Hey haven't updated in a while and sorry for my lateness and the update just me ranting about my emotional state so yea anyway im gonna try to update more but my life isnt going good ive started to get more anxiety and my depression is reaching a critical state and my mental health is just deleting not that it wasn't before bit back then i was able to ignore it and now im so close to just doing it my family and friends help me alot even if they might not know it i say how close i am all the time but i feel like some people think im making a bad joke and i dont know how many people actually know how serious i am being the only reason im not listening is because i know the after effects it would have on my family i cant to that to my friends and my family my mom has lost alot of her family my dad lost alot of his i cant let my neice and nephews grow up with out me and i want to see my new family members thats soon to come i want to live to see my neice and nephews have children i want to meet my birth father there's alot of things i want but if i listen i will never get i want to live to get those things i will live to see those things so yea thats my rant sorry