs in return. We pull away and ensnare ourselves in a stare.

We say simultaneously, "I really love you."

Our cheeks flush. My heart leaps to my larynx. Matsuba's Adam's Apple bobs up and down in turbulence.

"I think... I think I really like our bromance," Matsuba mumbles.

"Me too."

"Do you... Do you think this is convincing enough?" Matsuba's eyes water.

I hold back my grin. "We've both done well. There shouldn't be anything else. This is the climax. This is the denouement. Okaasan and everyone at the Ivory Tower has no reason to drag out Show Me Your Smile now."

We hug.

Hopefully, our directors and viewers will be satisfied with this scene. Hopefully, from this night onwards, we will be free to live our lives, without anything forced upon us anymore.

Snow melts on our heads as we slide down for a kiss.

It's a very convincing kiss.