Music in media: Flor Lunar by ORβIT

Rae crosses her arms and huffs. "You were driven by self-hatred, huh?"

"Hai..." I let my gaze loose across the golden streets of Kogane City.

She eyes Matsuba before reverting her gaze upon me. "And you couldn't tell me personally, Oniisan."

Why does it sound like the world has changed after I awoke? Rae was never this mature. She never once pouted or chided me.

"I was unconscious."

"Even after you awoke?" The edge in her voice silences me so I nod.

"But where are you taking us?" Hayato pulls Kaspar away from a gacha machine before he could insert a coin. The latter curses at him and tries to fit the coin in Hayato's belly button. Rae looks away from them the moment Kaspar lifts Hayato's shirt.

"It's your first monthsary after meeting Meta," she says and taps her lips. "Oh, Meta's never been here. " Switching her attention to him, she continues, "The Kogane Department Store's on your right, a Game Corner just down the road and the Radio Tower's on our left."

I'd cry seeing how much she's grown up, but now's really not the time. Hayato's about to repeat his question when Matsuba pats the Flying-type specialist's shoulder to hush him. We make a left turn and stop in front of a store whose mossy walls are divided by large windows. A pink heart rests centralised above the windows, a white mob cap wrapped around it. Beyond the windows, the pastel palette of the interior walls and counter and a large white door ornamented with primroses and daisies indicate a totally disjointed world, as if the moment we go through the glass door, we'll be transported into a lonely place drifting in the heaven's clouds, watching the cosmos pass us by as we linger in a microcosm of fluff.

"This..." My heart thrashes about like a Gyarados. I must have been infected by the Red Gyarados when I took a plunge into the Lake of Rage. Or someone melted and injected an astronomical amount of RageCandyBars into my veins. That would provide a plausible explanation of my sudden insomnia.

"... is a maid café," Matsuba finishes my sentence, equally appalled.

Indeed, why would Rae of all people bring us here?

I lower my voice into a whisper. "This isn't Okaasan's scheme, right?"

Rae nods. "I just thought Meta should experience something new, like the subculture here."

Meta looks between the all of us, a happy curiosity probably tingling in his blank face. "What's a maid café? Is it where maids are made?"

It suddenly occurs to us we're standing in the middle of a street in the largest and bustling metropolis, the happening city of Kogane, when someone coughs and quickens her pace away from us.

"Meta... The waitresses here are dressed like Kalosian maids. This isn't like the Daycare, alright?" I give him an encouraging look and die a little inside. "Harassment isn't allowed here."

"Is it allowed elsewhere?" Meta bats his eyelids. It's the first time I notice a Ditto has eyelids.

I bite my tongue. "It's illegal and immoral."

Rae pushes the door open and the cold blast from the air conditioner signals our departure from the world as we know it, into the place otakus and tourists flock to whenever they're in Kogane. An introductory video airs on a television near the counter where Rae confirms the reservation for six. The woman at the counter flits a glance across the all of us and we wave.

"We would love to have you here!" She beams at us and crab walks to the white door. Her hand on the knob, she asks if we're here to film for the next episode of Show Me Your Smile, the hottest drama, the talk of the world that even the workers here partake in. It's nice to know that a nobody like me has fans. At least, no one's shipping any of us together. She twists the knob and the door flings open to reveal two lines of young women curtsying at us and greeting us with enchanting smiles and "Irasshaimase, Masters and Princess!"

Yes, we will do whatever it is to make ourselves feel at home.

The waitresses are unlike the ones I'd see in any other, in corporate uniform or smart casual attire, instead wearing a mob cap, draping a white apron over their short black dresses, lace drawstrings across their busts, and ruffled knickers with a cheeky frill. They lead us to the counter table in front of a stage with glossy curtains where commemorative photos and performances take place.

"I want to get slapped! I want to get slapped! I want to get slapped!" A man from six tables away screams before a maid delivers justice and he cries tears of joy, shoving money into her hands afterwards, rubbing his cheek and kissing the hand.

"Umm?" Meta points in his direction and asks the maid going round our table. "What's with him?"

"He's paying to be slapped. We get these special customers every once in a while."

Her level tone would go well with Meta's poker face had she not smiled reassuringly. She then introduces herself as Mina-chan, glad to be of service, and hands us a Majestic License each, a bronze and pink card that proves we are the Masters and Princess of the café respectively, with a chibi princess swimming with a Luvdisc or a handsome man riding a Rapidash. Apparently, the Licenses will be upgraded to silver and gold after a number of visits, which leads to a change in drawings as well. The silver License will depict a princess or master eating ice cream waffles with a Mega Alazakam, and the golden one has a Persian standing on two legs holds a tray of fruits in one paw watch the avatar swim in a pool of Amulet Coins.

The menu resembles a Luvdisc, that when opens up reveals lovely and adorable food and beverage items. We opt for the most popular item of all time, the full course meal, consisting of a drink, main course, dessert and a photo or game with a maid, which lasts approximately an hour. Mina-chan's saccharine voice and her cutesy actions are a sight to behold, something refreshing after days of torture. Self-inflicted torture, might I add.

When Mina-chan heads to the kitchen, I turn to Rae. "So... What've you been up to?"

She taps the table and kicks her legs in the air. "Noko-Noko and I made new friends. Meet Puku-Puku, my Happiny, and Nyonyo the Whismur!"

We wave at her new Pokémon before they are recalled into their Poké Balls.

"You're an up-and-coming Normal-type trainer," Matsuba says. "Are you going to take on the gym challenge?"

Rae nods her head. "I can't wait to defeat you!"

Matsuba scratches his chin and glances at Kaspar. "I hope you can. Your Sensei was a disappointment."

Hayato adds, "He can't even defeat me."

Meta laughs. "But you're the first gym leader everyone goes against."

Kaspar slams the table and all the patrons and maids gawk at him. "If you must know, damnable, damnable Kōsuke cheated by using a different team altogether: Corviknight, Pidgeot, Xatu, Gliscor, Yanmega and Braviary. And cute little Enoki's Drifblim nearly took Mellow to the afterlife!"

Everyone erupts into giggles.

Mina-chan returns with metal shakers and tall glasses. After setting the glasses down on the table, she guides us on a call and response sequence of "chuweechuwee poppinpoppin liechi boba jyuchu!" that we repeat as she shakes our drinks. A cloudy white liquid flows out of the shaker, with tiny pearls that melt on the tongue known as popping boba. We select the coloured straw of our choice, then Mina-chan offers a Skitty-like smile. All of us make hearts with both hands and chant "Moe, Moe, Kyun!" to the drinks before receiving them with thanks. Meta turns a shiny, light blue as he takes the drink from her, a smile reaching his lips. It seems so natural that I'm jealous.

As she wipes the table, her Aromatisse brings over plates of omurice and bottles of ketchup. It's a trademark activity in maid cafés where the maids showcase their artistic abilities on omurice. Rae asks for a Bunnelby drawing, Matsuba wants a Misdreavus, Hayato is offered a Lugia to commemorate the beach episode, Kaspar states rather sheepishly his choice of a Tediiursa as if no one knows about Mellow, Meta demands a self-portrait and that he will judge whether the art is worthy of being in the public eye, and I tell her to draw me any Pokémon she deems fit. Mina-chan's Aromatisse gives me a quizzical look, sniffs my shirt and murmurs to her. Three minutes pass and she matchmakes me with a Sobble.

How very appropriate. All that cuteness and sadness and blueness and kindness melt into a fondue in my heart, ready for passion and other defiled emotions to crave a dip of that chocolatey taste with a hint of meringue and caramel.

We cheer in unison and tuck in, the echoes of "Oishikuna-re!" tantalising our minds with the promise of heavenly deliciousness. The maids watch us from a distance as we cut the omurice, the soft omelette we part with our utensils like surgeons in the operating room revealing the viscera of their patient, with keen precision and burning curiosity, the fragrant vinegar rice and bleeding cheese, the strips of seaweed and the sprinkles of juicy meat that bounce between the teeth. Switching between the omurice and the popping boba Liechi juice gives the meal an intense and heartwarming synergy, a party in the tastebuds that won't end. This is the easily the best thing I've ever had in my life, and I can guarantee from everyone's expressions we share this sentiment.

Mina-chan winks at us. "Did the spells work for you?"

We beam, ketchup dripping from our lips as if we're vampires. Meta's face may be clean of stain, but he doesn't hide his smile here.

For someone's who been unconscious for three days and awoken to gym and binge, I'm relieved to be still alive afterwards. Otousan texts me and asks me of my condition every once in a while, apologising that he couldn't be there when I awoke due to mishaps in the brewery. I tell him I'm fine, and thank him for his concern. Okaasan raves about skyrocketing ratings in an audio recording and cautions me not to take things too far as it would mean less content and material to twist to their liking. She didn't like how I grovelled at the carpet, thinking it too out of character, but loves the sense of realism that comes with my drowning. To be frank, it would seem that way to anyone unfamiliar with me, but when my emotional repression is accounted for, such modulations don't seem absurd anymore.

Sitting in the maid café doesn't meld with routine. It's almost like I've been sent to a transient dream to make the most out of an alternate reality. Maybe I've entered a comatose state and this is mere imagination.

"There's a theory that a legendary trainer's in a coma and suffering the same tragedy as us," Kaspar says between spoonfuls of omurice.

"An inutile theory," Hayato replies. "In an alternate dimension, we crossed paths, he and his Pikachu. The thing is, whoever filmed him is as much a stalker as ours, except they're much more omniscient."

"Hell naw!" Kaspar stabs a slab of meat. "Ours is just self-centred."

I don't think that's the right word, but let's roll with it. Something about how our stalker submits our daily lives to the Ivory Tower as if an illustrator of a 4koma rubs me off the wrong way. I wouldn't be too surprised if there were drones or hidden cameras, but clearly there's none.

Mina-chan saunters to our table to clear our plates while her Aromatisse dish out caramelised pudding and refrigerated cream puffs made from and decorated by the resident Alcremie, with a side of fresh ice cream from another maid's Vanillite. The power of these Pokémon lies in the refined world of food rather than the rough battlegrounds, and having girls from all around the world work as maids is an ingenious idea of a cultural melting pot. The texture of the food rivals those of a five-star café's that uses manmade ingredients, once again proving the necessity of living alongside Pokémon.

After dessert, we take commemorative photos with Mina-Chan and leave the café feeling energised, not without the cyclic nature of the maids lining up to greet us with "Irasshaimase, Masters and Princess!"

Our time in the maid café has come to an end pretty soon with reality's bitchslap. Pardon my language, I'm manifesting Kaspar's saltiness thanks to the impermanence of happiness.

Oh, but have no fear! The maids are here to save the day! They stop us in our tracks and request for a fansigning session so we turn back and find tables laid out for us onstage as though the meet-and-greet's prearranged. Merry patrons join in the snaking lines. Surprisingly, or not, Rae has a few fans of her own after the special episode featuring her grand battle. A scruffy fella asks that she dons a maid costume and she does as told, "all for the clout". Imagine a ten-year old doing things for fame. I can never. Then again, that's the typical narrative, save for those in Alola and Galar where adults return to remind them they are still children and must wait for a nanny to handhold them throughout their journeys.

My fans come one after another, congratulating me for being a great actor, asking if I'm alright after shooting all the intense scenes, lauding my hyperbolic performance, wanting more, more, more. I smile and nod, and nod and smile. No one knows what I've gone through. I'm fine. I'm fine. Why, of course, thank you for the compliment! Yes, yes, I'm fine. I know, I love myself terribly too, dear! My my, you're so cute too! I'm sorry you had to go through that; it's tough being a youth nowadays. Smile for the camera! Sure, let's loop our hands. Erm... a kiss isn't so appropri— Thank you. Thanks. I'm grateful to have you as a fan. I'm taking great care of myself. Oh, I use the Suicune brand lotion, you know, Crystal Sparkle? No, I never realised that autocorrect thinks Suicune a typo for suicide—that's a good observation! No, that's not why I drowned. Ah, thanks for coming. I love you too, bear hug and finger hearts!

Matsuba isn't any better at dealing with the sudden influx of people and Pokémon, albeit maintaining his sangfroid well. Kaspar revels in his duality— no, more that that, ambivalence. Hayato turns into a wingman for two shy fans. Meta Transforms as his audience wishes into a candy corn maniac, a flat-earther, an antivaxxer, a yandere who wants to be tsundere, a Lickilicky licking a Vanilluxe...

The session ends after two hours.

"Aren't you glad to still be alive?" Meta nudges me when we leave. "No one knows you went unconscious. They thought you took a good break before gymming and eating like no tomorrow."

"Uh-huh." My eyes shift to the right.

"My autograph's going to fetch a good price!" Kaspar motions to his phone, the screen displaying dozens of his autographs on sale.

"Are they really your fans then?" Matsuba wraps his scarf round his neck and shoves his hands into his pockets.

Hayato laughs, then trips when an Alolan Raichu surfs midair past him, knocking him aside without care, and he stumbles into my arms, his lips smooching mine as I shift my centre of gravity.

The world grinds to a halt. Hayato's eyes bulge, but his hands pull me closer as we fall onto a lidded manhole.

He releases his thrall on me, his cheeks burning. "Kyo..."

"I understand."

My terse voice would be a dead giveaway that our harem is nothing but a farce, yet people and Pokémon alike are swooning. A high-pitched voice rings, declaring the love of the century has arrived in Kogane. If it isn't Akane, the egotistical "incredibly pretty girl", the Plain Dairy Queen, if you will.

"Moomoo! Love is in the air!" She clasps her hands and twirls on her heel. "I'm so jealous of you two! I want my own male harem too."

Matsuba and Hayato flinch. Somehow, tension always arises when they meet any other gym leader. Must be hard to deny their relationship, or something alone that line.

"Akanee!" Hayato wets his lips. "You don't get it. We're just friends!"

"Gasp!" She squeals and rushes to join the circle. "Spill the milk! Spill the milk! What mulch did you sniff to say that?"

This, here, is Johto's representative of normalcy. I don't have to say anything else, do I?

"You will warm each other up in winter, moomoomoo? You will rub each other's backs in the onsen? You will bare your naked souls to each other?" Akane runs on a stream of questions like a relative whom one hasn't met for years. "Don't be shy! Brotherhood is as important as sisterhood!"

That's so going down the censorship hole. The Ivory Tower will change it to fit the lines of token representation. They know nothing.

It's like they don't know that after my interactions with the kimono girls and the maids, I do feel some sexual tension going on, some sexual attraction that goes beyond the hounding of aesthetics, for girls.

The truth is, I am not gay. I am bi.

I've been avoiding this for so long, fearing to look at girls in the eye and admitting affection because of my overthinking mind pounding me for acting like a kinky boi when I'm not. That there's something wrong to stare at a lady, as opposed to looking at men. I created the barrier of denial and fear, and I will destroy it.

"Moohohoho! I will zoom-zoom outta here!" Akane zigzags her way back to her gym after squeezing all that she needs out of both Matsuba and Hayato like she's milking her Milktank.

Rae glances at me. "Will I become like her?"

I arch a brow.

She twiddles her thumbs. "I'm hoping to be a Normal-type Trainer?"

I shake my head. "You will never be like her. You are mature and really beautiful, both mind and body. Don't worry, we are all normal here."

The last line, I'm not saying it to comfort her. It's a reminder to self.